by Dr Harper
A woman and her son were standing there, watching me. As soon as the woman saw me, she looked away and took out her phone.
Fuck.
“Listen, keep the change,” I said, shoving $60 at the cashier.
He counted the bills as I grabbed my things and put my head down, trying to look calm and casual as I approached the front door.
I almost made it out the shop, when I heard a nervous: “Wait!”
I took a deep breath and stopped in my tracks. I turned around, but did not raise my head. “Yes?”
The woman look terrified.
Would I have to push her in front of her son? Hit her? Run from her? Steal her phone?
Hands shaking, she reached into her purse and took out a huge wad of cash.
And then, to my shock, she handed it to me and whispered:
“Thank you.”
◆◆◆
Back at my tent, I opened the OraQuick box and read the instructions:
Gently swab your upper and lower gums. Then insert swab into test tube and wait 20 minutes for results. A pink line indicates a positive test.
I quickly swiped the test swab along my upper and lower gums, and then put it inside the test tube.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I’m not really the praying type, since I don’t think any deity has the power to change whether or not I was already infected with HIV. It either happened or it didn’t.
So instead, for the next twenty minutes, I did something I hadn’t done in nearly a year.
I meditated.
I simply watched all of my anxious thoughts, spinning around in circles and trying to fix everything — trying to analyze every possible outcome of this test. The more I observed this frenzied internal dialogue, the less I identified with it.
In the quiet of my mind, I suddenly felt an overwhelming sensation surge through my body. It was a feeling I hadn’t known since childhood — lightness and freedom — connected with every single thing around me. There was no separation. No punisher in the sky. No victim below.
As the heaviness inside of me dissolved, it was almost as if I could feel the breeze of the forest blowing straight through my body.
“Stay,” I quietly begged this feeling. “Please, stay.”
And then I heard something.
Maybe it was a spiritual experience, or maybe I was talking to myself… Or maybe I’d finally lost my mind. But I swear I heard the following word, clear as day:
Surrender.
My eyes shot open and I looked around frantically.
“What does that mean?” I asked out loud. “Like surrender to the police?”
But the feeling was already gone. Once again, my body was heavy, and my mind was racing. For the next several minutes, I tried to recreate that fleeting feeling, but nothing seemed to work.
And before I knew it, twenty minutes had passed.
So I held my breath, opened the tube, and read the results.
PART THREE
The next night, I showed up at the bellower and saw Zach looking out over the ledge.
I walked up behind him and mumbled, “So I’m a bossy know-it-all?”
He turned around with a big smiled and clapped me on the shoulder.
“Elliot — you came!”
“Of course.”
I couldn’t believe I was standing here with him again, after all these years.
“Listen,” said Zach, as we turned to face the stars. “I’ve got a few things I need to tell you.”
“Alright…” I said. “Are you going to keep me in suspense?”
“What do you want first?” he asked. “The good news, medium news, or bad news?”
I laughed. “I could definitely use some good news right now.”
“Okay then!”
I could tell he was really excited about something. He walked over to the second stairway and started waving his hands. What the hell was down there?
A few seconds later, my heart raced as a I saw a figure step out from the stairwell.
But when the figure’s face was illuminated by the starlight, my heart felt something else entirely.
“Noah?”
He sprinted over to me and pulled me into a huge hug.
“Doc!”
I hugged him back, and we stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. It was the first non-threatening human contact I’d known in a very long time.
When our hug finally ended, I looked into his eyes and shook my head in disbelief. He looked exactly the same as the last time I saw him.
All I could manage to say was: “How?”
“You two have a lot of catching up to do,” said Zach, touching our backs. “I’m going to give you some time.”
He stepped into the stairway, leaving me alone with Noah.
“Noah, how are you here right now?” I asked. “What happened to you?”
“Your friend, Zach!” said Noah cheerfully. “He found where Kierra was keeping me. I’m not sure how. I think he might be a genius.”
I laughed. “Yeah, he definitely is.”
“What about you? How was prison?”
“It was fine,” I lied. “I’m just so relieved that you’re okay. That was all that mattered to me.”
Noah blushed.
“And I’m really sorry about how I left things between us,” I continued. “I was trying to protect you, but I fucked everything up.”
“Wait…” He tilted his head. “So you didn’t want me to leave on your birthday?”
“No,” I said gently. “No, of course not. That was… It was the best night of my life.”
“Oh!” His eyes lit up. “Okay! Uh — then would you like to go on a date?”
“A date?” I sputtered. “You — want to go on a date — with me?”
