by Annie O'Neil
‘Will there be cake?’ Autumn laughed, then put on a nonchalant expression. ‘Seeing as we’re in Rome, and all.’
Lizzy’s smile widened. ‘Absolutely. Until then...enjoy the lab!’
‘I consider it my new home away from home,’ Autumn said, already settling in front of a fresh model of the twins.
Right, Lizzy vowed as she set off to find Leon. If they were going to give this relationship a big dose of reality, maybe it was time they had their first proper fight.
* * *
Leon slid his key into the lock, hoping the occasional squeak his front door emitted wouldn’t make a noise. It was late, and if Lizzy was asleep he didn’t want to wake her.
‘Hello, there.’
He knew in an instant that she’d caught his instinctive reaction—dismay—and also that he was in the doghouse.
‘Don’t worry. I’m making arrangements to stay at the hotel from tomorrow. Or,’ she said, before he could protest, ‘I can always go tonight. Don’t worry about me.’
‘I do worry about you, Lizzy. Mea culpa. I had surgeries.’
‘Oh, I know. I’m not cross about that.’
He didn’t have to ask her what she was actually cross about. It was written all over her face.
He’d shut her out.
It wouldn’t have taken more than ten seconds to send a text saying he was held up. Telling himself it wasn’t necessary, that she’d figure it out, was exactly the type of thing his mother would have done if she’d been out of sorts.
‘Scusi, Lizzy. Per favore.’
He pressed his hands to his heart, on the brink of blaming it all on the day’s surgical schedule getting away with him when he realised he owed her more than that. He owed her the truth.
‘Don’t move to the hotel. Stay. I had—how do you say it?—I had a blip.’
Lizzy screwed up her face, confusion taking over where there had previously been anger. ‘What do you mean “a blip”?’
He sat down on the sofa beside her and took her hand in his. ‘Seeing our daughter...knowing she was a she and not an it... I don’t know... You think I’d be used to it. But because she’s real...because she’s ours... I suddenly felt inadequate.’
‘What? What on earth would make you think that you, of all people, wouldn’t be a great father?’
He shrugged. ‘Conditioning, I guess.’
‘You know your mother was wrong, right? She gave you bad advice about pretty much everything. No offence,’ she hastily tacked on.
‘Was she, though...?’
Leon wasn’t defending her; he was genuinely trying to picture himself as a father. It was virtually impossible for him to picture it.
‘You said so yourself, Lizzy.’ He fanned his hand out across the immaculate flat. ‘This place wasn’t put together by someone who wanted a family.’
Lizzy gave him a hard stare, and after a moment said, ‘I’m not going to try and talk you into having a baby you don’t want, Leon. I told you that from the start. If you don’t want me—’
He cut her off. ‘That’s not it at all. I do want you. Very, very much. And although I’m making a proper mess of it, I want our child, too, I just thought—’
‘Oh, God.’ Lizzy gave an exasperated sigh. ‘You’re not going to give me the “bad timing” talk, are you? Or—wait—is it the “it’s not you it’s me” talk?’
He gave her a sheepish smile. She was right on both counts.
Lizzy took her hand out of his and rearranged herself so she sat cross-legged on the sofa. She took a deep, shaky breath, then said, ‘Did you ever know my father was emotionally abusive to my mother?’
Leon felt his heart slam against his chest. As if this dark chapter of her past were a physical assault on the woman he loved and therefore, by extension, an assault on him. ‘No.’
‘She couldn’t do anything right. Not in his eyes anyway. No matter what the situation, he always found a way to twist it so that she was to blame. But do you know the one thing she did do right, despite being totally screwed up and having no self-confidence and a huge closet full of unfulfilled dreams?’
Leon shook his head.
‘She raised me to want something different. And up until I met you I thought I’d turned out mostly okay.’
Leon flinched. He knew he deserved that. ‘Lizzy, you’ve turned out so much more than okay.’
