“Boyfriend?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s what you wanted?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Couldn’t man up in his own room?”
“There were people home,” I said. “So we wanted to do something fun and memorable. He knew the place was empty. So that’s where… you know.”
Hil nodded. “Did you enjoy it?”
“That I won’t talk about,” I said.
“Oh… that means he didn’t know what he was doing.”
“And you did?”
“I always know what I’m doing, beauty.”
“How did I know you were going to say that?”
“Because you can’t get enough of me. You can’t stop thinking about me. Wanting me. That’s why you chose me to take you home.”
“I chose you because I wouldn’t have to talk to you on the ride home.”
“That’s bullshit. We didn’t talk then but we are now. You could have gotten out of Uly or Ash’s ride and hurried away. With me, you enjoyed the ride home and now you’re talking to me.”
“Whatever, Hil.”
“That’s your way of saying I’m right.”
I didn’t respond to that.
I let a few seconds go by.
“So…,” I said. “Where was yours?”
Hil grinned.
He didn’t respond.
“Well?” I asked. “You can’t tell me about yours? Let me guess… you were fucking drunk or high, right? Or maybe it was just so long ago and the list of names is so many…”
That’s when Hil got off the motorcycle.
He dropped his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it.
As he closed in on me, my body began to burn.
He lowered his mouth down near mine.
He paused before kissing me. “I’m a pure gentleman. I would never take the time of another and then talk about it to someone else. That would ruin it. Anything said, done, touched, kissed, or more, stays between the two racing hearts involved, Belle.”
My lips quivered for his lips to touch mine.
Hil gently placed his hand to my chest.
Over my heart.
I gasped.
“Feels like your heart is already racing, beauty,” he said.
Hil kissed me.
Nothing like the way Ash and I kissed, but potent enough that even though it was short lived, he left me kissing the air, wanting more.
“You’re leaving?” I blurted out.
Hil put the bucket helmet on his head and grinned. “If I stay, it’s for one reason and one reason only. Ready to keep that kind of secret close to your chest, beauty?”
My teeth chattered for a few seconds, long enough to give him his answer.
The hottest part about Hil… besides the icy, gray eyes and forever pushed back hair and the smell of the leather jacket and cigarette smoke and the things he said and the fact that he rode a motorcycle… it was how he knew how to leave me hanging.
For a guy so aggressive, strong and crazy, the fact that he just got on his motorcycle and took off…
I dropped my cigarette to the ground.
And I stomped on it.
Then I walked over to his cigarette, which was already put out.
And I stomped on that one too.
Like I was some spoiled girl, not getting what I wanted.
But that was the thing…
I wasn’t even sure what I wanted anymore.
sixteen
How I let Lizzy and Danica talk me into another Raza party I wasn’t sure.
I must have been in a daze or some kind of high trying to put everything about Them together. Because in a way, I knew it all. Right? Their truths. Their pasts. Their presents. The only piece missing for the moment was the ring both Uly and Hil wore. With the missing diamond in each ring. That was probably easy to figure out…
Some girl tore the band apart. Some girl got between Uly and Hil and ruined it all.
I wanted to meet that girl and see who had the power to take Them down.
Because part of me was starting to want that kind of power to do it again.
Sitting home at Jo’s meant thinking the same thoughts a million times over. I thought about getting in touch with Miss Whitaker, but doing that meant I’d have to endure Uly.
So in some backwards way it made sense to go to Raza’s.
Danica drove like before.
Lizzy did her makeup in the mirror.
At a red light, Danica turned and grinned at me. “Lizzy wants to get lucky. So we have to be her wing-women.”
“I don’t need your help,” Lizzy said.
“Is she still hot and bothered because of Ash?” I asked.
Danica snorted.
Lizzy gasped and looked in the little mirror at me. “Seriously, Belle?”
“Ba…ba…ba…ba…,” I mimicked Lizzy from when she had been on the beach.
Someone behind us beeped their horn as the light had turned green.
Danica put down her window and stuck her head out. “Go fuck yourself!” she yelled without hesitation.
She started to drive and Lizzy kept putting on makeup.
“Can we make it a point to not get stupid drunk and lost tonight?” Danica asked. “Or get into a fight?”
“I can’t promise anything,” I said. “You never know what kind of mood I’ll be in.”
“She’s getting too close to Them,” Lizzy said. “She’s talking like Them now.”
“Acting it too,” Danica said. “How the hell did you beat up Lila and not get into trouble?”
Lizzy looked back at me. “Did you make a deal with Werthwood?”
I laughed. “Yeah, right. Actually, Miss Whitaker saved me. She told him some story about me having my period and some assignment she made me do that made my emotions go crazy.”
“Damn,” Danica said. “Maybe I should pay attention more in her class. I could rhyme… the bird flew in the sky that was blue… and its feathers drew a line that… looked like you…”
“Oh, I got it,” Lizzy said. “I got gum on my shoe and I don’t know what to do… I have no clue…”
I leaned forward. “And the stupid bitch in the mirror… is you.”
