And then he suddenly pulled away, stumbling back a step. “Not like this,” he said, his voice hoarse.
I stared at him, gasping for air. With a shake of his head, he turned away and walked over to the fireplace, putting one hand on the mantle and running the other through his hair, his head hanging down.
Shakily, I pushed myself away from the wall and straightened my tunic, my lips stinging from his kiss. I slowly advanced on him until I was close enough to wrap my arms around him from behind. He dropped the hand from his hair to weave his fingers through mine, pressing my arms more firmly against his abdomen.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispered. “I know you only just realized who I am in the last few months. But I’ve loved you for years.”
Tears burned in my eyes as I pressed my face to his back and breathed in his scent.
“I watched you train for hours upon hours upon hours. I watched you with your brother. I saw your courage every minute of every day that you risked discovery protecting me — a spoiled, rotten brat — and your brother. Marcel loved you so much, and I couldn’t help but love you, too. I never thought there would be a chance to tell you that. Much less for you to actually love me in return.”
“Which is why you were so quick to believe me when I told you I didn’t trust you and couldn’t be your queen,” I said quietly, my lips moving against the cloak he still wore over his clothes.
“Yes.” He finally pushed away from the mantle and turned to me, his eyes roaming over my face. “And that’s why I can’t let you go after Rylan.”
The tears I’d been trying to hold back spilled over, slipping down my cheeks. “How did you know?”
He simply said, “Because I know you.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but he rushed on, lifting his hands to brush away my tears and cup my face.
“You’re so brave, and I love that about you. But you’re also reckless. You don’t think about the consequences. How could you go down there to the dungeons to see that man when you knew I didn’t want you to?” The hurt in his eyes lashed at my heart, but I just shook my head.
“Because I had to know. I thought I could get answers out of him.”
“And did you? Did you find out anything? Or did you just give him a target?” I could tell he was struggling not to get angry again.
“He … he called himself Manu de Reich os Deos. He told me about his king and said that there is much more to all of this than we realize. And he made me see … things.”
“What kind of things?”
I just shook my head. If I told him now, he’d burst out in anger again for sure.
Damian’s jaw clenched when I didn’t answer. “He could have killed you then. If he was able to kill a man as huge as the keeper and escape, he could have done the same to you. I don’t know why he didn’t.” Damian shook his head angrily and jerked away from me. “I know that you think you’re helping, but do you have any idea what it would do to me if you died?”
I was silent, trying to swallow back my guilt. When I’d decided to interrogate him, I hadn’t thought there was a chance Manu would be able to hurt me — not until he made me see that horrifying vision in the dungeons. When he’d made me think, for a moment, that he’d killed Damian. He’d told me that I would die, when the time was right, but that his king wasn’t done with me. He’d told me I needed to learn a lesson. But apparently his sudden death sentence had changed things.
“And that’s why I must forbid you from going after Rylan.” Damian moved over to the window, standing by the drapes Eljin and I had emerged from after using the secret passageway from my room to Damian’s to get to him and Vera. “I know you care about him. That you probably even love him. And it’s not in your nature to leave it to someone else to help those you love.”
“It’s not only that —”
“Let me finish, please.” Damian held up a hand, and I obediently fell silent. He turned to face me but didn’t move, leaving the distance between us. “I know that you love him. But you also love me … don’t you?”
I nodded, my eyes burning.
“I know this makes me selfish, but I’m asking you — pleading with you — if you love me at all, stay here. Help me figure out what is happening and help me avoid war. Stay where I know you are safe. I will send a contingent of men after Rafe to get Rylan back. I won’t let them get away. They can’t have gotten far yet. He’ll be back by the end of the week.”
A terrible, gnawing pain seized my stomach, clutching my belly and making me feel ill. But how could I fault him for this request? He was right; I’d risked myself so many times — often against his will — and so far, I’d been lucky. I’d survived. But maybe next time I wouldn’t.
“If you’re going to force me to choose you or him, I choose you, Damian,” I said, even as my heart broke at the thought of Rylan out there in the jungle, wounded by my sword, trapped with Rafe. “I’ll stay here, if that is what you wish.”
Damian nodded, but he still looked miserable. “I’m sorry, Alexa. I’m so sorry.”
I hesitantly stepped toward him, and when he didn’t stop me, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder so he couldn’t see my tears. “Don’t be sorry for needing me,” I said against his tunic, my voice muffled. “I need you, too.”
His arms came around me, clutching me to him. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted, sounding so lost, so afraid. “I don’t know how to save my kingdom.”
There was nothing I could say to him that wasn’t an empty promise, so I just held him more tightly. We stood there, wrapped in each other, trying to push our fears away, until I remembered Deron and the other guards, waiting for word about their king, and pulled back slightly.
“I should go. The guard is … concerned. I need to tell them that you’re all right.”
Damian stared down at me and then nodded. “Of course. Please send them my apologies for my inexcusable behavior.”
“You’re the king, Damian. You can act however you want.”
He was silent for a long moment and then made a noise that was somewhere between a sigh and a mirthless laugh. “Regardless, I would appreciate it if you sent them my apologies.”
