by C L Wesley
I wake up in the morning, hungover, naked, and with Jensen. Shit! That really happened. I think about how I am going to get out of here when I see a set of bloodshot green eyes staring at me. “Trying to make the great escape?” He smiles and his dimples pop, his right hand running up and down my back almost leaving me purring.
“Jay, I, uh.” I can’t think of anything to say to him.
Jensen leans closer, placing a sweet kiss on my lips before pulling back rubbing his nose with mine. “Taryn, as long as it was me you were with last night, it was just two friends who needed each other.” He kisses me again and I still didn’t respond as I am shocked by my actions. As much as I miss Noah, I knew it was Jensen each time, all night, and I know I’ll be feeling him all day.
“I knew it was you.” I say before his lips descend on mine, this time I respond to him, and his hands go to work making sure I don’t forget.
16
I had to work at Olive Garden that night and I felt Jensen every time I moved. I found myself smiling and crying all at the same time. Smiling because it was incredible, crying because it wasn’t Noah and even though I clearly remember him dumping me on the courthouse steps, I am still in love with him. Then there is Izzy. I cannot believe she would mess that up…damn. Yet again, addicts don’t realize what they’ve got until it is gone. I close the restaurant and head to my car to experience déjà vu.
“Hey.” Jensen walks up to me enveloping me into his big strong arms that I knew he had but never noticed until now. I stand there stiff, my hands at my sides. Jensen leans down and kisses me, a kiss I don’t respond to. He nudges my lip and I respond, Jensen backing us up until we were between our vehicles.
“Jay.” I grab his attention and press my forehead to his chest. A chest that I now have licked, tasted, and touched.
“You are feeling guilty, aren’t you?” He asks, putting his fingers under my chin and forcing me to look at him.
“I don’t know what I’m feeling.” I tell him, sidestepping him to start my car. I turn around and he cages me in.
“Taryn, we’ve done nothing wrong.” He tells me, reaching his hand out to cup my cheek. I lean into his touch and find myself looking at him differently. I lean onto my tip toes and kiss his cheek.
“You’re right.” I whisper into his ear. I am out of fucking control but if it helps me forget even for a second, I’m all in. I run my hands down his chest, watching him shiver.
“Follow me home?” I shake my head and he kisses me, hard, fierce, and unexpectedly welcomed.
Such déjà vu except this morning I wake alone, still naked, still in Jensen’s bed, this time with a note on the pillow.
I had mandatory gym this morning. I’ll bring you a cappuccino blast if you promise not to castrate me for taking your phone with me. You’ll see why later.
You are absolutely amazing- even sober ??
I took a shower and logged into Noah’s online classes to do the discussion boards when Jensen arrived home with a blast and bagels in hand. “Good morning.” He hands me the blast and sets the bagels on his coffee table before sitting next to me, kissing my temple. “Here’s your phone. I didn’t want you to see anything before I got back.” He hands it to me and I open it up.
“What?” I ask.
“Look at Instagram.” I pull up Instagram and there is three pictures of Jensen and I at Club 9. The first one is of us laughing together at the bar, the second was when he dipped me, and the third is of us lip locked on the dance floor. I read the hashtags. #sorrynotsorrystriker #shereallyisasoccergroupie #cutecouple #Iwasrightmonthsago @NoahGrodNEC @IsabelleCr #bestfriendsshare #howlonghasNoahbeengone
“Oh my God!” I throw my phone across the room. “I hate her!” I start crying, Jensen pulling me into his arms and laying back on the couch.
“I’m so sorry, honey. I had no idea until early this morning when I woke up to Landon texting me.” He rubbed at my back.
“Do you think they’ve seen it yet?” I ask referring to Izzy and Noah.
“Oh yeah.” He tells me holding me tight against him. “The entire team is razzing me about it.” I try to get up but he just holds me tighter. “Taryn, I can handle it if you can.” That’s great! I think to myself because I don’t know if I can.
