by Lara Swann
He laughs softly. “Me too. A dozen times over.”
“I think you’re right.” I say slowly. “About people deserving a second chance. Even if it takes a long time, and it’s hard. It’s worth trying.”
I look back over at them again. They’ve been talking…or at least together…for over an hour now. It’s longer than I thought they’d be able to make work. I can’t help wondering what they’re talking about - or if they’re talking at all. Maybe just being there, getting used to each other again, is enough.
“I’m glad we could do this - that he let me bring her here.” I say suddenly. I don’t know what will come of it, but I hate the thought that might be getting older, with past regrets still there. That if things had gone just a little bit worse this year, it might have been too late for Mom at all…
I shudder.
“You did the right thing.” Kenneth nods beside me, echoing the thought in my mind.
I don’t know what will come of this, or if they can fix whatever is between them - but I’m suddenly so very grateful that they’re going to try.
“You know…I’ve been thinking about something.” Kenneth says, and I glance up at him again. “Your grandfather keeps talking about moving back home…”
“I know.” I sigh, sadness tugging at me again. “It’s so hard, seeing how desperate he is for independence and knowing…”
I shake my head. “When it was just the first stroke, there was a real chance that it would be okay - that when he’d recovered and done the physiotherapy, he’d be able to manage at home again, but after the second…he doesn’t seem to have realized how different it is now. That, or he’s just so damn determined he refuses to consider—”
“What if he moved in with us?”
I blink, Kenneth’s comment completely derailing my trail of thought.
“What?”
I can’t have heard that right.
“There’s an annex at the end of my house - somewhere he could have as his own, but still be close enough that we could help him out. If we got a full-time, live-in carer too…he’d still have all the support he gets here. But maybe it would feel different - like he has his own space again.”
“Wait…really?” I look at him, totally stunned.
I’ve never thought—never even considered—
The idea of a full time, live-in carer was so beyond anything that was possible for me, that it had never even occurred to me as an option. I’d been so resigned to the idea that he’d have to live somewhere like this for the rest of his life that…
My god.
“Yes, really.” He says, squeezing my shoulder again, his gaze drifting toward Gramps again. “If he’d like to.”
“I can’t ask…” I start, already feeling awkward at how much Kenneth has been helping me out with the bills from his care home and therapy, but I can’t quite finish it either. For something like this - for Gramps, I can’t refuse, either.
“You’re not asking.” He says, giving me a sidelong glance. “And I’m not doing it for you, either - I’m doing it for him. For your grandfather. My family.”
My eyes jump to his and a crazy emotion wells up in my chest as I meet that kind, compassionate gaze. It’s unyielding and powerful, but just so…so…
I have to bury myself against him to stem the sudden urge to sob, the power of the emotions flowing through me suddenly totally overwhelming.
Family. All of us.
“Thank you.” I breathe, eventually.
I’m not even talking about the offer for my grandfather.
I’m mean for being exactly who he is. The most loving, generous man I think I’ve ever known.
He kisses the top of my head. “I love you, Jessica. And everyone you love. Always.”
This time a sob does escape me, just one and then I keep it under control. I don’t want to alarm anyone here.
“I love you too, Kenneth. More than anything.”
By the time Mom stands up - the movement catching my eye - we’ve even had time to discuss half the intricacies of his suggestion among ourselves How it would work - with our relationship, with Abbie, with a carer and even Hannah who still helps out with Abbie - less so with me there, but enough for them to slowly get to know each other.
We walk over slowly - and I don’t miss the way Gramps’ eyes are shining with unshed moisture as he looks at Mom. Or the red and puffy expression on her face.
A lot to work out, indeed.
“Hey.” I say gently. “You both okay?”
Mom gives me a slightly shaky smile and nods.
Gramps doesn’t say anything, but he reaches out toward Mom - and she takes his hand, holding it for a long moment.
“I’ll be back again next week.” She tells him quietly. “I promise.”
He nods, then looks away and she turns to me, her smile turning slightly hesitant.
“I…” I swallow slightly, then finally volunteer it. “Maybe we could arrange another date to meet sometime, too.”
There has been so much going on lately that I hadn’t had the chance to accept that ongoing invitation earlier. I’d felt like I needed to tell Gramps, to arrange this, but as for us…there’s still a lot to work out there, too.
Her smile widens.
“I’d like that. I really would, Jessica.”
I nod, and she doesn’t push it any further, giving us both a small wave and stepping around us to leave.
I sit down in the armchair she vacated, Kenneth taking the one nearby.
“Are you okay, Gramps?” I ask gently.
“Yeah.” He says, his voice a little rough. “It’s been…a long time.”
“I know. It’s strange, huh?” I say, a little self-conscious about the whole thing.
He nods but doesn’t say anything for a while, and I don’t push him. I know how confused I was after seeing her again - I still don’t feel like I’ve completely sorted my emotions out yet.
“Good, too.” He finally says, meeting my gaze. “Maybe…maybe…”
I swallow slightly, knowing exactly what he’s trying to say.
