Prisoner

by Ross Greenwood

  ‘Dalton, nice to see you again.’

  ‘You, too, how come you’ve come back?’ I shout over to her.

  ‘Local visits.’

  ‘Ah, okay.’

  I leave the conversation I’m having with Sheraton and wander towards her, feeling uneasy. If you get transferred to a prison a long way from home, then you’re allowed to come back once a year for visits. Styal is nearly three hours away. It makes me wonder why they shipped her so far. That sounds an alarm almost as loud as the lack of tan lines.

  ‘Can I ask you a favour?’ she says.

  ‘Sure, if you answer a question for me.’

  Her eyes narrow slightly, but she nods. ‘You go first.’

  ‘Last time we met, I noticed that you didn’t have any tanning lines on your top half. Could you explain that?’

  Billie’s blue eyes drill into mine. I can definitely detect a new edge.

  ‘That weird screw let me sunbathe topless.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, in my pants actually. Dirty old git. Although he never touched me, he used to leer at me with his hands down his trousers. I didn’t really get why Tara’s men pay when there’s no touching, but I do now. I should have asked him for money, but I was just pleased to be with the chickens. I hear he’s been sacked?’

  ‘Well, suspended. You told him that your offence was shoplifting, so he didn’t get you cleared for outside work.’

  ‘Ah, well. It was good while it lasted. Makes me worry for the chickens, though. I dread to think what he did to them when he was on his own.’

  Jesus. That explains it. There’s a camera right at the edge of the prison that’s hard to pick out. I only know it’s there because it stopped working one evening when I was doing nights. It points all the way down the gravel track that separates the inner and outer wall, but it picks up the gardens. I bet they studied the recordings after they realised Myerscough hadn’t followed protocol. They rightfully have suspicious minds in Security. I should think they choked when the camera showed a near-naked Billie sunning herself.

  ‘What did you want to ask?’ I say.

  ‘I have a problem. Something’s come up and I need two hundred quid putting in this bank account.’

  ‘What? I haven’t got that kind of cash hanging around.’

  ‘I need it, Dalton. Anyway, I thought you loved me. It’s important.’

  ‘I can’t do it, Billie. Sorry.’

  ‘If I’m stressed because of money, I might forget to keep my mouth shut about dirty middle-aged prison officers who take advantage of innocent young prisoners.’

  And with that, she slips a piece of paper between the bars.

  ‘It’s in the name of B Harding. I wouldn’t ask if I had any other way.’

  Billie disappears fast. I fold the piece of paper and put it in my pocket. What am I going to do? I stare through the gates. I didn’t realise that Kitty was mopping near us. She finishes and walks past with her head down, but she has a knowing look on her face.

  66

  If the sign of a great establishment is returning guests, then we must be doing something right, because later that afternoon we have another visitor. This time it’s Tara. Kitty comes to the lifers’ wing and lets me know. Kitty’s changed so much now, from her clothes to her weight, her confidence, and even her personality is sneaking out. It’s crazy how some people thrive in the dark.

  I suppose nothing can hurt Kitty here. She flourishes on the routines and the rules. There are no adults intent on taking something from her that she might never recover. She has her friends close by. Like a delicate flower, all she needs is some space to grow without interruption.

  When the inmates are all behind their doors after bang up, I nip onto the induction wing, where both Billie and Tara are located because they have just returned. They give the new arrivals single cells if possible when they first get here so people can get their heads together. I don’t want to talk to Billie so I shall keep well clear of her now. There won’t be any real emergency, she’ll just be after money, and I suspect if Myerscough had hung around long enough, it would have been him feeding Billie’s bank account. But I like Tara. I can tell a decent person when I see one. I knew Billie was trouble. Perhaps that was half the attraction.

  Peabody is on the wing. He looks as happy as I feel.

  ‘Just having a word with Tara, mate.’

  ‘Okay, the roll is in, so make sure you slide the bolt across.’

  I give him a dirty look. Cheeky twat, telling me how to do the job after he’s been here five minutes, but he’s away with his thoughts.