Later that day after class, I walked campus with a scarlet A on my chest. At least that’s how the campus made me feel. I was halfway to the Café to start my shift with Chloe when my phone vibrated. Jensen was calling me. I debated answering it before I finally swiped right. “Hey.”
“How are you?” He asks. I can tell he’s in the Commons from the background noise.
“I’m okay. Just on my way to the Café for work. What’s up?” I ask as I see another set of girls look at me while I walk by. Why did I choose a small school?
“What would you say to going on a date with me tonight when you get off work?” He asks and I stop, turn, and head to the nearest bench along the sidewalk, slamming my backpack down.
“Like Jay and Taryn hanging out or like a date date?” I am confirming because I can feel my heart racing in my chest from being terrified or excited, I have no fucking idea.
I hear him take in a deep breath, “Date, Date.” I stay quiet because I don’t know what to say. “Taryn, you can say no, baby. It’s okay.” He reassures me and I find myself biting my lower lip.
“It’s not that I want to say no.” I tell him confused as ever.
“Well hey, you think about it and let me know by 7pm.” He must be walking because it is quieter on his end. “I have to go to class. Call or text me later, okay baby?”
“Okay.” I hang up the phone without a goodbye and head into the back door of the Café. The Café was slow tonight and I was thankful because the few customers we did have either looked at me with pity or hit on me like I was a slut. I worked the back the second half of my shift putting Chloe out front. I took my break when I saw Izzy calling.
I swipe right, “Hey.” I felt relieved that she called slumping my shoulders.
“Hey Hooker!” Izzy yells into the phone. To be honest, I am surprised it has taken her this long to call me. She is usually a do first, think later type person.
“Izzy, I am so sorry, we were drunk, you two had just fought, it was Valentine’s Day and Noah didn’t respond to me…again.” I ramble, jumping up onto the prep counter in the back.
“Taryn, look, I’m in Chicago, Noah is in Texas. What did we think would happen?” I hear her take in a deep breath. “I miss him. He’s a good guy. I’m okay if it’s you he ends up with. You won’t screw him over.” She said it so carefree and it had my flags raising, waving, and blinking.
“Iz?” I know my girl and she is being way too nonchalant about this.
“Yeah.”
“Izzy?” I say her name again. She knows I know something is up.
“Okay. I miss him, I do, but I’ve been hanging out with someone here and it’s refreshing T.” She admits. “So before you overthink it my love, it’s really okay. I know what I left behind and I’ll regret fucking it up but I’m happy and maybe in love.”
“I am happy for you. I wish I was. I miss you so much. I need you. There is just so much.” She cuts me off.
“Want me to see if my parents can fly you in for the weekend?” She asks.
“YES!” I scream. “I’ll call off both jobs.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” She says before getting eerily quiet. “So, I talked to Noah today when he got off work.”
I feel my heart fall out of my chest. “I assumed he saw the picture.”
“Yeah.”
“Well he talks to everyone but me.” I inform her as if she didn’t already know.
“I got on him about that. I told him he’s a fucking idiot.” She tells me. “Don’t be mad at me but I told him about your extra class load. He needs to know what you are doing for his stupid ass.”
“Ugh, Izzy!” I groan. “Wait, he knows and he’s still not calling.” I rub my hand over m
y face. “Jesus Christ I am an idiot.” I take a deep breath. “You talked to him. Do I move on, Isabelle?”
“That boy is in love with you but he also chose to leave when he could have come back. He could have kept your relationship going and he didn’t. He knows you are suffering and is doing nothing but texting Jensen every day. You do what’s best for you and if that is Jensen, then be happy.” She tells me and I feel a tear fall down my cheek. “Hey, I gotta go. I’ll talk to my parents tonight. Love you girl!”
