by BL Mute
I never felt scared until this point now. My hands are clammy, my heart is beating hard and almost in slow motion, and my knees are weak. But I suck in another breath and exhale it along with all of my fear.
Halley is here somewhere. Don’t let her meet anymore Mr. Barbies, I tell myself.
The thick wooden door opens and on the other side is a beast of a man. He stands tall enough that I have to crane my neck to look at his face. He’s wearing a designer suit with shiny shoes, and his face is almost beautiful. It would be beautiful if I didn’t know what he was capable of.
“King, this is S,” Cass says, motioning his hand down my body. “S—” He looks at me longer than necessary, fear still in his eyes. “—this is King.”
King runs his eyes all over my body. Over my skinny legs, exposed cleavage, and thin hair. He violates me with his eyes and doesn’t give two shits.
“Where did you find her?” he bites out, turning his attention back to Cass.
“The same place we find them all,” he lets out, then mumbles under his breath, “If they aren’t family.” I’m shocked at his boldness, but from the looks of King, he didn’t even hear him.
King turns back to me and continues his silent assault on my body with his eyes. “You did good. Now go.”
King reaches for my arm, but Cass steps in front of me. “That isn’t how this works, Dad.”
Without hesitation, King raises his hand and backhands Cass’s face, leaving a small trail of blood flying through the air.
My body freezes and I go into survival mode. I weigh all my options carefully but quickly in my head. King is a big man. There is no way I could take him alone. And with Cass on the floor, crumbled up like a piece of old paper, that’s exactly what I would have to do.
He raises his hand again and goes to squat beside Cass’s limp body, but I step into his path. “King,” I coo. “Don’t bother with him. I’m all that matters, right?” I swallow down the bile creeping up the back of my throat. This man is nothing but a predator, a disgrace to society, a fucking monster. But here I am, trying to seduce him.
King looks over my shoulder to Cass on the floor, then back to me, almost like he’s thinking about what to do next. “You’re right,” he finally lets out.
I sigh with relief and let him lead me into the room with the big wooden door. SPM’s “Streets On Beats” starts up and grows louder the farther we walk in. There are numerous leather couches with men sprawled on them and small frail women between each of their legs. I shudder at the thought of being in their position. They all seem willing, and of age, thank god, but it’s still disgusting.
King plops onto one of the couches and picks up a remote to turn down the music. “S, is it?” he asks. I nod. “Why are you here? No one comes here willingly.”
My mind can’t formulate an answer, so I tell him the most honest thing I can think of. I have a feeling he’d know if I was lying. “For the past month or so, I’ve let my life teeter on the edge of something bad, and I’ve liked it. So why not?”
My heart stings at the thought of Six. I feel vulnerable and weak in my position, and it’s letting true feelings come out. I want to hate him; I feel I need to hate him. Not only because he doesn’t love me back, but for the fact he kept something so big from me. I mean, I knew in the beginning he had that information—he knew who my mom was—but I never expected it to be someone so close to me. Someone I was starting to like. But regardless of all of that, I still love him. And in this very moment, I wish he was here.
Like he could feel my need for him, Six busts through the big wooden door, looking pristine as ever in the tailored suit I wouldn’t allow myself to look at in the car. King never has a chance to reply to my answer, and I never have a chance to speak again before shit starts unraveling.
All the men on the couches pull guns from their backs in tandem, King leaps to his feet, knocking me down in the process, and Six… He just stands there. His face is emotionless, and his arms lie at his sides lifelessly. It’s almost as if he has a death wish and wants King to be the one to grant it.
“Put them down!” King yells, and all the men on couches lower their guns. “All of you, out!” he hisses. Without another beat, they all stand and leave the room with their women clutched to their sides.
Six throws his head back and laughs. “Having the goons leave? What fun will it be now?” he asks, his classic smirk now in place.
King steps forward, so Six does the same. They continue until they’re practically nose to nose. Six circles around, stepping until King has his back to the door while Six stands by my body on the ground.
