“He didn’t want to leave Tris; he wanted to explore, and... he knew I would miss him.”
“Yes, he was disappointed about that. Then I told him that no one had ever mapped the Abyss. Later, he presented me with this.” He snapped and a scroll appeared. “‘Map of Morir, Capital of the Abyss and surrounding lands.’”
Annala teared up. “I gotta tell Aunt Triste!” She wriggled and squirmed, then cried, “Please let me go!”
“Do you know why I didn’t send a reaper but came myself?”
“I don’t know! And why do you keep asking all these questions? You’re just this scary shadow god thing that nobody likes!”
“Is that so, Lady Priestess Alexis?” Annala froze. “I don’t remember you referring to me as such to the villagers.”
The memories streamed at light speed: comforting, consoling, blessing, giving last rites; the full spectrum of life and death. Annala had immersed herself in the role of a cleric once before when she stepped in her aunt’s memories. Alexis spent years in that village as its priestess and she never spoke of Death as Annala had just now. She bowed her head and said, “...It...it isn’t so.”
“Then how is it?”
“I said it but didn’t understand. It was sad when unexpected. I was old... decades old but still a child by the standards of my society. Yet the humans, when they died, in the same span of time, were at peace. A lot of them didn’t want to die; in fact, most of them wanted my help, err, I mean, my aunt’s help, in beating you back. That’s why they called her a goddess. Yet there were some that felt...accomplished.” Then the epiphany occurred. “They didn’t have any regrets!”
Suddenly, every memory she had of Mori and Tris flew through her mind in the light of this new truth, right up to the family reunion where even his death made his friends laugh.
“A very old adventurer, happily married, beloved by both sides of his family, the life of a party of elf supremacists. He died peacefully. Do you still believe your uncle had any regrets?”
“Just one,” Annala whispered. “Goodbye.”
“Actually,” a new voice said, “I took care of that for him.”
Piercing the darkness was a shaft of purest light, cracking its endless mantle and illuminating the void. The crack widened into a rift and a regal lady stepped out. Annala’s eyes teared up again; she didn’t think such a beautiful creature could exist. Then her vision blurred and she had to look away.
Her skin was like the sun at noon; her inherent radiance was too glorious to behold. The irises of her eyes were a brilliance greater than the dawn. Her hair was more beautiful than a sunrise. She wore a magnificent white cloak that concealed both her hands and feet. An hourglass hung from her neck, identical to the one her counterpart carried.
Smiling with eternal benevolence, Life met Annala’s eyes. She touched the girl’s bindings with a single finger and they instantly dispersed. “Let’s see what I can do about that heart.”
She spat into her hands and rolled it until the loogy was as big as a melon. Then she split it in half and placed one on each side of Annala’s chest. They seeped in and surged through the elf’s body. A moment of euphoric joy seared Annala’s mind.
“Wow...”
“Keep your chin up,” Death advised. “I never ever want to see you again.”
Annala smiled weakly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Are you ready to go back?” Life asked.
“Yes, I am.”
“Then wake up.”
Annala’s eyes opened and she was back in the forest. Two arrows zipped across her sight like spears and poked holes in Grandmother’s body. Two wounds instantly appeared on Wolf’s body in the same place, yet Grandmother never attacked.
“No more death. No more life,” Wolf muttered as she swung a spear. “No more insanity. No more suffering. No more guilt.”
There was no anger in Grandmother’s eyes as Wolf injured her and herself. Nor was there resentment or disappointment; only sadness and regret.
“After you, your son is next. He deserves it for what he did to Alexis.” Wolf swung high, then low, and then stabbed forward. “Then I’ll slaughter your other child and every last one of your servants. Only then will I be sated.”
On the next swing, Grandmother caught the spear’s shaft. “If you should die as a result of your quest?”
Wolf tugged on the spear, then abandoned it. “At least I won’t be afflicted with chaotic madness! My grandfather, my aunt, my mother, and my father. They lost their minds to their Eternal Hobby or to grief for their family.” She created a new spear. “If I die, then that will never happen to me!”