“Maybe.” I agree, looking back the way she left - and then back around at Kenneth, Gramps and I.
It might not be the most conventional family. It’s still got its dysfunction and I doubt it will ever work the way they quite should, but…
Maybe.
We sit there for a while and I wonder whether to say anything at all - whether it would be too much, just after Mom left - but in the end I can’t hold it back. There’s a part of me that’s too excited about finally giving Gramps what he should have.
“Gramps.” I finally say, my voice slow as I glance over at Kenneth. “Kenneth and I were just talking about something…”
I take my time explaining, but as what we’re suggesting becomes obvious, I can’t help it - I can feel the excitement building in all three of us.
Excitement - and hope.
For the future we’ll get to share, together.
Epilogue
Jessica
I laugh as I watch Abbie shriek at the waves, outraged as they collapse half of the sand castle she’s trying to build.
She pushes all the sand around again, trying to build it back up before the next one comes, and Kenneth wraps his arms around me while we watch.
“I love you, Jessica.” He whispers in my ear. “I’m so glad you convinced me to actually take a vacation…this is exactly what I needed.”
“I’m not sure it was entirely me.” I say, smiling softly.
Abbie certainly had a lot to say about the idea of going away - with both of us as well, which made my heart swell when I heard it. Over the last half year, she’s worked her way so firmly into my heart that I’m not sure I could possibly imagine life without her.
“But yes…I think it’s what we all needed.” I add, linking my hand with his as I can’t help but agree with the sentiment.
Sitting here with the startlingly blue ocean in front, soft white sand un
der us and not a cloud in sight…I can see why people call islands like these paradise. Of course, the setting isn’t the only thing that makes it that way - it’s being here with Kenneth and Abbie. Our little family.
Not to mention…being able to curl my body into Kenneth’s, feeling his skin against mine and seeing him half-naked almost all the time here…yeah. Definitely paradise.
I’m not the only one that thinks so. Happiness and contentment practically radiates from Kenneth and Abbie and while I thought from the moment I saw them together just how wonderful the life they’d built was…somehow, it seems even greater now.
I’m not sure what it is exactly, except maybe that Kenneth just seems so much more…relaxed, now. He’s not constantly stressing about being pulled in different directions by Abbie and his company - and ironically, without that stress, some of the house he works seems to have eased off a bit too. He makes more effort than ever to come home to us in the evening and be there to be part of Abbie’s life - and if anything, his company is only thriving from his more focused energies.
“Well it’s just good your boss let you take the time off.” He says lightly next to me. “I hear she can be a real hard-ass.”
I laugh, nudging him. “Ohh, I think you just have to learn how to handle her…”
“Oh, do you?” He raises an eyebrow at me and a flush of heat travels down my body as his lips curve into a smile. “I might see about that later.”
“Thank you.” I say suddenly, feeling a sudden burst of gratitude for everything he’s done for me. “Without you, I never would have—”
“Ohh no.” He shakes his head, sending me a mock-scowl. “That’s all on you, Jessica. I just…nudged things along a little bit.”
I smile, but I know it’s not true. If he hadn’t pushed me towards the chance, asked me to organize a Christmas event for ExVenture, I never would have gotten back into events management. And especially not as a freelance events coordinator, which means I can set my own schedule and do most of it from home - with Abbie. Something we both ended up wanting.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Abbie’s voice interrupts and we both look over to where she’s sitting in the sand, piling it over her legs. “Bury me!”
He laughs beside me, turning to brush a kiss over my lips before untangling himself from me and scooting over to where she’s sitting.
“Ooh, you’re gonna regret asking that, baby girl.” He says, and she laughs as he starts digging in the sand with her. “First we’re going to make a hole…then I’m going to sit you in it and bury you until you can’t get out!”
“Yes, yes, yes!” She yells enthusiastically and I have to laugh too as I watch them.
“Why do you want to get buried, Abbie?” I ask, joining in a little.
“Because.” She says, in that way she has of making it a whole answer, and I laugh again.
“Can I help?”
“Uhuh.” She nods, then reaches around to find the other spade, dislodging all the loose sand Kenneth has piled on her so far. “Here!”
“Thanks, sweetie.” I say, still amused that she wants to help me bury her.
We work at it together for a while and she giggles and laughs and squeals as the sand get piled higher and higher and she starts feeling the weight of it.
“More, more!” She grins and Kenneth laughs.
“It’s already up to your tummy, little girl. You don’t want more.”
“More!” She insists and he grins at me.
“She’s never going to be able to get out of this.” He says dramatically, as we pile it higher. “We could leave her here to be eaten by sharks!”
“I will too! I’ll get out!”
“Oh really? You think so?”
“Yes! But more first.”
He laughs again, tousling her hair and spreading sand everywhere - not that it makes much difference, she’s more sand than girl right now and it’s everywhere. In her hair, her clothes, her face…
She giggles along with him as he starts pressing it down, condensing it and packing it in tight.
“I love you Daddy.” She says easily, then looks up at me. “Daddy is sooo much more fun now.”
I grin at that, something about it making my heart swell. He looks up too, giving us both a warm smile.