“Yeah!” he said. Then he thought for a moment and added, “But if it becomes a relationship, it has to be mutual. I’ve been working a lot on my boundaries and self-respect, so no more bossing me around.”
I felt a sudden anxiety taking over. I actually would have loved to go on a date, but he didn’t know my secret yet…
“Noah—”
“I want decisions to be equal, because relationships are supposed to be equal. And no offense, but sometimes you make really bad decisions.”
“Noah!”
He blushed again, and in a moment, all his confidence vanished.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, looking down in embarrassment. “You don’t want to. That’s okay.”
“No, it’s not that,” I said quickly. “It’s just… I—”
“What is it, doc?”
I took a deep breath and finally mumbled the words I had been dreading:
“I have HIV.”
His eyes widened.
I opened my mouth, preparing to answer how I got it. I needed him to know it didn’t come from some sort of prison relationship. I couldn’t even imagine what he must have thought of me. God, this wasn’t fair. I had dreamed of this moment, and now Noah was looking at me like… that.
But before I could string together a sentence, Noah spoke up again.
“Well, we need to get you started on treatment! Especially early on, I’ve heard it’s really important to get on medications so you can live a healthy life. You know, there’s a clinic back at home that helped my friend Ryan through this. I bet they would be willing to help you discreetly too. And if not, I can just tell them I need the medications for myself…”
As I listened to him ramble on about HIV, I frowned. Was his only concern for my health?
“So…” Noah finished. “What about the other stuff? Do you want to go on a date?”
“Wait—” I raised my eyebrows. “You still want to?”
“Of course,” he said earnestly. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“You don’t… You’re not concerned about how I got HIV? Or why I don’t have an ear? Or—”
“Well, it doesn’t matter to me,” he said gently. “I’m just so happy to see
you again.”
It took a few moments for me to realize that I had no need for all of the walls, analyses, and explanations I had planned.
So instead, I let it all go and surrendered to the kindness that had always been there in front of me.
“Oh — okay,” I stammered. “I’d love to go on a date.”
His smile could have rivaled the world’s happiest golden retriever.
◆◆◆
Noah and I caught up for another fifteen minutes, before Zach stepped out of the stairwell and approached us
“Alright, Elliot,” he said. “We’re a bit short on time tonight. Are you ready for the medium news?”
“Oh, right…” I said unenthusiastically. “There’s more.”
Zach nodded. “So after you told me about your cellmate, I did some digging on the SlapDot bombing—”
“Oh, you were right about all that,” I said. “Singer wasn’t my cellmate.”
“I know,” he said. “But something else came up. SlapDot is planning to host a weeklong festival for social media influencers on a private tropical island.”
“Wait a minute…” I said. “Didn’t that already fail catastrophically?”
“That was Fyre Festival,” said Zach. “This event has virtually unlimited corporate funding, and they’ve been planning it for a year. It’s supposed to be the experience of a lifetime. Every online celebrity is fighting for a ticket.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sounds absolutely miserable.”
Zach glanced to the left. “Well actually, I was hoping you might join me there.”
“What?” I said. “Why the hell would we go to that?”
“I’ve been digging through some blogs and comments, and I think something bad is going to happen there.”
“Like what?” I scoffed. “Someone’s going to lose Instagram followers?”
“No, Elliot.” He shook his head seriously. “Like really bad.”
I frowned. “What, like another bombing?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But something like that.”
“Well, have you gone to the police?”
“Yes,” said Zach. “They said it’s just a bunch of online trolls, but this doesn’t seem like trolling to me. If we don’t do something, I think a lot of people are going to die.”
“How am I supposed to help with this?”
“Do what you do best,” said Zach. “Talk to them. Find out what they know. Learn about their past.”
“Zach—”
“Look, Elliot, I’m good at digging stuff up, but you’re the one who figures people out. Look at all the stuff that happened in prison. I didn’t listen to you, and you were right the whole time. I can’t afford to make the same mistakes with this. Please. I need your help.”
I took a deep breath. “So you want me to play therapist for a bunch of vapid, mindless narcissists.”
Zach nodded.
“Ugh,” I said. “Fine. But after this, we’re even.”
“Fantastic!” he said. “I’ve already made arrangements for the four of us.”
“Four?”
“Ah.” Zach gave me a forced smile. “Yes… Now we’ve reached the bad news.”
“Great…” I grumbled.
“I tried to convince him it was a bad idea,” said Zach, glancing at Noah. “But… he insisted.”
“It’s not bad!” said Noah, hurrying over to the stairs. “You can come up now!”