“Never thought I’d see you again,” King chuckles.
“Well, you know what they say, never say never,” Six spits back.
I try to stand, but Six’s hand twitches by his side in a silent warning. I’m not sure how I know it, but I do. I just sit there, silent, worried, and on alert.
“So why did you come back? Did you miss me?” King asks, grabbing his dick while staring straight into Six’s eyes.
My mouth falls open involuntarily on its own with what he’s implying. It can’t be.
Six doesn’t reply. Instead, he slowly removes the jacket of his suit, then unbuttons his shirt with slow and steady hands. Once his skin is exposed, he slowly unzips his slacks and lets them fall to the ground. His ridged stomach moves in a steady rhythm.
“Oh, I see,” King almost laughs. “You just couldn’t get enough, could you?”
Six lets out a low almost growl before he laughs. “No,” he says calmly. “I just don’t want to get blood on my nice suit.”
Once the last word leaves his lips, he raises his arm and swings it toward King with a closed fist, but King is quick. I guess he has to be doing what he does. I’m sure this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
King finally stops bobbing and weaving long enough to send his own fist flying into Six’s gut. My body takes over. If anyone is going to hurt Six, it will be me. Not this disgusting excuse for a human.
I leap to my feet and throw my arms around King’s waist, hoping to hold him for even just a second, but it doesn’t work. He grips my long hair into one hand and throws me back to the ground. I try to get back up, to help, to do something other than sit on my ass like a damsel in distress who needs saving, but I don’t get to.
Six pounces on King, and they both tumble to the floor. They’re a blur of fists, legs, and cuss words, going around and around.
“Get the fuck out, Saturn!” Six yells, and I know he won’t say it twice.
I don’t want to leave, but the only reason we are even here is for Halley, and I need to find her and make sure she’s okay.
I reluctantly get up and run from the room, not even knowing where to go. I run down the hallway with the most doors and start trying them all with no luck. They’re all locked.
“Fuck!” I kick the last door I try, pissed at myself for leaving Six, pissed at myself for not being able to find Halley. Pissed at myself all around for getting into this stupid mess and everything else.
I run back the direction I came and hope there are more places to check. Once I pass the door Six and King were in, I give myself a split second to look in, but they’re gone.
My heart starts to race even faster, and my legs start to shake as the adrenaline finally kicks in and drives me on autopilot. I’ll be damned if anything happens to Six, and I’ll be damned if I leave here without Halley.
I run to the foyer of the house and stop, taking a minute to try and gather my bearings. Something isn’t right. Something just feels off. I take a few deep breaths and try to steady my nerves and kill some of the adrenaline. I can’t think this way.
I close my eyes and run my hands up my face, trying to think, but my lack of thoughts is interrupted when the front door flies open.
Cop and after cop spill into the house, yelling with guns drawn.
“Saturn?” one shouts at me. “Are you Saturn?”
/> I nod my head quickly and raise my hands in the air. After the shit with Willow, I’ve had more interactions with cops than I would like, so I know the drill. Only this time, I haven’t done anything wrong. At least I don’t think so.
“Go find him!” the cop yells as he steps closer in front of me. The rest of them swarm around him and spread all throughout the house. Down the hallway, into the kitchen, and even out the back door.
“Get outside.” He’s speaking softly now. I don’t question him. I just do as he says and walk out the front door, hating myself.
Cop cars line the road by where Six parked. Without hesitation, I go to his car and grab my duffel bag. Fuck the money and everything else. I did my best but still failed. Six is somewhere in there probably getting arrested, and Halley is nowhere in sight. I don’t want to face Six when they haul him out.
I open the passenger door and sigh with relief that it’s unlocked. I pull my duffel bag from behind the seat, then close the door. When I turn back around, ready to leave and never look back, I see Cass walking down the drive with a little girl in his arms.
I’m not sure why, but tears prick the back of my eyes, and I don’t even try to fight them. I let them fall, rolling down my cheeks and hitting my exposed chest.
