Herd to Breathe

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Herd to Breathe Page 9

by Amelia C. Adams


  In the quiet of the house while the girls worked on their spelling, she heard voices coming from the kitchen—loud voices. She told the girls to stay put, then went into the hallway to see if she could figure out what was going on.

  “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, woman—stay outta my kitchen!”

  “It’s butter, Clarence. What harm could I possibly be doing by bringing you some fresh-churned butter?” Widow Long’s voice was the second one Cina heard. Oh, dear. This might become unpleasant. Beans had a particular dislike for Widow Long—or so he claimed—and if she was in his kitchen again, in his territory . . .

  “Hello,” she said, walking into the kitchen and smiling brightly. “Am I here in time for the battle?”

  “What battle?” Beans grumbled. “There’s no battle. I just want this woman to stay outta my way for once in her life.”

  “He acts like I’m here every day,” Widow Long said, turning to Cina with an exasperated look on her face. “I’m just trying to help—that’s what we do in the ladies’ auxiliary. We help.”

  “And you meddle.”

  “Beans, be polite,” Cina scolded. “Did I hear something about fresh-churned butter?”

  “Yes. I made it up this morning, and I brought around a pat. Goodness knows I can’t eat it all, and you’ve got a full household these days.”

  “That’s very kind of you. Isn’t that kind of her, Beans?”

  The man mumbled some sort of reply, and she couldn’t even blame his beard for the fact that she couldn’t understand him.

  “It’s all right, Miss Fairbanks. I wasn’t expecting him to shower me with praise or gratitude. In fact, his lack of gratitude is pretty much what I expected.” She tossed her head in his direction. “However, I couldn’t let that little fact keep me away—people shall not starve for lack of butter when there’s something I can do about it.”

  “Well, I certainly appreciate it,” Cina replied. “There are few things in the entire world I love more than warm bread and fresh butter.”

  “I couldn’t agree more. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way. No, don’t bother to show me out, you ornery old man—I know my way to the door.”

  Cina watched the woman stride off, then turned back to Beans. “Really? She brings us butter, and you yell at her?”

  “Listen, missy. A man’s kitchen is his castle, and don’t let anyone tell you different. I let one of ’em in here, and before you know it, the entire ladies’ auxiliary will be banging down my door, wanting to change everything down to the pair of socks on my feet. No, thank you.” He gave one final nod and turned back to the stove.

  Cina decided to leave him to his orneriness. Sometimes that was the best thing to do.

  The girls had just finished up when Captain Spencer arrived, so she had them all ready to go. She thought it might make things less awkward—and appease Darius—if she didn’t visit quite so long with the captain every afternoon. She didn’t like that decision because she looked forward to his visits a lot, but that was part of the problem. She liked things she had no right to like.

  When she opened the door, she wasn’t expecting Captain Spencer to hold out a large bouquet of peonies.

  “I saw these blooming along the road on my way here, and I’ve never seen peonies so early, so I stopped and asked the homeowner if I could take some,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind, but I thought of you.”

  “Oh, my.” They were some of the most beautiful peonies she’d ever seen, and all colors, too, from white to deep pink. She gathered them up and buried her nose in them. “Thank you. I’ll put them in the parlor so everyone can enjoy them.”

  She thought he looked a little disappointed at that, but it really was the best solution. “I’m glad to bring some cheer to the house,” he said, covering his first reaction with a smile.

  “Daddy!” Summer came running to the door. “Daddy, I made threes. And they’re good threes. Come see!”

  The captain followed his daughter inside, and Cina shook her head. She might as well look for a vase—the Spencers weren’t going to leave quickly that day after all.

  She arranged the flowers and set them in the center of the parlor table. They immediately started to fill the room with their heady smell, and she inhaled appreciatively.

  “Thank you, Captain. Those were a nice surprise,” she told him.

  “You’re welcome. You’ve done so much for us, I thought you could use a little extra thank you.” He sat back in his chair and regarded her. “You have a natural affinity for teaching, Miss Fairbanks. I believe it comes from your innate compassion and sensitivity. Your students are lucky.”

