“Marcus believes that integration with civilisation is our only choice. Eventually the risk of us not being able to control our numbers without collateral damage is too high.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, “Victor talked about it – he believes that the disturbance our discovery would make would be cataclysmic. There’d be very little left to save.”
Tychus nodded. “He’s probably right, but I believe that the alternative is worse. That’s why I’m signed on with Marcus and not Victor. It only takes one of us to lose the plot and we’re all fucked. Look at yourself as an example – in your hunt for Victor you did more damage to our cause than if you were actively attempting to bring our order down.”
“Not intentionally.”
“Doesn’t matter, every time you flaunted your powers in public you exposed us. That’s why you’ve got a death sentence.”
“So why aren’t I dead now?”
“You’re not a Mage now. Our laws are clear – we don’t execute norms.”
“So you’re saying I got off on a technicality.”
“No, not as such. We don’t know how to handle this. Many think you should still pay for your transgressions, others think you have already paid.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because it’s time for you to choose sides. You can’t keep acting as a free agent. You’re going to play a very important role in our kind’s future. You’d be an idiot not to see that, and neither Marcus nor Victor are idiots. It’s time for you to grow up.”
“I don’t think that’s true anymore. I have no powers.” I said bitterly.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Tychus said, “No one of your potential has ever burned themselves out before. We really don’t know what happens. If I were a betting man I wouldn’t count you out yet.”
“Here’s hoping,” I raised my glass. It turns out I don’t much like French wine either.
CHAPTER SIX
I didn’t feel well the next morning, in fact I felt like crap. At first I thought it was a reaction to the wine, but as it got worse and the fever took hold, I realised what it was. This was no hangover – it was the start of withdrawal symptoms from lack of Mana use. This wasn’t fair.
My stomach churned as my body simultaneously tried to force out every ounce of liquid out of my body in sweat. Small hammers took turns pounding my head as I cursed my existence, the Mana and the world in general. This wasn’t a good way to start to the day.
Renee came to check on me about mid-morning.
“So it’s begun.” She brushed back a lock of hair that had been plastered to my brow with sweat.
“It’s not fair,” I groaned. The room spun around in protest to my attempted speech.
“Lie still. I’ll be back.”
She returned shortly with a cool damp cloth, which she placed over my brow. The coolness brought the only relief I’d had felt all morning.
“Thank you,” I murmured, sending the room spinning off in another direction.
Renee was patient and considerate, even when I was less than grateful to her. She had given me the time I needed to cope with this without complaint or comment. You don’t realise how much someone loves you until you see how they treat you when you know you’re being unreasonable back. I was lucky she was here.
I knew from experience that the next few days would be the worst until the withdrawal symptoms subsided. Once the fever had broken I could just look forward to the shakes and the odd bout of headaches.
Excellent. This was just what I needed right now. At least last time the whole process was worth something. Now it was simply something that was happening to me for no good cause. It was just another cruel punishment that the fates had cast upon me. I vaguely wondered what I had done in another life to be forced to endure such indignities.
I had gone through several bouts of withdrawals before though, so at least I knew what to expect. The hardest part is the psychological torment. The craving never goes away. It’s like a hand held up in front of your face. It dominates everything and prevents you from seeing anything else.
Previously it had taken everything I had had not to cave in and begin using the Mana. Now I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I couldn’t say which fate was worse – to be able to use but choose not to, or to be unable to use but want to.
Renee patiently remained by my side and nursed me through the worst of it. By the time the fever finally broke we were both on the verge of complete exhaustion. My recovery was slow and it was days before I felt comfortable on my feet and outside of my room. When I did leave my room it was normally only late at night, and I didn’t linger. I didn’t particularly want to advertise my current state. I knew that any sign of weakness would be exploited and I was sure that there were others out there, like May who were howling for my blood. I wasn’t sure that the ruling that I was no longer a Mage would protect me, should they decide to take matters into their own hands.
Truth be told, I was also hiding because I was ashamed. I had once been a beacon of magical might and power. Now I was a bitter and broken thing that deserved to be cast aside with the other broken things.
It was a full week and half before I felt more like my body wasn’t trying to turn itself inside out anymore. After the fever had broken Renee no longer spent every moment by my side. I didn’t begrudge her this; in fact I was actually kind of grateful. It allowed me to brood in peace.
A knock at my door brought me from my depression. Probably Renee with dinner. But when she came in she didn’t have a tray of food. This was different from the routine. Different wasn’t good.
“Get dressed,” she said briskly.
“Why?”
“You’re being brought before the Primea.”
Renee went to the cupboard and selected several formal shirts and threw them on the bed. She narrowed her eyes as she tried to decide on pants. She selected a pair and they joined the shirts on the bed. Apparently I didn’t get a choice with the pants.
“Can’t turn up in track pants huh?” I commented as I retrieved a pair of socks and slipped them inside the formal shoes that Renee had just passed me.
