by Kent, Rina
“I struck a deal with my father. The marriage will remain under radar and so will you and Jasmine. If I refused, they would’ve done it the harsh way and it would’ve hurt Jasmine.” He stops meeting my eyes with his identical ones. “Those seven years I spent with you two were the happiest times of my life, Star.”
A sob catches at the back of my throat. “Then why did you leave? Why did you end up marrying Victoria and tossing me and Mum aside?”
“Your mum did the tossing, actually. Now, I realise it must’ve been a ploy from either my father or Victoria or her parents. Or all of them. I had to leave. I’m the only heir to my family and I knew if I didn’t obey, my parents would’ve buried you and Jasmine until I could never find you.”
“Bad things for greater good.”
“No, Astrid. No.” He holds my shoulders. “There was no greater good about leaving you and your mother. There hasn’t been a day that I didn’t regret it. But every time I went back, Jasmine pushed me out. She allowed me to see you sometimes, but she cut me off from your lives saying you two didn’t fit into my world. Her constant rejections were my punishment.”
“You really planned to reunite with Mum?”
“Yes. After my father’s death, I was done with the masquerade. I finally convinced Jasmine to give me another chance and she agreed.” His face turns rigid. “But it never happened.”
“She was really happy that night, Dad.” I smile, fighting the pressure at the back of my throat. “I’m the one who threw a tantrum.”
“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know.” He pauses. “Astrid, this period will be hard for the family. I need you to be strong. Can you do that for me?”
I nod slowly, my voice catching. “What will happen?”
“Some people will pay.” His demeanour hardens.
We remain silent for long seconds until it almost becomes awkward.
“Can I tell you something, Dad?”
“Anything.”
I gather all my courage and blurt, “I don’t want to go to Imperial College. I want to study art like my mum.”
“All right.”
“All… right?” My mouth hangs open.
“Of course. I won’t make you study something you dislike. Besides, you have too much talent to waste.”
I don’t know which part should surprise me the most. The fact that Dad saw my sketches or that he’s letting me study art.
“Thank you,” I murmur, my voice catching in my throat. “All this time, I thought… I thought you hated me.”
“Oh, come here, Astrid.” He opens his arms and I dive into them, wrapping my hands around his waist. A sob tears from my throat and I can’t help the tears.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” He strokes my hair back. “I was scared I’d lose you, too, so I was stern. Now I realise that’s not what you needed.”
“I just… I just miss Mum so much and you’re the only one who reminds me of her.”
“I miss her, too.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t grieve properly with you. I wanted you to move on with your life, but that was wrong, too. You needed to grieve properly first. I promise to learn from my mistakes and be a better father for you.”
I look up at him through blurry eyes. “You won’t throw me away and adopt Nicole?”
He laughs. “That nonsense was never on the table. You’re the only daughter I have. Nicole will leave after her mother is sent away.”
“What do you mean by sent away?”
Dad opens his mouth to speak when the door barges open. Victoria walks inside with Grandpa’s antique shotgun pointed towards us.
“No one will send me away.”
51
Levi
Was it all just a fantasy?
* * *
I stare up at Lord Clifford’s mansion.
Logically, I should’ve given Astrid time to cope, but patience has never been one of my qualities.
If I have to climb through a window and search every room to find her, then so be it.
We’re going to talk then I’ll kiss the living hell out of her. Or it can be the other way around. The order doesn’t matter.
Astrid and I aren’t something decided by an accident three years ago. We’re more. We’re a lot fucking more.
Astrid didn’t only engrave herself in my soul, she’s also become an inseparable part of my core. And no fucking one can take that away from me.
Not even her.
“Captain?” Daniel calls from my side. “What are you doing here?”
“The same as you. To see Astrid.” I narrow my eyes. “But I came first, so wait for your turn.”
He releases a sigh. “She’s going through a lot. Maybe you should give her some time to cope. Ever heard of that term?”
“Whatever that coping is, Astrid and I are doing it together.” I push past him towards the entrance.
He grips my shoulder and pulls me back with a force I didn’t realise he had.
“Fucking stop. She’s not like you. Astrid isn’t the type who goes forward, not caring about those left behind.”
“Is that what you think I am?”
“That’s what the whole team thinks you are! They’re just too scared to say it to your face.”
“Yeah? What have I been doing?”
He throws his hands in the air. “You’ve been torturing us more than Coach for the championship.”
“So now we don’t want the championship?”
“We do, but we started this to have fun. Not all of us are going pro. Hell, not even half of us.” He releases a deep breath. “This is the last season we’ll ever be able to compete in football before it all become corporates and politics.”
Huh. I never looked at it that way.
“Nice talk.” I pat Daniel’s shoulder. “Let’s finish after I see Astrid.”
“Captain!” He runs alongside me. “You’re not hearing a word I’m saying. She needs time. Once she’s calmed down, she’ll come out on her own accord and talk to you.”
“What if she never does?” I meet Daniel’s eyes. “What if she spends distance away and realises that she doesn’t fucking want me anymore?”
