“I like Rachel and Brad,” I tell Keanu as I crawl under the covers beside him a few hours later.
“They’re good people,” he agrees, opening his arms for me.
I snuggle into his side, pressing my lips to his warm, inviting chest. He moans, so I dot more kisses all over his chest, enjoying the way he responds to my touch. I make my way up his neck, peppering his smooth jawline with more kisses, teasing him by kissing the corners of his mouth.
“I need to kiss you, Sel,” he rasps, curling his large palm around the nape of my neck and drawing me close.
The instant our lips touch, fireworks explode, and I see stars behind my closed eyelids. I angle my head, deepening the kiss, and I’m clawing at him, needing to get even closer. He licks the seam of my lips, and I open for him, welcoming his tongue into my mouth.
I climb on top of him, straddling his hips, feeling the hard bulge in his pants pressing against my ass, and I whimper into his mouth, grinding on top of him as primal need swamps my body. I ache down below, my body demanding release, and I rock my hips against his, showing him what I need.
I love the sensations Keanu evokes in me. He barely touches me, and I’m a quivering mess. I love how naturally my body responds to him, and it’s how it should be when you love and desire someone as much as I do him. The normalcy of my responses encourages me, making me feel bolder, allowing me to take control of my sexuality.
“Sel.” He drags his lips from mine, palming both sides of my face. “We should slow down.”
“I don’t want to slow down.” I genuinely don’t. I’m so wet for my man, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I weld my lips to his again, and we get lost in one another.
In a flash, he flips me over, his lips never leaving mine as he covers me with his delectable body. Very gently, he eases down on top of me, softly jerking his hips into mine, and my eyes roll back in my head. I lift my legs, locking them around his waist, pulling him down firmly on top of me.
He stiffens, and his lips stop moving against mine as I grind against him, needing the friction, as my impending release climbs higher and higher. “Keanu, please.”
“Baby.” He nips at my earlobe, tugging it gently between his teeth, and I cry out in raw need.
He sits up, leaning back on his heels, as his hands roam my body.
“K.”
“Shush, baby. I got you,” he says, hooking his thumbs in the band of my sleep shorts.
I push off my elbows, locking eyes with him, as he pulls my shorts down my legs. “I need you inside me, K.”
He stops with his hands on the sides of my panties, staring deep into my eyes. “We need to talk to Denise first, babe. I already told you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
We were due to have a couple’s therapy session on Thursday, but I canceled it, because I could see Keanu was hurting from the previous weekend’s revelations and neither of us was in the right frame of mind to stir up another hornets’ nest. But now, I’m kicking myself that I didn’t go through with it.
Because I want him.
I want to feel him moving inside me.
Loving me with his mouth, his hands, and his penis.
But I can’t be pushy.
Because I know how important it is to him to do this the right way. I see how he’s torturing himself now, because he wants this as much as I do, and I know he hates saying no to me, but he doesn’t want to risk doing something that might trigger me.
And how can I ever be mad at him for that?
I can’t. No matter how badly I want him to make love to me now, it will have to wait. “Okay, babe.”
He climbs back up my body. “I love you so fucking much, Sel.”
I run my fingers through his silky, dark hair. “I know, and I love you too.” I send him a cheeky grin. “But I’ll love you even more if you make me come with your mouth. I ache for you, K.”
He rubs his thumb along my swollen lower lip. “As I ache for you, pretty girl.” He kisses me softly and sweetly, and I melt into the bed. “And I will never leave you wanting.”
He moves to slide down my body again.
“On one condition,” I blurt. “You let me reciprocate this time.” He hasn’t let me touch his penis, and I’m done with inequality. I can tell he’s going to shoot me down again, so I crawl into his lap, circling my arms around his neck. “Baby, please. I need to touch you. I want to make you come. I want to watch the pleasure on your face, knowing my hands and my mouth did that to you. Please let me.” I clasp his beautiful face in both hands, basking in the glow of love emanating from his gorgeous blue eyes. “Please let me love you.”