I was surprised to see another shadow step out from the stairwell, but this time it was not a welcomed surprise.
“No.” I shook my head. “No, absolutely not.”
My insides writhed with hatred as Kierra walked over to me.
“Hi, Dr. Harper.”
I ignored her and turned to Noah. “Noah, what the hell?”
“Okay, before you get upset, you need to know that she’s changed.”
“Changed?” I said incredulously. “How?”
“Well, in our time together—”
“She kidnapped you!”
“True,” he said quickly. “But during that time, she realized I didn’t want to resume our relationship. So instead, I helped her learn how to be a good person!”
“Noah…” I groaned. “You can’t fix a sociopath with kindness.”
“He’s telling the truth,” said Kierra quietly. “I was resistant at first, but he refused to give up on me.”
“Bullshit.”
“Doc!” said Noah. “I used a lot of the skills you taught me. And in the process, I gained a lot of self-respect too.”
“You’re not a therapist!”
“Technically, neither are you anymore,” said Zach. Then he saw my glare and muttered: “Sorry.”
“Doc, please just trust me?” said Noah. “Remember, we talked about being mutual and equal?”
“Noah, she’s dangerous!” I said. “I just don’t want you getting hurt.”
“She’s different now,” he said. “I promise. Give her a chance. She promised to be nice to you, and not to make fun of your burnt… thing anymore.”
His cheeks went red. He was referring to how Kierra used to mock my history of self-harm.
Kierra stepped forward and extended her hand. “Truce?”
I didn’t accept the handshake. “Whatever.”
As I looked around the bellower, I shook my head and tried to adjust to my new reality. I was about to be stuck on an island with a self-proclaimed reformed sociopath, my codependent assistant who I was also apparently dating, and the childhood crush who rejected me.
This was my life now.
“So… Is that a yes?” asked Zach.
I sighed. “I’ll go with you guys to your stupid island.”
All three of them smiled excitedly.
“Alright, let’s get out of here,” said Zach, handing me a phone. “This is a disposable phone. Use it to communicate before and during the festival. I’ll be in touch with travel plans.”
I took the phone and followed them down the stairwell.
Zach and Noah went first, with Kierra and I trailing a few paces behind. And then, about halfway down the stairs, Kierra slowed down and turned to me, blocking the steps.
She sniffled and quivered her lips. “I — I just want to say something.”
“What?” I snapped.
Then she broke into a smile, gave me a wink, and whispered:
“Welcome back, dick burner.”
End of Patient File: The Little Wizard
SlapFest Sold Out in Less Than 1 Hour
Earlier today, influencers and online celebrities scrambled to secure their tickets for the first ever SlapDot Festival. Within minutes, the site crashed from the spike in traffic. And within an hour, every ticket was sold.
The lowest tier of tickets started at $5,000. Meanwhile, top models and YouTube personalities boasted of private beachfront villas at $100,000.
Hosted on a private tropical island, the social media giant SlapDot has poured millions into making the event a success. Slated as a tribute to the lives lost in the SlapDot bombing, SlapFest is a “celebration of music, entertainment, and love”.
Attendees range from beauty gurus to motivational speakers to body-positive advocates to prankster couples. Throughout the day, hundreds of these influencers took to social media to share photos and videos of their tickets to excite their fans.
In a climate that boasts endless days of sunshine and dramatic thunderstorms at night, guests can choose to enjoy a relaxing beach vacation — or participate in a variety of exciting adventures and events.
The island is home to natural waterfalls, private swimming holes, and mineral-rich hot springs. SlapDot has already arranged for bungee jumping, snorkeling tours, skydiving, and Jet Ski excursions. Professional chefs will prepare menus and meals for the entire island at a variety of themed restaurants.
The week will end with an exclusive sunset yacht cruise for the highest-profile guests.
To quote the SlapDot CEO: “The setting i
s absolutely perfect for any content creator looking to generate stunning content and attract new followers. Trust me, you don’t want to miss this opportunity.”
What would you do for a ticket? Tell us in the comments!
COMMENTS (1,038)
@indygirl397860
Jealous! I would pay my life savings! Too bad that’s $200 LOL
@__reagan_USA
Bunch of millennial losers. Get a REAL JOB.
@44bigwatch
Don’t most of these “influencers” hate each other? What happens when you stick them on an island together…?
@anonymous9336
There will be a massacre.
And the massacre will be livestreamed.
Thank you for reading the Prison Files.
The Influencer Files are next. If you’d like to read them, please check out my private practice at:
www.DrHarperTherapy.com
@DrHarperTherapy
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