by Penny Brooke
“Oh, oh,” Elliott nodded vehemently in agreement, “that’s just exactly what we plan to do, except that, well, we don’t have any money either.”
I thought I’d heard wrong. “What do you mean, you don’t have any money?” I croaked.
He shook his head. “Not a penny between us.”
“Then how do you expect to pay your room bill with me?”
His face folded in upon itself with worry wrinkles. “We were just talking about that earlier today. You see, the gig we had lined up for this week got canceled at the last minute—not enough latrines for the public—so that’s why we came here early. Figured it was a good place to hole up.”
He made it sound all so matter of fact. “You thought you’d come to the Mortimer House because you had no money, is that it?”
All three nodded in unison.
“Did anyone else know this?”
“Just…” Elliott paused and looked at the other two. “…what was her name? Bernette Tyson? Yes, that’s right. I guess she’s the town fortune teller, and of course, she’d be able to see right through us. So, we confided in her, asking for somewhere to lay up until things look up in the finance department.”
“Bernette? And she told you to come to Mortimer House?”
“Oh, yes, her words were, ‘Go see that Fiona Parkins. She has all the answers.’”
“Now, wait, she’s not a friend of mine. In fact, she thinks of herself as a psychic, but she’s not. I happen to have a little empathic power, and she feels threatened.”
“Well then, that’s all the better.” Elliott smiled broadly. “Because we’re here with collateral and would like you to lend us the money to get Marlena out.”
I knew better than to ask. I knew I should have just refused point-blank. We were barely scraping along, and now it seemed I had a house full of non-paying guests for the next two weeks. “What collateral?”
“This,” answered Tim, holding out the bowling ball bag.
I looked at the bag and then at Elliott. “A bowling ball? You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Oh, no, look inside,” Elliott said. “It’s not a bowling ball.”
Tilting my head with doubt, I wondered if I’d find a decapitated head or maybe a small baby.
“Go on, go on,” he encouraged.
I set the bag on the oak table next to me and carefully began to unzip it. I peeked and saw something round. Glancing at the men with trepidation, I finally pulled the zipper all the way across and split open the bag. Inside was a ball. “Looks like a glass bowling ball to me,” I said with a frown.
“Oh, no, no,” piped up Tim. “It’s Marlena’s crystal ball. The one she uses for seeing into the future.” His voice was very deep, and he spoke with exceeding reverence.
I zipped up the bag promptly and shook my head. “Fellas, I’m afraid you’ll have to come up with something else. Somewhere else. I’m not a pawn shop. I sell antiques.”
Elliott nodded. “We know. We can see that. That crystal ball is worth more than all of us standing here. Okay, so as for the three of us, that’s negligible now. That crystal ball has an ancient history. Marlena is from Transylvania, you know. She is a descendent of Count Vlad, the evil man the story Dracula was based on. That ball dates to the 1400s.”
“Aw, fellas, I don’t believe that.”
“No, really, we’re serious. Marlena swears by it, and she showed us many times. I can’t tell you the number of things she’s predicted that came true. That ball has awesome abilities. Now, I realize that’s hard for you to believe, but Mrs. Tyson said you’d be able to use it.”
“Oh, I just bet she did.” I shook my head at the audacious attitude Bernette was taking. In her own silly way, she thought of herself as the one and only, and I somehow became her competition. She hated the fact that she charged people for viewings while I didn’t. I knew I had the powers of an empath, but I’d never used them to exploit anyone. They’d always just been something I could do. In fact, most people never knew about it. It tended to make them standoffish and superstitious. It was better to keep things to myself.
“I can see you are a doubter, and I really don’t blame you,” Elliott said compassionately. “Tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to leave that crystal ball with you for the next hour. Marlena needs a little time to sober up, anyway, because she can be hard to handle. You think about it; heck, maybe even try it out. I’ll be back in an hour for either the money or the ball. It’s your decision. No pressure.”