  I knock, leave it for a few seconds, then open Tara’s door. She’s lying face down on the bed. Her shoulders are heaving.

  ‘Hey, Tara. What the hell happened?’

  She turns to me and sobs. Bleary eyed, and without make-up on, she gets up and throws herself into my arms. I feel the tears soaking onto my shirt.

  ‘I’ve made such a mess of things.’

  I stroke her hair. After a minute, she settles a little and steps back. I smile at her.

  ‘Surely it’s not that bad.’

  ‘It’s worse. That woman named me Ruined, and that’s what my life is. That idiot who lets me stay at his house for free went through my room and found my bank card with all the money I’d saved. There was ten grand. I was halfway to my target. He’d been caning the card while I was in here.’

  ‘Did you leave the pin, then?’

  ‘No, it was hidden at the back of my knicker drawer, so he must have been looking at my underwear. The sneaky, perverted old twat’s been doing contactless with it so no one looked at my name on the card. When I checked my balance, five thousand was left, and there were hundreds of little debits, mostly at the local shop.’

  ‘Bloody hell, that is sneaky. I take it you became upset.’

  ‘Dalton, don’t make me laugh. I went fucking nuts, but I’m not a violent person, and look at the size of me. I just started kicking him in the shin. Do you know what he did?’

  I shake my head.

  ‘He rang the police and said he was being assaulted. I kicked the copper when he turned up, too. They wanted a statement from my so-called friend, but he’d calmed himself. Told me he would repay the money, and the police that he didn’t want to press charges.’

  ‘Ah, but you’d already assaulted the policeman, thereby breaking the conditions of your licence, and so they recalled you to prison.’

  ‘Correct. The fuckers drove me straight here. I’m five grand down and back for at least a month. I’m never going to get my salon. I know it.’

  ‘Don’t be daft. You’ll get there. I bet they only give you fixed-term recall, which is fourteen days. If he pays you back fast and you start working again, you’ll soon be on track.’

  Tara takes a deep breath, then another.

  ‘He’s not going to pay me back, is he? Fuck it. I don’t care any more. I give up. I’ll be a prisoner to my past whether I’m inside or on the out. There’s no point struggling.’

  ‘Tara! Don’t stop trying.’

  ‘Why? You might believe I’m a nice girl, but I’m not. I’m rotten, through and through. Do you think I started off with dirty old men? I was just bright enough to see an angle in that seedy world. I’m so worthless I can barely bring myself to look in a mirror.’

  ‘It’s okay to make mistakes. You’re Tara now. A good person, with people depending on you. You’re the most respected person here.’

  ‘I’ve destroyed my self-respect, my soul. Without that, what’s the point?’

  ‘Please, don’t think like that.’

  ‘Just leave, please. Thanks for coming by.’

  She sits back onto the bed and rolls away from me. I ponder saying something else, but she’ll need to get her head around what’s happened.

  ‘No problem,’ I say. ‘I’m here for the rest of the week, then I return to the male side, so we can chat again before I go.’

  She turns around with a seri
ous expression.

  ‘Before you go, Kitty told me about Billie. I warned you, didn’t I? If you’ve got a brain, it must surely live in your underwear.’

  ‘I know. I messed up.’

  ‘Trust me, you aren’t the first. That’s Billie’s curse. She’s beautiful and sexy, but she wants what she can’t have. I bet she wanted to see you when she gets out.’

  At my silence, she shakes her head.

  ‘Everyone who fucks with Damage, in whatever way, learns to regret it. All three of us have learned to look after ourselves, but if you cross her, she will be utterly ruthless. She even scares me when she’s like this and won’t listen to reason. It’s good that you’re going back over to the other side.’

  ‘Is that why they call her Damage, because she does some?’

  ‘Oh, Dalton. Damage is what they call her in prison. That title suits her here, so she allows it, but it’s actually a bastardisation of what Lavinia called her.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘If you want Damage’s real name, you need to put a “d” on the end of it.’

  67

  I close Tara’s door and slide the bolt across. Who the hell have I got myself involved with? Broken, Damaged and Ruined. It’s like the unholy trinity. On the male side, I never got attached to anyone. There were quite a few cons who I enjoyed talking to. One of the funniest guys I’ve ever met was an arsonist. But I always kept them at arm’s length.

