“Oh,” she squeaked, as he began to gently work the comb through her ends before moving up and starting all over, patiently separating and smoothing one inch at a time. “Umm, thanks.”
“No problem. My sister has thick hair like yours and I was the only one she’d let comb it when she was little,” he said, and he couldn’t see the expression on her face but I could: there was a mixture of bliss, sadness, and curiosity.
“My brothers,” she cleared her throat, her voice getting a little steadier, “didn’t do anything like that. I was the oldest. But they cut my hair once, when I was sleeping. Two little boys almost died that morning—” she broke off, sucking in her breath, closing her eyes.
“How much younger were they?” Sasha asked, ignoring the ten thousand pound elephant in the room.
“Seven years younger than me… they were five when— their birthday was just a month or so before. Twins, actually.”
“Names?”
“Can we talk about something else?” she asked, her voice thin and strained.
“Yes,” he said, continuing to patiently comb out her hair as we all watched, fascinated. “But you’ll have to talk about them eventually.”
“No, I don’t think I will.” There was a bit of steel creeping into her voice. Her eyes were closed, but I watched her jaw clench and jut up just a tiny bit. Pure stubbornness. “That’s no one’s business.”
“It helps,” he said quietly, then louder, “You want all our secrets but we can’t have yours?” His tone was chiding but soothing at the same time, like he was calming a scared animal, and his hands were stroking her head and scalp even as he continued to comb her hair.
“Not all of them,” she answered tartly. “But we can start with who you are and why you’re here since apparently I don’t know either of those things.”
“You know my name is Aleksander Kolek. I’m the oldest son of Stash and Natalie Kolek,” he said agreeably, “and I have two younger brothers, Lukasz and Sevastien, and two younger sisters, Maja and Nikola. We…lost Maja. JANUS. Three years ago.”
“Oh.”
“Okay, well, the part you don’t know is that we’re not actually eighteen or whatever age they implied we are. We’re older than that.”
She stilled, her back stiffening and shoulders taut with tension. Her face froze in an expressionless mask. He continued to stroke her hair as he worked, but then set the comb down and put his hands on her shoulders, rubbing gently.
“Hey, it doesn’t change anything. We’re still exactly the same as we were five minutes ago before you knew. We’re exactly the same as when you thought we were regular high school students.”
Her head jerked in a negative. “How old?”
“Azzie, please relax. It’s not a big deal. I’m still exactly the same as I was, I’m just—”
“HOW OLD?”
He sighed. “Twenty-one. As of December.”
She seemed to shrink, right in front of us, becoming smaller and somehow frailer. “Oh.”
“Why is that a problem?” Sev asked, breaking the spell Sasha had woven around the two of them. Azzie blinked, looking around as if she’d forgotten the rest of us were there. “I’ve seen you take control of an entire room of gamers older than us. None of their ages seemed to matter.”
“It’s different,” she said in a small voice.
“Why?” Luka asked, scooting forward to rest his arms on her knees, laying his head cheek-down on top of them and gazing up at her with wide, innocent eyes. “I’m still your Luka, and you’re still my sweetpea.”
She smiled, despite herself, and ran a tentative hand over the crown of his head. He closed his eyes, the corners of his mouth curling up like a contented cat.
“You’ve always known we’re older,” I said, challenging her a bit. “It didn’t seem to matter.”
“It’s not the age that’s the issue,” she said finally, pausing as if putting together her thoughts in her mind. “It’s thinking one thing and finding out it isn’t true. It’s feeling like we’re on equal ground, then finding out everything is weighted on your end. I feel— dumb. Stupid for falling for it even though I guess I know you didn’t intend to trick me. It explains a lot, but it changes things, and— and I can’t believe you don’t see that.”
“Well that’s ironic,” Spider drawled out sarcastically, shaking his head at her in disbelief and mounting annoyance, his eyes wide and mouth open. “Really? You feel dumb because you didn’t know their real age? You feel— you feel tricked? Are you fucking kidding me right now, Azzie?”
She recoiled from him, pressing back into Sasha, flinching, then moving more toward the center of the couch, eyeing them both. “What do you mean?” she asked slowly. Luka was sitting up now, shaking his head wildly at Spider, while Sev was waving his hand in front of his throat in the “cut it!” gesture.
“You thought we were on equal ground?” He continued, the tight hold he kept on his temper slipping away. I sat forward, about to tell my brother to shut the fuck up and calm down, but Azzie wasn’t having it.
“Are you having a temper tantrum?” Her own face was twisted up with irritation. “What’s your problem? I’m allowed to feel weird about finding out boys in my class, my friends, are actually adult men! They’re not that much younger than you, and you’re my teacher!”
“Sure, right!” He threw his hands up in the air. “That’s a really huge secret they were keeping. Not anything like finding out they were the source of the FUCKING AESLI VACCINE or anything minor like that!”
“Oh fuck,” I whispered under my breath.
“Goddamn it!” Sasha hissed.
Luka fell back to the ground, covering his face in both hands, while Sev face-palmed and sank back in his chair.
Azzie froze.
