Climbing Fear

by Leisl Leighton

  Tilly came to not long after they set off, complaining that her head hurt and snuggling into Reid’s arms, holding onto her mother’s hand. Nat held both their hands tightly, unable to believe she’d been given another chance, a chance she wasn’t going to shy away from. She was going to grab it and hold onto it and never let it go. And if Reid thought he could leave her behind at any stage, he would have another think coming.

  When they got to the hospital, Reid was rushed into surgery, his injury worse than he’d let on, his face pale from pain and blood loss. He grabbed Nat and kissed her roughly before they wheeled him off. ‘Wait for me,’ he said.

  ‘Always.’

  Then her attention was taken with Tilly and the tests they did to make sure the injury to her head wasn’t serious. During that time, Flynn was there, hand on her shoulder, a steady presence that held her firm, held her strong as Tilly drifted off to sleep and they waited to hear how Reid’s surgery was going.

  Finally, Reid was out of surgery and she and Flynn were allowed to go in and see him. Flynn organised for Barb and Tilly and Reid to be put in the same room together—he mercilessly used Reid’s fame to get his way. Reid and Tilly’s beds were on one side of the four-bed room, Barb on the other, the fourth bed kept empty for Nat to sleep in—there was no way she was leaving the hospital without her daughter and Reid.

  Flynn couldn’t stay. He had to go and deal with the mess at CoalCliff. Mac had called to say the press had already cottoned onto the story—one of the parents who was picking up their kids when everything went down was a reporter and it had just snowballed from there. Mac said he’d taken the phone off the hook and locked all the gates to keep the blowflies out. ‘They’re going to have a field day with this,’ Flynn said to her, running his hand through his curly auburn-brown hair making it stand up in unusual disarray. ‘But I’ll make sure they stay away from you for now.’

  ‘Oh god, I don’t want to think about what the Garonnes will do with this.’

  ‘They won’t do anything. They don’t have a leg to stand on. You’re with us now, Nat, with family.’ He hugged her to his side. ‘Findlay’s look after their own. We’ll look after you and Tilly.’

  ‘Thanks.’ She hugged him back, enjoying the sturdy familiarity of his big, solid frame. ‘I’m so glad you’re here.’

  ‘I’m not,’ he said flatly, making her laugh as he winked at her and then with a kiss on her head, left.

  Alone now, but knowing she would never be truly alone again, Nat waited beside the beds of the three most important people in her life.

  An hour later the nurse came in to check on the patients and see if Nat was okay as well. After everything that had happened in the last few weeks, it wasn’t surprising they were worried she might be suffering from shock. But she was surprisingly calm, happiness tingling inside her as she drank in the chance at bliss she’d been miraculously given today just when she’d thought she’d lost everything. The nurse left, encouraging her to lie down, but she didn’t feel tired.

  She reached over and brushed her daughter’s head, kissing her brow. Tilly didn’t even have a concussion and they said she’d be fine, although they wanted to keep her for observation for a day or so due to the stress of what she’d been through. She was deeply asleep, the painkillers helping a great deal towards that. It was good. Sleep more than anything else was going to be what was best for her right now.

  So much for wanting to take her daughter somewhere quiet and safe, away from all the dangers out there. Danger was everywhere. It wasn’t healthy to hide away from it though. It was something they were both going to have to learn to deal with.

  The hospital had given her the name of a child psychologist. It would probably be a good idea if they all went and saw one—they’d all been through so much. But they would get the help they needed and work through it as a family. Together.

  She kissed Tilly again and checked on Barb before she returned to Reid’s side, taking his hand in hers and kissing it, relishing the warmth of his skin, the roughness of the calluses from years of climbing and working outside. She brushed a hank of his dark brown hair away from his brow. He needed a haircut and a shave. She’d have to make sure he took better care of himself than he had been.

  A smile lit her face.

  She loved him. She loved him so much her heart felt like it would burst from it. But it was a good bursting, a calm bursting. He was fine, safe, and he would heal from this. She would make sure of it. His wound hadn’t been fatal, unlike what Tucker had done to Luke. Luke had been murdered. She would help Reid deal with that too.

