Deke bore down on me and gone was the impassive mask he had on. He looked murderous and a part of me felt vindicated at his loss of control. Of course, that came to a quick halt with the words he spewed next. “You think just because your pussy was unused that it’s special or something?” he taunted viciously. “You think that just because you let me use you up like a desperate whore, I’ll come running back to you when Reynolds is busy with a better, more experienced cunt?”
“Deke!” Roselyn cried, but I didn’t know why she bothered. It wasn’t like she didn’t already know that Ramsey, Liam, and Deke were fallen angels.
He ignored her outburst, and that’s when I knew it was over. Deke adored Roselyn and Emerson, and for him to ignore either of them said so much. Deke’s face was pure evil when he added, “I’m sure Reynolds will be happy to know I was too busy teaching you how to suck dick and be a decent fuck to take your ass. Maybe you can give him that on your honeymoon since the rest of you reeks of my cum.”
Rage was nothing in the face of pain.
Nothing.
Pain was crippling while rage was fleeting.
Hearing Deke tell everyone the private stuff we did and the fact that I was no good at it was…debilitating. I was immobile with shock at his cruelty, as was everyone else, I think.
Everyone but Ava.
“You motherfucker!” she screamed. “I’m going to fucking kill you!”
There were some scuffling sounds behind me, but I was too…stuck to look back to see what was going on. My mind was processing that Ava probably charged and someone was holding her back, but the noises and screams were faded garble; like my head was underwater or something.
And just when I thought Deke couldn’t hurt me any worse…“Oh, and I almost forgot,” he sneered. “If the worst does happen because you were too stupid and inexperienced to protect yourself, tell the clinic to just charge it to my tab.”
Have you ever felt your heart tear in half?
It happens, you know.
It really, truly happens.
The words he can never take back sent me into such a vortex of uncontrollable emotions, and I did the one thing I never saw myself doing.
I attacked Deke Marlow.
Fists formed, and I launched myself at Deke striking him anywhere I could make contact. “You sonofabitch!” I screamed. “You no good fucking sonofabitch!” I could hear people yelling my name, and I felt…enclosed. But I was too busy attacking Deke to take in what was going on around us. “I fucking hate you!”
I couldn’t see past my tears, but it didn’t take Deke any effort at all to subdue me, and I heard him say, “Not half as much as I hate you.”
I pulled back and looked up into his face, not caring that he could see into my nothingness; the hollowness I felt. I looked up at him and I felt it; real, unadulterated hate.
With all my might, I jerked out of his hold and took a step back. My face was a mess, and my voice was scratchy, but I didn’t care when I said, “Don’t ever come near me again, Deke. Ever.”
He had already humiliated me beyond comprehension, so I didn’t care if everyone saw me running away from him. I ran until I was at Ava’s car and it wasn’t seconds later when she was unlocking the doors and we were getting in, burning the tires in our haste to leave.
Everything was a blur from leaving the party to arriving at Ava’s. I couldn’t even recall getting out of the car and making my way to her bedroom. But once I sat down on her bed, every emotion I’ve experienced in all my life came pouring out until I collapsed in tormented cries on her bed.
Ava’s arms held me as I exhausted every tear I was capable of producing, and it wasn’t until the next morning, that I told her I was going to lose everything, and I had nowhere to go.
She had driven me to the bank where we had spent all morning withdrawing every damn dime from my account. I hadn’t bothered with my appearance, and since I looked like a punching bag with swollen eyes, I think the bank manager felt sorry for me, and didn’t ask any questions or give me a hard time.
After withdrawing all my money, we had driven to Manotile, one town over, and opened a new bank account in my name only with a bank my parents didn’t partner with. Once my account was all set up, Ava had driven me to a car dealership to buy a car, and for the first time in my life, price mattered. While I had a shit ton of money, I knew it wouldn’t last forever, so I had to plan.
There was also the fact that, after a lot of arguing with Ava about staying with her, I needed to find a place to live. My parents hadn’t officially kicked me out yet, but I was still ignoring their calls and messages, along with Winston’s and his parents. It was only a matter of time before the threats started, so I needed to be one step ahead of them.
In my new, but economical little Toyota, Ava had gone her way back to Sands Cove as I stayed in Manotile looking for a small house or something. Originally, I had planned on staying in Sands Cove, but that was before Deke had demolished my soul. There was no way I could show my face at Windsor anymore, but that was okay. All those years of having no life and living in the library were going to finally pay off. I could miss the rest of the school year and still graduate. Not with straight-A’s, but with a solid B average. I just had to call the school on Monday, and since I was already an adult, they didn’t need my parents’ approval, and I could graduate and get my certificate without the ceremony.
After hours of looking, I had finally found a small cottage style house on the outskirts of Manotile, and I contacted the realtor. The second I offered cash, the house was as good as mine.
I had driven back to Ava’s, where we had spent the night looking at furniture online. When I had pointed out that I needed to be frugal until I got a job, Ava had announced all the furniture would be on her and she didn’t want to hear another word about it.