“No,” Renee snapped, “take this seriously.”
A pulled a shirt on and noticed with some degree of amusement that it was loose on my frame – I’d lost weight. I slipped the pants on and needed to pull the belt tight as I turned to Renee for her inspection.
“No,” she murmured curtly, “not the red shirt, the green one. Red is too confrontational.”
“You didn’t think to tell me that before I put it on?” I grumbled as I removed the offending shirt.
Renee gestured towards the door. “When you’re ready.”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I murmured.
I wasn’t ready.
* * * * * *
As we passed through the house everyone stopped to look at me. I got a distinct dead-man-walking vibe. It wasn’t pleasant. I’d never been in this part of the complex before. We were heading towards a set of double doors. There were several people waiting outside, some had the look of guards others had the look of onlookers annoyed at being unable to gain entry. Renee gestured towards one of the guards who nodded and opened the door. Before we entered Renee turned to me, looked me up and down and straightened my collar. Once she was satisfied that I looked presentable she kissed me on the forehead.
“Be careful.”
There were a lot of people in this room, most of them blurred into the background though. The whole vibe of the room had the feel of one of those TV law shows. This looked just like a court-room with the Primea sitting in the vaunted position of judge.
The Primea had aged horribly since the last I had seen her. She was leaning forward in a gurney with a host of tubes connected to her and an oxygen mask lying to one side. She had already been old when I had last met her, but she seemed to have aged at least ten years in the three years since our last encounter. She was dressed in a high-collared black blouse and had blankets
over her lap. The broach that proclaimed her the Primea was displayed high on her chest where it could not be ignored.
May was standing in the centre of the room facing the Primea. I wasn’t surprised to see her there, as she was obviously the reason that I was here in the first place. She turned to me with a look of pure hatred on her face. What did surprise me though, was that standing right beside her was Victor.
Renee’s fingers tightened around my arm. She obviously hadn’t been expecting to see him here either. My lips tightened into a sneer as I looked at the man. If I had my powers I know I would have struck him down, nothing could have stopped me. Fortunately for him I didn’t have my powers. Victor for his part didn’t appear to be paying me any attention at all. He face was unreadable. I couldn’t decipher what he was doing here or even if he wanted to be here at all.
A small hush fell over the assembly as they become aware of my presence.
“Ah, it is the man – Devon Wills,” Victor intoned as I reached the centre of the room. He had intentionally placed emphasis on the word “man”. Now that I was no longer a Mage I was of no concern to him. He used the word “man” as others would use the word “vermin”.
The Primea coughed as she struggled to lean forward. Her ancient face scrunched up as she examined me. She didn’t make a comment, but she kept my gaze for several seconds before apparently coming to a decision.
May looked frantically between Victor and the Primea as she realised this might not go the way she had anticipated. She had obviously counted on Victor’s support and his choice of the word “man” had clearly rattled her.
“He’s a murderer! He killed my husband!” she shrieked. “How can you deny me my justice?”
“Your husband was slain by a bullet wound to the back of his head. I examined his corpse myself,” Victor said. “Had your husband been more adept this would not have downed him. The fault is his own.”
“He broke our laws!” she insisted, pointing at me.
“Silence girl!” The Primea’s cracked voice was no more than a whisper, but it reverberated throughout the room like a thunderclap. No doubt the she was using the whisper spell to increase her volume.
I almost felt sorry for May. I really did. She stood alone in the centre of the room facing down the most powerful Mage of our kind.
“You have served me well,” the Primea continued curtly, “and for that I grant you much leniency, but I will not allow you to dictate who lives and who dies.”
May looked as if the Primea had physically struck her, she looked to Victor for help, but his face was impassive.
“Now, everyone – leave us!” The Primea ordered. “I wish to talk to Master Wills alone.”
Master Wills? What the hell did that signify? Did it mean that she still considered that I was subject to her rule?
As the crowd dispersed, I noticed that Victor hadn’t left. He had gently, but forcefully directed May to the door and returned to his position in the court. May had stared daggers at me as she passed by me and hissed, “This isn’t over Outcast!”
Once the crowd had left, four people remained the room. The Primea, Victor, Renee and myself. The Primea looked irritably at Victor.
“You too, old one,” she ordered.
“I prefer to remain.” Victor’s reply was cold.
“No! Either strike me down and take the damned broach, or do as I order.”
I almost thought Victor would do it too, his face remained cold and hard but I could see in his eyes the anger brimming over. He crisply bowed and uttered, “As you wish.
“Granddaughter,” he said in acknowledgement as he brushed past us. Renee’s fingers tightened into claws around my arm. She stared at the man who had once been her sole provider and carer and said nothing. The message was clear. He meant nothing to her now.
Her response seemed to go unnoticed by Victor, but I could tell that he wasn’t as calm as he appeared. Inside he was seething.