“If you ask me, it already has.”
Wolf halted. Grandmother didn’t say that. She looked around the forest, but there was no one else here other than Annala, and she was dead. Wolf freed her personally, but if that were true, why were her eyes open and focused?
Annala grabbed the arrow in her chest and shrank it down to the size of a needle. She walked away from the tree with the tiny weapon between two fingers. Then it expanded to the size of a spear and she held it in two hands.
“You’ve decided that your Eternal Hobby will be killing gods. You’ve lost your mind to fear, grief, and misplaced anger. You have a death wish. I’m not a therapist, but I’d say you are already afflicted with chaotic madness. Naturally, this means I am too.”
She spun the spear like a staff.
“Now that I think about it, that explains everything. I learned of Nueces’ madness early in life at a family reunion. Then I watched Triste go mad when Mori died. Third, I examined my flaky father and witch mother, who were better adjusted but similarly mad. The eldest in my village appeared to be on the same track. This created a dilemma. I realized that an Eternal Hobby was not guaranteed to save me from madness, but emotionally, I didn’t want to believe it. It was both scary and contrary to my culture. I did all that reading and study to find a way out, but there wasn’t one. This led to more distress and I buried my head in the sand to avoid thinking about it, but this only made it worse.”
She stopping spinning the spear and instead twisted it around her back and then tossed it into the air like a baton, catching it on the way down.
“Living among humans, I believed their lives were simpler. They’re born, they age, and then they die. Naturally, this came with its own problems, but according to my experience at the time, death by cessation of consciousness was preferable to death by the decay or the corruption of consciousness. When I learned that humans considered mana mutation to be as good as death due to monsanity, I came to another realization. What my people called ‘chaotic madness’ was no different from monsanity because it killed the person it infected. All of this led to one horrifying conclusion: I truly was apostate.”
She stabbed the ground.
“I gave up on my faith and, by extension, my culture. I turned my back on Lady Chaos, which is why I couldn’t shapeshift. I hid this from myself because I didn’t want to believe it. Nor did I want to believe that I would eventually go mad and start eating books or some such nonsense and that the same thing would happen to my brother and any elven friends I made or family I created. Yet, I couldn’t deny either of them. Being trapped between states of acceptance and denial, not even someone as wise as Sister Sagart could help me. All she could do was point me in the right direction, which is all Lady Chaos and her tricksters are supposed to do anyway.”
With the spear, she drew the Flower of Chaos in the dirt. Then she modified it into the Wheel of Order and then further into the Fruit of Noitearc. Raising the spear, she pointed at her double.
“Tell me, Wolf, what is the River of Chaos?”
Wolf cocked her head. “A stream of primordial energy that begins and ends in the Sea of Chaos. Why do—”
“WROOOOONNNNGGGGG!”
Annala thudded the butt of her spear onto the symbol she created. Then she stepped back and thrust her arms out. A pillar of light followed her action
s, and within that light, the spear changed. It grew bigger, wider, and taller until it became a tree. Flowers bloomed in its boughs and fruit descended from its branches. Annala picked one and tossed it to Wolf, who caught it reflexively.
“Technically, you’re right, but only in the same sense if I had asked ‘Where do stairs that stack upon each other towards the sky go’ and you said ‘up.’”
Then she picked another fruit and bit into it.
“More to the point, the River of Chaos is love. Sister Sagart preaches that one cannot conceive the Sea of Chaos as anything that can be conceived. It can only be felt. It is nurturing love, empowering love, destructive love, tough love, spiteful love, avenging love, and healing love. Most of all, it is bird love.”
“Bird love?” Wolf scowled through her confusion. “What are you talking about? It’s precisely this kind of madness that I was trying to save you from.”
“Say I was a bird and I wanted to do something. I’d have to fly to do it, right? A walking bird is a sad sight indeed. Flight is necessary for motion, which is necessary for freedom. Flight needs the wind. The wind is air. Air is everywhere, just like chaotic energy. Chaos is the air of elves. Thus, bird love.”