He remains silent for a second too long. “Then it’s her choice. Another word you need to learn.”
I jab a finger at his chest. “That’s not going to fucking happen.”
Daniel tries to stop me again when a loud sound slices through the silence.
We both stop and stare at each other with wild eyes.
A gunshot just came from inside Astrid’s house.
52
Astrid
Everyone falls. Including the king and his queen.
* * *
I shriek as the gunshot reverberates all around us.
My fingers dig into Dad’s forearm as my frantic gaze slides over him, looking for any injury.
“I’m fine, Astrid.” He motions behind him to a hole in the wall.
My heartbeat skyrockets until it’s impossible to focus on anything but the buzzing in my ears.
“Put the shotgun down, Victoria.” Dad speaks in a calm yet firm tone as he cages me behind him.
Still, I peek around him.
Victoria stands at the entrance, her finger trembling on the trigger. For the first time in my life, I see tears streaming down her cheeks.
I always joked with Dan that she’s an unfeeling robot considering she doesn’t show emotions. But I should’ve known that those are the most dangerous.
“I stood by you.” Her voice is shaky and she seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown. “I was the perfect wife for you. I did everything from those dinners to those stupid wives’ gathering. How dare you throw me away?”
“We had a deal, Victoria,” he tells her slowly. “I told you the marriage was a contract. I provided a home for you and your daughter and paid your dead husband’s debts. In return, you play the wife’s façade. You agreed to those terms.”
“I thought you’d come around.” Her finger shakes on the trigger, and I shrink further behind Dad’s back. “I waited for you to come around. We could’ve been a real family…” She smiles in nostalgia then it drops. “If it weren’t for that slut.”
“My mother wasn’t a slut,” I grit out.
“And you!” She points both her gun and manic expression at me. “The Clifford name is my daughter’s right. You don’t deserve anything except for rotting with your whore of a mother. But you just refuse to fucking die.”
My lips part as I choke on air. My gaze slides from her to Dad. His jaw clenches but he keeps his calm. “So you did it. You hit Astrid at the party.”
“Yes, I did it. I went to pick up Nicole, and this little bitch was running in the street begging to be hit.” She laughs. “I slowed down about to stop, but then, I thought that if you joined your mother, we’ll finally be a real family.”
My eyes blur as I stare at the monster in her eyes. She planned to kill me. It wasn’t an accident. She did it on purpose.
Anger bubbles in my veins like a hurricane. Then it hits me. The old Mercedes Nicole drove the other day was the same Mercedes I saw parked near our house a day before Mum’s accident.
“You manipulated my mother’s brakes, didn’t you?”
“I did that, too.” She smiles like a psycho. “Henry was planning to divorce me and marry her, so I decided to erase her. Pity you didn’t go down with her like a good little bitch.”
I scream and push past Dad towards her. I’m going to murder her. I’m going to choke her with my bare hands.
Dad yanks me back as Victoria’s stance widens in menace.
“Let me go!” I cry, tears streaming down my cheeks. “Dad, let me go!”
“Yes, let her go, Henry.” Her voice is soft, motherly almost. “If you do, we’ll finally be a family.”
“We were never going to be a family!” Dad’s voice rises. “The only family I wanted was Jasmine and Astrid.”
“No…” A tear slides down her cheek. “You only felt duty towards her because she trapped you with a baby.”
“There was no duty about Jasmine. She’s the only woman I’d ever love.”
“No. Henry. We’re a family.”
He shakes his head, his voice steel. “Not anymore.”
“You!” She screams aiming her shotgun at me. “It’s all because of you. I’m going to kill you this time.”
I swallow, my limbs shaking until it’s impossible to control them.
Dad stands fully in front of me until I can barely see anything.
“Drop the gun, Victoria.” He speaks low. “Don’t make this worse than it already is.”
She shakes her head frantically.
“The police are on their way.” He enunciates. “It’s over.”
“No! No! That little bitch doesn’t get to live her life while I rot behind bars.”
“Mother…”
All our attention snaps to the voice coming from behind Victoria.
Nicole stands on shaking legs with Levi and Dan behind her.
They came.
Tears fill my eyes. Levi returned for me. He didn’t give up on me.
Our eyes meet for the briefest second and in his light blue ones, I see concern and longing. Desperate, intense longing that matches my own.
“Nicole?” Victoria stammers. “Go back to your room, darling. I’ll take care of this and come fetch you, okay?”
“Mother, stop.” Nicole’s voice shakes with every word like she’s finding it hard to speak. “Please.”
“But, honey. I’m doing this for us. For your future. You will be a Clifford soon.”
“I don’t want to be a Clifford. I love Dad’s name just fine.”
“What are you talking about? That’s what we worked for.”
“That’s what you worked for. I only wanted to be free of all these shackles and protocols and wearing masks.” She hiccoughs. “I only put up with this life for you, Mother.”
“But… how about your future and the doors the family name will open for you?” She pauses. “We’ll talk about this later after I finish this.”