“Love you too.” I make a dash for the employee restroom and wash my face before heading back out to the café. I check the time 6:54PM, what do I do? I let every thought of Noah flood my mind from that first look to the courthouse steps and I find myself tearing up again until I think of Jay. Jensen has always been there, from the day I met him to his kiss goodbye this morning. I watch each minute pass…slowly as my mind spins like a tilt-a-whirl.
6:55PM Noah knows that I have been taking his classes and still does not have the balls to respond to me.
6:56PM I hear the same song that was playing at Club 9 on Valentine’s Day over the sound system and think of Jensen. When I put the awesome sex on the side, he really has been there for me picking up the pieces selflessly.
6:57PM UGH!
6:58PM Izzy has moved on. Is she really okay if I start seeing Jensen?
6:59PM I pull out my phone and tap Jensen’s name. “Hey, way to wait until the last minute, literally.” He sounds happy that I’m calling.
“I’m getting off at 7PM. It’s slow.” I tell him while taking off my apron opting to leave my hat on so I can hide under it when I leave.
“Do you have an answer for me?” He asks cutting to the chase.
“Yes.”
“Yes you have an answer or yes you want to go?” I can hear the smile on his face.
“Yes.” I giggle.
“Yesssss!” He hisses into the phone.
“See you later.” I tell him before hanging up. I help Chloe a little so that she doesn’t have to do much if she gets a last-minute rush before I grab my bag and head out into the Commons. I keep the bill of my hat down so I don’t have to make eye contact with anyone. I have to wonder how Brittany walks around campus, having slept with half the campus, without feeling like a whore. People don’t know I have slept with Jay and I get the same look they give her. I push through the doors to the main room and see one six-foot two green eyed dimpled Greek God walking toward me. I see several girls getting out their phones and heads turning as he makes the last few steps in my direction. I look at him before looking around.
“Fuck them, Taryn.” He leans in putting his large hands on both sides of my neck and sweetly kisses me. I smile against his kiss and continue smiling when he pulls back rubbing his nose on mine. “Let them look.” He walks me outside hand in hand. “I have to run over to the fieldhouse to sign some paperwork for next season that I forgot this morning. I just needed to see you real quick. Do you want to meet me at my place and we will go from there?”
“Okay.” I start to walk away when he pulls me back to him, pressing his lips to mine. It was postcard perfection. A light snow falling, the glow of the lamp posts, the clocktower in the background, and no plowed sidewalks yet so everything was still pretty and white.
I was heading home to talk to my parents and grab some clothes when I hear the ring come across my Bluetooth in the car. I smile thinking it was Jensen until I saw the screen, BG. My eyes tear up immediately and I haven’t even answered the call. I press the receive button. “Hello.” I squeak out.
“Hey Darlin’.” I hear that voice that I have been waiting for months to hear again. “Taryn, are you there?”
“I’m here. What do you want?” Of course, he has to pick right now to fucking call me. I wipe at my eyes and pull over into an antique store parking lot.
“Izzy told me you’ve been taking my classes and when I got my mail today there was also an academic scholarship notification along with a letter from bursars stating the money paid in so far will be refunded to me.” He tells me as if I don’t already know all this. “I haven’t paid anything.”
“I did.” I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
“You did?” He questions me like I stuttered.
“Yup.”
“I called my advisor and he transferred me to Dickerson to discuss my classes. He told me I just have to take a few tests I missed and to ask my girlfriend for the notes she’s been taking for me.” Ouch! He used the ‘g’ word.
“Yup.” I tried everything I could not to cry but my face was already covered and my jacket wet from the waterworks.
“After how I treated you, you still did all this for me? Why?” He asks his voice really doing a number on me as I sit in my car, alone.
“It’s what you do when you love someone, Noah.” I squeak out before I rubbed at my eyes thanking God he couldn’t see me right now.
“Do you still love me, Taryn?” He asks and I am full blown crying, my face red from holding my breath. “Darlin’, it’s a simple question.”
“In a way, yes.” I say, listening to Noah release a breath he must have been holding. I hear my phone ping through the car alerting me to a text.