“It makes perfect sense to me,” said Grandmother.
“That doesn’t matter!” Wolf insisted. “Your speech did nothing but waste all of our time.” She pointed her spear at Annala. “Hold still so I can kill you again.”
Annala giggled.
“What’s so funny?” Wolf demanded.
“You didn’t notice the tree? How it came to be and how quickly it bore fruit? How my action set these two events in motion?”
Wolf dropped her spear. “No...” She dropped her bow. “Oh please, no...”
Annala took another bite from her fruit. “Yes. Holy chaotic magic. Flowing from Grandmother to me and then channeled into the spear with the holy symbol as a focus. I’m not apostate anymore. After years of searching and reflection, wisdom from my spiritual mentor, support from my family and boyfriend, along with a close encounter with my deity, I finally found my solution. Chaotic madness, the obsession with a subject that takes over an elf’s life, is not a distortion of their personality; it is a purification.”
She finished the fruit and tossed the core away. It landed and sprouted into a second tree.
“Nueces is a zoologist and so his life already revolved around animals. He even practiced ferret legging. Triste was seldom away from Mori’s side. I watched them slip into their own little world at family reunions. My parents love their jobs. Chaos enables them to live their lives without regret. The Festival of Arin’s Ascension reinforces this with the Infinite Schools of Elves as a chance to demonstrate one’s passion and skill to the community. I confused this passion for madness, and so it only worsened my condition. Now I see the truth. By living life to the fullest and without regret, immortality is a blessing, and by committing oneself to passion, one can reach great heights of skill and achievement, which make immortality necessary.”
She snapped her fingers and the roots of both trees extended to the perimeter of the clearing and then expanded into arcs. They reached each other and entangled.
“Cases such as Nueces and Triste are sad, but as Chaos is a duality, it is unavoidable. The same event can trigger both sorrow and happiness. For instance, I suffered chaotic madness at an unprecedentedly young age and it constituted the worst years of my life thus far. However, looking back on it, it was this madness that led to my relationship with Eric and my presence at the Mana Mutation Summit, which led to many free elves and a step forward in mana mutation treatment as well as the sweetening of relations between elves and mortal races. It’s possible that Nueces enjoys his squirrel company or that Triste has come to terms with her loss.”
“I see.”
Wolf transformed the fingers on her right hand back in a wolf’s claw. Then she stabbed herself in the heart. Her body hit the ground at the same time her charge reached her side. Annala cradled her twin’s head in her lap as her eyes welled up.
“Why did you do that?!”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Wolf replied proudly. “I kill threats to you and now I myself am such a threat. There’s nothing else I can do.” Suddenly, she shuddered and tears sprang to her own eyes. “...I don’t want to die.”
Annala hugged the poor girl to her chest and whispered in her ear.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to fear Death. He’s a nice guy.”
“But it’s the end...I won’t exist anymore.”
“You’ll be reborn. Trust me. Life and death are a continuous process of which there is no beginning and no end. There is only energy, power, and the form it takes! Your consciousness will never end; it will only be refreshed and renewed. In this way, you will live forever.”
“Thank you...Sister.”
Wolf shimmered and broke into motes of light. They drifted away in all directions. Annala grabbed as many as she could and again pressed them next to her heart. When all of them faded, she cried her heart out. Elves do not expect to lose relatives to death, much less to have them die in their arms. This was her twin, her guardian, her own self taken on a life of its own; she didn’t know how to handle it.
She wailed. She clutched her heart. She screamed. She kicked and tore at her hair. The raw emotion drove all sense of reason or dignity from her. Only when she had exhausted herself did she stop. Then a strange and unsteady peace filled her. She took deep and shaky breaths. Moving to her knees, she stood up and faced Grandmother. She did not wipe her eyes.
“Are you ready to come inside now?”
Annala nodded. “Yes, I am.”
Side by side, the two women walked into the light of the cabin.