He nodded at the other two, and the three of them filed out of the store, pulling the door firmly shut behind themselves. I stood watching them, not believing what I’d just heard. I thought about calling Peter since he was sheriff—he would know what had gone on. I didn’t even know how much money she had to pay to get out. I went over to my desk and sat down, tapping out Peter’s number. I called his private cell phone.
“Hello.”
“Peter, it’s Fiona. Listen, I know this is going to sound wacky, but I have a situation, and you’re somewhat involved, at least your department is.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, it seems that the carnival people came to town with nowhere to stay, and the dear Bernette Tyson sent them my way. She learned that they didn’t have a single cent between them and thought, I guess, that I wouldn’t mind putting them up for free.”
“What? I’ll be over soon to get rid of them,” Peter said quickly.
“No, no, don’t do that. Let me give it some thought. If we kick them out, there goes the carnival, and if the carnival doesn’t run, there won’t be much left for entertainment, and the whole Harvest Festival will be a flop. Of course, everyone, assisted by burnout, will blame it on me. I can’t have that kind of negative publicity.”
“But you also can’t afford to house and feed a couple dozen carnies for the next two weeks,” Peter pointed out.
“I know I can’t. I’m hoping that whoever owns the carnival pays them, and they turn around and pay me before they leave. Anyway, three of them showed up tonight as I was working on the antique side. It seems one of their group, a Marlena, is holed up in your jail because she didn’t have any money to pay her bar bill, including some bottles she broke.”
“Yeah, one of my deputies made the arrest. I heard all about it. She made a heck of a mess, and he had to close the bar down for the night. What does that have to do with you?”
“Her friends came to me, hoping I give them the money to pay what she owes at the bar, plus damages, and then he wouldn’t press charges, and she could get out.”
“Wait a minute, Fiona. You are willing to house and feed them for two weeks and now bail them out of jail and get nothing in return?”
“That’s just the thing. They brought me in this bowling ball bag as collateral. I opened it, and there’s a crystal ball inside. They claim it’s an antique and dates to the 1400s, although I have no way of proving that now. The good Mrs. Tyson told them that I needed it.”
“I wish Bernette would mind her own business.”
“So do I, but she didn’t, and so now I’m left with this. First, I’d like to know how much it’ll take to get Marlena out of your jail?”
“I don’t have an exact number, but it seems to me it was somewhere around $1,500.”
“Whoa. That’s a lot of booze.”
“No kidding. And my guess is you could use that $1,500 for something much better.”
“Yes, of course, but like I said, I don’t want to be the reason the Harvest Festival fails. I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“So, how can I help?”
“I don’t know. I guess I needed to know how much money was involved and whether you knew anything that I didn’t about the whole group.”
“I checked them out before we invited them. Of course, they’re carnie people. That doesn’t give them a lot of credibility, not to mention stability, but I think you’ve already learned that. None of them had records if that’s what you’re lookin
g for.”
I nodded as I answered. “Pretty much.”
“Okay, so what do you plan to do?”
“I haven’t made up my mind yet, but I’m considering it. You know I got a great gift when my aunt left me this house. Sometimes you have to pass that on.”
“You’re a good woman, Fiona,” he said in a quiet voice.
“Thanks, Peter.” I disconnected and sat, looking at the bag. There was no way I could date the ball without research and some other professional opinions. I had to consider that it might be a total loss, but I would make it very clear that my generosity only extended as far as bailing out Marlena. I must be out of my mind, I thought to myself.
My callers returned an hour later, as promised. Elliott was right up front. “Well? What do you think?”
“Well, fellas, here’s the deal. Like I told you, I’m not a pawn shop, but I do buy and sell antiquities. I’m willing to buy this ball, and I will pay Marlena $1,500 for it. That should take care of what she owes and get her out of jail. Keep in mind, I’m buying it outright.”
