“Thank you.”
“I do too.” Steele gave me an encouraging smile and a fist bump, then all heads turned toward Kaden, who didn’t say a word. He shrugged and said nothing. While his reluctance to jump on Team Axel hurt, I blew it off and changed the subject to our game tomorrow night—my NHL debut if you didn’t count preseason, and I wasn’t counting it.
We talked for a while about Vegas, our next opponent. They were a tough team and at the top of the pack this year. We’d need to play our best if we wanted a chance at beating them.
I glanced at my watch, surprised to find that it was after eleven. “I guess I should be going.”
“Where are you staying?” Easton asked.
“At the hotel.”
“You can stay here. I’ve moved across the hall with Caro, and my room is available. We’ve bought a house and are having it remodeled before we move in.”
I shot a questioning glance at Steele, who was nodding, and Kaden, who was avoiding my gaze. “That okay with you guys?”
“Yeah,” Steele said with a welcoming grin.
“I guess so,” said Kaden. Without another word, he stood, stretched, and walked away, down the hallway to his room.
“What’s wrong with him? Does he think I’m guilty?”
Steele and Easton exchanged glances.
“Don’t know,” Easton said.
“Me either, but you’re welcome here. Don’t take him personally. He’s been off for a while now. Pretty sure some woman is yanking his chain.”
“I’ll get my suitcase from the car.”
About a half hour later, I was lying on the bed in my new room and staring at the ceiling. My mind wouldn’t let me sleep. Too many things bounced around in my head, including Jock’s anger toward me, his unfaithful wife, and his hot sister, especially his hot sister. Of all the women to be attracted to, I had to pick her. I wanted her, no doubt about that, but the repercussions wouldn’t be worth it. Jock would hate me even more. But, damn, she was epically sexy. The image of her throwing one long leg encased in tight black leather over the seat of that motorcycle was burned into every working brain cell I possessed. The woman was even sexy in her polo and pants, folding towels, and she was the last thing I needed in my life.
This was my big shot to make it in professional hockey. Complications weren’t allowed, especially when I already had too many to mention. Adding one more wasn’t an option.
Chapter 5—Worst Company
~~Geneva~~
I owed my brother my life, or at the least, my self-respect. He’d rescued me from an untenable situation, and now I was going to return the favor.
Last fall, Weasel, my boyfriend of one year, had beat me unconscious, he’d roughed me before and been verbally abusive, but he’d never gone this far.
When I’d met him, he’d been a mechanic for my dad’s shop, and I’d worked for my dad doing the books and scheduling. Weasel had been tough and raw and hot as hell. I fell in love for the first time in my life. I was crazy about him, almost obsessed with him.
That summer, his new status as a prospect for the Sacred Hearts changed him. He became increasingly unreliable at the shop because of demands placed on him by the club. My father and he had agreed to part ways amenably.
Things slid downhill fast after that. I was pretty sure Weasel was into some shady stuff and doing whatever he could to get in good with the club. He started becoming a different person. He’d always been an outlaw, but this went beyond that. He hinted I should provide his friends with sexual favors and be willing to work the streets to earn money for him. Still, I stayed.
I thought I could handle him. Then he beat me and left me writhing in agony on the living room floor for hours. When he finally returned, he had a friend with him who had some medical expertise and took care of me. Looking back, I probably should’ve gone to the hospital. Still, I didn’t leave him.
A few days later, my father and a couple members of the Sacred Hearts showed up on our doorstep. They saw the shape I was in and asked if Weasel did that. I said he did. They dragged him out of there, and I never saw him again. Each motorcycle club has its own moral codes, and it appeared he had stepped over the line drawn by the Sacred Hearts.
I was left on my own, which might well have been the best thing that ever happened to me. I moved back in with my dad. I fended off the advances of several other guys wanting a piece of what Weasel had.
I finally admitted this wasn’t the life I’d envisioned for myself. I wasn’t nearly as tough and strong as I claimed to be.
I called Jock in tears, and he immediately opened up his home to me. I had a safe place to live, and for the first time, I was part of a family. Even though Bria was a pain in my ass, I tolerated her, and she had tolerated me to some extent.
Jock suspected she slept around, but he lived in this bubble where, if it didn’t directly affect him, he pretended it didn’t exist. He’d been raised by a single father, and he’d come to the conclusion a bad mother was better than no mother.
So much for that.
Jock had talked to management, and they offered me a temporary job as an equipment intern for the current season. I’d gladly accepted. I’d be traveling with the team, and I’d never been anywhere. I’d have a different worldview than the small one I’d had previously. I was ready to spread my wings and see what life had to offer outside the motorcycle crowd.
Being an equipment intern wasn’t a glamorous job. It was hard work with long hours. The team’s equipment manager, Roy Solstice, was a taskmaster and a perfectionist. I didn’t mind. He was also fair and a truly nice guy. Since I was the newcomer with the least amount of experience, the grunt jobs were assigned to me. Again, I was okay with that. I’d washed and folded more loads of towels in the few weeks I’d been there than I’d done in a year. I’d always gotten along better with men than women, and being around a hockey team was more enjoyable than I’d imagined.
