Bullshit. She knew exactly when it had all started to change. When Logan had killed Wade Bryson. After that, he’d never been the same. Of course, he was still loving and fun. But…there was a part of him that he didn’t share with her anymore. A physical and emotional distance that he kept from his wife and children. She used to say that he was a wonderful father, so involved in the kids’ lives. In the last few years, she couldn’t say that anymore. He was a good father. But not a wonderful one. It was a small change but she could see it. Even more, the twins could see it now that they were older.
It was soul-crushing.
Because if Logan realized that he was doing this, he’d be disappointed in himself.
She’d tried to bring it up many times but he’d always brushed it off, telling her that he just needed to close this one case and then everything would be fine. It would all go back to what it had been before. But that never happened. Sometimes she wondered if he used his job to get away from the family. Was he bored being a father? A husband? Work was exciting, after all, and it was tough to compete. She wasn’t as fascinating as unraveling a puzzle and finding a killer or a stalker. She was sure there was no other woman. In a way, that would have been easier. She could hold her own when it came to some side chick. But her nemesis was far more fascinating than a great set of legs and boobs.
Was it the recognition that he craved? After putting a stop to Bryson’s reign of terror all those years ago, he hadn’t seemed all that interested with the newspapers and magazines that all wanted to interview him. But perhaps it had sparked something inside of him. He spent several weeks a year on the road, speaking at law enforcement conventions and seminars regarding serial killers and stalkers.
He’d made a name for himself in his field. He was often tapped by the cable news media to comment on cases around the country. He didn’t appear to enjoy all the attention, growling about how he was going to make the same presentation for the dozenth time. Maybe deep down, he actually liked it.
Or maybe their household was simply too chaotic with two moody teenagers. He was supremely in control at work. Respected. Here at home, he was just Dad.
And he was going to miss out on another milestone tonight. Honestly, she didn’t give a rat’s ass what the reason was anymore. She just wanted him to straighten the hell up and be there for his kids. She wasn’t even asking for herself. She would never beg him for his time, love, or attention. Ever. But for her kids? She’d smack him on the back of the head and tell him that he was an idiot.
Bustling to the front door, she peeked out the window and saw two extra cars parked in her driveway. It looked like both the twins’ dates had arrived at the same time. Brianna was going to freak out because she still hadn’t chosen a lipstick color that she liked.
Ava welcomed the teenagers into the house, offering soda and a few cookies. They were all decked out in their finest and they seemed very excited, chatting loudly in the kitchen. Colt came out of his room first, but Brianna followed right after. There were three sets of beautiful couples who were - hopefully - going to have a great evening.
And Brianna’s date Daniel Jameson was a cutie. Ava could see why her daughter had a little crush on him. He’d been super polite to Ava as well, obviously trying to impress the parent. It was adorable.
Ava held up her phone. “Okay, I’d like to take a few pictures before you go.”
The kids had already been taking photos but they all obediently posed with big smiles while Ava snapped as many as she could. This was a special night that she wanted the twins to remember their whole lives.
Another glance at the clock had Ava’s temper simmering. It was a Saturday. Logan wasn’t even supposed to be at the office, let alone working this late. She’d told him that the kids would be leaving at seven, and he’d promised to be home.
“Just a moment more,” she asked Brianna when it looked like they were ready to go. “I’m sure your dad will be home any minute. He’ll want to see you all dressed up.”
No one could roll their eyes like a teenager and Brianna was no exception.
“He can see the pictures. Honestly, he’s probably still at the office.”
“He said he’d be home to see you off.”
“Right. Whatever. We really can’t wait.”
Ava didn’t get a chance to argue back. The door between the kitchen and the garage opened and her incredibly late husband walked in. There were shadows under his eyes and he looked exhausted.
He doesn’t have to work that hard. We don’t need the money or anything. This is his choice.
Brianna and Colt greeted their father with a hug. Logan dropped a kiss on Brianna’s forehead as well, whispering something in her ear that made her smile and her cheeks turn pink. He slapped Colt on the back before covertly slipping each of his children some cash. He never liked the idea of either of them being out without money, despite the fact that both of the twins had a debit card. They’d set them up on a “teen’s account” last summer so they could learn how to manage their money.
He started to ask Daniel a few questions, but Ava intervened before he could do the heavy-handed dad stuff. If he was going to be a jerk to Daniel, then he had to be an equal jerk to Colt’s date. She was getting tired of his overprotectiveness with their daughter. They’d just talked about this but he was doing it again.
The three couples left, waving from the driveway. Logan had grabbed a beer and was now staring into their refrigerator.
I swear if he asks what’s for dinner I’m going to kill him. There isn’t a jury of married women that would convict me.
“Are you looking for something?”
Logan still didn’t turn around. “I’m pretty hungry. I was thinking about dinner.”
She’d had enough. He should have been here tonight, showing Colt how to tie his tie. He should have been there to tell Brianna she looked beautiful.