“Perfect!” Danica yelled. “Now we all get a perfect grade. Thanks, Miss Whitaker.”
“Hey,” I said. “You two know everything, right? Like about Them… their parents… the situation with Miss Whitaker…”
“Bits and pieces,” Lizzy said. “Kind of weird how they all have a dead parent.”
Not Hil…
“There were rumors about Miss Whitaker,” Danica said. “But when Uly went on the warpath those stopped fast. Anyone who even thinks about talking about it gets destroyed. Don’t get involved, Belle.”
“I wonder if they’re related or something,” Lizzy said. “That’s my guess. She got into trouble once. Some guy or something.”
“Lizzy, shut up,” Danica said. “That was a rumor.”
“We’re just talking,” Lizzy said.
“She’s banging Them,” Danica said. “Who knows what she says to Them.”
“Yeah, well fuck you too, Danica,” I said.
She laughed. “I’m sort of kidding. But seriously, I don’t know the story. There was some weird stuff that went down when Uly’s father died. It was known, then it was really quiet, and then it was like nothing happened.”
“Uly had to go to see the counselor for a while,” Lizzy said. “I think everyone was afraid he was going to snap. But he never did. At least not until the Miss Whitaker thing happened.”
“Which was what?” I asked.
“What we just said,” Danica said. “Leave it at that. Some things you are better off not knowing. Can you write that down, Belle?”
“Whatever,” I said. “At least they won’t be here tonight. Right?”
“You tell us,” Lizzy said.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not texting any of Them. Raza sai
d they usually never show up.”
“That was before you,” Danica said.
And those four words were powerful enough to shut all three of us up for the rest of the ride to Raza’s.
That was before you.
I hated those four words.
Before me? Before me… what? If I hadn’t shown up, then what? Would Uly have been fighting with the Rulz by himself? Would Ash be fucking Lila for fun? Or something more…
It was all in my head, just swimming. Maybe it was surfing. Catching the big waves of thoughts and crazy shit that made up my mind.
That was before you.
I was happy when I saw Raza’s house.
I jumped out of the car and Raza was on the top step of the porch.
He pointed at me. “You’re trouble, Belle.”
“You’re going to be in trouble if you don’t me let in there to get a drink.”
“I don’t like this,” Raza said. “At all.”
“Eat shit, Raza,” Danica said. “You love the drama. You use it to get more people here.”
“If you don’t let us in, she’ll call Them,” Lizzy said.
“Damn right I will,” I said. I reached for my phone. I pretended to text. “Hey, Uly, it’s Belle. Guess what? Raza is being a shithead and won’t let us into his party… can you come talk to him?”
Raza shook his head. “You’re as bad as Them, Belle. Worst part is you’re damn pretty.”
“Well, thanks for saying that,” I said. “Now move.”
“You can get a drink,” Raza said. “But you have to take it to the beach.”
“What about Lizzy?” Danica asked. “She’s looking for a little…”
“Just a little?” Raza asked with a grin. He lost all train of thought as he looked at Lizzy.
“Not sure you have enough to drink here for that to happen,” Lizzy said.
Raza stepped down two steps and put his hand out. “Let’s see if I do…”
I snorted and laughed.
I walked by Raza and he quickly turned. “Belle, I’m serious.”
I waved my phone at him. “Me too.”
“Fuck,” he said.
He stayed out of our way as we went into the house. My eyes looked to all the spots from last time. The spot where I saw Uly. The spot where I stood when Uly approached me.
Even when I got my drink and went outside, I looked to the railing where I almost fell from trying to spy on Ash and Lila.
Douchebag. Whore.
I kept going forward though, which was both literal and maybe metaphorical too.
Down the deck steps to the beach.
There were a few fires blazing on the beach and I picked the one in the middle.
Two guys sat with guitars, strumming away, singing made up lyrics about anything and anyone they saw.
“That’s Joshy and Luke,” Danica whispered to me. “Total stoners. But cool to hang with. Never any problems, you know?”
“How would you know?” I asked.
Danica winked.
I shook my head.
“Works for me,” Lizzy said. “Guys with guitars are so fucking hot. Even if they can’t play. Just lie to me and say you can.”
“Wow, you are desperate,” I said.
“Not desperate,” Lizzy said. “In need. We all can’t be like you, Belle. Send a text and have the three hottest guys at BFH in your bed.”
“They’ve never seen my bed,” I said.
“You know what I meant.”
“Ah, check this out,” someone yelled. “We’ve got three pretty girls joining the fun.”
“Joshy,” Danica whispered to me. Then she waved to Joshy.
He grinned and nodded, which told me everything he and Danica had ever done.
Whoa.
Joshy and Luke looked at each other and nodded.
Then they broke out into a new song.
Strumming their guitars together.
Luke started to whistle, which didn’t sound all that bad.
Joshy nodded and grinned before he started singing.
About us.
“Three pretty girls, walking by the fire, on a warm night at the beach. I asked them to sit down, relax, take some time to hang with me. The one I knew, this wild number, who knew how to break a heart. The one in the middle, a little devilish, goddamn, where can I start…”
I laughed.
