“You brought me something?” she asked.
“I did,” I said. I looked back to the door. “I didn’t mean…”
“Nothing you need to worry about,” she said. “I’m sure you can understand the situation.”
I nodded.
We walked toward each other.
I put a piece of paper on her desk.
“He cares about you,” I said. “Whatever that means to you.”
Miss Whitaker nodded. “He cares about you too. He’s a little flustered right now.”
“I think I’m fucking everything up for everyone,” I said. “And I didn’t ask for any of this.”
“Well, you’re not fucking anything up,” Miss Whitaker said. “Personal issues should not be handled here. That’s what I told Ulysses. That pissed him off even more. Now, that piece of paper on my desk. What is it?”
“What you wanted…”
“I’m going to take everything you gave to me and show some old friends,” Miss Whitaker said. “Are you okay with that?”
“I guess,” I said. “I’m not sure about it.”
“I am,” she said. “There’s an order and a story to it all. You don’t have to believe me about that. But maybe if someone else tells you, you will believe in yourself.”
“Thank you for this,” I said. I licked my lips. Uly… fucking Uly… on my lips again… “I, uh, I shouldn’t say this. Because it’s personal. But without you, Miss Whitaker, I don’t think I’d still be here. Like, I would have left.”
Miss Whitaker reached for my hand. “If you’re going to say serious shit like that to me after what just happened with Ulysses, do two things next time.”
“What?”
“First, call me Lake. Second, bring me a fucking drink.”
I laughed. “I’ll remember that.”
“And don’t say shit like that to me,” she said. “Don’t put ownership of your actions on someone else. You are the one staying. I’m not making you stay. Neither is Ulysses. Now get out of here so I can finish crying and then read what you’ve written.”
I swallowed hard and left the room.
I needed a cigarette.
And a whole new life.
* * *
Belle Bablebit.
It was a bad name, okay? And I didn’t choose it. Yet I was stuck with it.
That part of life made no sense to me.
I should have been able to come up with my own name.
Maybe Belle wasn’t all that bad. But it did sound too clean and innocent. And as Them reminded me several times now… I was not so innocent.
Even as I stood outside BFH, leaning against the building, smoking a cigarette under a NO SMOKING sign, I lived up to the confusion my name offered the world.
Uly was right.
About me wanting to know about the necklaces. The ring. The missing diamond. The fact that both he and Hil had the same necklaces. The fact that it was most definitely all over some girl and it meant nothing to me or my life.
And then Ash…
Like I had his entire story but not the depth of it.
Speaking of which, I watched as Ash exited BFH.
Looking at deadly and sexy as ever.
A wild part of my brain was suddenly set on fire. I wanted to know how Ash slept. In what kind of bed. What color the sheets were. What he wore to bed. How he looked when he woke up and wasn’t all put together. I wanted to see his hair messy and not parted to one side.
I was so fixated on Ash, I forgot to keep smoking my cigarette.
Ash walked to his truck and finally turned his head to look at me.
I wasn’t hidden.
There was a big distance between us though.
Enough that I should have felt safe, but the second his amber eyes connected to mine, I was warm and shaking at the same time.
I couldn’t stop picturing what he did.
Taking me out to that spot on the road.
Leaving me to think it was where his mother died.
And then beating up Max for no reason.
Or at least no good reason.
Ash got into his truck and drove away.
He actually left without coming to see me. Touch me. Tempt me to go with him.
I again felt disappointed.
Maybe I was losing Them. Pushing Them away. They weren’t getting what they wanted from me. Not that I was getting anything from Them either.
The whole East vs. West thing had been quiet.
What I said to Miss Whitaker was true. And even if I left, we could still call, text, email, whatever.
I finished my cigarette and dropped it to the ground.
I heard someone clear their throat and when I looked and saw Principal Werthwood, my heart sank.
“You believe this?” I asked him. “A no smoking sign and there’s a cigarette on the ground. Humans. I hate humans.”
He folded his arms. “I believe you were about to walk away, Miss Bablebit.”
“That’s correct,” I said. “Have a great day and night, Principal Werthwood.”
I started to jog away.
And my choices were in front of me.
Uly was pissed. The kiss was hot, but he was really pissed.
Ash was pissed too. He just drove off.
I hadn’t seen Hil at all.
Lizzy and Danica were somewhere inside BFH. And I really wasn’t in the mood for any lectures.
The baseball field wasn’t off limits, but I couldn’t stomach seeing Ryan’s mouth (still shut from his broken jaw) or seeing Max’s messed up face.
So I was back to the beginning.
Driving a car that was way too expensive for me to be driving.
Going to a house that wasn’t mine.
And swimming in a heated pool that I didn’t belong in.
Taking in the views of the ocean that I had no business taking in.
I wasn’t sure what I was right then.
Spoiled? Stupid?
Or just plain sad.
eighteen
Lizzy and Danica came over for a swim after dark. Which worked out because when I got home I ended up hitting the comfy bed I called my own and fell asleep. With my phone in my hand, not sure what or who I was planning on texting - if anyone at all.