I dragged my ass home at about nine thirty that night, which was early compared to game nights or road trips. I quietly let myself into my brother’s house and headed for the stairs. I caught movement in the living room out of the corner of my eye and made a detour. I stood in the doorway, letting my eyes adjust to the dark.
Jock was sitting in a recliner staring out the window. I switched on a lamp as I entered the room. He turned to me and gave me a sad smile. Without a word, I poured myself a whiskey from the small liquor cabinet and took a seat on the couch across from him.
“You okay?”
“As good as can be expected when a guy is looking at the end of his sixteen-year marriage.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are,” he said wearily. “And I know I’m being a whiny ass.”
“You are not.”
“Yeah, well, I feel like I am.”
“How are the kids doing?” I glanced at the stairs, assuming they were all in bed, even the older ones.
“Better than can be expected. I know it hurts, and it’s hard for them, but their mom didn’t play a huge part in their lives either.”
“Did you hear from her any more today?”
“She came by a few hours ago.”
“For what?” My badass-sister protective mode kicked in. I didn’t like that woman slinking around here.
“Clothes, her car, but mostly she wanted money.”
“You didn’t give her any, did you?”
He nodded. “I did. It was worth it to make her go away. She was wasted drunk and in the mood to fight. I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow. I’m filing for a divorce and full custody of the kids. I’m done turning my head at her antics. Her infidelities have been going on for a long time. Axel is just one in a series of affairs. His was just the most obvious.”
“I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t say what I really thought. No sense in upsetting him even more than he already was. My brother was the homebody type who needed a partner in life. Unfortunately, he’d chosen wrong the first time around
.
I considered defending Axel but clamped my mouth shut. I didn’t know him, and he hadn’t earned my defense of his actions. In my world, very few people had my respect and trust. I didn’t give trust or respect easily as most of the people I’d been around didn’t deserve it, especially my parents. Jock was one of the few who truly had my back, and I had his.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Of all people for her to pick, it had to be a teammate?”
“Nothing. You did nothing to deserve this. You’re a great father, husband, and provider. She’s too stupid to see that, and that’s on her. Jock, I don’t care about her. I’m worried about you. Are you okay?”
“I’ll be okay. I’m sad, I’m worried about the kids, but we’d been growing apart for so long, I think I was prepared for this even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I don’t think I’ve loved her for a long time, but I didn’t want the kids to grow up without a mother.”
I didn’t know how anyone could ever love that woman. She was reprehensible, but then that was just me.
Jock downed the rest of his drink and set it on the end table. He stood and stretched. “I’d better get some sleep. We have a game tomorrow night, and I need all the energy I can get to sit on my ass the entire game.”
I inwardly cringed at his self-deprecating words. He said them with a wry smile, and I knew his lack of playing time hurt. He’d been a backup goalie for about five years. Brick, the starting goalie, was an ironman. He never got sick or injured, so Jock never played in a game unless the team was so far ahead the coach pulled Brick.
I stood and hugged him. Neither of us was overly demonstrative, but a hug seemed to be just what my brother needed. He hugged me back and smiled down at me.
“I’m glad you’re here. I need you, and so do the kids.”
My throat constricted uncharacteristically, and my eyes burned with unshed tears. I turned away from him so he wouldn’t see my display of emotion. No one ever needed me, maybe my body, but not me as a person, but Jock needed me, depended on me, and that meant a lot to me. I’d do anything within my power to help him and the kids heal and get their lives back on track.
Even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness and wants. I knew what I wanted—Axel—and I wouldn’t do that to my brother. Axel had slept with Bria. He wasn’t denying that.
Axel was another one of those guys like my last boyfriend that I’d be better off without. I still wondered what happened to Weasel after my father and some of his biker cronies got ahold of him. I doubted he walked out of there on his own. I hoped they didn’t kill him, but over the years, I’d learned to look away when it came to my dad and the dangerous element hanging around his repair shop. My father didn’t belong to the Sacred Hearts, but he did business with the group almost exclusively and had many friends among them. He even rode with them at times, as I had a few times also.
This equipment job had come at the right time. I’d never played hockey, but I appreciated the sport. What good Canadian didn’t?
I worked hard, learned all I could, did my job well, and here I was working for the Sockeyes. They’d given me a chance, and I would prove I deserved that chance. Sleeping with one of the team would be the worst way to thank them, not to mention my brother for his kindness. My thoughts drifted back to Axel, no matter where they went.
Hooking up with him would be a disaster beyond the normal disasters I invited into my life, intentionally and not. I had a way of creating chaos and wreaking havoc wherever I went. When I’d moved to Seattle, I’d promised myself my bad choices ended there. I’d make wise, thought-out decisions, not knee-jerk emotional ones.
So far, I’d been doing well until Axel joined the team. Road trips would be pure torture.
I knew the attraction was mutual. I’d seen the lust burning in his deep-brown eyes, but I refused to be consumed by it. The Geneva of a month ago would’ve already seen Axel naked and done plenty to his body. This Geneva was wiser and more careful of the company she kept.
And Axel Vanderbuel was the worst kind of company.
