“I just need to be alone,” I whispered, already walking down the corridor, so numb I couldn’t feel the ground under my feet.
* * *
Emily bunched her hair on top of her head, pinning it so a few golden curls dangled beside her face and down her neck. “Lighten up, Ara,” she said, throwing a smile at me through the mirror. “He can’t have gone far. He’s probably just run inland to feed.”
“Or he’s left for good.” I turned my delicate green-and-black mask over in my fingertips. It was made of such fine material, like little coloured branches all joined together in the shape of a butterfly, that it almost looked like something made by the elven. I’d expected Falcon to deliver it and my costume to Em’s room with some good news that David was sleeping peacefully and looked as though he was healing. Instead, I got a dress and a mask thrown at me with a quick sentence about a search party. Safe to say, I wasn’t about to lighten up any time soon.
Emily came and sat beside me on her bed, moving the breezy curtain away from the post. “Just focus on tonight, okay. Our people have worked really hard to make this the best festival since the reign of Lilith. David will come back when he’s ready.”
“What if he’s never ready again?”
“Hey”—she placed her hand softly over my belly—“you said he felt her move for the first time, right?”
I nodded.
“Then he’ll be back, even if it’s after she’s born. He won’t be able to stay away from his own little girl. Just look at how much he loves the Damned.”
My heart softened, and a warm feeling of calm sunk through me. “You’re right. Maybe he’s just gone to feed somewhere he won’t be judged for killing.”
“You wouldn’t have judged him, would you?”
“No. Of course not. I can’t say I condone it, but he was in a pretty bad state. I wouldn’t have held it against him.”
“Ara, if he’s half as bad as Blade let on, he’ll need to kill more than a small handful of humans before he’s okay again—especially if he’s been starving himself.” She shuddered visibly. “Vampires need the life-force as well as the blood, you know? We can drink it from a cup for only so long before we need the death. You can’t let yourself forget that.”
“I know.” I pouted playfully. “Guess I just got used to the idea of vampires no longer killing humans.”
“They still are, Ara. David still is. I still am. You’re just not as aware of it now because of the Pledge.”
“The Pledge. You’re right! He left because he’d need to kill. Em—” I turned to face her, grabbing both her hands. “He didn’t want to go all ‘fright night’ at the festival tonight and massacre everyone—not when he was the first one to sign that agreement!”
“Sweet Ara, always seeing the good in people.” She shook her head, standing up. “I really doubt David’s that considerate.”
“Well, maybe he left so he wouldn’t kill the children at the Institute.”
“Now that sounds more like him,” she exclaimed with a finger in the air. “Pity this didn’t happen next week, so at least the last of the Damned would be adopted.”
“If anything ever happened when it was convenient, we would all live very different lives.”
“And nothing bad would ever happen.”
My nose wrinkled in confusion. “Why?”
“Well”—she shrugged, both hands out, looking quite sweet and innocent—“when is it ever convenient to have bad things happen?”
“Very true.”
“Now, come on.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me up off the bed. “Let’s get dressed and go enjoy the festivities.”
I tossed my mask onto the bed among the million pairs of Em’s shoes and scarves and other bits she’d been throwing around in here today. “Okay, but I’ve got dibs on the mirror first.”
“Go for it.” She presented her dresser full of cosmetics. “I’ll get my dress on.”
Determined to paint a layer of makeup so thick across my face it could hide my concern for David, I sat down and opened a dozen different bottles of foundation and concealer. By the time I’d smoothed the last layer of light pink gloss along my bottom lip, Emily stepped out of her dressing room in a whirl of golden sunshine—her yellow dress and transparent wings like nothing nature could have dreamed up, yet almost like something from a dream anyway.
“Emily!” I stood up slowly, my mouth all but falling to the floor. “Blade is going to go to pieces when he sees you.”
“I know.” She did a half twirl. “That was the idea.”