She tipped her head back and forth, clearly unwilling to accept the compliment. Her eyes welled up as she continued. ‘She loved me so fiercely. Protected me from whatever she could. Guided me as best she could. Did she do a perfect job? Probably not. I’ve got issues. I rarely speak to my father. I find it almost impossible to visit my mother’s grave. I prefer to keep my past to myself—as evidenced by the fact that I’m only telling you this now. I fell in love with a man who finds it every bit as hard to fall in love as I do.’ She threw up her hands, then unexpectedly smiled. ‘I’m flawed. But who isn’t? And do you know what else? Our child probably will be, too.’
‘No. Lizzy. She’s perfect.’
‘Now she is,’ Lizzy gently corrected him. ‘But she’s not lived yet. She’s not had her pigtails pulled, or tripped on the street in front of laughing children, or been shouted at, or—’
Leon waved his hands for her to stop. He understood what she was saying. They needed to be this child’s buffer against the world. And if he wasn’t going to be there for Lizzy, there was no way he could be there for their daughter.
A hunger to prove to her that he was more than the sum of his past gripped him. He’d boxed himself into a world of work and recuperation that allowed for little else. Lizzy had been the one woman to let in all that amazing light the rest of the world had to offer. Their child would let in so much more. If he let her.
‘Here.’
Lizzy sat up straighter, as if physically repositioning herself in order to dig deeper into the conversation than either of them would have done five years ago. And she was right to do it. They weren’t singletons with nothing but their professions to worry about. They were going to be parents in a few months. He’d asked her to marry him, for heaven’s sake. This was their future they were talking about.
‘I’m going to give you a quiz,’ Lizzy said brightly. Too brightly.
‘What kind?’ He shifted round on the sofa so that they were facing one another.
‘A “How Prepared is Anyone for Parenthood?” Quiz.’
He laughed. Considering the hundreds of variations of parents he’d seen through the years this should be interesting...
She peppered him with questions about nappies and breast milk and E-numbers in baby food, and the sort of shoes he thought they should buy, and how important having a first birthday party was, considering the child wouldn’t remember it. Then, abruptly, she shifted tack. ‘How are clouds built? Out of marshmallows or cotton balls?’
‘Neither,’ Leon said, a bit surprised that she didn’t know. ‘Clouds are made up of water vapour—’
Lizzy cut him off with a buzzer sound. ‘You’re answering a three-year-old. At bedtime. A three-year-old who wants a story. Let’s try again. “Papà?”’ She put on a little girl’s voice. ‘“How are clouds built?”’
Leon tapped his chin, then answered. ‘They’re built out of dreams, cara. That’s why they come with silver linings.’
Lizzy nodded approvingly. ‘Better.’
Leon ran his fingers along Lizzy’s shoulder, then put his hand on her belly. ‘Aren’t you scared?’
‘Terrified,’ she answered, with a directness that, rather than frightening him, made him feel closer to her than he ever had. ‘But I’ll be less scared if I know I don’t have to do it alone.’
‘Right, then,’ he said. ‘Looks like I’m going to have to train myself to text when I’m going to be kept late at the hospital.’
‘Ol
d dog, new tricks?’ Lizzy quipped.
‘Something like that.’ He laughed, giving her a soft kiss. And then, hand in hand, they went to bed.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LIZZY AND LEON were mid-chorus in the scrub room when Giovanni Lombardi walked in.
He looked between the pair of them: Leon mid-dance move at the scrub sink, Lizzy playing a rather exuberant air guitar.
‘You two are full of the joys of life today,’ Giovanni said, with a look that suggested he wasn’t quite sure he trusted it.
They had told him about their pregnancy situation a few days earlier as a professional courtesy, after he’d found Lizzy asleep in the practice lab. He had appeared unsurprised, obviously having seen that Lizzy’s floaty clothes wardrobe had pretty much become a clingy clothes wardrobe.
She must do that shop!
