by C. A. Harms
“I didn’t cross the line, Ben. I’ve stayed away.” There is no need for details that will only further piss him off. “I wanted to make sure there was nothing between the two of you. It’s why I’ve avoided the group, why I’ve been working overtime and declining the invites for breakfast.”
His nostrils continue to flare, and the hate he holds in his eyes as he stares at me makes my chest ache. Bennett and I have always been close; we’ve never been at war, until now.
“You show back up and what, get the fucking girl, and I’m supposed to be okay with it?” I stand quietly, watching him, unsure of his next move. My jaw aches from his punch, but I refuse to react. I love my brother, but a brother or not, I won’t sit back and allow him to hit me twice without responding. “Sutton is mine!”
I chuckle and shake my head. “Bennett, I think we both know that Sutton isn’t yours. With or without me returning home, that shit wasn’t gonna happen.”
“How the hell do you know?” I can tell he wants to hit me again as he clenches his fists over and over. But fighting about this isn’t going to get us anywhere. He feels I interrupted his chances, and no matter what I say or do, he isn’t gonna be convinced otherwise.
“Come on, guys,” Finn takes a step toward us, and Bennett doesn’t look away from me. “You guys are brothers, this shit—,”
“Nah,” Bennett shakes his head, and this version of him is one I have never seen before. Hate and anger have replaced the happy-go-lucky guy we all know and love. “Brothers don’t do this shit to each other. Brothers respect one another, they don’t fuck around behind each other’s backs, and they sure as hell don’t go after the other’s girl.”
He holds his hands up in the air and takes a step back.
“We’re done,” he shakes his head as if I am nothing more than a disappointment which seems to trigger a fire inside of me.
“Let me ask you, Ben; how many girls you got? It seems you’ve laid claim on all of em’, Sutton, Lexi, hell… the two you fondled at the lake, not to mention the one you took home later that same night. Should every man in this town and Montgomery ask you first before they decide to take out a lady, just in case she happens to be yours too?”
He moves quickly, and this time when he swings, I block it. Spinning around fast, I press my forearm over his chest and shove him back against the side of my truck. My face is only inches from his. “I kept my distance; I bided my time waiting to see if anything was gonna happen between the two of you. I prepared myself to never look at Sutton again. Then I watch you flirt with every fucking woman you come in contact with. I watch you paw at Lexi, and not once did you consider that Sutton saw all this too. If anyone fucked up the chance of you two ever being more than just friends, I’m pretty sure that lies at your feet. So, you want to blame me… brother; then go ahead, but deep down, I know you know the truth. You blew that chance long before I came back.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sutton
* * *
"Daddy, you don't have to do this, really I understand." He stubbornly waves me off as both my mother and I attempt to keep him inside the house. "It's one show," this man will be the death of us; he is bound and determined to go to the studio and watch this year's production even if he has to crawl there.
"One show I ain't missin'," he adds and nudges me with his wheelchair as he tries to get past me once more.
He's been home from the hospital for four days, and each one is worse than the other. John West is not a man who likes to be held down. His will is strong, and his attitude is stronger. Mom caught him butt scooting to the kitchen at two in the morning to get a glass of water, rather than wake her and have her get it for him.
"Girl, you better get a move on," he pushes past me, and both my mother and I hang our heads in defeat. There is no point in fighting him; he'll call a damn cab if he has to. "Get your asses moving already."
Bumping along the pea gravel at the end of the makeshift ramp built off the front door, he continues toward the Van and hits the switch so the door will slide open. We both watch in amazement as he climbs up on the landing and then moves his way to the seat, all while maneuvering his casted leg as if it is nothing.
Once settled, he closes the door, and then to add a little more urgency, he honks the horn, and my mother laughs. "That man," she mumbles.
"More like pain in the ass," she glances back at me and doesn't even attempt to argue.
My mother climbs into the driver's seat, and I get into my car parked at her side. Then, each of us back out of the driveway and drive into town. I'm nervous for so many reasons. One, I want it to be perfect, not only my solo but each performance by each class. Second, I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. I feel that they reflect my teaching, and if they fail, it means I’ve failed.
Another reason is that every year all my friends come to watch and this year, one in particular will be missing. The rift between Bennett and I still lays heavy on my mind. I love hearing his cheers and whistles after every performance, and I even miss him calling me Tink. I never thought I'd say that.
I've sent unanswered texts to Brantley, calls that went straight to voicemail. Everything is a mess. I feel terrible for the other guys who are stuck in the middle between Brant and Bennett. Finn told me briefly about the fallout outside Bennett's apartment, and I know I'm the one to blame.
Today has always been one of my favorite days of the year, but if I’m honest, my heart isn’t entirely in it. Everything feels so backward.
When I enter the studio, I'm met with most of the original crowd smiling at me. It's weird that none of them have one child in any of the classes, but they are loyal to me, which means they are there front and center for every show.
I scan over the entire crowd; the absence of the O’Shay boys doesn't go unnoticed. Then, as if Adley knows what I'm thinking, she steps forward and hugs me close. "He's hurt, Sutton. You have to give him time to heal."
