Beginnings

by Sandra R Neeley

  “Scorn, shut up. We all know she’s hurting, but we also know she’s got a goal, and you don’t reach that goal by taking a day off,” Steel said, picking a piece of lint off his also impeccable uniform while thinking he’d have Lethal agreeing with him.

  “No,” Lethal said, “Scorn is right. She’s just nearing the point of crossing into the next level of training, but today is not part of that. She needs her space today. Today we’re there for her, for whatever she needs, for whatever she wants. Just be the buffer she needs to do whatever it is that gives her a little peace.”

  “Agreed,” Valor said.

  “Feel bad for her,” Feral said.

  “Me, too,” Two added.

  “We can’t change any of it, but we can let her know that we’re there for her today. We’ve got her back,” Lethal said.

  <<<<<<<>>>>>>>

  Freshly showered and shaved, with her hair blown dry and pulled back in a scrunchy in a sleek ponytail, Nina walked out of the bathroom. She went over to her bed, expecting to find a uniform of some sort that Lethal expected her to put on, but instead she found a black pencil skirt and a black silk shirt. Sitting on the floor beside her bed was a pair of black leather pumps. All of these items were brand new with tags still on them, the shoes, too. But she’d not bought them, they weren’t hers.

  She dropped the towel to the floor and walked across the room to the chest of drawers she shared with Lethal and took out a flesh colored bra, and a pair of silky-soft panties of the same color. She slipped them on and closed the drawer. As she turned to go back to the bed for her clothes, something caught her eye. She turned back to the chest of drawers and reached for the small, zippered bag sitting on top of it. Nina picked it up and ran her fingers over it. It was her makeup bag, the one that Acker had insisted she needed for the few cosmetics he could convince her to buy.

  She smiled sadly as she fought the quivering of her bottom lip for a moment before getting it under control and walking into the bathroom with her makeup case. It took her all of about six minutes to put on her cosmetics, then she returned to the bedroom and put the new clothes on. She slipped her feet into the black pumps and wondered who, and how, they’d gotten her sizes just right. Nina walked back into the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her skin was more tanned than it used to be because she spent so much time outside now.

  The dark circles were a little less noticeable because someone, Two most likely, had brought her makeup to her so she’d been able to hide them. The skirt was straight and fit her snugly with a kick pleat in the back. Together with the blouse and shoes it was the perfect outfit for her to wear today. She focused on her hair and pulled the scrunchy out of her hair before gathering it up in a twist at the back of her head. She walked over to the makeup bag and dug in the bottom of it with one hand while holding her hair in place with the other. Finding what she searched for, she used the hairpins in the bottom of the bag to hold her French twist in place. She checked the mirror again, and satisfied with her reflection, she took a deep breath and breathed it out slowly through her mouth. She squared her shoulders and walked out of the bathroom, flicking the light off as she walked out.

  <<<<<<<>>>>>>>

  When Nina stepped into the living room, she came face to face with six males who were all watching her expectantly.

  “Is there a problem?” she asked, having tensed and stopped in her tracks at the sight of all of them focused on her.

  “No. The clicking of your heels let us know you were coming down the hall,” Valor said.

  “Oh,” Nina said, relaxing a bit.

  “You look really pretty today, Nina. Not that you don’t usually, but with the skirt and makeup and all, you know?” Two said.

  Nina tried to offer him a ghost of a smile. “Thank you, Two. And thank you for the makeup, and the clothes,” she added, having decided that Two most likely ordered them for her.

  “You’re welcome. But I only brought the makeup. Lethal bought the clothes,” Two explained.

  Nina looked over toward Lethal who was perched on the back of a chair beside the window.

  Lethal just watched her, he gave no indication of what he was thinking, but that for him was normal.

  “Thank you for thinking of me. I hadn’t even considered what I’d wear today. And they fit perfectly. Thank you,” Nina said.

  “You’re welcome, Nina,” Lethal answered.

  Nina nodded but didn’t say anything else.

  “You hungry? Want to eat before you go?” Valor asked.

  Nina shrugged. “Should I?” she asked without irritation in her voice as she looked to Lethal. She just didn’t want to think even about eating.

  “If you want to,” Lethal answered. “There are no rules today, Nina. Do whatever you want to,” Lethal said.

  Nina looked over toward the kitchen, then at each of the males sitting around the living room watching her, then back toward the bedroom. She didn’t know what she wanted. She’d gotten used to Lethal making even the simplest of choices for her.

  “I don’t know. I don’t even care. I don’t want to decide. That’s why I’m here,” she finally snapped before turning and starting back toward the bedroom.

  “Nina!” Lethal said, moving from the back of the chair and toward her.

  Nina stopped walking, but stayed where she was.

  “Come on. Eat a little bit. You’ll need your strength today,” Lethal said, placing his hands on her shoulders from behind and steering her gently toward the kitchen.

  “I don’t want to deal with today,” Nina whispered.

  “I know. But Acker deserves the respect of every male here that he helped to free. And he needs you to be there to say goodbye and to demonstrate to everyone present the magnitude of the male he was by simply being there for him,” Lethal said.