“I’m afraid if I let you do it once, I’ll want it all the time,” he admits, his eyes blazing with desire.
“I fail to see the problem,” I tease.
“I never want you to feel obligated.”
“Are you going to force me?”
“What!” Disbelief and anger flood his features. “Why the hell would you ask me that?!”
“Baby. Calm down.” I peck his lips, clinging to him tight. “I’m sorry. Poor choice of words. You’re not going to make me do anything I don’t want to do, so can we agree if I touch you it’s because I want to make you feel good?”
His features soften as he nods, and a layer of stress lifts off my shoulders. “And if you don’t want me to, you only have to say it. I never want to make you do anything you don’t want to do either.”
He chuckles, pressing a feather-soft kiss to the underside of my jaw. I shiver all over, and my core throbs with fresh need. “What’s so funny?”
“The notion that I’d ever not be in the mood,” he replies. “I’m a guy, and you turn me on so much, Sel. I’ll never get enough.” He grabs the hem of my top, pulling it up my body. “This okay?” he asks.
“More than okay,” I pant, as I let him remove it.
“I love your body,” he murmurs, kissing the swell of my breasts. I’m on his lap, my chest at the perfect position for his hot mouth. “And I love these,” he adds, caressing my tits in his big hands. I cry out when his mouth suctions on my left breast while his hand fondles my right.
Then he guides me down flat on my back, nipping, licking, and sucking his way down my body until he reaches my panties. I arch my hips and lift my butt off the bed so he can remove them. And then, his mouth is exactly where I want it. Lapping at my most intimate part, his tongue licking a line up and down my folds. When his tongue pushes inside me, I almost buck off the bed. The intensity of the sensations rippling throughout my body is out of this world. I know I’m not going to last long, and I want his fingers in me. I know he’s afraid to do it, because of what happened that one time we tried, but I need to feel his fingers in me now.
“I want your fingers, K.” I prop up on my elbows to look at him. “Please. I promise it will be okay.”
He glances at me through hooded lashes, and it’s so carnal watching the man I love with his head between my thighs, staring at me with so much lust and love in his eyes. “Tell me if it hurts or you want me to pull them out,” he croaks after a few moments of intense staring.
“I will.”
Slowly, he inserts one finger, moving it carefully in and out of me, watching for my reaction the whole time.
“More,” I whisper, loving the feel of his finger inside me.
“Fuck,” he hisses when he inserts another digit and my muscles clench around him.
“Faster,” I pant, arching my hips as I ride his hand. Pressure is building and building, and I’m on the edge of something monumental. He pumps his fingers a little faster, still cautious, but when his tongue flattens on my clit, I explode around his fingers and his tongue, crying out as the most incredible wave of pleasure consumes every part of me.
He rides it out with me, only withdrawing his fingers when my sated body has collapsed against the bed. “Oh my God.” I giggle, grabbing him to me. “That was amazing.” I kiss him hard. “I love your magical fingers.” I giggle again, an
d I want to bottle this feeling. This moment.
“I love you,” he simply says, taking my hand and bringing it to his mouth. “More and more every day.”
“I love you beyond anything humanly possible,” I say. “Beyond words. Beyond logic. Beyond space and time.” He bends down to kiss me, but I slip out from under him, pushing him down onto his back. “And now it’s time I showed you.”
24
Selena
I waste no time removing his pants, freeing his penis, leaving him completely bare. And he’s magnificent. Broad, smooth chest. Chiseled abs with a tempting line of dark hair trailing down to his long, thick erection. I fist my hand around his hard length, stroking him in firm, long strokes, watching as his eyes roll back and his shoulders melt into the bed.
“Faster, please, babe,” he murmurs, and I increase my pace, pumping him up and down, enjoying the look of intense pleasure washing over his face. I bend down, and my tongue darts out, licking the bead of precum on the tip of his penis. He groans. A deep, primitive groan that sends heat to my core and puts a big smile on my face.