“Wow.” I shook my head a few times in awe. “I wish I’d gone to such lengths for a dress.”
“Well, you had to design around Bump.” She patted the little mound on my front. “But, I’ve seen your dress on the mannequin, Ara. You are going to outshine everyone. Even if it’s not all full skirts and puffy fabric.”
“I doubt that. But thanks anyway.”
“Ara, you’re going to look like an angel.” She grabbed my hand and led me to the dressing room. “I promise.”
“Actually, Magda said it’d be more like a Greek goddess,” I added, closing the door behind us.
“Oh. Yes. Much better comparison.” Em folded her arms and stood back, taking in the greenish fabric on the half-mannequin in the corner of the dressing room. A singular strap sat delicately on one shoulder, the silky fabric bunching under the breasts before dropping like a cape over the hips in a progressively darker green, the front open over a lighter panel. A swarm of little black butterflies fluttered from the floor to halfway up the legs where they faded out into the fabric, which was so light it wavered even in the small breeze left behind by the closing door, and so thin that, had my few extra pounds landed on my thighs, the dress would have shown every lump and bump in my body.
As it was, it didn’t really leave anything to the imagination where my breasts and belly were concerned. The flowing drop along the hips and around the back would hide my bum crack, but anyone standing in front of me would get the full mental picture of where my nipples and belly button were. Magda assured me that it gave the appearance of beauty and femininity, though. I, on the other hand, felt like my mother would strongly disapprove.
“Pity David’s not here,” Em said. “One glance and he’d be forced to fall in love with you all over again.”
“If only it were that easy.” I turned the mannequin around and unzipped the dress. “Can you help me zip up?”
“Of course.” She grabbed it and motioned for me to undress. “God, this fabric is so light!”
I lifted off my shirt and unclasped my bra. “I know. I hope it’s not see-through.”
She spread her fingers out under the fabric and held it up to the light. “Hm. How dark are your nipples?”
“Uuumm…”
“I’m not asking to be rude. I just heard they got darker in pregnancy.”
I cupped mine. “Not for me.”
“Then you should be fine.”
“Do you think it’ll embarrass my dad?” I asked. “You know, seeing as it shows my shape so much.”
“He’s a grown man. I think it’ll be fine,” she assured, squatting down to my feet.
“I wish I was as convinced as you are.” I exhaled, stepping into the skirt.
She shimmied the airy cloth up my hips and over Bump, holding it in place while I slipped my arm through, and as she zipped it up and I relaxed my lungs, I felt a cold shiver run down my spine.
“Emily?” Jason called into her room.
Em and I looked at each other, making a face.
“Why is he here?” I asked as Emily opened the dressing room door.
“Because I needed to see you,” Jason said, standing there like a lost little boy. “Falcon said you’d be in here.”
“Everything okay?”
He nodded once, dropping the gentle reassuring smile as he passed a suggestive look to Em.
“I’ll… just leave you two alone for a minute,” she said, glidin
g away.
Jason shoved his hands into the pockets of his light denim jeans and looked me over. With his baseball jersey open, a white shirt underneath, and his blue cap on backwards, he easily looked a good six human years younger than he was.
“You look pretty,” he said.
“Thanks.” I reversed a step or two and stood in line with the mirror, checking to see if Jase was privy to my nipples or any other parts I didn’t want to show out from under this dress.
“I… uh, I came to say goodbye.”
I nodded, readjusting my straps. He did say he’d be leaving before the festival, but a part of me figured he’d at least stay until we found out if David was okay. Except, that was probably the worst thing he could do. He needed to move on. I’d miss him terribly; miss his friendship, counsel, miss the way he could always make me feel better when David was being shitty. But if there was ever a better time for him to move on in his life, it was now.
“Let’s not do the goodbye thing, okay?” He tilted my face upward with the tip of his thumb, swiping it along my cheery-flavored lip-gloss. “I’m not going to die or disappear. I’m just moving on. And I will always be only a phone call away.”