It felt like forever that she stared at him, eyes wide, jaw clenched, before she slowly surveyed the room, eyeing all of us. One at a time. Assessing us.
“Who told you?” Her voice was strained, distant, and so very cold.
“Why the fuck does it matter?” Spider asked deliberately. “It wasn’t you.”
“Who told you? How long have you known?” She screamed at him, an edge of panic leaching into her voice.
“Azzie, calm down,” Sasha scooted forward, trying to wrap his arms around her again, and she jumped away, flinching when that put her closer to Spider. She scrambled to get up off the couch, climbing over the back when every other path was blocked.
“We found out right before you got sick,” Sev reassured her, but whatever comfort he thought that was… it wasn’t. The color seemed to drain from her face.
“Who told you,” she asked again, dully.
I got up, moving towards her, wanting to— I don’t even know what. Hold her? Comfort her? Somehow get us back to how we were in the hospital bathroom, when she threatened to burrow into me like a tick.
Azzie
This was a nightmare.
No, literally. I’ve had this nightmare. Just recently, in fact.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” That was Sev. I think I’ll miss you the most, Scarecrow.
There was so much emotion underlying that question. Anger, mostly, but also betrayal and hurt, so much hurt. I’d hurt their feelings.
Did I feel bad about that? Sure, I guess so. I didn’t like hurting anyone. Did it make me feel like I made a mistake? Fuck no.
“Are you listening to yourself right now?” I asked, a little of the dumbfounded irritation I was feeling creeping into my tone, staining it the color of sarcasm. “You have to be fucking with me, you can’t possibly be this delusional.”
“What the fuck, Azzie? Why are you being such a pain in the ass about this? We’re— we’re your friends! You should have trusted us!” Luka now, outraged.
“I— what? I should have trusted you? I’ve known you a week. A fucking week! Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I was spitting, I was so mad.
I could see it, the moment he threw on the brakes and start
ed back-pedaling, catching on to the absurdity of the moment. All I needed to do was drive the point home, like a stake into a vampire’s black heart.
“I don’t think it’s conceited to say that my secret is world-changing. People have died to keep it. People die every day because of it. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, not realizing you were my bestest friends in all the world and your pinkie-promise not to tell meant you’d take it to the grave. And yet you’re standing here, butt-hurt over me not trusting you with information that could get you and every other fucking person here killed, wondering why I didn’t trust you when you’ve just admitted that you’ve been lying to me this whole time. Well, as it turns out, my secret was a little more significant than why Sasha can grow better facial hair than the other boys in our class, and this right here? This little shit-show you’ve sprung on me? NOT HELPING!”
“We’ve never lied to you! Not directly!” Spider was in a rage, face turning red and fists clenching, but he stayed where he was. He didn’t take one step in my direction, which was good, because that wouldn’t have been tolerated. Not by me, and I grudgingly admitted that as I glanced around to the others, the coiled tension and slight maneuvering showed not by them either. One point to Gryffindor. “We told you what we could, even more than we should! Promised to tell you everything and you know we would have!”
I tilted my head at him, my anger towards them going from white-hot to ice-cold as it settled into my bones, taking up permanent residency. “And how would I know that? Up until I went into the hospital — and you’ve admitted you knew who I was by then — exactly how had you proven yourselves to me?” I looked at Spider. “Pressuring me for information while giving me nothing about you?” I turned to the triplets. “Acting one way in private, then cozying up to my tormentors in public? Or maybe embarrassing me in front of a whole game store of people whose opinions I actually valued?” Sev cringed, looking down. “Oh, no, I know how you showed me you have my back. It was the little things, like all the times you carried my heavy schoolbag for me. But wait… except for that one time Sasha helped me, that was all Jason. Wipe that look off your face, Luka, because you’ve done nothing but harass me about him, trying to convince me that the only person openly, publicly nice to me is the asshole! Newsflash, guys: YOU’RE THE ASSHOLES IN THIS SCENARIO! Except for Tai. Tai is the only one of you who hasn’t tried to manipulate or deceive me. Or maybe I just haven’t recognized it yet.”
Luka began to pace in circles, his arms wrapped around his head. Sev collapsed onto the arm of the couch, one hand wiping his face, brushing over his hair, over and over. Sasha froze in place, arms crossed, glowering at me like my inability to just magically recognize their intentions through the emotional whiplash they’ve encouraged, is a character flaw in me. Spider left the room, disappearing into the kitchen where I could see him pacing through the open doorway and the ridiculously useless pass-through window between the rooms. My eyes might be shit sometimes but my hearing was just fine, and the string of curses coming out of his mouth would have been impressive at any other time, especially since it was a mix of English and a harsh-sounding foreign language that I didn’t recognize — not even one word or sound — that made my traitorous body tingle.
Tai moved back to the chair he’d been sitting in earlier, dropping down into it with a defeated sigh, and I felt— loss. This thing, whatever it was, that had been growing between us was lost now, shattered into pieces. I knew it. Tai knew it. The others weren’t seeing it yet, but they’d figure it out. And, frankly, I didn’t want to be around them when they did because Luka’s kicked-puppy face would make it all even harder.
But this was for the best.