Giovanni, ever the gentleman, hadn’t asked for details, merely an assurance that she was physically up to doing today’s surgery—which, of course, he’d received. So, all in all, it had been a big week. Their first fight. Their first adult conflict resolution. Their first after-fight make-up session—extra-sexy. And now life-altering surgery on a little girl who still had all this glorious falling in love yo-yo ride yet to come.
‘It’s a big day.’ Lizzy gave Giovanni a grin, taking a surgical gown down from the supplies shelf and laying it out on the sterilised counter. She grabbed a packet of plastic gloves and dropped them onto the sterile gown without touching them. Protocol was everything on any day in the surgical ward, but today it felt even more important.
‘Are you observing or scrubbing in?’ Leon asked his boss, switching his scrub brush to his other hand.
‘Observing,’ Giovanni said. ‘With Autumn.’
There had been, if Lizzy wasn’t mistaken, the tiniest bit of weight added to Autumn’s name when he’d said it. Hmm...perhaps she and Leon weren’t the only ones holding a secret set of love cards close to their chests.
‘Things are going well with her?’ Leon asked, oblivious.
Giovanni made a noise that was hard to interpret, then muttered something about having to check on how Gabrielle was doing with the anaesthetist.
Lizzy joined Leon at the sink, opening the package that contained her sterile nail brush, scrub spine and nail pick, laying each one out on the back of the specialised sink while she worked a few drops of scrub solution into a thick lather.
‘You look like you’re preparing for a bubble bath,’ Leon said.
‘If that’s a suggestion for a post-operation date, I’m all for it.’ Lizzy gave him a light hip-bump.
She couldn’t see his lovely mouth because, as protocol dictated, he was already wearing his mask, but she could tell he was smiling from the crinkles fanning out alongside those gorgeous eyes of his. She, too, put her mask on, then began the detailed process of scrubbing in.
This felt good. Really good. Standing next to her man. With surges of pre-surgical adrenaline adding an extra bounce to her step. She’d pretty much lived in the practice lab for the past few days and now she felt prepared for anything. Especially with things so good between her and Leon.
If she’d thought she loved him before their little contretemps last week, she loved him even more now they’d talked it out. Treated one another with respect. Given each other the room to be frightened and assured one another they were not in this alone.
She gave herself a smug little mental pat on the back. Theirs was shaping up to be an actual grown-up relationship. Something she’d never made room for in her life. She obviously hadn’t been given a stunning example by her parents, so this was an incredibly steep learning curve, but, yes, they were happy. And about to make medical history.
All in all, a pretty good way to start a day. Especially when she factored in the pastries they’d bought on the way into the hospital. Scrumptious. She hadn’t told Leon yet, but she was already actively considering staying here in Rome rather than asking Leon to move to Sydney...
She pushed away those thoughts. Logistics could come later. They still had months to figure those out.
‘Here she comes.’
Leon tipped his head towards the operating theatre where Gabrielle and her ever-increasing tummy were being wheeled in. She was already anaesthetised via an epidural, and it was reassuring to see her features, increasingly tense these past couple of weeks, relaxed and at ease. She was awake, and would be throughout the procedure. A small grin appeared as she caught sight of Lizzy and Leon at the window. She lifted her hand, already fitted with a drip catheter, and wiggled her fingers.
Lizzy felt a gratifying squeeze in her heart. It was that expression that always gave her an extra fire to care for her patients and protect them from any harm that might come their way. They were so vulnerable. So trusting. And it wasn’t just one life Gabrielle had entrusted them with today—it was three.
‘Ready?’ Lizzy stepped back from the sink, her arms crooking into the surgical gown the scrub nurse was holding for her.
‘As I’ll ever be,’ Leon replied, his eyes flashing with that same flare of brilliance that had first drawn her to him during their very first surgery together all those years ago.
They entered the surgical theatre.
‘How’re you feeling?’ Lizzy asked Gabrielle. ‘I’d give your hand a squeeze, but—’ She held up her gloved hands.
‘No, you do exactly what you have to do for my little Hope,’ Gabrielle said. ‘We believe in you. And Dr Cassanetti, of course.’