Annala woke up on the stage. Eric dozed at her side. A mischievous idea spread a smile across her face and she schooled her expression into demure calmness before executing it.
“Master Eric, what happened?”
At once, Eric’s eyes opened. “Annala!...How are you feeling?”
“Quite well, Master Eric. I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’ll get back to work right away.”
The look of despair on his face almost made her feel bad. He leaned forward and held her hands. Looking into her eyes, he said, “You’re not my slave, Annala. I don’t want to be your master. There must be—”
She spat into his eyes. He yelped and drew back, blinking and wiping his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Master Eric,” Annala said with a cheshire cat grin. “Did you want a glass instead? Perhaps I should deposit it directly into your mouth.”
The annoyed look sealed the deal; she broke into unrestrained laughter.
“That’s not funny.”
“It’s about as funny as pretending to eat some...”Annala gasped and sat up. “I could do that! All things are possible... two seeds... Yes, I can do it!”
Eric arched an eyebrow. “Do what?”
Annala didn’t hear him. She was too focused on her task. Placing her hand on her stomach, she gave thanks to Lady Chaos and spoke of the life, love, and rebirth of the River of Chaos. She prayed a wish from her heart and waited.
Her hair shimmered and her belly expanded. It grew rapidly beyond the confines of her shirt. Then something stuck its head out of her skirt. It dripped golden-brown liquid. Two sodden paws came forward. Its main body came forth and the front paws touched the ground. Finally, its hind paws left the confines of Annala’s hem. It turned on a dime, jumped onto Annala, and licked her face enthusiastically. Its tail whipped back and forth. Annala laughed and hugged it tightly with one arm while stroking it behind the ears.
“Annala, what is that?”
This time, Annala didn’t hear him over the sound of her own joy. Eric reached for her and the wolf immediately stopped licking Annala in order to bare its fangs at him.
“Perrault, down.” The wolf looked back at her in confusion. “This is the real Eric, not a mental manifestation of
my slavery. Please be nice to him.”
Perrault turned around in Annala’s lap so she could stare at Eric comfortably.
“Perrault, this is my boyfriend, Eric. Eric, this is my familiar. Her name is Perrault.”
Eric leaned left, then right and Perrault’s eyes followed him.
“I’d like to hear the story behind that name.”
“It will have to wait,” Annala said. “Now that I’m awake, it’s time for my exam.”
As quickly as elvenly possible, she raced to the chapel atop the Sage Tree. Perrault followed at her heels and nipped at Eric’s when she wasn’t looking. Eric dodged and said “bad wolf!” every time. Then Perrault lunged at him.
He raised his barrier and she bypassed it. He morphed into his grendel form and raised his arms to block, but her teeth sank into his metal flesh. Her weight and the force of her jump knocked him over and she ripped into him with her claws. Just before Eric called Annala for help, a second wolf tackled the first.
They tumbled across the ground, snarling and biting. Then one of them flipped the other onto her stomach, sat on her, and bit the back of her neck. This one whimpered. Priestess stepped forward and struck her head with the butt of her staff.
“Bad wolf!”
Then she dropped to her knees and waved her staff over Eric. All of his wounds quickly closed and the pain they caused him vanished. Then she dropped further, into a kowtow.
“I’m so sorry! This is my fault for not properly teaching her. She had different ideas about ‘boyfriends’ back then. The abusive kind, you know? But she’s better now, aren’t you?”
The older wolf extended her neck to lick Eric’s face.
“See? It won’t happen again; not ever again.” She rose to a kneeling position and glared at the younger wolf. “Isn’t that right?!”
The newborn wolf tucked her tail and nodded her head. Satisfied, the adult wolf allowed her to stand. Priestess also stood up and offered a hand to Eric. He returned to human form and accepted her hand without thinking.
“Are these the same wolf?”
Priestess’ grip on his hand suddenly tightened. “Trickster!” She smacked him on the forehead with the other one. This shifted him to grendel form and she swore again. “I hope I didn’t erase more than just my slip of the tongue...”
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