I had my cigarettes and Lizzy brought a bottle of something for herself to drink. As for Danica, she drank soda with a cherry in each glass she poured.
We dared each other to try and tie a cherry stem with our tongues.
Lizzy said her jaw was sore.
Bet that’s not the only reason why…
I coughed on the cherry stem and spit it into the pool.
Danica was able to do it though.
Which for some reason made her seem cooler and sexier.
I think it was because of the way her eyes lit up when she did it. And the bitchy grin on her face, confident in her abilities with her mouth.
Now, she could tie a cherry stem with her tongue… but my tongue?
I could say words that were able to dig graves.
Boom, bitch.
As Lizzy started to get drunk, I wandered my way to the beach.
It was still amazing to me that there was an ocean hidden on the other side of Jo’s pool.
Her one of two pools. Remember that. Two fucking pools. TWO.
I stood with my toes wiggling in the sand, smoking a cigarette, thinking about life.
“You know there are two types of people who stand like you are right now,” Danica said to me.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” she said. “The first are those deep in thought, lost in life, knowing they need to move, break up with someone, quit their job, or admit they are in love…”
I lifted one eyebrow. “And the other?”
“Loser bitches trying to look sad so they can get attention,” Danica said.
“Lucky for me you gave me attention,” I said.
“And you think for a second I believe you’re the second type?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
Danica looked forward and sighed. “Do you want to leave here?”
“I don’t belong here,” I said.
“That didn’t answer my question.”
“Yes, it did. How long can I stay? Jo doesn’t want me around here forever. I don’t blame her. And I’m not staying at BFH for forever either. None of us are. What happens then? Everyone has money to go live. I don’t.”
“That’s deep thinking,” Danica said. “Far from some loser bitch looking sad for attention.”
“Shut up,” I said. “You tricked me.”
“Wasn’t hard.”
“Hey, can we talk now?” Lizzy asked as she stumbled to the beach.
She went right down to her hands and knees.
“Yeah, you’re in good shape to talk,” I said. “I’m actually going to go inside and sleep or something. I just feel…”
Danica stared at me.
I wasn’t going to finish that sentence and play into her bullshit games.
We got Lizzy to her feet and I walked them through the house and to Danica’s car.
“Have fun,” I said.
“Have a drink with me,” Lizzy said.
“We’re leaving,” Danica said.
“We are?” Lizzy asked. “Why?”
“It’s past my bedtime,” I said.
Lizzy snorted. “Loser.”
I looked at Danica and grinned. “See? I’m just a loser bitch looking sad for attention.”
“Blah. Blah. Blah.” Danica waved a hand at me.
I gave a wave long after the car was out of sight.
Although I told Lizzy and Danica I was tired and calling it a night I didn’t go back inside.
I went for a walk instead.
Down the long driveway, looking at the white flowers on the trees against the lights that turned on and off with the sun rising and setting. It amazed me how much of their rich lives were automatic. Things that just happened without a worry. It was like the more you had the more you had to worry about, so you spent more to make those worries go away.
It was almost kind of pointless.
At the end of the driveway, I reached for my cigarettes and started to walk along the side of the road.
I didn’t even get a cigarette near my lips when a bright set of headlights appeared around the bend.
They shined right at me.
Then they got even brighter.
And they looked very familiar.
The Rulz were back… for me again.
* * *
I was going to fight back this time.
Fuck this.
And fuck the Rulz.
My hands curled up into fists.
The SUV cut across the road, into the wrong lane.
Then it pulled up next to me and I brought my right fist back.
The guy driving… Pres… was going to get a fist right to the nose.
And the other guys too.
I’d take them on.
Kip. Barr.
“Bring it,” I whispered.
The window started to go down.
There was a puff of smoke and I was ready to attack.
“Hey, beauty.”
I threw my right fist and hit Pres right in the face.
Only it wasn’t Pres.
It was…
“Hil?” I asked.
“Oh, fuck me,” he growled.
He covered his face with his hands.
“Hil?” I asked again.
Hil put his head back against the seat and lowered his hands. He looked at his hands and there was no blood. He groaned and stretched his jaw.
He looked at me and curled his lip. “What the hell was that about, beauty?”
“I thought you were the Rulz,” I said. “This is… this is the SUV…”
Hil slowly grinned. “Yes, it is, Belle.”
“Then why are you driving it?” I gasped. I stepped back. “You’re a part of the Rulz, aren’t you? You’re setting Ash and Uly up. You’ve been part of it all along. That’s how… that’s how things are known… you’re… wait… it’s you and Ash. Setting up Uly.”
As Hil started to laugh, he slapped the steering wheel like a bad drummer.
I closed my mouth.
When he looked at me again, I saw a small red mark on his cheek.
That’s where I had hit him.
Too bad I didn’t get him in the nose.
He definitely would have bled.
