Monday
Sev: Longest fucking weekend of my life. I spent most of it sitting outside your hospital room or wishing I was sitting there. They only let us have two chairs, and sitting on the ground gets painful, so we switch off. Today was the first day that your hematocrit didn’t drop below 35%. We thought we were going to lose you so many times over the past three days, you have no idea. Every time they pulled blood and ran it, we’d sit there barely breathing, waiting, and then they’d announce the number and we’d fall apart. I’d rather you were at 86% and at least yourself rather than 35% and delirious, crying for your Mom. Oh God that was hard to watch. You’re in so much pain. I never want to see someone suffer like this again. If it was someone else, where there was no hope of recovery, I’d rather put a bullet in their brain than let them go through what you’re going through. You have to live, Azzie. You have to.
[Ten minutes later]
Sev: I’m doubting myself now, but I’m doing it. I spent the weekend watching you suffer, and I decided that I’m going to tell you what the study is about. You deserve to know. They are fucking with you, trying to manipulate you, and we don’t like it, and even if you never speak to us again, you deserve to know. You SHOULD know. Your doctor, Kane, I’ve never hated someone as much as I hate her, and I’m not a forgiving person. She brought us here to get you pregnant with twins. One of us, at least, is supposed to earn enough of your trust so that you’ll have sex with us and it’ll be unprotected. They want you to get pregnant. Tai doesn’t even think you can carry to term because of the PV and because of your platelets, he thinks it will always be a really risky pregnancy and the birth would be really dangerous, so we don’t know what they’re trying to do. I don’t know if THEY know what they’re doing, it’s like they are so greedy for vaccine to sell that they don’t even care what could happen to you.
Tuesday
Sev: Luka and Sasha aren’t even bothering to come to school really. I think Sasha comes just to keep busy when he gets kicked out of the hospital. Luka comes to pick fights with people but no one will fight him after Billy Phillips or whatever the fuck his name is. I’m bad with names. Not yours, never forgot yours from the moment I heard it, and I mean Azzie, not the other. I’m kinda drunk right now, thought I should tell you. I brought a flask in, never bothered eating lunch, and it’s hitting me hard. You know what else is hitting me hard? Alissa or Alexa or whatever her name is. Fucking bitch. I keep telling her to leave me the fuck alone but she won’t. First day of school, I sorta hooked up with her. Nothing big, just kissing and some touching places. You were sleeping in Sasha’s bed and I was already jealous but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I was mad at you. I wanted to prove you didn’t mean anything to me, so Luka and I went back to school while Sasha stayed with you, and she was all over me so I took her to a janitor’s closet and made her come on my fingers. I washed my hands about twenty times after that. I washed my mouth and face, and I still felt dirty and that made me madder at you. Not as mad as I am right now. 33% today. THIRTY THREE FUCKING PERCENT. They act like you’re already dead. Fuck you. If you die, fcuk you. I fuckign hat e you.
Wednesday
Sev: If I could delete yesterday’s message, I would. There’s not a single part of it I want you to read. I don’t hate you. Not at all. You were up to 42% today, and Spider cried when he heard it. I thought you should know. I mostly talk about us but they are there too. Hell, even those fucking Callis twins are there. They’re in the study too, you should know that. If you don’t trust us, you shouldn’t trust them. But Spider and Tai are cool. They’re good guys. They’d be good for you too. Not as good as us, but they’d be good too. You better live, Azzie. I’m sorry about Alexa. Fuck, I don’t even know if you even CARE and I’m so fucking ashamed. I used her to punish you for sleeping in Sasha’s bed, you weren’t even doing anything with him, and it was fucked up. I’m not like this. It’s this place. Out there, sex is no big deal, it really isn’t. Sometimes it’s the only good thing you’ve got, only thing to make you feel alive. But here it’s like BEFORE, when it was more complicated. When girls used it for status. I don’t feel good about what I did with her, but I swear to you it was just some kissing and not even much of that. Only our mouths touched, and my finger in her pussy. That’s it. Goddamn that sounds so bad. I wish I didn’t tell you, but I’m also glad I was honest with you. For what it’s worth, I’m not ever going to lie to you. When you wake up, I’m only going to tell you the truth. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna just tell you everything, but at least you’ll know that if I tell you something, it’s true. There’s just a lot of stuff that’s not just mine to tell, you know? I can’t betray my brothers, and I include Spider and Tai in that. I could live with them, you know? As long as you’re with us, I could live with them too. In case you were wondering. I don’t even care if there’s no sex, or relationship stuff or anything. If you just want to be friends, if you think of me as a big brother, I don’t care. I just want you alive and with us.