I love making him feel good.
And I love that I love doing it.
There is no doubt and no hesitation.
Keanu has spent years worshiping and caring for me, and it’s time I reciprocated it in more ways than one.
I worship his penis. Licking, nibbling, and sucking on it until his hips are bucking and he’s writhing in need. I open my mouth and take him deep, hollowing out my cheeks as I suck, watching him come undone with every swipe of my tongue.
“Sel, I’m going to come.” His eyes penetrate mine.
I keep sucking, deep throating him as I encourage him to keep going with my eyes. I’m not stopping now. I want him to come in my mouth.
“Agh, Sel.” His hips thrust faster, but I can tell he’s holding himself back, not wanting to do anything to hurt me. God, I freaking love him so much. He always puts my needs above his own. I could live a million lifetimes and never feel worthy of this man.
I slide my hand between his thighs, fondling his balls, and the instant my finger tentatively nudges against his puckered hole, he detonates in my mouth, shooting streams of hot, salty cum directly down my throat.
I keep my mouth latched onto his penis until I’ve sucked him dry, then I release him with a loud popping sound. He instantly lifts me up into his arms, cradling me against his solid chest. “Holy hell, Sel.”
“I think you liked that,” I say, smiling up at him.
“I fucking loved it.” He caresses my face. “Are you okay?” Worry radiates from his eyes.
“I’m perfect, K.” I kiss him softly. “I love doing that to you.”
He kisses me back, slow, long, and deep, and I sigh contentedly when he finally breaks our lip-lock. “Let’s talk to Denise this week.”
“I’ll message her now,” I say, reaching for my cell, because I’m as eager as he is to set it up. The sooner we air our concerns, the sooner we move forward, and I’m ready for Keanu to make love to me. I want him so badly I could scream.
* * *
Although we argue about it, Keanu comes with me to the shoot the following morning. We’re supposed to be keeping a low profile in public, but he’s adamant that he’s not hiding this weekend, and I don’t argue too much. Because I can’t bear to be apart from him for any length of time.
Yes, we really are one of those annoying couples, joined at the hip, blissfully happy in one another’s company.
The shoot goes well. It helps that my partner on this campaign is Stephen Dillon. An up-and-coming new face on the scene. A guy who happens to be openly gay, so there’s no sleazy talk, no flirtatiousness, and Keanu has no reason to be jealous.
If anyone has a right to jealousy, it’s me, because Stephen spends half his time drooling over my man. But he’s respectful, and he never crosses a line. Content to sneak sly looks at Keanu whenever he thinks we’re not looking.
I’m exhausted by the time the shoot ends, and when we get back to the penthouse that evening, I take a nap for a couple hours before we head out to dinner with Rach, Brad, and Kent.
After dinner, we meet up with some friends of Keanu’s and Kent’s at a local bar before moving on to a club.
“We can leave whenever you want,” Keanu says as soon as we are seated in a booth in the VIP area.
“I know, and I’m good. I’m enjoying myself.”
While I’ve attended clubs in the past two years, I’ve never been totally relaxed. Until now. Because Keanu makes me feel safe and protected, and I genuinely have no issue being here. I like this crew, and nothing could dampen my good mood.
I stick to water while Keanu slowly sips a beer. Rachel isn’t drinking either, but Brad and Kent have been downing the beers since we arrived. Brad’s a little tipsy, but Kent is definitely drunk, unashamedly groping the petite redhead who somehow found her way onto his lap.
“Let’s dance,” Rachel says, taking my hand.
Keanu opens his mouth, to object on my behalf, no doubt, but I beat him to it. “I’d love to.” His jaw hangs open, and I giggle. I kiss him quickly. “I won’t be long.”