“Of course,” I said, feeling as though we were still off balance for some reason. As though the weight of Rylan’s absence, and Damian’s asking me to stay with him, had tilted the ground we stood on, leaving us on unsure footing.
Damian lifted his hand, and this time, he stroked the skin along my jaw with the back of his fingers, sending a shudder of need through me. “Thank you,” he whispered.
I stared up at him, silent, waiting. But then he let his hand drop and turned away without kissing me.
Unaccountably cold, despite the ever-present humidity and sweltering heat of the jungle, I turned and left Damian standing by his window, looking out at the now-dark courtyard.
The palace was quiet; the hush of nightfall and sleep silenced everything but the sound of my boots on the stone floor. I’d told Deron and the rest of the guard to take up their normal positions, that Damian had been upset by the loss of General Ferraun, Lenora, and so many good men and that he would be fine by the morning. I knew him well enough to know that was true — or at least, he would resume his act of seeming fine, even if he wasn’t.
Damian had stayed in his room, presumably having gone to bed. I was certain he was actually pacing, worrying, and trying to figure out what to do next. Though it wasn’t my night to be on duty, I wasn’t able to sleep, either. So instead, I was trying to find answers.
When I reached Eljin’s room, I knocked softly on the shut door.
There was the sound of someone moving and then the door cracked open, revealing a sliver of Eljin, holding up a sword. When he saw it was me, he relaxed and opened the door wider.
“To what do I owe this honor? A visit from the future queen of Antion.” Eljin gestured for me to sit in the chair next to his bed, and he sat down across from me on his mattress.
“Tanoori filled me in,” Eljin confirmed. “Congratulations. We could all use some happiness to focus on right now.”
“How is Tanoori?”
Eljin grimaced. I was still unused to seeing him without his mask. I wondered if he couldn’t find another, or if something had changed and he’d decided to stop wearing it completely. I secretly hoped the latter — it was comforting in a strange, horrible way to have someone else as disfigured as I not act ashamed of his scars any longer.
“She’s … upset. Lenora was a close friend. And whatever was in that vial caused some fairly horrific results — as you know. She hasn’t been able to calm down, so my aunt gave her something to help her sleep. She’s resting now.”
It took me a moment to remember that Lisbet was General Tinso’s sister, and therefore Eljin’s aunt. But that reminded me that we didn’t know what had happened to the general — what had caused him to write that missive declaring war on Antion, after he’d fought so hard side by side with Damian to create peace between the two kingdoms. Had anyone told Eljin about the letter, or our suspicions about his father?
“Whatever it is they’re doing in Dansii, it’s not right. It goes against the rightful laws of using sorcery, and it will not go unpunished. Whether by us, or by the Unseen Power, abominations are not tolerated forever.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “What laws? What power?”
Eljin rubbed one hand over his face, drawing my attention to the dark bruises beneath his eyes. Though it was a complete miracle that he was alive right now, he obviously still wasn’t completely well yet. “I told you that all Blevonese sorcerers go to our temple when they reach a certain age.”
“Yes, Sì Miào….”
“Sì Miào Chán Wù.” Eljin nodded. “Part of the vows we take state the ways in which we’ll use the sorcery we have been gifted with.”
I was silent, hoping he’d continue. He looked at me appraisingly, his lips pursed together.
“I assume you’ve never heard of the first sorcerers?”
When I shook my head, he sighed.
“Sorcery has not always been a part of our world,” Eljin began. “The temple I told you about — the one that the Rén Zhsas guard — it is no ordinary building. And I fear that what Armando is after lies within its walls.”
My pulse kicked up a beat, and I had to keep myself from leaning forward, to urge him to speak faster.
“This information is sacred to our people. But … things are escalating. I’m concerned … that is …” Eljin’s voice was gruff, and he had to stop to clear his throat. “It’s the only reason I can think of that would entice Armando to try to get to Blevon.”
I was silent for a moment, and then I spoke. “Eljin, Dansii knows. Rafe told me. They know your secrets.”
Eljin sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes widening. “That’s not possible.”
“I think it is. You have to tell us — you have to put us on even footing if we want to have any hope of winning this war,” I insisted.
He shook his head, but before he could speak, I rushed on.
“We can’t win a war we don’t understand. Please, Eljin. The time for secrecy has passed.”
When Eljin looked at me again, his eyebrows were drawn together, his expression somewhere between desperation and hopelessness. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know what is right.”
I was silent, letting him mull it over for a moment — to let Rafe’s claims sink in.
He closed his eyes and let his head drop. “If Dansii truly does know … if they have captured my father and are forcing him to declare war on us again … the future is dire indeed.” There was a long moment of silence. When Eljin met my gaze, the look in his eyes chilled me. “I believe they’re trying to get us to continue to fight each other so that Armando and his sorcerers can sweep right on past us and break into the temple.”
So he did know about his father. I almost reached out to lay my hand on top of his, but he sat so stiffly, no longer looking at me, that I didn’t dare. It wasn’t my place to offer him comfort.