We had avoided all Deke talk, and by the time I was wrapped up in her bed, her arms around me again, I had half convinced myself I was going to be okay.
However, lying there in the dark, I couldn’t stop my mind from doing a mental countdown. I had only one week before my period was due.
One week.
One week, and life would cut me some slack or it would ruin me further.
I already knew I’d never get an abortion if I did turn up pregnant, and so that fuckening was akin to Armageddon, because my life would be altered forever.
And there’s no way Deke Marlow would ever know about it.
Chapter 33
Deke~
It was Thursday after third period and Delaney still hadn’t made an appearance at school. I’d seen Winston, but I kept my distance. I didn’t want Delaney, or anyone, thinking I still gave a fuck.
But I did.
I cared because, after Delaney had run from me, Emerson and Roselyn had looked at me with so much disgust, things were still tense between us, five days later.
I also cared because, regardless of the show I put on Friday, my love for Delaney hadn’t been fleeting. I truly loved her and still did.
Luckily for me, betrayal trumped love.
The only other issue I had was that I had become worrisome at Delaney’s absence. Being the kind of student she was, I couldn’t see her risking graduation. And that was how I found myself at Ava’s locker even knowing that she wanted my balls on a skewer.
“Ava,” I called out, approaching her.
She shut her locker and turned to face me. “Deke,” she acknowledged, and her emotionless voice had the hairs on the back of my neck standing up.
“So, she’s willing to risk graduating?” I hedged.
The tip of Ava’s lip lifted, and she looked like the Mob boss I always likened her to. “Delaney’s already graduated, Deke,” she said, dropping that little bomb.
“What?”
Ava’s face was pure satisfaction when she said, “What do you want, Deke? My good graces are the only thing keeping you on your feet, so say what you want to, and then leave me the fuck alone.”
&
nbsp; Her good graces?
Yeah, right.
I stepped to her. “And what exactly is it you think you can do to me, Ava?” I dared.
Her eyes never faltered as she reached into the breast pocket of her uniform and produced her phone. “I’ll tell you exactly what I’m going to do to you, Deke,” she mocked before she looked down at her phone, her fingers flying everywhere, and then bringing it up to my face.
My eyes darted to the picture on her phone, and it was that fucking picture of Delaney with Winston and their parents. I looked back at Ava. “What?” I snapped. “I’ve already seen that fucking picture.”
Her smile was positively lethal when she said, “Look closer, Deke.”
I didn’t want to, but I looked back at the picture on her phone, and that’s when I saw it. The caption was missing. “There’s no caption,” I said.
“Look closer to the post, Deke,” she said, her voice villainous. “Like…maybe check the date of this post.” I snatched her phone from her hand, and studying the photo, I saw what she was referring to.
The date of the picture and post was last year in March.
Last fucking year.
Reynolds fucking played me.
Ava could tell the second it registered because she plucked her phone from my hand and smiled before saying, “That’s what I’m going to do to you, Deke Marlow.” She put her phone back in her pocket and wrapped her arms around her book, hugging it to her chest, looking positively giddy. “Delaney didn’t want me to say anything, but since she’s move on, why not?” She said, shrugging her shoulder. “Delaney’s parents ambushed her with the Reynolds in New Hampshire, and when she realized it, she decided to finish the tour, but was going to come home. She tried to call you, but she lost her phone. After the tour, she went and bought a new phone, only to answer a call from me telling her what was going one. She jumped on the first flight out of New Hampshire to get to you, so she could explain.” Ava cocked her head. “And what did you do? You fucked Melissa Randall after telling Delaney to get an abortion if there ends up being a little bit of residue from your relationship.”
“I never fucked Mel-”
Ava’s laugh cut me off. “Does it even matter?” she challenged. “You threw away the best thing that will ever happen to you, Deke. I don’t need to do shit to you because that regret…that…erosion is going to stay with you forever.” Her true words were making it hard to breathe. “Delaney’s going to move on with someone who is going to love and trust her. And she’s going to be happy, Deke. She’s going to be happy, despite you, and that’s enough for me.” She took a step back, and she looked joyous. “Oh, and another thing. If Delaney sucks in bed, it’s because she had a horrible teacher. Her next lover should be able to fix that.”
Ava walked off before I had a chance to kill her.
Because I really, really wanted to.
I wanted to snuff the life out of her until her words lost their truth.
I stood there feeling as if my chest was caving in; like my heart was being crushed.
If what Ava said was true-and she had no reason to lie-Delaney hadn’t chosen her family over me. Delaney had chosen me, and I…
My back dropped against the row of lockers with the significance of what I’d done to her. All week long I had held on to my righteous anger, not letting anything else in, but now…now that I no longer had a right to be angry. Everything I said and did to her that night burned in my mind like an iron left unattended.
And, Christ Almighty, I actually told her to put her abortion on my fucking tab.
I made her believe getting pregnant by me was nothing special. I announced to damn near the entire school that Delaney had let me fuck her without protection. I blasted all of her private moments to everyone.
Ava was right.
I hadn’t trusted Delaney.