  “I’m lucky to have them,” she replied, not sure how to respond. She knew he was complimenting her teaching, but his words seemed to reach something deeper inside her, and her cheeks suddenly felt warm.

  “Good evening.”

  Cina jumped at the sound of the new voice in the room. Darius stood in the doorway, his hat in his hand, and Adeline peered around his shoulder.

  “Look who I found coming up the walk just now,” she said. “I thought you wouldn’t mind if I let him in.”

  “Of course not. Please, come in, Darius. We were just finishing up.”

  Adeline disappeared down the hall, and Darius made a show of glancing at the clock. “I thought you’d be finished a half hour ago.”

  Captain Spencer came to his feet. “I apologize, Mr. Gray. My daughter was showing me her threes, and I got caught up in the pleasant conversation. We’re leaving now. Thank you again, Miss Fairbanks.”

  He scuttled the girls outside as quickly as they could go. Cina felt embarrassed, as though she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. To cover her flushed cheeks, she bent over and gathered up the school books and papers, tucking them away in the cupboard where she’d been keeping them.

  “Cina, may I speak with you?”

  “Of course. Have a seat.” She motioned toward one of the chairs, but he sat on one end of the sofa instead, and patted the spot next to him.

  That was certainly interesting.

  She sat where he indicated, still keeping a little distance between them. They weren’t alone in the house, but they were alone in the room, and she found herself missing Mrs. Woods. Not because she feared something inappropriate was going to happen, but because she could use the woman’s levity.

  “Cina, I realize that our courtship so far has been rocky. We’ve had a few misunderstandings, and we’ve had some enjoyable moments as well.”

  Enjoyable? She couldn’t recall any that were actually enjoyable, but she nodded.

  “I’ve been thinking about our situation, and after quite a lot of contemplation, I’ve arrived at a conclusion. The only thing for us to do is set a date and get married.”

  “Oh?” The way he’d started that sentence, she’d expected him to break off their relationship, not accelerate it.

  “Yes. I believe that when one is in doubt, one should take a leap of faith. That has served me quite well in the business world, and I think it would work for us as well. I stopped by the church on the way here and informed the preacher.”

  Cina’s heart nearly stopped. “You . . . you did what?”

  “I told the preacher that we’d like to set a date for the wedding, and I asked him to compile a list of days when the church will be available.”

  “Darius, I . . . I don’t know what to say.”

  “I knew you’d be pleased. There’s really no reason for us to drag this out any longer. I’m sure we’re both eager to move on to the next phase of our lives.”

  Cina couldn’t catch her breath. She stood up and walked over to the piano, trailing her fingers along its glossy surface while she tried to figure out what to say. Once she was calmer, she turned and faced him, forcing herself to stay in control.

  “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that won’t do.”

  He looked confused. “What do you mean?”

 
; She’d hoped to avoid a long, drawn-out explanation, but it appeared that she wouldn’t be getting her wish. “You and I have nothing in common except for the fact that we’re both inhabiting the same planet at the same time. We have nothing to talk about, even though I’ve tried over and over again to strike up any sort of conversation. I thought we could work through those issues and become friends, but no—friends talk to each other. It’s part of friendship.”

  He opened his mouth to reply, but she rushed on. “I was willing to overlook certain things because I thought we’d outgrow them as our relationship progressed, but you spoke to the preacher before you spoke to me. You informed him of our engagement before you even asked me. I was the afterthought, not the objective. I shouldn’t be so surprised, though—when you decided I wasn’t hungry because you weren’t hungry, that should have told me everything I needed to know. I’m not important to you, Darius. I’m an accessory, an item to check off your to-do list.”

  “That’s not what I meant, Cina,” he began, but she shook her head.

  “We’ve had far too many blunders and apologies for one week. I’m sure I’ve offended you as well—we’re not suited. We’re just not. We need to bring this to a close before it goes any farther.”