“I think you’ve got Jessica to thank for that, baby girl.”
“Thaaank you Jessica.” She sing-songs, and I have to stop the blush that creeps over my face.
“There! All buried! Bet you can’t get out of that.” He grins at her.
“I can too!” She says, starting to wriggle and strain against the sand that - so far - does an admirable job of holding her.
“Do you want help?” I ask and she shakes her head violently.
“No! I can do it.”
“Well, that’s a hint if ever I saw one.” Kenneth says, and before I can ask what he’s talking about, he grabs my hand and pulls me away to the side.
“We’ll be over here when you’re free! Come find us!” He calls back to her and I turn to raise an eyebrow at him, questioningly.
He pulls me into his arms before I can say anything, kissing me deeply and making me want to moan out loud. My eyes immediately flick to Abbie, but she’s facing the other way…so I let my hands slide down his bare chest and around to squeeze the firm muscles of his ass. God, he’s hot.
“I love you, Jessica.” He murmurs against me. “Abbie’s right - you do make me more fun to be around.”
I smile back - but before I can say anything, he’s dropping to one knee.
“You make me happy in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined. You make me a better person in every way. Will you keep doing that, Jessica? Will you spend your life with me, making every day fun and happy and perfect with me?” He reaches into the pocket of his board shorts and I almost can’t believe it when he pulls out a black box, popping it open to reveal the most gorgeous diamond ring I think I’ve ever seen. “Will you marry me?”
“Oh god…” I stare at him, too many emotions rushing through me all at once and the disbelief seizing me harder than anything else. “Really?”
He laughs at me, his eyes sparkling and he takes one of my hands in his. “Really. I thought about it a lot and…this might not be the most glamorous occasion…we’re not out to dinner, or at a fancy event, or…any number of other things. But this is what it’s about - this is what our life together will be like. A little bit messy, a little bit chaotic - that’s what comes from having a kid around - but perfect all the same. This is what I want from our life together.”
My heart swells up into my throat and I try to say something, but I can barely make my lips move as he describes everything I could possibly want - everything that is perfect about our life, about this moment.
“Marry me, Jessica.” He murmurs again. “Tell me I’m going to be the happiest man around always.”
I can’t say anything, so I just nod, tears spilling from my eyes as he grins and slips the ring onto my finger. It fits perfectly. I don’t know quite how he did that, but it does.
Then he stands up in one big rush, pulling me to him and kissing me until I can scarcely breathe anymore.
“Yes.” I finally whisper, against his ear, needing to say the words too. “Yes, god, Kenneth…I’ll marry you…I’ve never wanted anything else more.”
“Good.” He says, his eyes glittering with unspoken promises as he looks back at me. “Of course, chaos and mess and little girls aren’t the only things we’ll have together, but…I think I’ll show you the rest later.”
My cheeks heat with that and a small shiver of lust runs through me.
“Yeah?” I ask—
“Done it!” Abbie’s high pitched yell interrupts and she comes running over to us, flicking sand everywhere. “See! Told you!”
I turn to look at her, stepping out of Kenneth’s embrace with a little reluctance, but excited for this part of life together too.
She looks between us, frowning slightly.
“Whatcha talking about?”
Kenneth smiles, looking over to me, and the warmth in his voice as he answers is contagious.
“Well, little girl…Jessica and I were just talking about getting married. What do you think of that?”
“Ooh!” She grins. “I want to play marriage too!”
He laughs, picking her up and tucking her under the chin.
“Playing marriage is fun, huh? But you know, we’re not just playing…we’re going to do it for real.”
I smile at her, stepping close to them both. “I’m going to be a part of your family, Abbie. How does that sound?”
She tilts her head at me, with that serious expression she gets sometimes.
“Are you going to be my Mommy?”
I pause for a moment, glancing at Kenneth. We haven’t talked about this much, but I know the answer that sits right with me. She already has a Mom, even if she’s not as interested as she should be in her daughter, and I don’t want to her one way or the other.
“I’ll be whatever you want me to be, Abbie. It’s up to you.” I say, smiling gently and tucking her hair behind her ear. “The only thing that matters is that I love you, Abbie. Like your Daddy does. And whatever you want, that’s not going to change.”
“Mm…’kay.” She says, and I have no idea how much of what I just said she absorbed - she’s a little young for conversations like that. But that’s okay. We’ll find our own way, the both of us, as she gets older - and it will be whatever she wants it to be.
“Let’s get married then!” She says, and Kenneth and I look at each other.
“C’moooon.” She says, wriggling until Kenneth puts her down. “I’m gonna marry you!”
We laugh, not quite believing her until she starts talking about all the things we need to have to get married - and then huffing at us when we don’t immediately start looking for them. Kenneth raises his eyes skyward, but I think it’s adorable and we spend the rest of the afternoon getting everything ready for our ‘marriage’.
We find flowers in the scrub of greenery set back from the beach, for my hair and to go around my wrists, then collect sticks to build a little procession with an almost-arch at the front, and twist reeds to create the rings.