  I think that’s largely because most were guilty as charged. Young men do daft things. Some men never grow up. Others are hungry for power and wealth but won’t put in the hard yards to attain it legally. You don’t accidentally rob a bank or forge notes and identities, so I rarely felt sorry for anyone on the male side. There is the odd badass female gangster on the female wings, but they are few and far between.

  Here, most of these women have been wronged first, often terribly. Not many of them have gone out with the intention of breaking the law. Of those that do, they are often stealing to feed and clothe their kids. Or they’re hooked on drugs before they’re even adults. Help is scarce; therefore they live their lives in circles. Round and around, in and out of jail, drama upon drama, crisis after crisis, and their horizons are forever bleak.

  As I reach the hub, the roll clears. I go inside to get my bag and find Peabody, with a face of thunder, and Nasima waiting for me.

  ‘Take a seat, Dalton,’ says Nasima.

  My face burns hot, which I try to hide by grabbing a chair from the corner.

  ‘Right,’ she says. ‘I’m not accusing you two of anything, but I know you’ve spent time with Harding. I’m moving that girl upstairs until she returns to Styal. I can’t say why she’s back, but it won’t be for long. She’s absolute poison. We’ve already lost one officer because of her. Her friend, Prestwick, can go up with her. Now, is there anything either of you wants to tell me?’

  Peabody and I both shake our heads. Neither of us is convincing.

  ‘Get out of here,’ says Nasima.

  We walk to the gate together in silence. It looks as though Peabody made the same mistake I did. That’s why he asked to leave the YO wing when I first came over here. But it was too late. She’d got her hooks into him, as she has me. If she’s tapped me up for cash, then he will have been pressurised too. Both of us are trapped. At least Peabody has the excuse of being new.

  When we get outside, I notice Myerscough’s SUV in the corner of the car park. I tap on his window.

  ‘Hey, are you back?’

  ‘No, I came here to return my uniform and ID badges. It’s over for me.’

  ‘Are you going to be okay? You aren’t having silly ideas?’

  Myerscough smiles. He looks old in civilian clothes and kind of droopy. I didn’t think people still wore those pink and grey golf jumpers.

  ‘No, I had a few bad thoughts, but I’ve got a plan. Many years ago, after a holiday there, I had a dream to live in a sleepy town in Portugal, learn Portuguese, drink wine, maybe even help out at a restaurant. I don’t know where those hopes went to. My wife left me somewhere along the road, and I barely noticed. I was as lost in this sorry place as the people I was locking up. But I’m free now, and so I’m going to go to Portugal. I want open spaces and honest folk. Spend enough time in a place like this and you start to suspect that everyone you meet is lying or after an edge.’

  ‘Good for you, mate. Send me a postcard.’

  ‘Like in The Shawshank Redemption? It’s a nice thought.’

  He rolls his shoulders. I won’t be getting a postcard. I see what’s changed in him. He’s relaxed. We carry this prison on our backs, even when we aren’t here, but he must feel weightless now.

  ‘I made a mistake, Dalton. First one I made in all that time, and I don’t know why. I hope you believe that.’

  ‘Put it behind you. Chase your dreams.’

  ‘I will do. My brother’s lending me his campervan and I’ll drive all the way. That’s something else I’ve wanted to do. They let me go because I told them everything, so you’ve got to be careful. They’re on the warpath, Dalton, and they have your name.’

  ‘What the hell did you tell them?’

  ‘They asked me who suggested Billie work with the chickens.’

  ‘And you fingered me? Cheers, mate.’

  ‘I didn’t have to. They already knew.’

  68

  As if my day wasn’t bad enough already, when I got home yesterday, stressed to the eyeballs, the kids were at Maggie’s. Abi was waiting for me with her hair up and those earrings in again, when all I wanted to do was lie on the sofa. This time I finished quickly. Must have been the worry. Abi asked me if I was okay afterwards.