J: I have a surprise for you. I can’t wait to see you.
“Noah, I have to go.” I don’t wait for a response. I simply end the call and ball my eyes out for the next twenty minutes before heading home where I spend the next hour pacing the floor of my mother’s kitchen while she tries to make heads or tails of what I’ve told her about Jensen and now Noah. My dad walks in and sits down at the kitchen counter listening to his girls ramble on and on about life.
“Taryn, I know I am just your dad but want some advice?” My dad puts his arm out. I walk over and snuggle into his side. “You can’t stop the wave or the size of it but you sure as hell can learn to surf.”
“What the hell does that mean Dad?” I smile, wiping the tears on the sleeve of Jensen’s soccer hoodie.
“Just think about it.” He kisses my temple before grabbing my mom and heading to their chairs in the living room. I pace the kitchen another ten minutes or so until I grab my keys.
“Love you guys.” I yell as I run to the door.
“Where are you going in this weather?” My mom yells out.
“To surf!” I smile.
17
9:25PM- I look at the clock in the car. I am so late. He texted me twice to make sure I was okay. I responded with a ‘yes’ both times. I grab my bag and head up the sidewalk to Jensen’s door. I take a deep breath and knock. Moments later Jay opens the door, pulling me inside frantically, his lips attacking mine as he backs us up against the wall where he uses his hips to hold me in place while he shimmies me out of his hoodie, his lips only breaking away from mine when he pulled it over my head. I wiggle out of my jeans pushing his shorts down frantically when he lifts me up and carries me over to the couch where I straddled his lap. I lowered myself onto him, crashing my lips against his, his large arms holding me tightly against him as I run my fingers through his hair. My frantic pace was interrupted when he picked me up and walked us into his bedroom where he hovered over me before finishing the job I started. After finding a much-needed release I find myself laying in his arms, facing him, when I finally break away from his kiss. “Was that my surprise?” I smile.
“No!” His eyes dance wildly with excitement. “But you showed up.” He smiles, kissing my forehead. “Would you be able to get spring break off work?” He asks. Knowing that I am no longer making Noah’s tuition payments, I can afford to take some time off.
“Maybe. Why?” I ask, his smile becoming infectious.
“Well my parents rented a beach house in OBX hoping that my sisters and I would be able to meet up with them but turns out neither of my sisters can make it and my parents can only be there the first few days. Would you like to go with me?” He asks.
“Yes! I would!” I smile and I watch as the deep dimples I’ve grown to appre
ciate the past couple months appear on each cheek. “I’m sorry I ruined our plans. Noah and Izzy both called me tonight.”
“Yeah, I heard from Noah too.” He kisses my nose and I snuggle into his chest. “What did Izzy have to say?”
I take in a deep breath, “She gave me permission to date you if I want. She told me that she told Noah about everything I have been doing here.”
“Her heart is in the right place.” He tells me rubbing his nose against mine. “So what did Noah have to say?”
“He said Izzy told him about the scholarships and his classes. He verified it all with NEC.” I tell him. “What did he say to you?”
“He asked why you.” Jensen put his hand along my neck rubbing his thumb along my jawline.
“What did you say?” I ask, my head resting on his arm, so comfortable.
“I said you used to be his. He knows how amazing you are.” I wanted to say something like ‘ouch’ but I found myself smiling. “He also told me not to get too comfortable because you still love him.” I stared at Jensen unsure of what to say next. “Baby, I know you still have feelings for him. It’s natural. What makes me happy is you finally got a response from him and it’s my arms you’re lying in tonight.”
“I know who I am here with.” I smile. “I’m surfing.” I giggle.
“What?” He laughs, a goofy smile spreading on his face.
“My Dad told me that you can’t control the wave or the size of it but you can learn to surf.” I smile, shaking my head. “His silly saying is what got me here.”
“You knocking at my door after those phone calls.” He returns my smile and I kiss him, cutting him off. He pulls back and smiles.