“I know.” I placed my hand over his and gently drew it from my face. “I just… it just crept up on me, is all. In the chaos, I just forgot you were going today. Have you said goodbye to David?”
His eyes smiled but his lips rolled together, making a thin line. “He’s not back yet. And I told my new boss I’d be there by ten tonight.”
“Wow. Starting already?”
“Yeah.” The reticent grin broke free then, splitting his lips open with perfect joy. “Well, I start tomorrow. But I’m being shown my new executive apartment tonight.”
“Executive, huh?” My rising brow drew my whole head forward. “Congratulations, Jase.”
“Thanks.” He put both arms out. “Do I get a congratulatory hug?”
“Of course!” He stumbled back a step when I threw my arms around him. “I am just so happy for you!”
“I knew you would be.”
I gave one more squeeze of his ribs, feeling them push out against mine as he drew a very long breath in, his nose buried in my hair. Then I stepped back, readjusting the folds of my dress.
“And you’ll come back when the baby’s born, right? To visit.”
“Do you think I’m gonna miss seeing my first and only niece grow up?” His warm, deft fingers circled my bump, staying there against the dress for maybe just a moment too long.
“Jase?” I laid my hand over his, running my fingers down his wrist lightly until he looked at me.
“This dress is very beautiful, Ara.”
We both lowered our hands and I toyed with the edges of the skirt for a second. “I kinda feel naked in it.”
He laughed once. “I got a shock touching you. It’s like there’s nothing there.”
“Is it too… much? Should I change?”
“No.” His smiling green eyes studied every curve of me that the delicate fabric did not conceal. When his imagination seemed satisfied, he brought his gaze back up to my face and reached across to bounce a curl. “I can imagine now how it’d feel to hold you against me while we danced.” His grin sparkled with a hint of mischief. “Good thing I’m not sticking around for that.”
My mind invaded his for a flash of a second then as he let his guard drop, and I saw a cheeky thought—a scenario where he held me so close as we danced that he was forced to keep me there a while after to conceal his unwelcome erection. “You shouldn’t think like that.”
“Sorry. You weren’t supposed to see that.” He stuffed his hands back in his pockets. “I will always love you, you know?” he added. “I can’t help it if I sometimes think beyond the borders of right and wrong.”
“I know, but…”
“I know.” He nodded, glancing back once at the door. “Um, by the way…”
“Mm?”
As he stepped closer, hands tucked away in his pockets, he lowered his head and his voice. “Your father knows about what happened with Arthur.”
A thick wad of dough expanded my throat. “Uh, which what that happened?”
“The Training Hall.”
With a slow and very deliberate intake of air, I rolled my spine straight. “What did he say?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t there.”
“Was David? Because he can’t know, Jase. He—”
“He wasn’t there, Ara. Don’t worry.” A reassuring hand landed on my arm. “But your father wants Arthur to tell David.”
“Why? David will kill me!”
Jase laughed. “He won’t kill you. But I don’t think it’ll help the rift, either.”
“No.” I folded my arms, blinking a few extra times. “Then again, keeping it from him while we’re trying to mend that rift certainly won’t help. If it comes out later, it could undo any mending.”
“You’re right.” He clicked his tongue, looking sideways. “But I’m just not sure David could take any more right now. I’d leave it a bit. And I told Arthur the same.”
“I’ll know when the time’s right,” I said. “He’ll need a few days to sort out his own head, you know, now that he can freely be with his own thoughts and desires. I’ll stand back and just give him space for now—”
“And one more thing,” Jase cut in.
“Uh-oh.” The corners of my eyes and lips sharpened with temerity. “You’re nervous. What’s wrong?”
“He… David’s asked me a few times to show him what happened between you and I.”
“I know.” I nodded, half shrugging at the same time. “And?”