The rough slam of the door indicated that he had gone. I had noticed with some degree of wry awe that as he walked there was no limp or unbalance in his step. It was almost as if a ten-foot metal pole had never been plunged through his hip.
“You too child,” the Primea said to Renee.
“I’d like to stay please,” Renee answered meekly.
“If I’m going to order your grandfather, what makes you think I won’t do the same to you?” the Primea barked.
“No, I don’t mean it like that. I’d just rather not go outside just now,” Renee murmured, “not while he’s out there.”
“I’d prefer she remain also,” I tentatively added.
“What you want is of no consequence.” The Primea glared at me. “Now come closer so I don’t have to shout. Renee may remain if she wishes.”
I hesitantly moved closer to the side of the bed. The Primea looked so fragile and frail. It was obvious that she wasn’t a well woman, but I hadn’t realised just how unwell she was. Clearly a lot of expense and effort had been put into keeping her alive. The Primea must have seen the pity in my eyes as her expression went steely as I approached.
“If I had known what chaos you would cause after our last meeting I would have taken your life when I had had the chance,” she growled.
“If I had known, I might have asked you to,” I replied darkly.
The Primea chuckled, which turned into a strangled cough. “And again, it seems that I have to decide between your life and death.”
“So it seems.”
The Primea’s eyes bored into me as if she was searching for something. I had experienced her piercing stare before and didn’t allow it to unnerve me. The truth of the matter was that I simply didn’t care. Should she choose to execute me it would almost be a relief.
“Care you so little about your life?” she prompted.
“Without the Mana, it seems to matter little,” I replied lightly, which led to an angry glance from Renee. She seemed like she was about to interject, but was cut off by the Primea.
“I allowed you to remain child, but you will be silent if you wish to stay.”
Renee glared fiercely at me but kept her mouth shut.
“You have changed,” the Primea announced. “No longer are you the brash young man who stood before me at the Occursus. Ready to take on the world.”
“People change,” I muttered.
“Not as often as people think they do,” the Primea snapped. “True change is painful, and not as common as people believe. You are less than you once were. It is sad to see.”
“We are defined by the Mana,” I began,
“Not so. The Mana does not define who a person is, if it did we would all be alike.”
I didn’t particularly want to argue the subject with this old woman.
“It is sad to see one so full of life so ready to throw it away,” she continued, “especially hard to see for one at the end of their own.”
“Are you going to execute me or not?” I was sick of being lectured by the old crone.
“Ahh, there’s the old fire, it seems that you’re not so different after all.” The Primea chortled, “I do not know what I will do. I am loath to side with Victor in anything and he does not wish you killed.”
“Victor doesn’t care enough to see me killed,” I grunted. “There’s a difference.”
“Do not be so quick to presume what that one wants,” the Primea said. “Many have fallen into that trap and paid the price, my son among them.”
“I don’t care what Victor wants. All I cared about was rescuing my cousin.”
“Are you sure that she wants to be rescued?”
“No,” I whispered, “but that’s not her call.”
The Primea snorted, “If memory recalls you didn’t do an impressive job in teaching her. Are you sure you would be a better mentor?”
“I had other concerns, I was being hunted by your son at the time.”
“Teaching our kind is the most serious of tasks. There can be no other concern
s. This is a failure that both of you are guilty of. Had Renee deferred to others of her kind rather than attempting to train you, this whole mess might have been avoided.”
“I’m not interested in teaching Allie. I’m interested in getting her away from Victor.”
“At what cost?”
“What do you mean?” I raised an eyebrow.
“What cost are you willing to pay to rescue your cousin?” the Primea pressed.
“It doesn’t really matter now. Whatever plans I had, died with the Mana in me.”
“Of course it matters,” she hissed, “it is a reflection of the man you are. You disregarded our laws, you revealed your powers to the world at large. You broke our most sacrosanct rules. I would know why you did this?”
“I didn’t think they applied to me,” I muttered. I was aware how weak this sounded.
“And yet during the last Occursus swore to me that you would obey them.”
I nodded sadly, “Once my Master tried to have me killed I didn’t think the rules counted for much.”
“You’re wrong. They’re the only thing preventing total chaos.”
“Hard to see that when you’ve got a gun pointed at you.”
“Bah,” the Primea waved off, “I wouldn’t imagine that a gun matters that much do you.”
“No, but he did send Master Chen after me.”
“Did he now? He claims that Master Chen acted alone.”
“If you believe that, then you’re deluding yourself.”
“Let’s say that I’m willing to concede the possibility that Chen was acting under orders, even so the end result was the same. A massive assault over Melbourne with hundreds of spectators, Mages using their powers in full view of witnesses and a stupid child who pulled an entire car park complex down on top of himself.”
I couldn’t help but grin at that, that car park stunt had been more effective that I had anticipated. It certainly had made a mess. That hadn’t really been the purpose of the exercise though. My father had just died and it was entirely possible that I wasn’t thinking too clearly.
“You smile, but do you know how much fear you created that day?”
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