Thursday
Sev: I lied. I couldn’t handle it if you thought of me as a big brother. I couldn’t be around you all the time like that knowing I was your BROTHER. Fuck. I’d learn to live with it. Somehow. Be prepared for a lot of incest jokes though that aren’t really jokes. How creepy would that be? You were at 55% today. They stopped talking about you dying, now they think it’s just a matter of time before you “wake up.” You’re not really asleep or anything, you’re just so out of it and they have you pumped up on so many drugs that you might as well have been unconscious. I think you said my name last night. I don’t know, it could have been “save” or something too, but I tell myself you said my name. I miss you so much. How is that possible? I barely know you. But that D&D game… Azzie, those were two of the best nights of my life. That first game sucked balls but talking to you? You flirting with me like that? You were so… LIGHT. Like you didn’t have the weight of the world on you for a little while. I loved it, so much. And then the next game, it was like everything I’d ever dreamed of. Afterwards sucked ASS but the game was incredible. What happened after, I didn’t mean it. I said it was a joke and we wouldn’t do any of that stuff with you because I didn’t want to freak you out. Every single thing we joked about, I wanted. Not gonna lie, even the anal. I tried to chase after you, but Luka engaged the fucking CHILD LOCKS on the truck and wouldn’t let me go. I punched him, a lot, and thank god he didn’t hit me back because that fucker is brutal even when he’s not trying. He told you once he’s the bareknuckle boxing champ of our family, and he thought it was fucking hilarious to tell me that you said that even YOU could take me out so that wasn’t impressive. He meant the club. He’s the champion of the whole fucking club. Luka is kinda scary in a fight. And I’d be okay if you want to try to take me out. I might even let you win. But I think wrestling would be better than boxing. No reason. But yeah, I wanted to go after you that night and Luka stopped me. He just then realized that you’re seventeen and we’re 21 or something, and suddenly that was vitally important. It’s not important Azzie. We’re mentally like 12 and you’re mentally like 40, so really, you’re the perv. If anything happens, that is. It’s gonna. Telling you now, and I don’t lie to you ever so you should believe it. I’m a little giddy. 55%, Azzie. You’re kicking ass and taking names. I’ll see you soon, honey b.
Friday
Sev: You woke up. You fucking woke up. And you’re okay. I’m so fucking happy. You’re still in the hospital for at least 24 hours, but you’re awake and alive and you’re going to be okay. Azzie. I love you. Don’t ever do that to me again. You aren’t going to see this until Monday, no idea what’s going to happen over the weekend. You might already know. You and me might already be at the kissing stage. Which would be super cool. But if we’re not… WHY NOT. WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK?!! Not that I’m pressuring you, but I fucking need you. We all fucking need you. It isn’t your blood. It’s you. You’re my precious. You’re my +2 vorpal sword of slaying. You’re my DM for chrissakes. T
hat practically requires kissing. Not the rest of them though. Seriously, Azzie, making out with your Geography teacher would be a poor life choice so don’t do it. Just me and maybe my brothers (which includes Tai and Spider, btw) but not those Callis fucks. I get to see you soon, and then you get to leave the hospital probably tomorrow, and then we all need to talk. A LOT. Because I fucked up yesterday and mentioned the club and you don’t know anything about that. We need to tell you so much. Fuck. I fucking love you.