“I love your mind, beauty,” Hil said. He opened the door and climbed out of the SUV. “I can let you go all night. Tell me more stories. Just promise me I’ll get to tell a story of my own. I’ll tell it with my tongue. And you’ll be the main character.”
“Stop it,” I said. “What are you doing with Pres’s SUV?”
Hil took a deep drag of his cigarette. He turned his head and blew the smoke into the SUV.
“This thing? I stole it. Simple.”
“What?” I asked, my jaw falling open.
Hil mimicked me, letting his jaw fall open.
His icy gray eyes were cruel yet honest.
“You’re serious?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“You stole this?”
“Stole it.”
“How?”
“What do you mean how?”
“How… or… why…”
“I felt like it,” Hil said. “And I just opened the door and drove it away. Pres is going to be really pissed.”
I rubbed my forehead. “You’re being serious right now.”
“Wait a second, beauty,” Hil said with a laugh. “So your first thought was that I was part of the Rulz? And when I tell you I just stole the fucking thing, you’re shocked?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Fuck, I love your mind, Belle. Almost as much as I love your body.”
Hil took another drag from his cigarette and blew the smoke into the SUV like he did before. He dropped the cigarette to the ground and stepped on it.
Then his hands were all over me.
Moving so smooth and fast, interlocking his fingers behind the small of my back.
He pulled me against him and put his forehead to mine.
“Why’d you steal it?” I whispered.
“If I tell you, you have to do something with me. Tonight. Right now.”
I looked to the SUV and I shook my head. “Hil… the way you are…”
“The way I am?” He laughed again. “That means you know what I’m thinking. Or maybe I’ll throw you a curveball. See the baseball reference there, beauty? Are you still upset about what happened with Max?”
I felt the anger try to overtake the warm feeling that went through me with Hil’s body against mine.
“Fine,” I said. “Tell me why you stole it.”
“And then you’ll do whatever I want.”
“Yeah. Sure.”
“The SUV,” Hil said. “I stole it. Right from the front of Kip’s beautiful mansion. But you asked me why I did it. The why was simple… I fucking felt like it, Belle. It was there. I knew it was there. Kip has this guesthouse where they all hang out. So I took the SUV. And I’m going to smoke a bunch of cigarettes in it. Leave the cigarettes in the center console. Then return it. It’ll stink like my cigarette smoke. Then again, maybe Pres lets Barr smoke in the SUV and this will be for nothing. But my guess is Pres will get the hint. I have other things in mind too, but I’m not afraid to take things slow. I can go so fucking slow…” Hil inched his mouth down toward mine. “So fucking slow it’ll make you…”
Hil made a pop sound with his lips and then laughed.
I hit my hands to his chest and pushed him back.
He kept laughing.
And he somehow managed to get a hold of my hand.
“Now it’s my turn,” he said.
“Fuck that,” I said. “We made a deal.”
Hil pulled me toward the back of the SUV.
He opened the back driver’s s
ide door and nodded.
“What?”
“Get inside.”
“Why?”
Hil leaned toward me again. “So I can finally fucking have you.”
* * *
Hil sat in the seat and nodded to the open spot next to him.
A deal is a deal.
Yeah, Hil played me.
He fucked with my emotions, knowing my mind was getting the best of me, thinking that him stealing the SUV was some kind of big story. But it wasn’t. It was just Hil being Hil. But it was also his move to make in the East vs. West fight. Because I was pretty damn sure that none of Them were actually going to ever work together.
Hil patted the empty seat and wiggled his eyebrows.
I climbed into the SUV and slammed the door.
Hil put his arm around me.
“Nice in here,” he said. “Maybe I should buy one of these.”
“You should,” I said. “Let me know when you do.”
“Let’s make sure we both like it first. I also figure if the smell of smoke doesn’t get to Pres then the smell of-”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” I said. “We are not doing that here.”
“I gave you what you wanted.”
“You gave me nothing. That was a lame story. And a lamer reason why. Goodnight, Hil.”
I reached for the door and he tightened his grip on my shoulder. “Then meet me halfway, beauty. Don’t pretend for a second you’re not burning up being in the back of this SUV with me. Knowing that it’s stolen. Knowing that it’s wrong. Knowing that somehow you know what I’m capable of. And that you fucking love every second of it.”
I turned my head and kissed Hil.
Here I thought I was making the first move to make a statement.
But Hil being Hil, he was even faster and smoother.
His hand touched my cheek before I could pull away from the kiss.
He kissed me back with intention and feeling… both of which did things to me that my heart told my mind it would never admit.
I put my hands flat to the backseat, sitting forward, my head turned with a little pain in my neck, but it was worth it.
Hil could kiss.
So could Uly. So could Ash.
But Hil could… he could tell the entire night with one kiss.
In a way there was nothing to hide when it came to Hil.
His left hand around my shoulder, his right hand touching my face, the heat between us… cigarette smoke and leather…
NOT SO Beautiful: a bay falls high novel Page 19