“And…” he said, dragging the word out awkwardly. “He’s only seen stilled images—flashes of things I’ve touched on you… places my mouth has been, but he wants the whole story.”
I cringed. “If I was him, I’d be totally creeped out by that.”
“He’s not creeped out, though.” His head moved gently in a no. “He’s glad he saw it.”
“Well, then I’m creeped out!” I had to move back from Jase to get some space. How could he have let David see those things?
“I didn’t let him, Ara.” He followed me across the room. “He’s stronger than me. I had a hard time stopping him.”
“Why would he want to see it?” I spun around to face him.
“Because sometimes the not knowing can be worse than the truth.”
“Well—” I grabbed my shoes from the floor by the mannequin and slipped them on, hooking my finger into the end to slip it over my heel. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I know. But just… consider it,” he said. “Because, if it were me, I’d want to see.”
“Fine.” I stood tall again, completely ready for the festival. “I’ll think about it. But it’ll come with a disclaimer.”
“What kind of disclaimer?”
“That what I felt back then and what I feel now are not the same. He’ll be seeing—feeling a memory. And things have changed for me.”
Jason opened the dressing room door. “I’m sure if he’s gotten to the point where he can ask you to show him, he will well and truly understand that you don’t still feel that way about me.”
Emily looked up as we stepped back into the room, then turned away and went about dabbing her lipstick on.
“I’ll see ya later, Em,” Jason said as he walked past.
“Later.” She waved absently.
I walked Jason to the door and opened it for him. “I’d say good luck, but I think that’s actually bad luck, isn’t it?”
He reached down and took both my hands, then leaned in and planted the sweetest, softest, most delicate kiss on my cheek. All my hairs rose to linger on his lips, clinging to the small spot of moisture they left behind when he drew away. “Don’t say anything, Ara. Not goodbye. Not good luck. Not even I love you. We both already know.”
I felt the corners of my eyes swell a little in response to the strong e
motion of farewell, but my mind had greater control of my actions, reminding me that this was best for all of us. “Have fun then. Okay?”
“I will.” He broke away but stopped a few steps into the corridor and turned back. “And, Ara?”
“Mm?”
“I left something in your room for you.”
“What is it?” I walked out into the cooler air of the corridor.
“It’s a gift,” he said, his eyes shrinking in that cheeky smile I loved so much on his brother. “But when you see it, and you ask yourself if it’s me or David,”—he looked at me for a long moment before adding—“it’s David. It always has been.”
“Jase. I—that doesn’t make any sense,” I said with a small laugh.
“It will.” He bowed his head and turned away, flitting off into thin air before my eyes opened from their next blink.
The world did actually feel a little bit emptier then, knowing he wouldn’t be here anymore, but at the same time it felt full of hope and of something else I couldn’t identify. Maybe excitement.
Maybe instability. I thought for a moment about why I’d feel unstable. It wasn’t because Jase protected me. I had Falcon and I had Mike. And even David would go to great lengths to keep me safe. No, this feeling came from something else—perhaps from the knowledge that he was gone and that my rejection of Lilith’s plans for me were cemented in stone. Jason was moving on to better things, leaving me free to accept my unwritten future.
Unsteady. Yes. I just felt a little unsteady, but not scared. More like apprehensively excited because, for the first time, I’d chosen my own path. This road I walked was completely new—unwritten, unseen so far by anyone. And that meant it held all the possibility in the world.
“Ara?” Emily’s long fingers tapered over my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“Did he say goodbye to you?”
“Yeah.” She nodded as I turned around. “We’ve said our goodbyes.”
I took a long breath, lifting both my shoulders, and let it out again, relaxing. “It’ll be so weird without him.”
“Yes, but at least he’s alive—and happy.”
“Yeah.” I looked at the empty corridor as though I might see him, thinking back to a time when I thought he was dead. “He deserves a bit of happiness. But now I need a new council member.”
Echoes & Silence Part 1 Page 47