  Darius pressed his lips together. “Perhaps you’re right,” he said. “Perhaps it’s best if we stop seeing each other immediately—I’m sure that’s what Captain Spencer is hoping for.”

  “He doesn’t have any hopes where I’m concerned,” Cina retorted. “I’m his children’s tutor, nothing more.”

  “That’s not what they’re saying all over town. I was hoping to marry you and remove you from the shame of it all before it reached your ears, but I suppose you won’t let me. I’m sorry, Cina. I wouldn’t have you go through that, but if we’re not proceeding with our marriage arrangements, it’s inevitable. I bid you goodnight.”

  He turned to go, then stopped and pointed at the flowers. “From him?”

  “For the household, yes.”

  He grunted. “I’ll stop by the church again and let the preacher know that I was mistaken.” Then he continued on his way out the door.

  Cina sat back down, all the strength gone from her legs. Well, she’d done it—she’d broken off a courtship she never should have agreed to in the first place. She’d given it her all over and over again, and she couldn’t fault herself for any of her attempts. She knew that to be true, but she still felt bad that everything had happened the way it did.

  The worst part, though, was hearing what Darius had to say about the gossip. She hadn’t been able to think of a good way to squelch the rumors, and that had made things so much worse. What would Darius actually say to the preacher? Would he explain that there had been a misunderstanding, or would Cina come out looking the worst for the situation?

  She tried to remember the preacher’s name—she’d met him at church. William Gregory. Yes, that was it. He seemed like an understanding sort, but who was he going to believe if it came down to it?

  Nausea caught her off guard, and she realized that not only was she upset, but she hadn’t eaten for several hours. Beans hadn’t rung his horrendous dinner triangle yet, but she’d wander in there anyway and see if things were nearly ready.

  Beans glanced up from the stove, then did a double-take. “You’d better sit down, girly. I don’t know what’s botherin’ you, but you’re whiter than my bread flour.”

  She pulled out a chair and sat down. Within seconds, Beans had brought out his cookie tin and had offered her one.

  “Is Mr. Redburn an angry sort?” she asked after she’d taken a few bites.

  “Chance? Naw. He’s got a temper same as most folks, but he’s not angry. Maybe he gets frustrated. Sometimes he might cuss a little.” Beans raised an eyebrow. “Are you fixin’ to make him angry?”

  “I broke off my courtship with Mr. Gray tonight.”

  “I was wondering when that was gonna happen. I was about ready to lay down some odds at the Hair of the Dog—that’s how sure I was that you were gonna do it. I just didn’t think you’d be so long about it.”

  “I wanted to give it every possibility, but I can’t marry him, Beans. He’d try to control everything I did, and I can’t live that way.”

  “No, you couldn’t. You’re one of those modern women, ain’t you? Wantin’ more independence and all. I can’t say that’s a bad thing—a woman who knows her own mind is a pleasure to chat with. Unless she’s in my kitchen.”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  “Naw—that’s not what I meant. You’re not actually in my kitchen—you’re sittin’ in a chair. Totally different things.”

  She managed a smile. “I’m just worried about what Mr. Redburn will say. If I’m not one of his brides to match, he has no responsibility over me, and I could end up with nowhere to go.”

  “I doubt that would ever happen. There are half a dozen women in that ladies’ auxiliary who would take you in, every one of ’em with feather beds and butterscotch custards.”

  “Well, now you’re making me hope I get asked to leave,” she said with a chuckle.

  He waggled a finger at her. “Mark my words, you’ll have a home. One way or another.”

  She finished her cookie, thanked him, and set the table, glad to do one of the small tasks the girls were allowed. She felt some better during dinner, but not enough to participate in the lively conversation, and she excused herself early to go upstairs.

  She dressed for bed, then climbed between the covers with a novel. She needed some way to distract her mind from all her tumultuous thoughts. At first, she didn’t think she’d be able to concentrate on the story, but soon it pulled her in, and when Violet came into the room later, Cina was totally immersed.