  Nina sat in the chair Lethal pulled out for her, and while he rummaged around the kitchen for the blueberry bagels he’d discovered she had an affinity for, she simply nodded her head in understanding.

  Then minutes later there was a knock at the door that Feral jumped up to open.

  “Morning, Feral. Is Nina ready to go?” General Ferriday asked.

  “Yes, come in,” Feral answered, stepping back so the General could enter their home.

  As General Ferriday walked into the house, Nina stood from her seat at the table and faced him.

  “Hello, Nina. I’m not even going to ask how you’re doing today. But we’ll get through it together, yeah?” he asked.

  Nina nodded.

  “You ready?” he asked, holding out his arm for Nina to join him.

  “No, but we can go,” Nina answered.

  General Ferriday escorted Nina outside to his truck, and once she was settled inside the cab, he closed the door and hurried around to the driver’s side. He glanced over toward Lethal who was watching at the front door of the house. “See you there?”

  “We’ll be there,” Lethal answered.

  <<<<<<<>>>>>>>

  The area they’d chosen for a graveyard was about half a mile from the community. It was on a small rise with a few trees dotting here and there through it. There were already several graves here belonging to the Variant males who didn’t survive rescue. Acker and Benson would be the first human casualties to be laid to rest here.

  General Ferriday had spoken to Nina and asked what she wanted done. If she wanted his body to be laid to rest in a memorial Veterans cemetery, or if she wanted him here in Alliance.

  She’d wanted him near, but decided to ask the surviving members of his team what they thought he’d prefer. When asked, they all as one answered, “here with you,” so he was being laid to rest in Alliance. Since Benson didn’t have any family, he was being laid to rest here as well.

  Nina stood beside General Ferriday, surrounded by Acker’s team as both Acker and Benson were laid to rest. They were buried with full military honors, including the attendance of several of the high ranking officials that had been se
en in and about Alliance in the last couple of weeks. Almost the entire population of Alliance was there to pay their respects to Acker and Benson for their part in the freedom of the Variant people. Law and the members of the governing board stood across from her on the other side of the casket along with Brutal, Athena and her squad. There were so many people there that some were standing ten people deep to pay their respects.

  Nina appeared to be fine until they removed the flags from the caskets and began folding them. And even then she was able to hold herself together with the exception of the tears streaming down her face. But when they presented her with the flag from Acker’s coffin, she fell apart, holding the flag to her chest with one hand and sobbing with her face buried in the other.

  Lethal and his males were standing just behind Nina and the General. Lethal watched her heart breaking again and just couldn’t stop himself. He stepped forward, planning to take her in his arms, but she moved away from him at the same time making a beeline for Acker’s casket. Nina leaned against the casket, her arms stretched out across the top of it.

  “It’s not fair,” she repeated over and over again, petting the top of the casket.

  Then Law moved toward Nina, trying to pull her away from the coffin. “Nina, honey, he’s not in there. It’s just a body. He’s already watching over you from somewhere else,” Law told her.

  Nina shook her head, and slapped at his hand. “No. Leave me alone,” she insisted.

  The rain seemed to want to join her in her misery, and chose that exact moment to decide to drown them all again.

  “Come, Nina. Let’s leave here so the men can finish their jobs, huh?” General Ferriday said, trying to urge her to leave the casket as he held the umbrella above her.

  “Nina, we have to finish the burial. Come on, stand up,” Roscoe said. “It’ll be okay. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it will be okay,” he said, trying to get his arms around her to pull her to a standing position.

  Lethal let a rumble leave his chest.

  Roscoe looked up at Lethal. “Her heart is breaking. The least you can do is try to comfort her.”

  “Leave her alone. She’s got a right to mourn any way she chooses,” Lethal said. “I don’t give a damn how long the burial crew has to wait. They can wait all fucking day and night. Leave her alone.”

  Roscoe looked over toward General Ferriday, who nodded.

  It didn’t take long for Nina to cry herself out, and she just sat quietly beside the coffin in the pouring rain. Once Lethal saw her begin to calm, he walked over to her and knelt beside her. “You want to let them finish so everyone can pay their respects and leave?”

  Nina looked up at Lethal; confusion evident on her face. Then slowly she looked around at everyone waiting for her to allow the service to continue. Nina reached for Lethal who slipped his arms around her waist and lifted her to her feet. Then he escorted her back to her place beside General Ferriday, but this time he stood with her, and his males filled in on both sides of them. Nina looked to the left and the right and realized they were all there for her. Each of them stood in the rain without complaint for as long as she caused them to, and not one of them even considered leaving her side.

  Lethal still had her in his arms more or less, supporting her while she clung to his forearm. She squeezed his arm as she watched the burial crew begin to lower Acker’s coffin into the ground, and her tears started all over again.

  Chapter 48

  Once they buried Benson beside Acker, the crowd began to disperse. Some of them returned to work, others simply gathered in the cafeteria where they’d made a lunch to celebrate the lives of the two men laid to rest today.

  “Come eat with us, Nina,” General Ferriday said, trying to get her to leave the gravesite.

  Nina stared at the grave and just shook her head in response.