“Perhaps you had better find out what we are facing. To beat your enemy, you must know him. You must understand him. And if this knowledge has been passed down through the kingship and sorcerers of Dansii, then Antion is the only one left ignorant,” Eljin said.
“We are also the only ones left barren, stripped of sorcery, thanks to King Hector.” I wondered how different my life would have been if Hector hadn’t had every sorcerer in Antion put to death. If he hadn’t been intent on starting a war with Blevon and crushing our people with his vile acts in the name of battle.
Eljin was silent for a long time, most likely warring within himself. Trying to decide if he could really share his knowledge with me. Finally, he shut his eyes and swallowed once, hard.
“As you know, our temple is called Sì Miào Chán Wù, which means ‘Temple of Awakening to Truth,’ ” he began, and I held my breath, hoping he’d continue. “It’s called that because when a sorcerer goes there, he or she is taught the truth of how sorcerers came to be, and the sacred oath our people made.
“Hidden deep inside the temple is the original source of our power, a small waterfall with water the color of gold. Mokaro, a former king of Blevon, found it many hundreds of years ago with his brother, Delun, long before you or I were born. He and his brother were hiking through the Naswais Mountains behind their castle. Mokaro was on a spiritual quest, praying for answers on how to strengthen his kingdom and protect his people, and his brother had accompanied him to protect him in his weakened state. Mokaro was led deep into the heart of the mountains, where he found the waterfall.
“He felt drawn to the strange water and, when he approached it, he heard a voice, telling him to drink from it — but only once. He was warned that the consequences of drinking from it again would be dire. When King Mokaro drank from it, he fell to the ground, unconscious. His brother, who hadn’t heard the voice, also drank from the water, and he, too, fell unconscious on the ground. Mokaro had a dream where the voice spoke to him again — the Unseen Power — and told him he had been given a gift to protect his people. This king was a good man, and he swore he would only use this power for good. He and Delun awoke as sorcerers, and they returned to the castle.
“King Mokaro and Prince Delun kept their secret until the day Mokaro realized his sons had been born with the same power given to him. This king took his sons to the waterfall and told them what had happened there many years before. While they were there, the Unseen Power’s voice came again — only this time, all three of them heard it. The voice charged King Mokaro and his sons with the duty of protecting the well. The king had the temple constructed around it, hidden deep in the mountains, and had the pathway to the temple guarded day and night.
“Years passed without incident, until Mokaro’s sons began to grow into men and their powers grew stronger. Prince Delun was a well-intentioned man, but he had a weak heart and was prone to jealousy. He only had the power to manipulate water and earth. He couldn’t use his power to fight, as his brother, the king, and his nephews, the princes of Blevon, could. Unhappy with his gift, he began experimenting.”
Eljin stared ahead unseeingly, lost in the story, his voice almost mournful. I trembled with a strange, unnameable emotion that was part fear and part sorrow as he continued.
“Through his experiments, Delun found ways to increase his power, but it came at a horrible cost. He became the first black sorcerer. He gathered some followers behind his brother’s back. Over the years, his jealousy had twisted his love for his brother into hatred and bitterness, until one night, he led an attack on the castle. He hoped to kill King Mokaro, who was now very elderly, and take possession of the temple and the fountain of power.
“Mokaro and his sons fought Delun, the black sorcerer, but they were no match for his unholy power and the fire he wielded. Many Blevonese died that day, including the elderly q
ueen and one of King Mokaro’s grandsons. King Mokaro and his sons retreated to the mountain, hoping to draw Delun and his followers away from the castle and their people. When they reached the temple, they began praying to the Unseen Power for help. Delun and his men had nearly reached the temple in pursuit of King Mokaro and his sons, when the king and princes of Blevon were able to join their power together and cause a massive earthquake. The ground beneath Delun split open before he could summon his fire and kill them. The king watched as his brother and his men fell deep into the earth and were buried, leaving the king and the temple safe.
“The darkness was stopped, at least for a time. But Blevon paid a price for Delun’s abominations. My kingdom once had a very temperate climate; it was warm year-round, with no harsh weather. Our lands were verdant and lush — not quite like Antion, but close. However, the black sorcerer’s deeds on our soil cursed our kingdom, making the ground turn harder; the seasons grew harsher. It snowed for the first time in Blevon that year.”
“So the rumors about a curse on your kingdom are true,” I interrupted, my chest tight; I was enthralled and horrified by his story. It finally explained why the weather, vegetation, and land in Blevon were so different from Antion’s.
Eljin shook himself as if coming out of a trance and glanced at me sharply. Maybe he’d forgotten I was even there. Finally, he nodded. “Yes. They are true.”
After a brief pause, he continued. “Shortly after the battle in which he lost his wife and grandson and had to kill his own brother, King Mokaro had another vision. In this vision, he was warned that any sorcerer who delved into black sorcery forfeited their soul to Adhakka, the father of demons. Mokaro made a vow that he and his descendants would never dishonor the gift given to them by calling upon the power of the demons. A promise and a curse were placed upon him: If anyone of his lineage began to use black sorcery, they would lose their power — and their life — and they would become Dish.”
Endure Page 4