Rachel leads me to the edge of the dance floor, in full view of our table, and we put on a little show for our guys. The rhythmic beats infiltrate my limbs, and I sway my hips in time to the music, getting lost in the movement of my body and the hypnotic melody of the song. Rach is a fantastic dancer, and her lack of inhibition encourages me to shake off the last vestiges of self-consciousness. I move my body freely, throwing my arms in the air and shaking my booty as the song changes and the tempo picks up pace.
“You are sexy as fuck,” Keanu rasps into my ear, coming up behind me.
“Right back at ya,” I say, spinning around in his arms.
He pulls me in flush to his chest, and we grind our hips together, moving in sync with one another and in time to the music.
We dance for ages. Until my dress is glued to my back and damp tendrils of hair cling to my brow. My jaw hurts from laughing and kissing, and I’m high on life right now, and it feels amazing. I never want this feeling to end.
We leave the club a couple hours later. Kent and the redhead are all over one another in the back of the taxi while the rest of us pretend not to notice. Keanu is scowling at his brother, and I rub the tense spot between his brows. “Relax, babe. It doesn’t bother me.” And it doesn’t. They’re both into it, so where’s the harm in that?
We say good night to the others when we arrive at the penthouse, heading to our bedroom. The second the door is locked, Keanu is peeling my dress off and carrying me to the bed where we spend another few hours exploring every inch of each other.
“Can’t we stay here forever?” I grumble the following afternoon as we prepare to leave for the airport.
“I wish we could,” Keanu says, reeling me into his arms. He plants a passionate kiss on my lips that leaves me weak-kneed and aching. “I’m glad you had a good time. We should do this more often.”
“Definitely,” I agree, taking his hand as he grabs our bags and mentally preparing myself for the trip back home.
* * *
We meet with Denise after school on Thursday for our first couple’s session in years. I’m nervous. Keanu’s nervous. But Denise helps put us at ease.
“My understanding from talking with Selena is that you two want to progress your sexual relationship, and you have some concerns, Keanu,” Denise says. “Is that correct?”
“Yeah,” he says, clutching my hand more tightly.
“Tell me how you are feeling about it. What specific concerns do you have?” she asks, smiling at him in encouragement.
“I want Selena to enjoy it, but I’m afraid of doing something that might remind her of her past. Or trigger her to remember something traumatic. I don’t ever want to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable.”
“How do you feel about this, Selena?” Denise asks.
“I love that Keanu is so concerned ab
out my needs and that he wants it to be good for me. I wish I could tell him that his concerns are without foundation, but I won’t lie.” I wet my dry lips, gazing into my boyfriend’s eyes. “I can’t guarantee there won’t be times where something happens that triggers a flashback, because I don’t have control over it.”
“And that’s why I’m worried,” he says, rubbing his thumb back and forth across the back of my hand. “That’d kill me, Sel.”
“Are there specific things you don’t want Keanu to do, Selena?” Denise asks. “It’s best to be completely up front before you make love. To let Keanu know if there is something you won’t like or won’t be comfortable with.”
“Denise and I have discussed sex and my sexuality a lot over the past two years,” I tell him, so he knows how much thought I’ve given this. “I’ve been reading up on healthy sexual relationships, making a list of my sexual goals, and trying to figure out how I can take back more control. Modeling has helped, because I’m calling the shots. I’m deciding how others see me and what images are portrayed. Feeling good about myself in shoots, feeling sexy and desirable, has empowered me. Because I’m in control. I decide who sees my body. I will never do lingerie or swimwear campaigns. Not because of the scars on my body, but because I don’t want any stranger objectifying me in any way.”
I sit up straighter, angling my body so I’m facing him. “The only one who will see my body, apart from me, is you. And I’ve already trusted you with that.” My cheeks heat a little. I trust Denise, and I trust Keanu, but it’s still awkward having this conversation. Talking about something so private with others stretches me out of my comfort zone. But I also know myself well enough to understand that this is the right way to do this. Keanu may have been the one asking for this meeting, but I would’ve suggested it if he hadn’t.
Releasing Keanu Page 18