Chapter Eleven
Azzie
Me: Sev. Are you there.
Sev: I am.
Me: Fuck, Sev. Just… fuck.
Sev: Is that an invitation? Maybe what you want to do on our first date? Or are you about to break my fucking heart?
Me: I don’t know what to say to this. You have to know that I care about you, but I care about ALL of you. And this is all so foreign to me, I don’t know what I’m doing here or what I’m really feeling. Everything that’s been happening… I just don’t understand. And this scares me so much. YOU scare me so much.
Sev: It’s okay, Azzie. You’re allowed to care about whoever you want to. Equally or not, it doesn’t matter. These are your emotions and your feelings, and if you have the room in your heart and your life for multiple people, then every one of them should feel honored and privileged to be a part of your life in whatever way you allow it. I know I would. So… what don’t you understand? What scares you? What can I do?
Me: I don’t know what to believe.
Sev: I can see why. It’s a lot, right? Especially because you’ve been surrounded by people lying to you for a long time, and you’ve got something people want. Do you at least believe that WE didn’t know who you are when we met and became friends?
Me: Yes, I believe that. And I believe that Tai and Spider didn’t either because they wouldn’t have been such big jerks for so long if they were trying to use me. And you three, you were consistently inconsistent with me. In fact, the only time I thought you were MAYBE trying to get something out of me was when you wanted into my D&D game. :P
Sev: Okay, so you can trust that when we first met, everything that happened was just about YOU, Azzie, and not the other stuff.
Me: Yes. But saying that, I feel like I’m walking into a trap here.
Sev: Make a perception roll.
Me: Nat 20.
Sev: Big liar.
Me: Dirty 20?
Sev: I’ll show you a dirty 20 you dirty liar.
Me: Whatever, you don’t know!
Sev: That’s fine, I’ve got nothing to hide. So getting back to my diabolical plan to trap you… did anything we did or said between meeting you and, say, you going into the hospital, lead you to think we were trying to manipulate you?
Me: Manipulate me? No. Drive me fucking crazy? Yes. A thousand times, yes.
Sev: Fair. But that’s just because we were equally confused and scared about YOU.
Me: Bullshit.
Sev: Why is that so hard to believe? We came here for a specific reason, we had an agenda. We get here and this place is fucking SURREAL. It’s like going back in time to before janus-23, but WEIRD. Armed guards casually patrolling the streets. Grocery stores full of food. A fucking regular high school, with kids acting straight out of a TV show. There are cliques for chrissakes! Soldiers everywhere but no feeling of danger, not like the constant fight-or-flight we are out there. No worries about getting sick at all. It’s pretty fucking crazy.
Me: Okay, I can see that. That makes sense.
Sev: It’s disorienting. Which is why they have an orientation! (I just figured that out…)
Me: LOL
Sev: I actually heard you giggle. Damn that sent a jolt right into my chest.
Me: They have “orientation” because it takes seven days or so from the time of vaccination to develop the immunities. AND to help new people adjust to the changes.
Sev: ANYWAY. Quit distracting me with your logic. So yeah, this place is fucking with our heads. And there you are. In a town full of radically healthy people who are living out some suburban fantasy that wasn’t real life even when it WAS real life, there’s this girl. She’s fucking mouthy. She’s got no inhibitions about telling people exactly what she thinks about them. She demands respect. She’s obviously smart, and has no tolerance for people being stupid. She’s never mean, but she’s not exactly nice either, you have to EARN her regard and it isn’t cheap. She’s obviously struggling with health issues, but it’s like no one around her seems to notice, no one is helping her at all, and she’s just shouldering everything on her own like that’s how it’s supposed to be. And she’s fucking beautiful, so goddamn beautiful even being sick, and no one seems to notice that either, including her. But even after a day, it becomes really obvious that that’s not true at all. Everyone sees her, even when she doesn’t see them. She’s got a fucking bubble around her, keeping everyone out, and that just makes everyone want in… and she doesn’t even know. She has no idea what she’s doing to people. And that makes her the most interesting thing in this goddamn town.