Especially now that they knew who I was. They’d understand eventually. No distractions.
There’s no place for me in their lives, and I don’t have the energy — or the motivation — to work at trying to find a way to fit. And if they suddenly stepped up to do the work? That would just make it all the more obvious that what they valued was what everyone else who knew my secret cared about, the only thing they cared about: my blood.
Not me.
Never me.
The self-pity was crawling up my throat, forcing the tears in front of it like a horde of invading barbarians driving their enemies before them, and soon those tears would have no other course but to come out of my eyes. I didn’t want to be around them when that happened.
I walked towards the hallway leading back to Spider’s room, not looking back even when Sasha growled out “Where are you going?”
“Bathroom,” I muttered, and kept going. He followed me down the short hall, stood in the doorway of Spider’s room as I cursed inwardly and went straight for the bathroom, unable to grab my bag still sitting on Spider’s bed or put on my shoes. Oh well.
Before I shut the door all the way, I stared pointedly at Sasha. “Are you going to listen at the door? Because I’m not into that.”
He scowled at me. “I’ll be in the hallway. This isn’t over.”
He was wrong. It was.
Chapter Four
Spider
She wasn’t wrong.
That’s the worst part of it all.
Everything she said, it was true. I’d sat back in my fancy teacher’s chair and watched it play out, rolling my eyes at the unnecessary drama of it all, the shit teenagers do to each other out of boredom, raging hormones, and an overflow of emotions that they didn’t know how to process yet.
From my perspective, ancient and wise, it seemed so petty and ridiculous. The way those kids treated her was like a rite of passage, something she’d look back on and laugh about. That she seemed so far above it only reinforced my view, that it was all just an inconvenience to her.
Believing at the time that the triplets were still just clueless, horny teenagers, as wrapped up in their own drama as any of their classmates, made me feel smug. Someday, when they were older, they’d look back and cringe at how they behaved.
We found out they were actually adults at a weird time, right at the beginning of a crisis, right at the peak of the mountain before the avalanche went crashing down. I didn’t think about any of it then. I didn’t re-evaluate.
Knowing they were adults necessarily changed my view on things. Understanding that they were not only adults, but patched-in members of a notorious motorcycle club — a club they’d been raised in — changed it even more.
Hearing her perspective on how we interacted with her, how it read from her side of the lens… understanding how her situation alters things even more — I realized that I somehow forgot that regardless of how mature she is, how above it all she seems, and how much tragedy and trauma she’s lived through, she’s still a teenager. Despite everything, she has all the hormones, emotional overload, and instincts of a teenager, and doesn’t yet have all the tools to cope with it all.
It’s still going to hurt her to be picked on and bullied.
It’s still going to confuse her when we don’t seem to care.
She isn’t going to understand the game we’re playing, or the rules we have to follow as adults, especially if we don’t tell her about them. Or worse, tell her one thing but then act like another.
And the layers of complication — the triplets’ background and the culture of those clubs, our dual lives as soldiers and NNC — it’s difficult to rationalize any of our behavior without knowing, without understanding what these things mean and how they affect our choices. Tai and I spent a week getting closer to them while she fought for her life, having long conversations with each of them, individually and together, peeling back the layers of their minds while they did the same to us. It was like studying a foreign culture or a secret society, one co-existing alongside our own but almost incomprehensible, a language that uses all the same words but puts them in an order that sounds like gibberish.
She doesn’t understand that from Sasha, Sev, and Luka’s perspective, they were treating her like an equal — not just an equal but someo
ne they valued highly. A woman equal to them, capable of holding her own and not needing protection, and not a thing to be used carelessly and indiscriminately for sex but otherwise ignored. Showing restraint, talking to her, calling her friend — they elevated her above all others, the queen to their kings.
She doesn’t understand that Tai and I have been living for so long behind masks, under constant pressure to deny our heritage and the things we value most to further an agenda, that we are almost incapable of revealing our true selves to anyone. Sometimes I’m not even sure who I’m fighting for anymore, my life with my family and community is so far removed from the man I’ve had to become that it seems like a movie I saw once, a long time ago, and not my life at all. But to her, we told the truth. As much as we could, and intending to share more — share it all in time — and dropping the masks to show her our real faces. Not only that, but revealing ourselves to Sev, Luka, and Sasha because of her.
But how would she know any of this?
How could she understand if no one took the time to explain it?
Why would she even suspect there were ulterior motives to our behavior, without knowing fundamental things about us?
To her, we are how we acted, how we treated her not from our perspectives, but from the only viewpoint she had to decipher our actions.
To a normal teenage girl, we acted like overbearing assholes who treated her like our dirty little secret, touching her without consent then withholding attention and affection arbitrarily. Trying to force her to conform to our needs, and making assumptions about hers.
To someone bearing the burdens she does, whose very existence is one of the biggest secrets in the entire world — who has been lied to, betrayed, abandoned, and starved of any healthy human contact or honest interactions — we’ve treated her unforgivably. Monstrously.
Book of the Damned: A-E5L1-01-00: (A reverse harem, post-pandemic, slow-burn romance) (The JAK2 Cycle, Book 2) Page 4