"I never meant to hurt him," I fight back the tears that threaten to spill.
"He knows that; deep down, he knows." I hope she's right. I want to ask about Brantley, but it feels wrong. Wanting him feels wrong.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Brantley
* * *
I stand back in the far corner of the theater, staring ahead at the stage. I make sure to remain hidden, I know I shouldn’t be here, but I can’t stay away. I took a week off work, hoping the time would help cool things off with Bennett and I, but it didn’t help my racing mind. Instead, it only made me think of Sutton more, and that made it harder to stay away.
But, I know I can’t be with her. Bennett may be mad at me, but he’s my brother, and blood comes before anything else. The love I have for him outweighs everything else; it has too.
I read the texts from Sutton but never responded, yet here I am, standing in the fucking corner like some creeper while I watch her dance with her students.
She is incredible; the way she floats around the stage effortlessly is mesmerizing. I’ve never in my life seen anything more graceful and beautiful.
“I told you she is amazing,” my body grows tense at the sound of my brother’s raspy whisper. I remain where I am, not turning to look at him. Hell, I’m surprised he’s there, but even more surprised that he is talking to me. “Even when you’re pissed, when you feel like you can tear someone apart, watching her seems to ease that desire.” I know that he is talking about me, and my chest grows tight.
I fucking love him more than I can ever attempt to explain, and his disappointment and hate tear me up.
“I can’t forgive you, not yet.” I swallow past the lump that forms in my throat. Still saying nothing, I only listen to what he needs to say. I may not have let things go too far with Sutton, but one touch was too much, and I owe Bennett. “When I think of the two of you together, it pisses me off, makes me hate you Brant, and I never in a million years thought I could ever hate you. I’ve always looked up to you, my big brother, the guy I can always coun
t on no matter what.” My nostrils flare as I try my hardest to rein in my emotions. “I know you didn’t set out to hurt me, but I’m not ready to let it go yet. I have to figure out how to look at you and not want to punch you.”
“That’d be good,” I smirk as I look over to find him doing the same. It’s the slightest crack in his armor but enough to let me know that he and I will be okay over time. I just wasn’t sure what that meant for Sutton and me.
Side by side we stand, saying nothing more, both watching as Sutton takes the stage and performs her solo. A combination of slow and fast, graceful and alluring, it is an incredible piece. When the crowd cheers after the number is over, I know Bennett and I aren’t the only ones to think so.
Her smile is knee-buckling, her eyes lit with pure joy.
She stands, bouncing with excitement as she bows. When she scans over the entire theater, I notice the very moment her eyes find my brother and me in the crowd. She covers her mouth with her hand. She looks down as if her emotions have gotten the best of her. Her shoulders shake, and I feel it throughout my entire body. The need to go to her, hold her, and comfort her is a powerful force.
“You should hate me, Bennett.” My heart aches, and I rub the very spot on my chest. “You’re right; I could’ve walked away.” I should have turned around and never looked back the very instant I felt even the slightest attraction for Sutton.
“I think we both know that walking away from Sutton isn’t as easy as it sounds.” I hate the pain that laces my brother’s words. “She’s the kinda girl you can’t forget.”
He has that right; even though I tried, I can’t seem to shake her.
“I could ask you to stay away from her—,”
“You could,” and it would kill me, but I’ll do it. Of course, I should have done it from the start.
“But I won’t,” his words surprise me. “I know if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t be able to stay away if I were asked. I just…” he pauses, taking in a slow deep breath. “I can’t see it. I’m not ready for that. I can’t hear about it, and one day that might change, but right now, I can’t.”
“Ben, I—,” I pause when he turns his entire body to face mine.
“Don’t miss your chance; believe me when I say you’ll regret it.”
I stand staring after my brother as he turns and leaves the theater, my heart shattering with every step he takes.
It’s the first time since arriving home that I wish I’d re-enlisted. I may have been miserable. I may have missed my family with every breath, but at least I’d still have my brother.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sutton
* * *
"You've heard nothing?"
I shake my head as I stare at the television. The flashing lights flicker around the living room, the volume turned down low, almost to the point of hushed whispers.
"Not even a text?" Lexi asks, and again I shake my head. "Hm," she leans back against the couch cushions and crosses her arms.
"How's Bennett?" I know she's been talking to him; I saw his name light up her screen less than an hour ago. Though she didn't bring him up, I'm glad that he is texting her. I've caught myself opening my contacts several times as my finger hovered above his name, but I know he won't answer the call. It's only another way to torture myself.
"He's all right," she assures me. "Honestly" I'm glad, though a part of me assumes she is only attempting to make me feel better. "He's been spending a lot of time with Finn and working extra hours."
I find myself wondering how that’s going considering he and his brother work with one another.
"I asked Rory about Brantley," I try not to react. "Their uncle has them working on separate crews." I nod, feeling like an even bigger bitch for the trouble I've caused for not only the two of them but their family too. So, now his uncle has to put them on separate projects. "Are you coming tomorrow night?"