Lizzy’s eyes flicked to Leon’s. He was shaking his head.
‘It’s all about Dr Beckley today, Gabrielle. I’m here as back-up. You’ve got one of the world’s best surgeons here to help you, so your job is to lie back and relax.’
Gabrielle laughed. ‘Relax? I’ll try my best. At least I know I won’t be moving. I can’t feel a thing!’
‘Sounds about right,’ Leon said warmly. ‘We’ve got you.’
He looked across at Lizzy, who somehow felt the words were meant for her as well. He had her back. He was there to be her support system. And knowing that meant the world.
‘We’ll all be putting our very best feet forward today, I promise you,’ Lizzy assured her, before thanking the team for being there. Then she asked one of the surgical nurses to start the clock they used to time surgeries, gave Leon a nod to say that it was time for them to take their positions and, without any fanfare, the procedure began.
Time took on another quality as the first crucial keyhole incision was made. Though the entire procedure would take less than an hour, Lizzy knew that by the time they had finished it would feel as if the world had rotated on its axis. But the countless hours she, Leon and the team had spent in the practice lab were paying dividends. The dream team she and Leon had once been was well and truly back in action.
‘How’re Grace’s stats?’
‘Holding steady.’
‘Mum? How are you doing?’
One of the obstetrics team in charge of Gabrielle gave a thumbs-up and Gabrielle herself, hidden behind a surgical drape, said she couldn’t believe how lucky they were to have found St Nicolino’s, and Leon and Lizzy, and Giovanni and Autumn. Then she began listing all her favourite nurses, and the puddings she had eaten that week, before rhapsodising about some deep-fried courgette flowers laced with truffled honey that her husband had brought her the other day from a street vendor.
Did they know she loved her husband? she asked. She loved him more than anyone or anything else in the world. That might change when the babies were born, of course, but who else would go out scouting for things she could eat? She hadn’t been able to eat before today’s operation and she was starving. Did stomachs rumble when there was an epidural?
Lizzy grinned at Leon. This was good. Having a relaxed, happy patient, a bit punch-drunk on the anaesthetic all factored into the feel-good environment critica
l to the kind of surgery that could so easily end in tragedy.
It was a precarious balance. Sharing the central aortic valve meant that each of the babies relied on the other’s blood flow, and as Hope’s blood flow was compromised by the underdevelopment of the left side of her heart, the strain would be felt by both girls.
Lizzy glanced up at the monitor, where she could now see a perfect image of Hope’s heart. On the screen, of course, it was large, and showed all the details required to make the surgery a success. In reality, Hope’s heart was the size of a large grape. And Lizzy was going to have to pierce through the thick wall of that heart with exacting precision, then guide the catheter through the chambers of the heart cavity into the left atrium—which was, at this point, about the size of a pea. She’d inflate the tiny balloon at the tip of the catheter before withdrawing the needle, touching absolutely nothing along the way.
No pressure, then...
She felt a scrub nurse reach up and pat her brow.
Yup. Things were getting serious.
Lizzy glanced around the room at all the concentrating medical professionals. They had the best team in the country here. Foetal cardiologists, obstetricians, imaging experts, maternal and foetal anaesthetists... The amount of brain power in this room could run a nation—but today they were saving a child’s life. Without this surgical intervention Hope’s chances of survival were limited. And as a result, so were Grace’s.
‘Are you ready?’
Lizzy looked into Leon’s eyes, seeking that extra shot of confidence she needed to start the core elements of the procedure. She blinked once and saw trust. She blinked again and saw confidence. The third time she saw love. A rush of strength filled her with a tightly coiled burst of exacting energy. Precisely what she needed in this moment.
Apart from her voice, talking the team through her every move, the operating room was filled with little noise beyond the muted sounds of the equipment. Drips were in place. Extra pairs of hands were standing by if needed. Surgical nurses had stepped into place to hold each of Gabrielle’s hands.