I drop my bag and run to him, knowing it must be Halley he’s holding. She’s safe. She’s out. She will never have to meet another Mr. Barbie again.
Without a hint of hesitation, Cass sets her on her feet and pushes her toward me, as I stop in front of them and squat down. I do my best to sound strong when I speak. “Are you Halley?” I ask her.
She nods her head as her eyes dart around all the cop cars. I pull her to me and squeeze her to my chest. I’ve never felt love, I’ve never even loved anyone till Six, but this little girl, who I don’t even know… she has a whole piece of my heart. She’s like me in so many ways. Alert, cautious, but strong and fierce—I can see it in her eyes. And if it wasn’t for her, I would have never met Six.
For a second she tries to pull back, but then her tiny arms finally wrap around my neck and her face nuzzles into my hair. “You must be an angel,” she whispers. “Silas said angels are really pretty and have soft hair. Your hair is soft.”
I let a small chuckle slip before I pull away and look at her. She is such a beautiful kid. I just hope she isn’t ruined like me.
I give her a tight smile before I stand. “You’re the angel, Halley.”
She smiles wide, then turns back to Cass. They disappear into the flood of cop cars, and since no one seems to care about me, I grab my bag and start walking. Halley is safe, that’s all that matters, I tell myself.
The walk to wherever it is I’m going is peaceful. There are no cars, no sound, and my mind is actually silent. Maybe this is how it is supposed to be, how it was always supposed to be. I knew in the beginning Six wouldn’t love me. Hell, I never thought I’d love him, and I’ve gone almost eighteen years not knowing my parents, so why should knowing my mother matter now?
I stop on the sidewalk and dig the phone Six gave me out of my bag. I send a quick text to Alex, telling her where I’m going, then switch to Spotify and let my Six playlist play. Maybe I don’t need to forget him. He solidified something I’ve always known—to trust no one but myself.
“Hatefuck” by Cruel Youth plays out from the phone’s small speaker, and I let myself get lost in it. I walk to the curb and sit, resonating with it. Everything she belts out hits deep, and I let it.
I almost want to cry. To let myself feel and be hurt, but I had my moment and it’s over. From this point on, I’m going back to how I was before Six. No more letting people in, no more falling for the bad boy, no more thinking an adult actually cares about me.
I try to hype myself up in my head, but it doesn’t work. Love is a wicked thing. Before I can dwell on my thoughts any longer, a low and smooth hum comes from down the road. I should get up and run, leave like I planned, but there is one thing I have to do.
The black Chevelle rolls to a stop beside me. I hit Pause on my music, then stand and get into the car with one thing in mind. Once I close the door, I open my duffel bag again and pull Six’s file out. I still haven’t read it, and I don’t need to. King’s one comment tells me all I need to know.
I keep my eyes locked onto the street through the windshield. I feel if I look at him, I’ll cave. I’ll ask him why he doesn’t love. I’ll want to stay, and most of all, I’ll want to ask him everything I can about Dr. Keller.
I hold his file out to my side.
“What is this?”
“It’s the same thing you had on me, only it’s your life within those pages,” I whisper, not trusting my voice to be strong.
“Did you read it?” The hurt tone in his voice has me turning my head toward him, wanting to comfort him. Big mistake. He has dried blood running from his nose to his lips and down his chin. His lip is split, and the highest point of his right cheek is a light plum color.
I shake my head. “I don’t need to.”
“Sonni,” he starts.
“Stop. Please stop,” I beg. “I can’t do this.” I don’t want to hear his excuses or half-assed apologizes.
I reach for the door handle, ready to bolt, but he doesn’t let me. He reaches over me and pushes the lock down, then reaches between my legs and pulls the bar, letting the seat slide all the way back. I put my hands to my sides, trying to push myself as far back into the seat as I can to get away from him. My hand brushes my phone, and Cruel Youth starts to play out again.
Six moves his body over the stick shift and folds himself into the floorboard below me almost too easily. His eyes never leave mine as he pushes my dress up and pulls my panties down, with my help. Maybe I need this. Just one last time.