  Last night, I played with the children for ages. Ivan’s a little calmer now, but he still gets angry very fast. I thought of Tara when he kicked me on the shin for not concentrating on the jigsaw we were doing. It only had nine pieces. Tilly is growing up. She got a phone when she was in Spain to stay in touch with her friends. It must be ever so sticky because she can’t seem to put it down.

  I had another night of tossing and turning. At 3 a.m., I accepted I have no choice but to give in to Billie’s demand. If she told anyone about us, my life would be over. I’m on an overtime afternoon shift, but I’m leaving early because I need to visit the town centre and pay the money into Billie’s account in cash. There’s no way I’m transferring the funds from my own bank and leaving a record.

  ‘I’ll be back at seven-thirty. Don’t worry about tea,’ I tell Abi as I leave.

  ‘Wait a minute. Can I have a quick word with you? I didn’t realise you were going in early.’

  ‘Yeah, I want to catch up on my personal officer comments. I’m miles behind.’

  Abi comes and stands in front of me and puts her hands around my neck.

  ‘I just wanted to say I appreciate your efforts lately. With the house and with all the hours you’re working, we should have a bit spare hopefully, so you should treat yourself to something. Maybe that leather jacket you wanted. Hopefully we’ll be able to go on holiday next year together.’

  I manage to maintain eye contact, but it’s hard.

  ‘We’ll see. There were a few bills for the car that I had to sort out. You saw the oil leak.’

  ‘Well, anyway. Do what’s necessary. I trust you to keep things ticking along. Love you, Jim. I’m glad you wanted us back.’

  I leave the house fast, with the fake smile stuck on my face. Cycling to town, I work out that I’m about to give Billie two entire days’ wages. When I arrive outside Santander Bank, I put a baseball cap on and a pair of sunglasses, even though it’s an overcast day. The only way I could look more suspicious is if I had a bag with swag written on the side. I insert my cash card in one of the machines in the foyer and watch two days’ toil and trouble churn out in the form of ten twenty-pound notes. Then I join a slow-moving queue, in which I sweat profusely. The transaction takes thirty seconds when I reach the front and I spend the tim
e waiting for an alarm to go off.

  At the prison, the detail at the gatehouse tells me I’m on the lifers’ wing on my own. There must be staff shortages but it’s fine by me because I don’t intend leaving the wing in case I bump into Billie. I’ve got four more days including this one, then it’s over, and I’ll be back to somewhere I know. When I get in the hub, I see I only have a roll of twenty. I check the movements book and Nasima was good to her word and left instructions for Tara and Billie to move up to houseblock two first thing this morning. Odom’s the SO this afternoon, covering for Breakman, who is off with stress.

  Midway through the afternoon, there’s a clanging at the gate.

  ‘You got one on, Dalton,’ shouts Odom.

  I lock the office and walk to the wing gates. Odom is standing next to Zelda. I open my mouth to complain when I remember I told nobody about our little meeting in the cleaning cupboard, so she’s just a con with a long sentence. I did exactly what I picked Tara up on. She didn’t drop Lavinia in it for the things she did to them, and I didn’t report Zelda. If you don’t report crimes, they can come back and bite you on the arse.

  There aren’t enough women with life sentences to fill the lifers’ wing, so they’ll sometimes send over prisoners with five years or more on their sentence. Zelda now qualifies and has just turned twenty-two. Happy birthday. If you put short-termers in with the lifers, they drive them mad with constant talk of the great things they’ll be able to do when they get out. It makes those with decades to serve murderous or suicidal.

  I nod at Odom and he shuts the gate behind her. She looks warily at me. An inmate clears her throat as she comes into view on the other side of the gates. It’s Kitty. Zelda stares at her for a nanosecond before looking down.

  ‘Are we cool?’ I ask Zelda.

  ‘Yes, I’m sorry,’ she replies.

  I wasn’t expecting that. Kitty smiles and leaves us to it. I stick Zelda upstairs in a spare single. The lifers don’t get locked away during the day except for an hour at lunch, because that really would be inhumane. All they want is to keep busy. Just as I’m leaving Zelda, I stop.