  His eyes flickered open and he looked up at her. ‘Hello.’

  ‘Hello.’ She smoothed her hand over his silky hair. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Like someone stabbed me in the shoulder.’

  She choked on a laugh. ‘You’re an idiot.’

  ‘Your idiot.’

  ‘Damn right.’ She opened her mouth to say the thing she’d wanted to tell him before they’d gone haring back to CoalCliff this morning, panicking about Tilly’s safety, but there was a knock at the door and she turned to see Bryce standing there in his full police uniform.

  ‘Sorry to disturb you, but I just came to see if he’s awake yet.’

  Reid lifted his head from the pillow. ‘Awake and living to tell the tale. I expect you’ve got some questions to ask.’

  ‘Do you mind? I could come back later if you’re not up to it yet.’

  ‘I’m fine. I’d prefer to get it over and done with.’ He tried to edge up on the pillow and winced. ‘Damn it.’

  She leaned forward and grabbed the bed control. ‘Let me raise the bed before you hurt yourself or wake Barb and Tilly.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  As the humming of the raising mechanism filled the air, Bryce picked a chair up and carried it over to place next to Nat’s, facing her and Reid. ‘Do you mind if I record the interview?’ he asked, holding up his phone.

  ‘Not at all,’ she said after looking at Reid for his nod. ‘I expect it’s easier than scribbling notes.’

  ‘In a case like this with so many parts, it certainly is.’ He scratched his head. ‘Smuggled diamonds, murder, attacks—not something that usually happens in a shire like this.’ He winked at Nat, gesturing with his head towards Reid. ‘Must be the big star pulling in all the crazies.’

  Nat’s lips quirked. ‘It must be.’

  ‘Hey!’ Reid said.

  She kissed the back of his hand. ‘It’s just a relief that this isn’t all centred around me for once.’

  Reid’s hand shifted in hers, his thumb sweeping across the pulse point in her wrist, making it jump. ‘I am too.’

  After turning on his phone’s recorder and asking on tape for their permission to record their interview, Bryce asked them to tell him their version of events, stopping them occasionally to clarify with a brief question. At the end, he stopped the recording. ‘Thanks. That meshes with what we were able to get out of Mr Maren.’

  ‘What’s going to happen to Steve?’

  He scratched his head. ‘I’m not sure about that. At his own admission he’s been involved in a smuggling syndicate for some years, was involved in the murder of Luke, was responsible for the break-in and attack at your house, he hurt Barb and poisoned the dog and then shot and killed Mr Tucker.’

  ‘He did that to save us.’

  ‘Yes. That’s not really going to mitigate the rest though, I’m afraid. If he works with the prosecutor, giving information about the syndicate, then he might get a reduced sentence, but he will be going away for a long time.’

  ‘I’m not sure how I feel about that. He was my friend, Luke’s lover, and yet he betrayed us both.’

  Nat kissed Reid’s hand again. ‘We’ll see someone to help us through this, together, you, me and Tilly.’

  ‘I like the sound of that.’

  Bryce stood to go, putting his cap on his head, then paused. ‘The letter that was in Mr Maren’s bag has been e
ntered into evidence, but I thought, given it was addressed to you, you had a right to see what was inside it, so I photocopied it.’ He pulled an envelope out of his vest pocket. ‘Don’t tell anyone.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Reid took the envelope, fingers trembling a little.

  ‘I’ll go now. If we have any further questions, you’ll be at CoalCliff?’

  ‘Yes. Both of us.’

  ‘Good then. Maybe when you’re out of here we can catch up for a drink at the Wally pub and talk about better things.’

  ‘Sounds good to me.’

  ‘Ms Robinson.’

  ‘Detective.’ She smiled and waved at him as he walked out the door then turned back to Reid who was staring at the envelope in his hands. He looked so pale and tired.

  ‘You don’t have to read it now. It will keep.’

  ‘No. I want to know how this all started. I want to hear what Luke wanted to tell me.’

