by Frankie Love
My pussy tightens at the sight of it, of him. He's so in command, in control, and it sends a thrill through me. This is what I want, a man who knows how to take care of me, who knows how to please me and pleasure me, to take the lead, to take me to places I've never been before.
I bite my bottom lip, eager to explore every inch of Noah's skin. After all, for the last fifteen years, we've been learning all about one another's hearts. Now, it's something more, deeper, real.
His eyes meet mine, and he cups my cheek, drawing me close. He kisses me and I fall against him into his chest, his arms wrapping around me tight, cupping my ass, squeezing it. I smile through the kiss, feeling so beautiful, so seen and so loved. Noah loves me. I know he does. It's terrifying in the most exciting way.
I blink back tears, wanting to get lost in this moment. Not in the what ifs and what could have beens — I want to be here, present with him.
"I love you, Lucy," he says again, his voice hushed, raw, and real.
"I love you too, Noah," I say. I've always loved this man. It's scary. I'm so, so scared of it all, of loving him and losing him.
Noah doesn't let me fall into a spiral of fear. Instead, he picks me up and rolls me on my back and leans over me, my legs opening for him, wrapping around his strong core. He's full of muscle, chiseled like stone, ripped and all man. He cups my breast, kissing it softly, my neck, my ears, blowing hot air against me. A chill runs up my spine, and I smile. He tells me I'm beautiful, so fucking beautiful. And I believe him.
"Noah, you make me feel so good."
"I don't want to hurt you," he tells me as he eases his cock against my pussy, opening me up with his tip.
I bite my lip, bracing myself, and he laces his fingers with mine.
"It's okay. I'm right here. I have you." And he does. He does have me. I cling to him as he fills me up, and I moan against his chest as the pain surfaces. But quickly it passes and I gasp at the deep and penetrating pleasure of his cock inside of me.
I gasp, "Oh God, Noah."
"Are you okay?" he asks, cupping my cheek, his eyes searching mine.
"I'm okay," I say, breathing deeply, "more than okay."
He smiles and he kisses my nose. "Fuck, I love you."
I close my eyes, letting the pleasure roll over me, his words and his heat and his body weight. It feels so good to be taken like this, to be consumed so completely by a man who holds my heart as if it's the most precious treasure in the world. Noah doesn't want to hurt me. I know he doesn't. He wants to protect me in ways I've never let him do before. So many wasted years, so much wasted time.
But maybe not.
Maybe everything was leading to this, to this moment, to this perfect Halloween when I can no longer hide like a ghost. The truth is setting me free.
“I’ve got you," he says again. And he moves against me, inside of me, opening me up, and we rock in a rhythm I've never expected, one so perfectly timed. Noah knows me, inch by inch, the ins and out of my heart, and he's not going to mess this up. He wants this to work, him and me. I see it in his eyes.
He comes hard inside of me, filling me up, and I feel the warmth of his release. "Oh God," I groan as he gives me everything he has to offer.
"Fuck," he moans, "I came so fast."
I laugh, not knowing the difference. He pulls out of me and I move to my knees, kissing him again. I want more. I stroke him. His cock, it glistens with his come, and I fondle his balls. They're tight, hot. God, he's so insanely delicious.
"I want more," I tell him.
His eyes widen. "You sure?"
I nod. "Please." I dip my mouth to his cock, not scared of this man I know so well. He's hard, so hard after I suck him for what only feels like a few seconds. He tugs at my ass, drawing me close. And I straddle him again but this time I sink down against his cock. His hard, thick cock.
I lick my lips and I lean close. We kiss as I ease myself against him, and he fills me up. I gasp. This pleasure is so different than what we just did. Deeper, more raw. And I feel vulnerable and beautiful as he holds my hips, rocking my body in a circle.
"There you go, baby," he says, "nice and slow."
And I moan loudly, crying out in pleasure as he takes me, thrusting his cock deep inside my pussy. I'm so wet for him I feel my juice sliding down my thighs, and he tells me he loves it. It's sexy and hot, and I believe him. He teases my nipples and he draws me close, sucking my tits, pulling them together, and squeezing my ass.
"Damn," he groans as I ride him, feeling sexy and beautiful — like I'm his. He's in command of me, but right now, as I press my palms to his chest, I feel in charge.
I smile, loving this. But then it gets deeper, hotter, more real, and nothing's funny anymore. It's only desire rushing through my body.
"Oh God," I moan, gasping as my back arches, as I run my fingers through my hair. Wild and free, that's how it feels.
"Fuck," he groans as he moves deeper inside of me. And then I come, hard, more than I've ever come before. “Oh, fuck yeah,” he moans as he finishes, his come filling me up.
I fall against him, the heat rising around us, and my shoulders shake, the pleasure so deep and real.
"Oh my God," I gasp.
He kisses me. "I got you," he says. "I won't let you go."
He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. And for that moment, I believe him, that everything is going to be okay.
But in the back of my mind I can't help thinking that when things seem too good to be true, they usually are.
Chapter Nine
Noah
After, I can’t stop smiling — thinking how I finally have my girl, in my arms.