The three looked at one another, and I could see the doubt on their faces. Tim spoke up first. “I don’t know if Marlena is going to go for that. After all, it’s part of her act.”
“Well, if you don’t mind me saying so, Marlena should’ve thought of that before she decided to drink. That’s not my problem. But listen, there’s one more piece to this deal.”
I saw Elliott’s eyebrows rise. “Oh boy, there’s more?”
“There doesn’t have to be. Only if you want somewhere to sleep and three hot meals a day for the next two weeks for the lot of you.”
“What’s the deal, then?”
“I want you to stay set up one additional day, and I want you to be open for three hours for free for my special guests alone.”
“Your special guests?”
“Yes. They’re children. Is it a deal?”
Elliott stuck out his hand. “It’s a deal. We’ll have to calm Marlena down when she finds out, but that’s our problem. Fiona, you’re a jewel.”
“Thank you. Now here, I’ll give you the $1,500, and you sign this bill of sale. Then scoot, the three of you, and I don’t want any more problems. Got that?”
“No more problems, we promise.”
After the men left, I took the bag with the ball in it and stuck it in the large safe I had in the back of the building. My uncle had housed his fortune in cash in its interior, and I kept the safe, even though it was heavy. I knew it would come in handy for something. I didn’t have time to research the ball right then, so I saved it for another day.
4
Havoc Reigns
Each day, more and more performers arrived, and just like the rest, they didn’t have a cent to their name. “The day after my one-day rental and you’re all out. Understand?” I said to Elliott.
“Yes, ma’am, we understand. Say, how many beds do you have in this place?”
“Not enough for whatever you have in mind,” I told him sternly. “Some of the rooms are already spoken for. You have the allotment I can spare. You’ll just have to double or triple up. You’re on your own.”
He looked deflated at my firm stance. “Yes…ma’am… I understand.”
“I put you in charge of the rooming assignments, Elliott.”
He scratched his forehead, straightened the little bow tie he wore, and gave me the high sign.
Gretchen and Sylvia spent most of their time standing around the corner from the performers, watching them practice their acts. The bearded lady, Mary Beth, gave Gretchen some beauty tips on unwanted hair removal, and in return, Gretchen braided her beard for her and trimmed her mustache with a pair of baby scissors with rounded ends. In the evening after supper, Gretchen talked Johnny, aka the Rubber Man, into giving her some yoga lessons.
Sylvia was a little more restrained at her age. She loved to sit on the porch with the men in the evenings and hear stories from all the towns where they’d set up over the years. To her, it was like voyeurism, traveling to places she’d never go.
Then came the day when the rains began. The sky to the west remained a constant steel gray as the hours and then days ticked by with unrelenting rain. Everyone was confined to the house, and I had to hide to get space to clear my head. Lizzie Borden and my ferret, Sherlock Holmes, settled into my bedroom, where I read, played around with my book, did my bookkeeping, and gave myself manicures. When Sherlock was in the right mood, he was fun to play with. I had some small toys that I could toss, and he’d either bring them back or hide them. For each that he brought back and laid at my feet, he got a raisin, one of his favorite treats. Eventually, he got full and then hoarded everything I gave him. Fortunately, I knew where his hiding places were and when he was in his kennel, I’d clean the stash out and begin again another night.
Bang! Bang! “Fiona? You’d better come out here.” It was Gretchen’s voice. I flew off the bed and opened my door.
“What’s wrong?”
“A fight.”
“Oh, crap. Between who? Did they break anything? I was afraid of something like this,” I rattled on as I skipped down the long staircase and into the living room.
Elliott gave me a dry look and pointed. It was Minnie and Linnie, the conjoined twins. Minnie, I think, was holding a small vase I’d found at a yard sale that wasn’t worth a thing, but I loved the colors. Linnie, or the other one—however it works—had one of my satin sofa pillows. I didn’t want it torn because they were a matched set, and there’d be no way to replace them. “Girls!” I shouted to be heard over the catfight screaming. “Stop it. Now, here, give me that vase.” I grabbed it from her hand, and before she could react, I grabbed the pillow as well.
