by Gaja J. Kos
I was already cruising over Austria, night creeping across the horizon while a sheen of rich blue stretched across the west.
If just keeping myself mobile hadn’t required all my damn concentration, the sight from up here would have been breathtaking. As it was, I only pushed forward, spearing for the Karawanks standing proud in the distance and hoping to all the damn gods, alive and dead, that this trip wouldn’t be in vain.
The mechanics of particle form continued to elude me, but whatever it was that made vision possible in this scattered existence definitely suffered from my reluctance to stop. By the time I skirted over the mountain range and dropped down on the other side, I was pretty sure night wasn’t the only thing making everything so dark.
A part of me wanted to just shoot to my destination in a direct line, but while that worked when I’d hauled ass from Germany to Slovenia, I wasn’t quite as confident in my navigational abilities here. I’d only been to this neck of the woods two times, both by road. So as much as it pained me, I stuck to the serpentine pavement, drifting above the lone cars that illuminated the woods and the expanses of grass stretching out to either side. Though as my speed kept dropping by the second, the plan didn’t seem like such a good one after all.
Would I revert to my corporeal form if I lost consciousness? I wasn’t certain which prospect terrified me more—ending up as roadkill in case the shift occurred, or ending up stranded as particles.
I’d never heard of a demon being in their alternate form while sleeping, let alone unconscious.
I really didn’t want to be the first to test it out.
When I entered Kranjska Gora’s limits at long last, my progress was more reminiscent of an old sputtering car than anything else. Despite my atoms screaming at me, I didn’t dare switch shape and walk. Not even those few streets before I’d reach the right house.
For one final time, I gained altitude to skirt over the rooftops.
In the dark and with the lack of streetlights, the houses all looked the same. I flicked on my other-sight, hoping for a sign—
The green energy adorned with strands of amber was diffused, barely brighter than the distant stars shining overhead, but it was all I needed.
I skirted over the roof then lowered my atoms before the door. I reached within me for the strength to regain corporeal form—
Nothing.
21
Panic zinged through my particles.
I buzzed like thousands of frantic flies crammed in a too-small space.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. This couldn’t be happening. I needed to shift, damn it.
My overtaxed mind was all too willing to throw itself into a vortex of dark and fucking terrifying thoughts. I shut that shit down even as I trembled, then tried again.
Nothing came to greet me.
Only this time, instead of falling apart like the worn-out mess I was, I pushed deeper. Scraped the damn walls of my ethereal existence until I grasped enough seeds I could force into bloom.
Nausea rocked through me as I felt my body compose its corporeal form atom by atom.
I landed on my knees and hit my knuckles against the door as I fought to keep the contents of my stomach down.
My face hit the ground when the door swung open.
“Fuck! Lotte?”
Strong arms dragged me inside and turned me on my side.
“Hi, Caz,” I mumbled, catching a glimpse of the Perelesnyk’s concerned face before darkness swallowed me whole.
“I didn’t raise you to be a reckless demon,” a familiar female voice scoffed as I shifted on…the couch?
I cracked open my eyes, struggling to keep my damn lids up. “Lena?”
My friend’s face slowly came into focus. Thanks to her dark hair pulled back in a high ponytail, there was nothing to take the focus off her scolding expression. I laughed—and earned myself an amused look from Caz.
But since he was standing at a not exactly short distance behind Lena’s back, the response left me as the only recipient of her irritation.
“Do you know how much energy was left in you?” She thrust her hand in my face and brought her thumb and index finger within less than a millimeter of each other. “This much, Lotte. This much.” She drew back. “Shit, it’s like you zoned out on all our conversations covering the importance of conserving energy.”
“Yes, Mom,” I grumbled.
Lena’s eyes spat fire, but the corners of her lips quirked up. She eased back, giving me some much-needed breathing space. I rolled onto my back—and regretted it at once as blinding sunlight cutting into the room through the partially open window slammed right into my face.
Grunting, I threw up my arm in a flimsy attempt to shield my eyes. “What time is it?”
What day?
If I’d slept too long—
Caz handed Lena an energy drink that she promptly shoved under my nose. “Time for you to recharge and tell us what the fuck is going on.”
I hooked one arm behind the backrest and hoisted myself into a sitting position, then accepted the drink with no small amount of gratitude. Gratitude that only intensified as the coffee-flavored liquid slid down my parched throat.
“You slept through the night,” Caz offered as I gulped down measured amounts to not make myself sick. “It’s almost ten a.m.”
Not the best news, but certainly not terrible either. Isa needed time to recover after that gunshot wound, so maybe she wouldn’t chew my head off—or Afanasiy’s, for that matter—for this delay.
I put the now-empty can on the club table and scooted off the couch. “Bathroom first, then I’ll tell you everything.”
Contrary to the time we’d first met, hidden away in one of Moondance’s private rooms, Caz and Lena didn’t have a gruesome story of their own to share and shed light on the situation. No, it was just me talking, spilling out the damn nightmare this case had turned into.
Caz actually looked a bit pale, which was far from a common occurrence with the easygoing Perelesnyk, and Lena…
Well, she looked ready to stab someone.