He should have been there. Period.
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
When she’d opened her mouth, those were not the words she’d expected to say. She was going to say something about ordering takeout because she was tired from running around today with Brianna getting her hair and nails done.
But that hadn’t been what came out. Instead, she’d said what was actually on her mind.
And I don’t regret it either.
4
When there were two people as strong-willed as Ava and Logan in a relationship, there was going to be some fussing and fighting. Luckily, they kept it to a minimum and never, ever fought in front of the kids. That was a firm rule. They were a united front with Colt and Brianna. Later, they could argue when the kids were out of earshot to their heart’s content.
Tipping the beer bottle, Logan took a lone draw, enjoying the cool liquid on his parched throat. He was tired, thirsty, hungry, and apparently a fucking idiot. At least his wife thought so.
She was probably right. She usually was.
Yet today he wasn’t much in the mood to hear how he’d fucked up. He’d had a crappy day at the office and had wanted to come home to something a hell of a lot warmer and happier than this. He didn’t even know for sure what he’d done but he had a feeling it was because he’d stayed at the office until late.
His beautiful but obviously pissed-off wife had marched into the living room and turned on the television, lounging back on the sofa. She didn’t look all that relaxed, however. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her lips were pressed into a thin line.
Yep, she’s mad.
He sat down on the chair next to the couch, placing the beer bottle on the coffee table.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
She didn’t take her gaze from the television. “What are you sorry for?”
“For being late. I know this was a big night for the kids.”
This time she did turn to him, her expression stormy. “Yes, it was a big night for the kids. But it was for us, too, Logan. Our twins just went to their first formal dance. Did
you see Colt in his tuxedo? And Brianna in her gown? I mean really see them? These are our children and this is a huge milestone in their lives. I guess I just thought you might want to be here for it.”
“I was here for it. I made it before they left.”
Her eyes widened and he had the distinct feeling that he’d said something wrong. Very, very wrong.
“You made it? Is that what you just said to me, Logan Wright? You’re all congratulatory to yourself because you made it? Holy shit, I can’t believe you sometimes.”
Logan was tired. Exhausted. He could sleep for a week. He wasn’t in the mood for this.
“If you have something to say, Ava, then just say it. Tell me what a lousy husband and father I am. Is that what you think? If so, just say it.”
She’d never said anything like that before. Sure, she’d complained now and again about his long working hours but mostly she’d let him do his job. But clearly, she was upset tonight about his absence.
He sounded aggressive but that was because he wanted to end this argument and move on. He didn’t have the energy to actually discuss it. He just wanted it to be done.
“Do you know how I spent my day, husband? Let me tell you. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off helping those two get ready for tonight. It would have been nice if their father, and my partner, had been here to lend a hand. They didn’t want to show it but they’re nervous as hell. They both needed support and it would have been nice to have you here. But of course, we’re the lowest on your priority list. Even on a Saturday. Heaven help the office if you’re not there. It might just wither away into dust and disappear. Screw your wife and kids. They’ll be fine. They’ll deal with it. Like we always do.”
Fuck and shit.
“The business pays the bills––“
Ava waved away his words, her eyes wide. “Don’t you dare, Logan Wright. Don’t you fucking dare try and act like the mighty breadwinner and I’m the little housewife. I bring in half the money to this household and you know it. The fact is you don’t want to do the dirty work. You don’t want to do the tough day to day stuff. You just want to show up fifteen minutes before they leave for the dance so you can help take a few pictures. And don’t think that the twins don’t notice because they do. Don’t be surprised in ten years when they don’t want to spend any time with you and you have no idea what’s going on in their lives. It will be too late. Hell, it might already be too late.”
His shoulders slumped, Logan didn’t have an argument. He was well aware that his wife was right. He spent far too many hours at the office, even after promising so many times that he wouldn’t do that. He’d hired people to travel so he wouldn’t have to but then he hadn’t made the changes that he needed to. Instead of being out in the field, he’d spend the time in the office working a punishing schedule. The other guys often told him to go home.
But he didn’t. And he didn’t know why.
He loved his family. He loved Ava. He loved Colt and Brianna. He adored them. But…something kept him at work, too. Yes, he loved his job but he didn’t need to physically be there as many hours a week as he was.
“I love you, Ava. I love the kids.”
Ava sighed and rubbed at her temple. He was sure he’d placed a blooming headache there.
“I know you do. And they know it, too. It’s just that they don’t feel like they’re important in your life. Even when we go on vacation you’re glued to your phone. You need to look up once in awhile because your kids are growing up, and in a few years they’re going to be gone to college. Listen, I know that you love us. We can feel that, Logan. But that’s only half of the puzzle. You need to let them know that you’re there for the little things. You don’t want to miss that, believe me. Today when I was driving Colt to get his shoes, we had the most interesting conversation about how he feels about certain types of music. I’m so glad that I was there for that because our son is a fascinating young man. It gave me a glimpse into how he thinks. And you missed that today. I think it’s sad.”