"Nope," what is the point? I feel like I'm wearing the scarlet letter already. Staying home in my pajamas is much better than having everyone treat me like I've purposely set out to drive a wedge between the O'Shay brothers.
"Hiding out seems so much more logical," I ignore her sarcasm. Usually, I would find some fun way to keep her going, but I don't have it in me anymore. Everything in my life falls flat most days; even the joy I once felt going to the youth center or teaching one of my classes feels forced. "I've been thinking that maybe I need a change." My stomach begins to sour, but I can't keep doing what I've been doing for the last few weeks.
"What kind of change?"
I don't look at her, already knowing that I won't be able to continue if I do. Montgomery is where my life is, all my friends and my family. Never once until now have I ever considered leaving the place I grew up in. The place that holds all my most significant memories but currently also holds my biggest regret.
"Do you remember that dance company in Chicago? The one that offered me the instructors position last year?"
I notice the quick movement to my side, and without looking at Lexi, I already know she is fully facing me. Most likely, she is glaring at me too.
"Yeah, the one you turned down because you said that your life was here and that you could never ever imagine leaving the place you love." Hearing her say my thoughts aloud makes this all, that much harder.
"They contacted me again last week." I continue refusing to acknowledge her annoyance. "All moving expenses covered. They'll help me find an apartment near the studio and cover my first three months' rent."
"Sutton."
"The pay's good—,"
"You can't seriously be considering this."
"I am," though it’s killing me inside. Staying here means seeing the people who are all disappointed in me— or I find new friends. Those that don't know my wrongdoings.
"I'm not doing this with you," Lexi stands, and for the first time, I look at her. She is pissed. "You wanna’ run away. You want to pretend that you have no reason to stay here, then fine, do it. But I don't want to hear about it. So, take the cowards way out, run, do whatever you want."
She walks out of our living room, leaving me staring after her—the sound of her door slamming echoes through our apartment.
Turning back toward the television, I wipe away the tears that have escaped angrily.
Running may be the coward's way, but what else was I supposed to do? Unfortunately, I feel like the worse version of myself, and I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
"You gonna tell me what's on your mind, or do you plan on sitting over there sulking instead?"
"Not sulking," I pull the throw pillow onto my lap and curl into myself tighter.
"Darlin', you ain't foolin’ me one bit," my father chuckles, and I roll my eyes. Being trapped in the house for weeks has only made him more frustrating. The man thinks he is some mind reader, but then again, he's always been able to tell when I'm lying. Some built-in radar detector for bullshit, I guess.
"You can tell me what's going on, or I can guess."
"I said it’s nothin'," I'd leave to avoid this conversation if I wasn't on babysitting duty. My mom plays Bingo with her friends on Wednesday nights, and since my dad is a stubborn mule, I've been volunteered to ensure he doesn't try to mow the lawn or drop the transmission out of one of his tractors while she's gone. So, I'm trapped
"Which O'Shay boy is it?" My gaze whips around to meet my dad’s, and I find him grinning knowingly. "Being stuck at home with only the gossip of women echoing off the walls and that of the constant visitors coming and going leaves me with little else to concentrate on."
I look down at my hands and pick at the imaginary lint on the pillow that I hold tightly against me.
"Does pops need to step in and handle something?"
I don't want to talk about this; it gets me nowhere every time. It only manages to make me feel worse every single time. Bennett isn't talking to me and Brantley, who the hell knows where he is. What I do know is, that he isn't talking to
me either. Somehow, I lost them both, and all I did do was be honest about my feelings.
Had I chosen to hide them and instead sneak around behind Bennett's back, I would have still been the bad one in the bunch. I'd be the girl that played two brothers and drove them apart. There is no way to win this.
“So, you're gossiping now?" I know I have to say something because the silence between my dad and me is awkward.
"Not gossiping," I look up to find him grinning, “Just being a quiet observer. It helps that when it comes to you and your momma, I don't miss too much, so what's it gonna be? Should I make a phone call or two?"
"Everything's fine, Dad," I assure him and take in a deep breath. "No need for callin' anyone."
"Then maybe a visit?" He arches his brow and waits for me to respond.
"I said all is good," I shrug as if there is nothing to be done, and he chuckles.
"Still can't lie for shit," his laugh irritates me. “So, I'll give you two choices, and I hope you pick the right one."
The man is as stubborn as a mule on steroids. But then again, so am I.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Brantley
* * *
"Where are we going?" I ask Aaron from the passenger seat as he takes a left and starts driving toward Montgomery. There is one thing about being placed on the opposite crew as Bennett; I get a lot of shit jobs.
Minor renovations, I hate fucking bathrooms and finishing up the leftovers on the jobs the bigger crew did.
"Just a little side job in Montgomery."
"What's it this time, a hole patch in the wall, or a few missing shingles that need replacing?" Of course, I'm sarcastic, but then again, it won't surprise me if it is, in fact, one of the two. I miss building, and believe it or not, I miss the hours and hours with the Alabama sun beating down on me while I frame up walls and pour concrete.