Or several someones.
I had to admit, I was right there with her.
“Give me a second,” Caz said and left the living room with a prowling haste to his step.
As he disappeared out of sight, Lena threw back the whiskey she’d poured all of us while I’d unpacked all the fucked-up shit, then braced her chin on her palm. “Can’t be easy working with Afanasiy.”
I huffed out a laugh and followed her example. The whiskey was gone within seconds.
“I think this is that single exception where all the crap we’re dealing with has…beneficial attributes.” I placed the glass back down and eyed the bottle before deciding against another shot. “I’ll deal with that shitfest once we clear up this one.”
Lena choked on a laugh, mirth brightening her blue-green eyes.
We let the moment carry on until Caz marched back into the room, three of the most massive, popping-at-the-seam binders I’d ever seen in his arms. Judging by the muscles bulging beneath his black T-shirt, they must have weighed about as horridly as they looked.
I stared at him. “What is that?”
“You said you need to work off the grid.” He carefully lowered the folders onto the floor, but even so, they thumped against the boards. “This is my Kauer file.”
“I told him he looks like a conspiracy theorist,” Lena commented from her perch on the couch. She swept her legs beneath her, observing Caz with equal amounts of amusement and love. “You should hear his ‘I don’t trust technology to preserve everything’ speech.”
“Hey, I make a fair point.” Caz gestured to me, an unrepentant grin on his face. “We wouldn’t be looking up suspects if I hadn’t made physical copies of everything.”
“And he really means everything,” Lena said under her breath, but definitely loud enough for all us supes to hear.
I flashed her a smile then walked over to sit on the floor beside Caz. “Suspects?”
He flipped open the first of the folders. Old-school mug shots and some stills from surveillance tapes filled the plastic pockets. My brows shot up. With nine spread out on every page, there had to be thousands of mug shots in there. Damn.
“You think we can find Isa’s magic wielder and vamp in here?” I asked.
My incredulity must have shown because Caz laughed and tapped the first sheet. “I’ve been thorough.”
“He really has.” Lena sank to the floor beside me. “I know what you’re thinking, Lotte. But storming that lair without ample preparations is not something even I’d be comfortable with. And you’re well aware I’m not averse to bashing into places, guns blazing.”
I threw my arms up in surrender. “All right, all right, you win. No barging in blindly. I just need to get in touch with Afanasiy first.” I looked at Caz, then Lena, my teeth grazing my lower lip. “Would him coming here be a problem since he’s the Blade of Raya and all that?”
Lena waved a dismissive hand. “My mother’s too preoccupied with whatever schemes she has going on to pay attention to who traverses her slice of the mortal realm.” She smirked. “Plus, since you already ‘Momed’ me today, I wouldn’t mind telling the old ass a piece of my mind.”
She wouldn’t—we both knew that.
But I was grateful anyway.
Contacting Afanasiy through the bond broke open old wounds I refused to think about. Especially when he manifested right in front of me in Caz’s backyard, dressed in black pants and a formfitting T-shirt that made me want to rip it straight off. As if sensing just what his mere presence was doing to me, a wave of desire pulsed from the demon, but he didn’t take it further than that.
Small, small mercies.
As I pulled myself together, Afanasiy swept his gaze across our surroundings. If he sensed the presence of another of his kin a mere wall away, he didn’t comment, though the subtle strain in his shoulders hinted he wasn’t about to drop his guard, either.
“How’s Isa doing?” I asked, pretending my voice wasn’t as hoarse as it came out.
“Healed.” The barest hint of amusement touched his lips. “But pissed off.”
Nothing unexpected, then, though it made me regret not being there to see how the two of them were surviving in the confined space of his lair. Both Isa and Afanasiy were a damn force, neither exactly renowned for backing down. I was willing to bet my damn bike they’d come up with some prime-time entertainment scenarios.
Letting the mirth whisk away my lingering discomfort, I led Afanasiy from the shaded patch of grass into the sunlight. Despite a faint headache still lingering behind my eyes, the warmth did wonders for my recovering body.
“Do you have a plan?” Afanasiy asked as we came to a stop by the perfectly maintained fence.
I sniffed the air to make sure the neighbors were truly gone, then said, “Maybe. But I need Isa to describe the two assholes she believes are the killers in as much detail as she can. Caz has an…impressive collection of mug shots. He’s confident these two will be in there somewhere.”
“Do you wish to ask Isa yourself?”
The caution in his voice suggested he knew full well the impact his question would have.
I couldn’t deny that I was grateful he’d given me the choice, but my answer was still a firm, “No.”
There was no way I could keep all the personal shit at bay if I traveled with him to his lair. To the place I’d spent some of the happiest moments of my fucking life in.
Afanasiy dipped his chin. “I’ll return shortly.”
His words barely uncurled through the air before he left me standing alone on the grass, the sun coming down hard on my skin as if the sheer heat of its rays could melt together the shattered parts of me. I closed my eyes and let it.