Chapter 6—Iced by the Coach
~~Axel~~
I dug my blades into the ice with ferocity, letting my frustration and anger fuel my burning muscles. My heart slammed in my chest, my lungs screamed for air, and my thigh muscles threatened to cramp. I pushed myself harder and harder, skating faster and faster, careening around the turn, and taking the straight stretch at breakneck speed.
Finally, I was spent. Exhausted. Drained. My body had nothing left to give.
I glided over to the boards and collapsed against them, draping my upper body over the top because my legs had started to shake and refused to hold me up any longer.
I closed my eyes, allowing my mind to riffle back through the events of the past week since I’d joined this team. These should be the best days of my life, the achieving of a dream I’d had since childhood, the culmination of thousands of hours of ice time.
They should’ve been.
Jock and I had avoided each other all week, but the tension was there. Judging by how crappy the entire team was playing, they were all feeling the friction and negatively affected by the animosity simmering just below the surface of Jock’s quiet demeanor. The majority of my teammates blamed me, and I didn’t dare defend myself and make things worse. A guy couldn’t get much lower than to sleep with a teammate’s wife.
Instead, I hunkered down and worked harder.
I’d never been the subject of my teammates’ disgust. I’d always been a team player, a good guy, easy to get along with, hardworking, drama-free. Now I was the guy everyone avoided, except for my new roommates, and they didn’t have much of a choice. When I walked into the room, its occupants went silent. I was miserable and blaming myself for my stupidity.
With a month left in the regular season, the Sockeyes were fighting for that last playoff spot. I wasn’t helping that battle any, despite my efforts. I was sucking it on the ice. My passes consistently would have been perfect if I was passing to my opponents, and my shots were even farther off. I’d developed a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I was a handicap to my team. The veterans had to wonder how I’d ever gotten this far. I was beginning to wonder too.
“Punishing your body isn’t going to fix your problem.”
I jerked my head upward in the direction of the speaker. I’d thought my teammates had gone home, and I was all alone in the practice rink.
“Your problem is mental, not physical.” Team captain Isaac “Ice” Wolfe moved closer and lounged against the boards a few feet from me. He was in street clothes and athletic shoes yet managed to keep his feet underneath him on the slippery surface. I hated to admit I was a little intimidated by him. He didn’t say much, so when he spoke, the entire team listened. Management and the coaching staff respected his opinions. So did I. One negative word from him, and I’d be sent back down to Portland.
I didn’t respond to his observation, just shrugged as I fought to regain my composure and my breath.
“Your head isn’t in this game because of the drama surrounding Jock and you.” Ice motioned to a seat on one of the bleachers. I forced my legs to carry me to the opening and slumped down on the indicated bench. Ice sat next to me.
“I didn’t know she was married,” I said dismally, my shoulders slumped in defeat.
“I believe you.”
Surprised, I looked up and met Ice’s gaze. “Thank you.”
“Fuck, don’t thank me. Most of the team doesn’t agree with me, including Jock. That’s not my problem. My problem is that the entire team is being affected by the two of you.”
“I know.” I hung my head, once again feeling responsible for my stupidity. “I wish I’d never met that woman.”
I hadn’t seen her since she’d surprised me that day in the parking lot, but she’d left notes on my car begging me to speak to Jock on her behalf. I refused to do so, and I’d heard Jock was going ahead with the divorce. Di
d she really think I’d lie for her?
“You did meet her. You did sleep with her. Now you have to deal with the consequences like a responsible adult.”
“I’ve been trying, but he’s not having any part of my apology.”
“Then fucking try harder, because your beef with each other can’t continue.”
I didn’t dare point out I didn’t have a beef with Jock. He had a beef with me.
“Okay, I’ll do what I can to mend fences with him.”
Ice studied me for a long, uncomfortable moment, nodded, and left me alone on the ice. Several minutes later, I made my way to the locker room, fully expecting it to be empty by now. I wasn’t that lucky. Several teammates loitered around, the music blared, and a couple guys were having a spirited argument in one corner. In another, Brick—our starting goalie—was kicking Kaden’s ass in Ping-Pong. I knew this because Kaden sucked at Ping-Pong, and Brick’s superior smirk said it all.
Jock sat on the bench in front of his locker with his head in his hands. Now was as good of a time as any to try to mend our rift. I squared my shoulders and approached him, forcing all emotion from my face.
“Hey, could we talk?”
Jock’s head snapped up. For a split second, I saw the despair in this gaze before anger replaced it. “We have nothing to talk about.”
The music stopped. The laughter stopped. Even the bonking sound of the Ping-Pong ball stopped. Silence permeated the room, and I felt all eyes on us.
I glanced back at Ice and held out my hands, palms up. Ice glared at me and pointed at Jock.
“Jock, we need to talk.”
“Fuck you.” His glare was ice hot and would’ve melted even the strongest resolve. I gathered my waning courage and held my ground.
“Please, hear me out.”
“I’ve heard all I need to hear from you.” Jock stood and met me eye to eye. We were about the same height and build. “Are you still seeing her?”
I staggered back a step as if I’d been physically hit by his accusation. “No. Not at all. It was only one night.”
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