Now Logan was sad. He liked talking with his kids. He liked talking with Ava as well. She was so intelligent and had a way of looking at issues that he often had never thought of. Shit, this was bad.
“Why are you calling me out now? Why haven’t you said anything before?”
Her brows shot up. “Are you trying to blame me? Because I’m not going to let you turn this around so you’re off scot-free. As for why I haven’t said anything, I have. Maybe not constantly, because you know how I feel about nagging, but I have mentioned it. Maybe tonight you were just finally ready to listen.”
“I wasn’t trying to turn this around,” he protested, holding his hands up in surrender. “I was just trying to figure out how long I’ve been a dick.”
Her expression turned sad immediately. “It’s become worse as the years have gone by. It wasn’t this bad before.”
“Before?”
She looked up at him. “Before Wade Bryson. God, I hate him. Especially for what he’s done to you. I hate him.”
This was out of left field. He didn’t understand where she was going with this. Wade had been dead for years.
“What does Wade have to do with this?”
“He has everything to do with this.”
“Help a guy out. Pretend I’m not very bright.”
It wouldn’t be much of a stretch.
“You haven’t even noticed but I have. Since you killed Wade, you’ve been slowly pulling away from the family. It’s happened little by little but you’ve built a wall around yourself brick by brick with every passing day.”
“No, that’s not true.” He would know if it was. Right? Had he been walking around in a daze for years? He didn’t think so. “Wade doesn’t have anything to do with this.”
“Wade has everything to do with this.”
Ava’s tone was soft and gentle, but firm. She believed what she was saying.
“How could Wade make me distance myself from my family? It doesn’t make any sense. He’s dead and gone. Shit, we don’t even talk about him. Not much, anyway.”
“We don’t have to talk about him. He’s standing in between us as surely as if he was still alive and terrorizing innocent people.” She stood then, placing herself right in front of him, her hands on either side of his face, cupping his jaw. “I believe that you’ve distanced yourself because you think that me and the kids will hurt less and be less sad if something happens to you. If you die, then we won’t be devastated. But it doesn’t work like that. We have always known that you were a target and we want to love you with our whole hearts anyway. No matter what. We love you. It doesn’t matter how far you pull away, we’re not going to stop. But we are going to be angry about it.”
With that, her arms dropped to her sides and she walked away toward the bedroom. Logan didn’t move, hit over the head with her words and wisdom. As always, Ava had a way of sifting through the bull and getting down to the heart of a matter.
Since putting Wade Bryson in the ground, Logan had become something of a media hero for a short time afterward. He hadn’t sought it out but there always seemed to be someone who wanted him to recount the story. Logan would gladly never tell it ever again.
But it had also made him a target. While he was alive, Wade had cultivated followers, as many as he could. After his death, not all of them had moved on with their lives. Some deeply disturbed individuals had taken Wade as their martyr and messiah. Some of those people had made threats against Logan’s life. Mostly he didn’t take them seriously. He didn’t cower in fear because that was no way to live a life.
Or had he? Had he somehow unconsciously pulled away from his wife and children because he didn’t want them to grieve if he was murdered? Had he let Wade Bryson stand between him and his family?
Logan didn’t like the picture that Ava had painted of him tonight. In fact, he fucking hated it. He didn’t want to believe it, but in almost eighteen years of marriage she’d never lied to him.
She wouldn’t say this unless she truly believed it with all her heart. Maybe it was Wade in the middle or maybe not, but clearly he’d been falling down on being a husband and father.
This wasn’t the man that he wanted to be. He didn’t want to miss out on his kids’ lives. He sure as hell didn’t want to miss a moment of loving his wife. It was all passing far too fast and today he’d been given a slap on the head.
Figuratively, of course.
He needed to be present. Be there.
And that starts now.
5
Lying on the bed, Ava clicked through the channels, not even slightly interested in anything on television. She wasn’t in the mood so she left it on a cooking show and tossed the remote on the side table. It had been a long day and she was exhausted. She was hungry and tired, which wasn’t a good combination. Perhaps she’d let her emotions get the best of her. Now she and her husband weren’t speaking to one another and she hated that. She hated when they argued and luckily, they didn’t have a blowout like that very often.
But occasionally… They were both hard-headed, stubborn, and passionate people. It wasn’t a recipe for marital harmony one hundred percent of the time. There were going to be moments when the sparks flew. And not in a good bedroom kind of way.
Ava hadn’t meant to say all the things she did but she’d been holding them in too long. She’d tried to be patient, hoping that Logan would get over his fear but as time had passed, she’d become increasingly pessimistic. That he was completely unaware of it didn’t surprise her, however. He’d never been much for long spells of introspection, more of a man of action if the truth be told. He wanted to make things happen, not let them happen to him. He also didn’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about his emotions. That wasn’t his style.
Forgiven Justice (Cowboy Justice Association Book 14) Page 3