Though I sensed Lena’s presence hovering nearby, she hadn’t come out as I basked in the golden warmth for what had to have been ten minutes before Afanasiy returned. When my would-be mate took form in front of me, the world felt like a fuller place.
I hated myself for the thought.
“You got it?” I squinted at him.
Afanasiy moved out of the sun. “I did.”
I shot him a look when he didn’t divulge the info, but any verbal prompt I’d wanted to use became a thing of the past when I saw something akin to insecurity weighing down on his features.
Afanasiy glanced at the house.
“I wish to assist in the search.” His violet gaze bored into mine. “If you consent.”
We spent the better part of the afternoon combing through Caz’s prized collection. Even with Afanasiy chipping in, the work was tedious and so damn slow, several growls escaped me on a regular basis. I could have sworn I heard Lena grumble that she’d rather gouge her eyes out than look at another sheet, though she flipped through the pages dutifully even after that remark, both eyes precisely where they should be. It was only after Caz had ordered some much-needed pizza and beer for all of us and we resumed our duties, bellies full, that we found the fucks.
Afanasiy had struck gold first, matching Isa’s description to a photo of Benedikt Weser, a slimy vamp that practically had “shithead” written all over his face. Then Lena, who actually roared in triumph when she found the dark magic practitioner. Jonas Obst.
We had our killers.
Now we just had to play this right.
Photos in hand, Afanasiy quickly popped to his lair while our excitement was still running high to have Isa confirm the identities. Not two minutes went by before he returned with the affirmation we needed. He handed the mug shots back to Caz, and I escorted Afanasiy outside as Caz and Lena started talking strategies.
I already had one of my own brewing in the depths of my mind.
“Can you keep Isa with you just for a little longer?” I asked Afanasiy as I closed the door behind me.
A frown creased his brow. “What are you planning, Lotte?”
I opened my mouth to blow him off, but something in the way he stared at me made me opt for truth instead.
“Something that will help the case.” I hugged myself, though there was no chill in the summer air. “Something I need to do for myself, too. Seeing you, Afanasiy…”
I huffed a laugh that was a touch dry, though far from laced with anything even remotely negative.
A car rumbled by, temporarily drowning out the birds’ songs weaving from the nearby trees.
I waited until the hum of the engine became a distant thing before I said, “I told myself that I was building a new life as I was getting settled with ICRA. And maybe at first I was. But looking back now…”
My gaze briefly drifted to the empty road at the end of the driveway.
“Afanasiy, I wasn’t building anything. Even when the entire world around me spun forward, I was just…stagnant. I intend to remedy that.” I snapped my spine straighter, refusing to flinch under the intensity of Afanasiy’s gaze. Refusing to flinch under anything, really. “It’s time I stopped pretending the shitty things in life aren’t a stain on my existence. My future might never be what I’d wanted for myself back when I was still coaching, but I’d be damned if I let outside influences set the course.”
Shit, it felt good to actually say that out loud.
To admit that I’d been sinking.
And to not run away from the steps I needed to take to assure I’d reclaim my life.
Afanasiy brushed his fingers against my cheek. “I’m happy for you, kāros.”
This time, I didn’t correct him on the term of endearment.
I merely pressed a kiss to his knuckles before he vanished into thin air.
Lena pushed aside the empty pizza cartons and leaned against the kitchen counter, gaze trained on me as if she were peeling off layer after layer. Caz had taken one look at my determined face when I walked back into the house and then made himself scarce. To find more info on our killers, he’d said. But we all knew he was simply giving Lena and me room for the conversation that would irrefut
ably change my future.
“You’re absolutely certain you want to do this?” she asked.
I could almost hear her thorough scrutiny whirring in the almost deathly quiet broken only by the distant chirping of birds.
“And you swear seeing Afanasiy after months has in no way brought this on?”
It did, but not in the way Lena insinuated.
“This is my decision, Lena.” I threw back the glass of water she’d handed me earlier, then walked over to the counter and set it into the sink. “And I’m certain. I can’t delude myself into thinking I’m just a werewolf with some demon traits. Can’t act like one any longer. Besides, you know as well as I do that Raya won’t stop coming after me.”
Lena’s fingers skimmed the hilt of the blade strapped to her thigh. “You still have options.”
I loved her for even suggesting it, but she was also wrong.
“Hiding behind my friends will only get me so far.” I offered her a half smile. “And you said it yourself—a court stands behind their demons, right?”
“The good ones do,” she mumbled.
When I gave her a pointed look, Lena sighed and raked a hand through her thick hair, obviously struggling to accept that this was the single way forward that would benefit not just me, but this entire damn case.
“Look, I grew up in the Shadow World, and even I sometimes wish I didn’t have ties to it. I’m not saying I don’t support your decision, but—”
“It’s life-altering. I get that.” I reached for her hand. “But it’s an alteration I want to make.”
The absolute resolution in my voice must have swayed her, because Lena nodded. She grabbed her phone off the counter and unlocked the screen, hesitating for just a second before she brought up her contacts and dialed the one that would change everything.
But most of all me.
22
I wasn’t entirely sure what was harder to comprehend.