  “I’ll stay with her,” Lethal said, still supporting her physically.

  General Ferriday looked at the crowd quickly leaving, before turning his attention back to Nina. “Don’t stay out here too long, Nina. You’ll catch a cold out in this rain. Come inside and get a bite to eat and listen to all the stories that I’m sure will be shared about Acker. They’ll make you smile.”

  Nina nodded but didn’t even look at General Ferriday. Instead she let go of Lethal and started moving toward Acker’s grave.

  General Ferriday watched her for a moment before offering his umbrella to Lethal. “Don’t let her stay out here too long, son.”

  “She’s fine. I’ll be with her,” Lethal answered, making no promises. He accepted the umbrella and took three large strides to catch up with Nina. He slipped the umbrella’s loop over his wrist then stepped up to her left side and put his right arm around her waist while offering her his left hand to hold on to as she walked across the soaking wet grass in three inch heels.

  Nina took his hand and held on while she approached the gravesite, then promptly let it go as she sank down on her knees to run her fingers over the headstone the General had commissioned for Acker.

  Lethal stood over her and just let her be.

  She ran her fingers over and over Acker’s name, his birth date and the date he died. She couldn’t quite bring herself to touch the inscription that proclaimed him a beloved partner to Nina, brother to his team, freedom fighter to all of the Variant people, and soldier of the United States of America.

  Lethal could have stood there all day just watching over her, but he wanted to be nearer to Nina so she’d know he was with her and not just waiting for her. So he sat on the wet grass beside her and just relaxed there, waiting for her next move.

  Finally, she spoke, but it was a soft whisper and she didn’t look at him, so he missed it. “What?” he asked. Because of the rain and her voice being so raw as a result of her crying, he had a hard time hearing her.

  “He said he loved me,” Nina repeated softly.

  “I have no doubt he did,” Lethal agreed.

  “I never told him I loved him, too,” Nina confessed, beginning to cry again, but quietly this time.

  Lethal was not good at comforting crying women, but this crying woman was his. The fact that she was crying over the loss of another male was irrelevant to him. She was still crying and hurting, so he’d do his best. “Were you supposed to?” he asked, thinking getting her to talk about it was the thing to do.

  He caught movement in his peripheral vision and looked up to find his team still there, and Feral looking at him like he was an idiot with his hands in the air, palms up, as though saying, ‘Really?’.

  Lethal ignored him and tried to think of something better to say. “I’m sure he knew,” Lethal said.

  “I hope he knew,” Nina said.

  “I think it must be easy to tell if someone loves you. Seems to me all you have to do is look for the signs. Do they take care of you? Are they happy to see you when you walk into a room. Do they listen when you speak to them no matter what it’s about? Are they happy when you’re around? I didn’t know him well, Nina, but I know I saw all those things when you were together. He knew you loved him.”

  Nina looked up at Lethal. “Do you think so?”

  “I do,” Lethal answered.

  “He said that love wasn’t three little words, it was the things you did and felt for one another,” Nina said.

  “He was right,” Lethal agreed.

  Nina settled in to spend a little more time there and rested her back against the headstone.

  “You know? I think I’ll build you a bench here, and maybe some kind of shelter, too, so whenever you want to, you can come visit without having to worry about the weather or sitting on the ground,” Lethal said, looking around.

  Nina looked up at him. “You’d do that?” she asked.

  “Of course I would, Nina,” he answered, watching her closely. He knew this was not the day for her to notice the things he did for her, or the things he felt when he was near her, but he hoped that when her heart had healed enough, maybe she’d rememb
er. “I know what he meant to you. It’s why I stayed hidden when I discovered you were already here.”

  “Because I was already with him?” Nina asked.

  “Because I wanted you to be happy,” Lethal countered.

  Nina sat quietly beside the headstone again before bringing up the crash that killed Acker and Benson. “I still don’t understand what happened. They knew not to fly in weather like that,” she said, shaking her head sadly. “Why were they even there?” she asked.

  Lethal thought about letting it go, but he didn’t want her angry at him later for withholding information about Acker’s death. “He was there for justice.”

  Nina looked at him again. “What do you mean?”

  “He was leaving Freedom, Louisiana. He stayed longer than he should have despite the storm because his target was not where he should have been, and he didn’t want to come home without delivering the justice he had planned,” Lethal explained. “It’s nobody’s fault, Nina. Any of them could have made the call to leave and Acker would have had to comply, but they all chose the mission and they all chose to stay.”

  Nina’s jaws clenched and she shook her head slowly. “He was there for me,” she finally managed to say.

  “He was there for himself, because he as a man needed to avenge a wrong visited on his woman. He was completely justified in his need. Life just sucks sometimes,” Lethal said.

  The rain started again and Lethal opened the umbrella, reaching out and holding it over Nina. It was more than an hour later she finally looked over at him. “I want to run,” she said.

  “You sure?” he asked. “In this weather?”

  “I’m tired of feeling. I don’t want to think anymore. I just want to run and not have to think of anything other than placing one foot before the other. And then when I move past this crippling, fucking pain, I need to train. I need to go back to Louisiana, and I need to finish what Acker started.”