“That was incredible,” I tell her, kissing the side of her head, holding her against my chest.
But she's holding back, not saying anything. "What is it, Lucy?" I ask.
“I’m just thinking about everyone at the party… how everyone’s going to have an opinion about us.”
“Who cares about them?” I ask. “Besides, since when do you care about what people think?”
“I care. You haven’t been here for the last four years," she says. “You’ve forgotten how gossip spreads, how nothing is private. How your past is everywhere we look.”
"Are you talking about Natalia?” I ask her. "Because Natalia and I are over. We never were anything, anyways. You know how she gets.”
"I do know how she gets," Lucy says. "I know how everyone in this town gets. It's too small here. And I’m just tired of everyone thinking they know everything about you, about me.”
“Are you saying you want to leave? Because I told my commanding officer I didn’t plan on reenlisting.”
“And you’d stay?” Lucy sits up, naked and fucking gorgeous and confused. “Stay here?”
“Yes. Here. With you.” I run a hand over my jaw thinking about the conversation I had with my commanding officer. He thinks it’s a waste – that I could have a great career in the Navy… but I can’t lose Lucy. I won’t.
“You can’t stay here. And what? Work in an office or something? No. You want to see the world, travel, make life an adventure.”
"I don't know what you're trying to say. You want me to go? Or do you want to come with me?"
Lucy's eyes furrow. "Come with you where?"
"I don't know. If I were to reenlist I’d be stationed somewhere."
"My aunt would be devastated," she says immediately, "and I already know I can get a job at the hospital once I graduate.”
"Well then I don't know what you're trying to say, Lucy. In one breath you're telling me staying here isn't going to work and in the next breath you're saying you're not willing to go. I don't know where that leaves us."
She swallows. "I don't either. But I don't want to go to parties at Jake's anymore and I don't want to hang out with Natalia and Betty and Sandra for the rest of my life. I'm sick of it. The way they know everything about you, literally everything. Things I don't know."
"Why do I feel like you'
re breaking up with me, Lucy, before we've even begun?"
She bites her bottom lip, looking away. "I just don't know if I can do this."
"We haven't even tried."
She twists her lips. "I think I'm going to go home."
“After all this," I ask, "you're just going to leave? I can go talk to my commanding officer tomorrow," I tell her. "I can stay or I can go. Whatever you want. Let's at least give ourselves a chance."
But she's shaking her head, standing, walking toward the ladder. "I think maybe you were right."
"Right about what?" I ask her.
"That one way or another, the way things were can no longer be the way things are."
"But I thought you were my boo,” I say, my heart fucking breaking.
She licks her lips before looking away. "I thought you were too, Noah. I thought you were too."
Chapter Ten
Lucy
I'm fuming all the way home, frustrated with myself for turning what should have been the most romantic night of my life, in the tree house with Noah, into our first ever blowout fight.
I pushed him away, scared of it all being too good to be true.
When I walk into the house, my aunt immediately knows something's up. "What are you doing home? It's not even ten o'clock." Her porch light is still on, there are trick-or-treaters down the street, costumed like superheroes and fairies. And I'm jealous of them, these children who are still playing make believe when my fantasy seems totally crushed.
"It was a disaster," I say, tossing the sheet in the chair and walking into the kitchen. I pull open the fridge and grab a bottle of white wine, pouring myself a glass and taking a sip.
"What happened?" she asks softly as she pours herself a glass too.
"Everything," I say, and the tears start falling again; this time I don't fight it, they're splashing down my cheeks. My aunt knows me second best in the world, right after Noah, so I tell her what happened. All of it — the costume store, the fight, the checklist, Natalia, the kiss… though I don't tell her everything about the kiss.
How my belly flip-flopped in the most delicious way, how my heart beat hard and my spine straightened and my soul danced and my eyes glazed over as his lips met mine. How I felt like that wish I had made to the sky had just come true.
Noah kissed me and made love to me and it was perfect, too perfect, too good to be true. Nothing lasts forever.
My aunt understands. "You're scared you're going to lose Noah. Just like you lost your parents."
This time I press my hands to my eyes, covering them, shaking my head. Not because she's wrong, but because of how right she is, and I'm scared. This is why I've never given myself to anyone fully, why I've been single all twenty-two years of my life. Why I put on a sweater with a skull and crossbones warning anyone who might come close that I was off limits, that this heart was taken, already used up.
"Sweetheart,” my aunt says, "that's not how love works, you know?"
"How do you know?" I say. "You've been single since I've known you, my entire life."
"I know," she says, "but I loved before, you know that. I was married once."
I swallow, knowing it's true — my aunt was married to a firefighter who died in a fire, a cruel way to go if there was one, fighting for someone else to live and losing your life along the way.
"What am I supposed to do?" I say.
"Why did you leave?" she asks me. "What happened?"
I swallow. “He offered to stay in Monday Harbor. But I know Noah, he doesn't want to stay here. For his whole life, he's wanted to see the world. He's wanted to experience things and be on an adventure. He doesn't want to be tied down. That's why he's never had a serious relationship."