I fired off a group text to Ramsey, Liam, Linnie, and Emerson that I was leaving school and I’d fill them in later right as I stormed out of the building.
I needed to find Delaney.
I let out a pathetic laugh because she had been right all along, too. She knew the truth would come out sooner or later, and she knew I’d be begging for forgiveness. My stomach soured with how I wanted to call her but couldn’t. Knowing that picture she took of Melissa on my lap would be what popped up if I called her was the only thing that kept me from calling her.
I drove to her house, thinking about how that picture of her and Winston had made me feel, and I knew that I could never take away what seeing Melissa on my lap had done to her. I did the one thing you just couldn’t do to a girl. I shoved another girl in her face.
Delaney was already insecure with my status in this town, reducing her and what we had to nothing, was the worst thing I could do to her-to us.
I had to pull over onto the side of the road.
Everything I did to her Saturday night kept playing over, and over again in my head and I couldn’t escape the sickness. I wondered how Ramsey lived with it; with what he had done to Emerson way back when. I might have crossed some serious lines with Delaney, but I had never put her health in jeopardy, and I seriously wondered how Ramsey lived with himself. If what I was feeling was an indication of what I’d feel for the rest of my life, I’d rather put a bullet through my brain.
Ava’s taunting comment about how Delaney’s next lover would be better churned in my gut. I could live with losing her to Reynolds because she had been his before I had come into the picture, but to see her with someone else?
I leaped out of the car and almost threw up on the side of the road when I pictured Delaney pregnant with another man’s baby after aborting mine because I told her to.
Jesus Christ.
I couldn’t do this. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and dialed Ramsey. He answered on the second ring. “Deke?” Then I heard him faintly telling the teacher he had to take the call.
I gave him a few seconds to clear the classroom before I said, “I fucked up, man.”
I could feel Ramsey’s stillness over the phone. “Where do you need us?” he asked, ready and willing to save me.
“It’s not like that,” I muttered, my mouth dry. I had to take a couple of deep breaths before I was able to tell him everything. I told him about approaching Ava because I was worried. I told him about Ava showing me the old post. I told him how Delaney had come home to me. I told him everything. When I was finished, I confessed, “I think I’m losing my mind, Ram.”
His was voice serious and absolute as he said, “It’ll never go away, Deke.” I knew what he meant. He was talking about how I treated Delaney Saturday night. “If you do this…if you chase after her,” he stressed, “you’ll be living on your knees for the rest of your life where she’s concerned.”
I thought about his words. “And how does that make you feel?”
Ramsey let out a soft laugh. “Emerson is so vital to my existence, I’d crawl after her if I had to in order to keep her in my life, Deke. After what I did to her…I’ll take whatever she grants me.”
“I know what you mean,” I said solemnly.
Because I did.
Chapter 34
Delaney~
It’s been five days, and the wound was still fresh. And I wasn’t talking about scabbed up with the edges itching either. I was talking about still bleeding fresh.
Luckily, I’ve spent the past few days receiving furniture deliveries and have exhausted all my time-and Ava’s time-furnishing my new home. It’s been kind of fun actually, and we’ve managed to avoid any and all social media.
I got an email finalizing my high school diploma, and it’ll be mailed to me in a couple of weeks. I also got my period yesterday, and the relief had swept my legs right out from under me. It was the only time I’ve cried uncontrollably since that first night.
I’ve ignored all calls from my parents and Winston, and the only reason I was back at my parents’ home was because I needed to finally pack up the rest of my belongings. Admitted
ly, there wasn’t much, but I had lots of memorabilia I wanted to take with me.
There were countless photos of me and Ava throughout the years, academic awards, and even some sports trophies from my younger years.
I had driven over this morning, and it was taking me longer than I thought to pack, but with the housekeeping staff used to being invisible, no one had questioned what I was doing home.
My parents still weren’t any wiser to the fact that I had emptied my bank account because I had received a notification of a recent deposit. The deposits were set up to deposit into the account bi-weekly, and so if my parents had any inkling as to what I’ve been up to, they would have put a stop to the deposits. I had no shame, though. The second the notification had come through, I had driven to Sands Cove and withdrew the recent deposit. This time I had been dealing with a different customer service representative, and since I didn’t look like death warmed over like last time, she was a little more leery about my withdrawal. It won’t be too long before someone at the bank notifies my parents of the account activity.
Everything came to a pause when Winston’s car swerved into my driveway during one of my many trips to my new car. I left the trunk open, not bothering to hide what I was doing, and watched Winston get out of his car and slam the door shut.
When he was standing in front of me, he barked, “Where in the fuck have you been?”
I stared up at the boy I once considered a friend and all I saw was greedy betrayal. He had conspired with my parents to break me and Deke up, but he had done more than that. He had helped destroy everything I believed love to be. Sure, he couldn’t have guessed things would turn out as viciously as they had, but that didn’t matter. He chose to join my parents in being deceitful and I couldn’t look at him the same anymore.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “That’s none of your business,” I replied coolly.
He ignored my response. “You just leave New Hampshire and tell no one,” he chastised. “Your parents were worr-”
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