Me: …
Sev: So we’re immediately drawn to you. Did you know that when we almost hit you with our truck that first morning, Luka told me and Sasha that you were going to be best friends?
Me: What? REALLY? That’s crazy!
Sev: We almost hit you, and you smacked the truck and gave us the finger, scowling like you were a fifty foot queenie. It was so fucking hot, Azzie. Luka was trying to hunt you down to make you his bestie when that whole thing happened with Callis, and you ended up smack in the middle of all three of us, covered in blood, and you actually raised a fist to pop Sasha in the face at one point. That’s like catnip to us. What they said in the cafeteria, it’s true. We’re bikers, and we like tough chicks, and every interaction any of us had with you those first days was almost engineered to draw us in. We fought it. Like crazy. Our “inconsistency” is because we were fighting all of that, and doing a shitty job with it.
Me: It wasn’t intentional, that’s just me. And most people hate it. And we’re not discussing the biker thing right now because I’d probably yell at you and then rub up on you, and it would be embarrassing.
Sev: Fair enough. Tabled. And we don’t hate it. Not at all. But here we were, in the damn Matrix, unable to look away from the girl with the red dress (or red hair in this case) and knowing that any second shit was going to go down and we could fuck up everything. We kept telling each other that you were not for us. You’re just a distraction.
Me: I heard one of you say that, when I fell asleep in your room.
Sev: Yeah, that was me. I’m sorry you heard that.
Me: No, it was fine. I thought it was my brain reminding me that I shouldn’t get too comfortable, you all were not for me. You’re just a distraction from what I’m here to do.
Sev: SEE? So you get it. We couldn’t stay away but we had to try. But we just couldn’t. But we should, because you didn’t need to get pulled into the bullshit we’re here to do. And we’re going to be leaving eventually, and you’re not, so we’ll just end up losing you.
Me: Yup, I know that song. Been singing it in my head.
Sev: Cutie. But I’d already decided that when we finished up what we needed to do here, we were taking you with us. And I didn’t fucking care what it would take. The only problem was that you’re sick, and on the outside, it can be hard to get treatment. People don’t want to help unless you’ve got something they want, and that was always a sticking point with taking you out of here where you were obviously getting treatment. On the outside, what would happen if we ran out of things that people wanted to trade for whatever treatment we needed for you? So we circled around again: maybe we shouldn’t take her away from here. Maybe it’s better to leave her, even if it kills us. But no, they aren’t giving her the right treatment anyway, Tai said they’re withholding meds. She’d be better off with us! And so on, over and over. You know what your blood means to us? I mean outside of potentia
lly saving our family, it means we don’t have to worry about not having something people want, so we can ALWAYS take care of you. That’s all it means. You’ll always be able to get treatment. But do you WANT to go with us? Is this something you’d even want? See? Confused. Unsure. Scared.
Me: But… but…
Sev: But?
Me: But you’re adults. And technically I’m not.
Sev: At any point did you question that we were too old to be in high school?
Me: Yes. The first time I saw Sasha, I said to myself that the chin scruff he was sporting had to be at least a week’s worth because no boy in this school can grow facial hair to save his life, that’s the scruff of an adult. But after that, no.
Sev: OMG! Sasha’s scruff! He failed his skill check at disguising himself!
Me: I see what you mean about hearing you laugh.
Sev: Honey badger… my sweet and salty honey badger. This is why.
Book of the Damned: A-E5L1-01-00: (A reverse harem, post-pandemic, slow-burn romance) (The JAK2 Cycle, Book 2) Page 11