  “It’s finally happened!” Violet plunked down on the edge of the bed and snatched Cina’s book from her hands. “Chance finally admitted his feelings, and we’re courting! That’s a secret until we announce it, of course. I’m swearing you to secrecy—code of the roommate.”

  “That’s wonderful!” Cina sat up and gave her friend a big hug. “You’ve certainly waited long enough.”

  “It really hasn’t been that long, but it certainly felt like it. I think part of that had to do with Miss Viola—the way she described Chance in her letters, I was already halfway in love with him when I got here, and it was only a matter of seeing him before I fell the rest of the way. He didn’t even know I was coming—I can’t blame him for taking a little longer.”

  “I’m so happy for you, Violet. Anyone with two eyes can see that you’re supposed to be together.” Cina meant to focus on her friend’s good news, but something must have shown on her face or in her tone because Violet immediately lifted an eyebrow.

  “What happened?”

  There was no point in pretending—it would all be out in the open come morning. “I’ve sent Mr. Gray away.”

  “You have?” Violet’s forehead wrinkled into a frown. “Oh, dear. Chance will be unhappy about that. I’m not, though—I never thought he was a good match for you.”

  “I had my doubts from the first minute too, but I didn’t want to give up until I was absolutely sure.”

  Violet squeezed her hand. “You held in there a long time. I’m sure Chance will understand.”

  “Do you think maybe you could tell him for me? You know him a lot better than I do, of course, and he’d probably take it better from you.”

  “Well, I don’t know if he’d take it better, but yes, I’ll tell him. He’ll need to meet with Mr. Gray and see if he wants a refund or to try again with another bride.” Violet paused. “Oh, dear. If he wants a refund, I’m not sure if there’s enough money in the bank to cover it.”

  “I didn’t even think about that. I’m sorry, Violet.”

  Violet waved her off. “Don’t give it another thought. This is your happiness we’re talking about, and who can put a price on that? We’ll figure it out.” She stood up and started to unfasten the buttons at h
er wrists. “I’m just glad that you aren’t forcing yourself to marry him because you think it’s the right thing to do.”

  “Me too. I have an awfully misguided sense of loyalty sometimes.”

  Cina lay in the dark for a while after Violet drifted off to sleep, wondering what she’d do next. She knew Violet would break it to Mr. Redburn gently—she just hoped he would take it gently. He’d been so concerned over the success of the business, she knew this failure would be difficult to accept.

  But she would not, could not marry Mr. Gray.

  Chapter Nine

  “Cina, you have a visitor downstairs,” Alice said, poking her head into Cina’s room. It was still early, and Cina was just finishing her hair.

  “It’s not Mr. Gray, is it?” she asked, her heart filling with dread.

  “No, it’s Mrs. Woods.”

  That was infinitely better, although it still wasn’t bound to be pleasant. People didn’t tend to pay pleasant calls before breakfast.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Woods,” Cina said as she entered the parlor. “How are you today?”

  The older woman shook her head. “Not good at all. Oh, my dear, it’s just terrible.”

  “What’s the matter?” Cina asked, even though she was pretty sure of the answer.

  “Everyone in town is buzzing about you and Mr. Gray, saying that you’ve broken off the engagement and that Captain Spencer is spending all his free time here.”

  Cina closed her eyes for a moment. She’d tried to avoid this, but she hadn’t known what to do that would actually work. “We never were actually engaged, and no, the captain doesn’t spend all his time here.”

  “I know that, my dear, but no one seems to be in the mood to listen to me. I’m just a little old lady, hardly worth notice.”

  “Of course you are. And shame on anyone who’s participating in spreading these rumors. Don’t they have better things to do?”

  Mrs. Woods shook her head. “In a town this small, gossip is the main source of entertainment. You’re new in town, which makes you a stranger, so of course they’re going to scrutinize you. The captain’s also new in town, and he’s devastatingly handsome—that always catches people’s attention. And they’ve known Mr. Gray for a while now, so they feel some sort of ownership where he’s concerned.”

 

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