He kisses each of my thighs, then buries his face between my legs. My hands go to his hair and pull hard. I want him to stop and I don’t want him to stop all at once, and I think he knows it. He fights my half-assed attempts of getting him away by grabbing my hands and pinning them to my sides with his own.
He licks and kisses until I’m crying out in ecstasy, then he moves up my body, leaving small smudges of blood, mixed with my arousal, in his path.
Once we are face-to-face, his chocolate eyes bore into my blue ones. Whiskey and water never mixed well.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask, holding back my tears.
He doesn’t take even a second to think. “Because I think I may love you too.”
Instead of replying, I just stare into his eyes to see if there is any truth to what he’s saying. Maybe I need this. Just one last time, I tell myself. One last time.
I push my hands into his hair again, but this time it’s not to make him stop—it’s to bring his lips to mine. My tears roll to our lips, but he doesn’t stop, and I don’t want him to. Not anymore. He pulls down his pants and pushes into me. I cry out again.
He pumps into me over and over as “PILLOWTALK” by Zayn starts up. I squeeze my eyes shut and hate myself for letting him fuck me, for wanting him to fuck me, knowing I’m just going to leave. Six and I would never work. A broken soul can’t fix another broken soul.
My legs start to shake, and my vision goes blurry. I’m on that high again, a high I never want to forget. But just as quickly as it started, it’s over. Six pulls out of me and comes all over my stomach with a roar. I sit still and watch him as he watches me. His chest is heaving, his eyes glued to mine. No words are exchanged.
After a moment, he reaches to the floorboard and grabs my panties. He cleans himself, then wipes his seed from my stomach before trailing a few soft kisses where he cleaned me. His eyes lock to mine for another beat, and then he climbs back into the driver’s seat.
“Sonni, I meant what I said,” he says from beside me.
I want to tell him I love him too, that I’ve been waiting to hear him say that, but instead I blurt out the only other thing that’s been on my mind all night. “I know she’s my mom.” I don’t give him a ch
ance to reply. I unlock the door and leap out, then start running.
BANG, BANG, BANG.
I roll onto my back and throw the blanket from my body. This has been almost an everyday occurrence since Alex and I got a place together.
“Damn it, Alex! I put a fucking key on your key ring for a reason. I’m tired of being woken up to unlock the door!” I yell, walking from my room to the front door.
I push my hair out of my face once I’m in front of it and pull it open aggressively. I was expecting Alex to be on the other side, already apologizing as it opened, but it isn’t her. It’s Six.
Thirty days, seven hundred and thirty hours, forty-three thousand and eight hundred minutes, and a shit ton of seconds since I’ve seen his face. I swore to forget him when I ran that night, but I never did. And I don’t think I ever will.
The smirk I love so much plays on his lips as he stares at me. I run my own eyes down my body and instantly feel embarrassed. My white tank top is see-through, and my pink lace panties leave nothing to the imagination.
“It’s been less than a minute and I already have you blushing?” He laughs.
I want to laugh too, to forget everything and just fall into his arms, but it isn’t that easy. I step to the side and sweep my hand to the inside of Alex’s and my small apartment, inviting him in, then walk back to my room and grab my blanket and wrap it tightly around me.
Once I’m back in the living room and see Six lounging on our beat-up couch, I finally say something. “What do you want?”
“I want you to come home.” There is no playful tone in his voice.
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Home? This is my home.” I look around the small apartment. “And how did you even know where I was?”
He kicks his feet onto the coffee table. “Alex told me. I guess she got tired of hearing you cry at night. Or maybe I annoyed her with my constant harassing.”
I feel my face heat, but this time it isn’t from embarrassment, it’s from anger. I didn’t even know Alex could hear me. I’ve had the same routine since we got this place. If she’s home and not with a “date,” I wait for her to fall asleep, then go into the bathroom and bawl my eyes out. It’s my dirty little secret, and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for being sad about leaving Six.