My actions didn’t go over well, and as I turned to leave the room, both girls took offense at me and got up to come after me. They were each holding pillows this time. There was only one thing for me to do—run! I made it to my room and slammed the door behind me. I heard giggling outside, and eventually, their birdlike voices faded back down the stairs. What had I gotten myself into?
A half an hour later, there was another knock at my door. I opened it to see Elliott. “Uh, just want to let you know that the snake charmer lost his snake. I’d keep the door shut and maybe shove something under it—at least until we find it.”
“What? A snake? Is it poisonous?”
“It was, but he milks the venom, so if you did get bitten, it wouldn’t be near as bad.”
I bent forward so that I was looking Elliott straight in the eye. Gritting my teeth, I said, “Elliott, not one of you is going to bed until that snake is found and removed from this house.”
“Okay, okay, cool down. I came up and warned you, didn’t I?”
“Not good enough. I swear, until I see that snake in a cage and outside of this house, you can all begin packing your bags, and I’ll call the sheriff. I’m not kidding, Elliott.”
“Geez, what happened to the nice lady who’s paying for kiddos to come to the carnival?”
“She left when the snake crossed the threshold. Now go! Find it!”
He waved me away. “Okay, okay, calm down. I’ll give you the all-clear when it’s been captured.”
I went to shut the door, my eyes darting along the floorboards. “And don’t forget to warn Gretchen and Sylvia,” I called after him.
“I’ve already been warned!” shouted Gretchen from downstairs. “I’m going to stay with my friend, and I’m not coming back until that thing is caught. You’re all on your own.”
I heard the front door slam and it was all I could do to not follow her. I texted Peter.
Fiona: Does the city animal control have any experience catching snakes? I HATE snakes, and they’ve let one loose in my house!
Peter: I’ll give them a call. Is it poisonous?
Fiona: Only when it hasn’t been milked in a while.
Peter: Want me to come over?
Fiona: Just send animal control and a psychiatrist for
me!
I paced my room, Lizzie Borden beside me. Every time she growled or sniffed unusually long anywhere along the wall, I jumped onto my bed and waited to see if she’d drag anything out. I can’t just stand on my bed all night. I’m exhausted, but I’ll never sleep while that thing is loose. I’ve had enough of this!
I threw open the door and pounded down the stairs. “Everyone, in the living room. Now!”
Okay, so maybe my tone was a little harsh for guests, but I had yet to see a nickel, and they’d managed to disrupt my life and business. I waited in the living room as they filed in, some standing and others taking a seat.
“Here’s the deal,” I began, trying to be imposing by putting my hands on my hips. “I’m on to the fact that none of you have money, and it’s only due to my Christian spirit that you’re not sleeping in the streets—or worse yet, in the jail. Now, I understand there’s a venomous snake loose in the house. How do you suppose that’s going to affect my business after you’ve gone? Well?”
Grumbles could be heard. Apparently, a snake meandering amongst them while they slept was a common occurrence.
“No one sleeps until that snake is found and caged at the edge of my property. That means all of you. Whose snake is it?”
A hand went up in the back—a dark-skinned man covered with tattoos. He looked Indian, which shouldn’t have come as any surprise to me.
“Good! You’re leading the search. Okay, everyone, let’s get going!”
That was when a brilliant thought occurred to me. Sherlock Holmes was a ferret, but there had to be some similarity between it and a mongoose. I knew that at the very least, a ferret would kill a snake, and that’s all I had to know. I made a loud kissing sound, and Sherlock came bounding down the stairway, jumping to land in my arms. I looked at the snake charmer. “Either you or Sherlock gets it first—it’s up to you.” Seeing his livelihood hanging in the balance, he leaped to his feet and began searching in whatever likely spots a snake would hide.