They weren’t great. But they weren’t bad.
Luke then nudged Joshy.
And instead of singing, he did a talking to the beat of the song kind of thing.
“I told them once and a hundred times to not be afraid of nickels turning into dimes. And what comes next when the fire burns low and the waves still cheer as they wait for their show. Come sit next to me and don’t worry about a thing because all I’ve got are plenty of words that tie together on a string…”
A couple people clapped.
Joshy and Luke kept going, playing the same chords over and over, their heads bobbing, eying each other, trying to figure out what to sing next.
And as fun as the night was it was suddenly cold.
Darker.
Silent… even though the guitars were still playing.
I felt Lizzy nudge me.
The look on her face told me more than I wanted to know.
I barely had to turn my head before I gasped.
It was Them… on the beach…
* * *
Uly, Hil, and Ash.
Like they had just appeared from nowhere.
Straight out of hell and into my heart… that’s how it felt.
All three staring right at me.
Joshy and Luke didn’t seem to notice.
They just kept playing their guitars.
Uly made the next move.
A cigarette between his lips, he walked toward the fire.
There were three people sitting next to Joshy and they quickly pushed their way down to make room for Uly.
He stepped over pieces of wood that had been put there as seats.
Joshy looked up at Uly and that’s when he stopped playing.
But he didn’t move his fingers from the guitar.
Luke stopped playing too.
Now the beach was silent.
Uly reached down and I gasped.
I caught myself jumping forward.
No more… please… no more fighting… no more punching… no more blood… because something is going to be my fault. Because I fucking smiled at some guy playing a guitar. Because some guy made up lyrics about me for fun…
I heard a whistle and turned my head.
Ash had whistled at me.
I lifted my left middle finger.
Ash didn’t move.
Hil winked at me.
My eyes quickly moved back to Uly and Joshy.
Uly’s hand touched Joshy’s middle finger.
Fuck…
Uly used his other hand to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
He then did something to Joshy’s middle finger.
“Press the goddamn string,” Uly said. “Or else you’re going to buzz the B… you can’t fuck up a basic G chord, right?”
Joshy looked terrified now.
He slowly nodded. “Yeah. You’re right, Uly. Thanks.”
“Strum it now.”
Joshy strummed the guitar and it sounded better.
Uly moved his attention to Luke. “When you’re strumming your D chord, quit hitting the open A… it sounds like shit.”
Luke went wide eyed and nodded fast. “Yeah. Good call. I’ve been practicing. Trying to get it-”
“I don’t give a shit,” Uly said.
He put his cigarette back into his mouth and walked back to Hil and Ash.
Everyone remained silent.
“You good now?” Ash asked Uly.
“He was right,” Hil said. “Nothing worse than someone trying to play and fucking it all up.”
Hil looked at me and winked again.
I
curled my lip.
Ash lifted his right hand and rubbed his jaw, showing off the scarred marks on his knuckles. From the beating he gave to Max. Because I told him to go fight someone.
Like he was rubbing it in my face.
Just to be a fucking prick.
Uly took the lead and started to walk along the beach. Ash followed.
Hil was last to start walking. He made sure to a take a deep drag off his cigarette and smile at me. He walked with a cloud of smoke puffing behind him like he was a train.
“Assholes,” I whispered.
“What was that about?” someone asked.
“Just guitar lessons,” Joshy said. “That’s all.”
Everyone laughed. A weak, scared laugh, but a laugh.
Luke strummed his guitar. “Hey, look, it sounds better. Right?”
“Keep playing!” someone yelled.
I looked at Lizzy to my right. Her face looked pale.
To my left, Danica just looked flat out worried.
I turned my head and saw Raza standing at the deck, hands spread wide, watching as Them kept going down the beach. His eyes then found their way to me. And he just shook his head.
I didn’t ask for any of this to happen.
But I also didn’t ask for any of this to stop.
* * *
The party was a dud after what happened with Them.
Word got from the guitars to the beach house and within ten minutes I had everyone looking at me more than they usually did. How it always went was this - I look at someone and they smile. Or casually look away. Or move out of my way, acting nice. But there’s always that body language that suggest something else.
But after Them on the beach…
Everyone looks, whispers, and even points. They’re all daring me to do something. To pick someone and attack them. To take some bitch’s face and make a new doorway from the house to the beach. Or maybe grab one of the cunts sitting at the fire, clapping their hands like drunk fools, and put her head underwater until she thinks it’s all over…
I had to get away from that house.
And as Danica backed away with me in the passenger seat, I saw Raza emerge from the house. He stood at the top of the porch and folded his arms, nodding.
I realized it was him. He was the one who told everyone about Them on the beach.
I put the window and climbed out as far as I could go.
“Fuck you, Raza!” I yelled, waving my middle fingers. “Danica told me how small it really is! Careful of that cold ocean! It’ll get smaller!”
NOT SO Beautiful: a bay falls high novel Page 17