Dan nudges Nicole, and she winces before stepping forward.
“Mother, please.” She reaches a shaky hand towards her mother. “Uncle Henry always gave us everything we wanted, you can’t hurt him.”
“I won’t hurt him. It’s his daughter that I’ll kill.”
“Stop!” She shrieks. “Just stop it, Mother. I already lost my father, I can’t lose you, too.”
Victoria lowers her gun, tears shining in her eyes. “I… I did all of it for you, darling. I did everything so you can have a better life.”
“I know.” Nicole cries, pulling her mother into a hug. “I know.”
I gasp as Levi steps forward and yanks the shotgun out of Victoria’s fingers.
For a second, I think it’ll go off and kill him or Victoria will put up a fight and shoot him.
I only breathe in relief when it remains inert in his hold.
Dad pulls me to his side, his arms clasped tightly around my back in a protective hold.
I hug him back even though a part of me wants to run to Levi and kiss him.
Officers barge inside with the deputy commissioner on toll. One of the officers yanks Victoria’s arms behind her back and handcuffs her.
“Victoria Clifford, you’re under arrest for attempted murder on Jasmine Green and Astrid Clifford. You have the right to remain silent…”
As the officer reads Victoria’s rights, Nicole sobs begging them to let her go.
Even though I don’t feel the slightest sympathy for Victoria and I’m happy she’s finally getting what she deserves, I can’t help feeling bad for Nicole.
Life as she knows it is over now. She lost both her parents and there’s nothing she can do to stop it or turn back time.
Daniel clutches Nicole’s shoulder, yanking her back, when she keeps holding on to her mother. She tries to fight him, but Victoria shakes her head.
In full Victoria style, she stops crying and lifts her chin like the aristocrat she is.
Dad pats my hand and walks towards her. He nods at Dan to take Nicole away. Once my step-sister’s sobs disappear down the hall, Dad stares down at Victoria with the most furious expression I’ve ever seen on his face.
“You took a life from me and I promise that I’ll take yours back.” He speaks with pure contempt that causes my skin crawl. “I’ll make sure you rot in prison until the day you die.”
Her breathing hitches as she shakes her head.
Dad exchanges a look with the deputy commissioner before they all walk down the hall.
I go to follow them when Levi blocks my path, looking down at me with furrowed brows.
He must’ve gave the shotgun to one of the officers because his hands are empty. When he opens his arms, I want to dive into them so hard.
I want to cry into his embrace and tell him how much I love him.
But that would only be torture for the both of us.
Our fate was decided three years ago on a rainy night by a stray dog. Nothing short of a time travel machine would change the past.
Maybe then, Mum would be alive and married to Dad. Maybe then, Levi’s father would be alive, too.
Maybe there wouldn’t be a feud between Jonathan King and Lord Henry Clifford.
Maybe we would have met under different circumstances.
But there are no maybes in my life. There are no time travel machines either.
Truth is, we were over before we even started.
And that hurts.
“Astrid…” He trails off as if he can’t find the word. “I love you. I’m fucking crazy about you, princess.”
Tears barge into my eyes, but I push them back.
Be strong.
You have to be strong.
“And I love you, Levi,” I murmur the words as if I’m afraid of them.
I’m afraid that now they’re out there, I doome
d myself to a harder fall.
He smiles as his lips capture mine.
It’s impossible to resist him. I can’t.
I’m crashing and burning, but I still enjoy every hit. Every lash. Every burn.
The kiss is filled with so much passion and unspoken words. It’s like he’s begging me to stay with him. To never leave him. And I’m tempted to do just that.
But I can’t.
I place both hands on his chest and push him away, shaking my head.
“No.”
“Why the fuck not?” He ruffles his hair, almost ripping it. “We love each other.”
“That’s never enough. It wasn’t for my parents and it’s certainly not enough now.”
“You said that you wouldn’t leave me no matter what. I told you not to say something you don’t fucking mean, but you still promised. You fucking promised, Astrid.”
I fist a handful of my hood where my heart lies. “It hurts, Levi. Seeing you hurts so much.”
His body freezes as if someone threw ice water on him. That someone is me.
His shoulders droop and he nods before he turns around and leaves.
My knees crumble and I fall down, realising that I’ve succeeded.
I broke us apart for good.
53
Astrid
We might be over, but is it the end?
* * *
The two weeks after Victoria’s arrest go so fast.
Nicole went to a relative’s house in southwest London. Dad offered her to stay, but she refused.
Victoria pleaded guilty, but even with that, I know Dad pulled all his weight in the political ring to have her behind bars as long as possible.
After my time off school, I decided to go back. According to Dan, the entire feud about a murder’s daughter was slipped by Victoria to the journalism club, and it blew up in Nicole’s face.
Since Victoria’s story is all over the press, the secret murder’s daughter is now Nicole.
I don’t think she’ll ever return to RES or finish her senior year. And for some reason, I feel bad for her.