  ‘But we know they must have set him up, that he had nothing to do with the drugs, that he tried to stop them and it’s why they killed him.’

  His eyes met hers. ‘I know.’ He held it out to Nat. ‘Will you read his last words to me out loud?’

  Throat burning, she unfolded the pieces of paper and began to read.

  ‘Hey mate. You’ll only be reading this if something’s happened to me, so I hope you never get to read it, but if you are, I wanted you to know why I did what I did.

  I found out Steve was involved with smuggling blood diamonds.

  I knew something shifty was going on, with late night calls and him being all jumpy, particularly when we were going in and out of countries, and at first I thought it was drugs because he and Tucker had been so tight, and I knew he’d been involved back then. It’s why I broke up with him, although I didn’t tell you because Steve pleaded with me to let him prove he was better than that, and I couldn’t say no. For some reason I couldn’t understand, Tucker didn’t turn him in. It was only later I realised why. He was still working for Tucker, smuggling blood diamonds. I hacked into his email and found meet instructions for most of the places we visited. He was hiding the diamonds in our equipment, or the souvenirs we brought back in hidden compartments. Idiot didn’t realise I was onto him. I saw him stashing something in my gear before we left, so when he was busy, I checked it. He’d put a couple of phallic wooden idols he’d bought as a joke for his dad in there. I knew the moment I picked them up they had something inside them—they were too heavy. They were full of diamonds. I put them in a different bag, then when we were back home, hid them in that chest I bought when we were in Tibet last. I’m going to ask you to hold onto it and put this letter in it among the gear I keep in there—Steve will never guess you have them. I’ve also been writing up the info I’ve found in my diaries and have referred to Tucker and Steve as T and S and the link to the dropbox I saved the emails to is in there as well.

  Now I’ve got the diamonds and the rest of the evidence, I’m going to give Steve an ultimatum—turn himself and Tucker in and give evidence against the syndicate, or I’ll do it for him, taking everything I have to the police.

  I know you are probably swearing at me right now, saying what an idiot I am and that I should have taken what I know to the police already, but you know me, despite the way he’s betrayed us, Steve is a good man deep down. I loved him once and I need to give him the chance to make right the mistakes of his past. I guess if you’re reading this letter, he didn’t do that at all and now it’s up to you to set it right.’

  Nat’s voice wobbled and she sucked in a shuddery breath, looking up at Reid’s steely expression. He nodded for her to continue.

  ‘I’m sorry for that, man, you can’t know how sorry, but despite that, I have to ask one thing of you. Well, two actually. First, forgive me for not coming to you and telling you about this first. I only didn’t because I knew you would have talked me into taking the information straight to the police and not trying to make a karmic adjustment in Steve’s soul. I know you don’t believe in that, but I do. Secondly, given my plan has obviously failed, I need you to do what I know you’re saying I should have done in the first place—turn him in and send him to jail as you did with Tucker. I need you to make sure they can’t do this again. Tens of thousands of people have been murdered and tortured and used as slave labour for this trade, and it has to stop. I need you to go to the police and give them everything I’ve collected—you’ll find copies of everything hidden in my gear—and make the bastards pay for all the lives they’ve ruined, including mine.

  I know you understand why I have to do this. You and Barb saved me and now it’s my turn to save someone else—or at least try.’

  Nat’s voice trembled again but Reid’s hand closed convulsively over hers as tears streamed down her face, his eyes burning into her as he took the letter from her, and finding the place she’d been at, finished reading it out loud, his voice full of tears.

  ‘I’m sorry, man, to place this at your feet. I know how much you must be hurting inside if I’m gone, but I know that you’re strong enough to handle it all—my death, Steve’s betrayal, the impact on our dreams. I know you think you aren’t capable of running our business, but I know you are, because you’re the reason we have it all in the first place. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been able to do anything you set your mind to and I was just lucky enough to follow along, backing you up.

  You’re one of the strongest men I’ve ever met and I just want you to know that working with you, being best mates with you, it’s been the wonder of my life. And even while writing this, even while knowing there’s a possibility that it all might come to a crashing end soon, I can’t regret any of it, because it made me a man strong enough to do what must be done. A man just like you.