My aunt chuckles. "Oh darling, that's not why he's never had a serious relationship."
My eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, Lucy, Noah's loved you since you were little. He's never been with anyone seriously because he's been waiting for you, waiting for you to see him as more than a friend, as your forever."
"You think that's true?" I ask. "Because it's impossible to be here and be with him. He's dated half the town and I don't care about that — I really don't, I get it. Your past is your past. But the history here, it's never going to leave us."
"Then why don't you go with him?" she asks me simply, plainly, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"I can't go," I say, "I have to finish school."
"This is your final semester, aren't you done in a few months?"
"Yes, right before Christmas. But-"
"But what, Lucy? You have your whole life to live, too. What's your dream? What's your adventure?"
"I want to be a nurse," I say.
"You can be a nurse anywhere."
"But you're here and you're my family. And I can't just leave you. You took care of me all my life and-"
"Honey, I love you, but I don't need you to take care of me. I still have a whole life to live too, I'm not even 50." She laughs. “Lucy, truth is, I've been seeing someone."
"What?" I say.
"Is it so shocking?" she asks. "It's not serious, but it could be. His name's Dale, he works down at the butcher shop."
"You're dating a butcher?" I ask.
She smiles. "I am. Why do you think we had such good stew last night?"
"Are you telling me you don't need me?"
My aunt nods. "That's exactly what I'm saying."
"So now what? I'm just supposed to-" I swallow, biting my bottom lip. "I don't know how to do this."
"You can try,” she says. "If Noah made a checklist and you ticked off all the boxes then maybe you should make one too. Find out if he ticks off all of yours."
I smile. "I know he does."
"Maybe you need to let him know that."
"Maybe you're right," I say, kissing her cheek and squeezing her shoulders. And then I take my glass of wine and walk down the hallway to my bedroom, closing the door tight.
I put on pajamas, ones with pumpkins and black cats, and I look for a notebook and a pen. Then I sit down on my bed and make a checklist. The one my heart memorized a long time ago.
Chapter Eleven
Noah
When I open my eyes, I groan, wishing last night had been a dream. But it happened. My phone tells me it's November 1st, and whether I like it or not, Lucy and I are over.
Finished.
Changed, that's for sure.
And I'm pissed. She's the girl I want. The girl I need. And she told me to go, not to stay.
Forget that. This has been the worst Halloween of our lives, and I need to salvage it.
I look in my closet, smelling the coffee that my mom must have brewed in the kitchen, and I start bagging up all the costumes from all the years. Han Solo, the alien, the slice of bacon.
I get to the kitchen, and my mom asks where I'm headed. I tell her all about what happened last night, and I know she feels horrible for me. She loves Lucy like a daughter. I show her the bag, and she asks my plan.
I take a deep breath. "I'm going to give her a heartfelt speech, and a pumpkin spice latte, and hope that there is some sort of magic. That she opens her heart to me. To us. That she gives me a second chance.”
My mom swallows. "You know, I have something you might like. Something that might help sweeten the pot."
"You don't think walking down memory lane is enough?" I ask, eyeing the bag of costumes.
My mom smiles. "It’s sweet but … you know? I’ll be right back.” She goes to her room, only to return a minute later. “This might help." She hands me a black jewelry box, and inside is an engagement ring. "It was your grandmother's," she says.
I take it, understanding her meaning perfectly. “I love you, Mom.”
“I know you do, Noah. But now it’s time Lucy knows you love her, too.”
I head over to Lucy's house after swinging by the coffee shop and grabbing her favorite latte. When I get out of the car and knock on the door
, I'm surprised to see her there, ready to leave herself, a coat on, her purse in hand.
"Oh!" she says. "What are you doing here?”
I chuckle. "I was coming to find you."
"Why? Aren't you mad at me?"
I laugh. "Yeah, I'm pretty mad at you." I give her the coffee. "But you're my boo, remember? You think you're going to get rid of me that easily after one terrible night?”
Her eyes widened. "You thought the night was terrible?"
I smile — she’s replacing sex with night. “The actual night was perfect," I tell her simply. "Like, the best night of my life. The only night I'll need to remember on my deathbed. It was after the night that sucked. You ran out on me, Lucy.”
"Okay, I get it," she says, laughing. "But seriously, you're being too nice to me."
"No, I'm not," I say. "Last night you walked away, and you broke my heart. So, I'm here to try to piece it back together."
She presses her lips together. "No," she says. "I'm the one who needs to fix this. You've done enough. You're willing to move here for me, to change all of your plans for me. And what am I willing to do? Freak out and run away? It's not very cool of me."
"Lucy, I know why you want to stay. I know this is where your memories of your parents are. I know this is where your aunt is, where your-"
She shakes her head. "Okay, but Noah, I want more than memories. I want a lifetime with you. Besides, you are the only man for me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
She smiles and pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket. “I made a checklist."
"You did?"
She nods. "I did, and it turns out you tick all the boxes."
"I do?"
She nods. "You do."
I take the paper from her, and begin reading the list.
Can make me laugh even when I'm being a brat
Loves to travel, and able to get me out of my comfort zone