  Stay strong, man, live life and be happy. Oh, and do that thing I always said you should do. You guys were meant to be together.

  Your mate in all life’s adventures and beyond,

  Luke.’

  ***

  Tears were streaming down Nat’s face and she wiped at them futilely. ‘Oh god, Reid. Don’t blame yourself. Please don’t blame yourself.’

  He folded the letter, smoothing it on his lap, then his own face wet with tears, looked up at her. ‘I don’t. I blame them.’ He had known. Luke would never have done what they said he did and here, finally, was the proof that Reid had missed nothing, that he wasn’t an oblivious fool where it counted the most. Yes, he’d missed Steve’s betrayal, but so had everyone else except for Luke. But of course Luke had noticed. He’d never stopped loving Steve. He’d tried and failed to save the man he loved, to save others, but that failure hadn’t been for nothing. He would make sure of it. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t read this earlier, because then most of this wouldn’t have happened. But I don’t blame myself for that either. This isn’t on me.’

  ‘No, it’s not. You couldn’t have known. Nobody could have. But you’ll make it right now.’

  ‘Yes, I will.’

  She smiled at him, lips trembling, eyes still drenched with tears.

  ‘Don’t cry.’ He wiped the last tears from his face.

  ‘But it’s so horribly sad. He tried to do the right thing and everyone thinks he was a drug addict and criminal.’

  ‘Not for long. Everyone needs to know about this.’

  ‘Yes.’ She gripped his hands. ‘Yes.’ She blinked rapidly. ‘He was a hero.’

  ‘Yes, he was.’

  ‘And now you get to be his hero.’ He looked at her, enquiringly. She smiled, the long, slow smile he loved. ‘Now you get to clear his name and put something in place that he’d be proud of.’

  His eyes widened as he realised what she was talking about. ‘The camp that we talked about for the “at risk” kids.’

  She nodded. ‘Maybe we’re not thinking big enough. Maybe we need to start the Luke Harding Foundation for At Risk Kids. He wanted to make a difference, so let’s help him to continue doing that. We can do horse therapy, bush treks and s
urvival training, and even if you can’t climb, I bet you can teach others to on Luke’s Wall. There’s so much we can do.’

  He pulled her forward and kissed her, his mouth moving over her tear-stained face before moving over her mouth. ‘I love you.’

  ‘I love you too.’

  The words burst like wildfire, like a sunrise, inside him. She loved him. She’d said it last night before she’d sent him away, but then there’d been a ‘but’ attached. Now it was different. There was no ‘but’. Just a freely given, open ended, joyous declaration. ‘Say it again.’

  ‘I love you.’

  He kissed her again. He could never stop hearing that and wanting to shout to the mountains in jubilation for the gift of that love. A love that wasn’t a crutch, that wasn’t a Band-Aid, but was a healing. It made him whole like he’d never been whole before. He lifted his lips from hers, wanting to tell her what was in his heart, but she put her finger over his lips.

  ‘You wanted to talk, but I have something to say first.’ She sat back, taking a deep breath, her beautiful face full of serious intent. ‘Before last night, I thought that I could take the for-now happiness you offered me and be happy with that, but I’m not. Happy with that.’

  ‘Nat …’ Oh hell, was he wrong about what he’d just thought? No. He couldn’t be wrong.

  She shook her head. ‘Let me finish.’ She took another deep breath. ‘I know you have to leave at some stage, that your life is out there, being the person you’re supposed to be, the person you need to find again after Luke. You have to get back to your show and your life. I thought I was fine to let you go, but I’m not. I will never be okay with that. I want it all. I want this Christmas and every other with you. And I don’t care if that’s here or somewhere else, because I realised that I don’t need to stay in one place to have stability, all I need is strength in myself, and you and Tilly by my side to help catch me when I wobble. So, when you leave, we’re coming with you.’

  ‘Good.’ He hadn’t been wrong and she was saying exactly what he’d wanted to say to her.

  ‘What?’