“You have to forgive yourself, Abby.”
“I know. Baby steps.”
“It’s been three years.”
Abby paused. “Baby steps,” she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Alright,” Hiamovi replied. “I’ll quit bugging you then. See you for the riding lessons.”
“Oh yeah, wait!” Abby said. “What lessons are these? I didn’t exactly get an itinerary for the training we’re supposed to be doing.”
“Horse riding,” Hiamovi answered. “We’ll be travelling by horseback. Don’t worry about it, I’ll come and get you before I leave.”
“Oh, okay. Cool. Guess I’ll see you then.”
“Yup. See ya soon.”
He turned to leave, but just before he reached the door Abby called out, “Hey.”
Hiamovi turned.
“Thanks for checking in with me,” Abby said.
Hiamovi smiled and nodded once, then left.
Abby closed the door to her apartment and kicked her shoes off. She headed directly for the bathroom, disrobing as she went. She stepped into the shower and turned the faucet handles, sending a scalding stream of water pouring out of the showerhead. The heat of the water was almost painful, but that was how Abby liked it, especially after a workout like the one she just experienced. Her whole body ached, and that feeling of having to puke still nagged at her.
“Marines,” she muttered, closing her eyes as she stepped forward to wet her hair.
***
True to his word, Hiamovi stopped by Abby’s apartment at about 1:30 in the afternoon and led her to the park where everyone was supposed to meet. They were among the first to arrive, beat only by Jax, Yuri, and Nate.
Hey ‘Movi. How ya doin’, Abby?” Nate said.
“Sore,” Abby replied.
Nate laughed and said, “Hey, you did great this morning. Impressive.”
“Thanks,” said Abby. “I just about died though, to be honest.”
“Still impressive. I don’t think I even finished my first workout with Gunny Jax here.”
“You did, you just blacked out,” said Jax. “Hiamovi didn’t fare much better, come to think of it.”
“Yeah, I think my brain has blocked out that trauma,” Hiamovi said.
“Well, I guess I should be grateful you took it easy on me,” said Abby.
“Only a little bit,” Jax said with a shrug. “I had to see what you’re made of with my own eyes. Impressive stories and daring deeds from years ago only get you so far, kid.”
Kurtis, Todd, Chris, and Miguel arrived then, halting their conversation only long enough to greet the others. They were followed a few minutes later by Mike, Vic, and Chad. Max and Alex arrived last, ten minutes before the riding lessons were set to begin.
And they began at precisely two o’clock. A woman and two men rode into view, guiding several horses behind them.
“You are the Raiders I am to be teaching, I presume,” the woman said. “My name is Sarah, and my friends here are Jon and Paul. Let’s not waste any time and get right to it.”
Sarah allowed the Raiders to select their own horses, except for Jax. Due to his significant size, she directed him to an equally enormous Appaloosa horse with brown and white spots, the only one capable of bearing him across the country. Abby selected a chestnut brown horse with a black mane for herself.
“His name is Reese. A very good horse,” said Sarah.
“Hi, Reese. I’m Abby,” said Abby. “Hope you don’t mind hauling me and my stuff across the country.”
“Well, it’s not up to him,” said Sarah, and she rode away to help Vic up onto his horse.
Abby shook her head. “Don’t you mind that humorless woman, Reese. You and I are gonna be good friends, I can tell.”
Limber as she was, Abby was able to get up into the saddle without any help, though without much grace either. Once everyone had successfully mounted their horses, Sarah led the large group around the grassy park. She taught them how to increase the speed of their horses, how to slow them down, and how to come to a stop. They dismounted and mounted several times, and made countless laps around the park to get their bodies acquainted with the rigors of spending several days in the saddle.
Sarah did not dismiss the group until seven o’clock. “I’ll see you all back here at 0600 hours sharp.”
Several groans escaped the mouths of the saddle-sore trainees, but they kept further opinions to themselves. Sarah nodded once then she and the other two instructors guided the horses back to wherever they came from.
“Well, you heard the lady,” said Jax. “Everyone rest up and be ready for more of the same tomorrow. We’ll be certified cowboys, and a cowgirl, before you know it.”
“Anyone up for another group dinner?” asked Miguel. Everyone voiced their assent to this idea, so they walked (slowly) to the nearest restaurant they could find. Their moods improved once they had food on the table, drinks in their hands, and good conversation in the air.
Abby was having a good time as well, and was even beginning to feel like she was fitting in with the group until the conversation led to her revealing her refusal to kill.
“So you’re telling me we’re about to be led into the Wild by someone who won’t even pull a trigger? I thought you were some kind of badass,” Max said, his voice carrying a tone of derision. He was one of the youngest in the team, and he tended to be more hotheaded.
Abby rolled her eyes as she sipped her beer. “You guys are Raiders, you’re supposed to be the best of the best, aren’t you? I’m sure you can handle whatever killing needs to be done, and if you can’t then it’s unlikely I could save us anyway.”
“I don’t like this, Gunny,” said Chad. “If she can’t kill, what good is she really going to be out there?”
The way Chad said that, talking about Abby as if she wasn’t right there across the table, got under her skin. She glanced over at Hiamovi, who looked like he was about to give Chad a piece of his mind. But the last thing Abby wanted was her ex-boyfriend having to defend her in front of all these guys, a few of whom already didn’t respect her, so Abby spoke up for herself.
“I never said I can’t. I said I won’t. Chad you’re what, my age? And you too, Max? Yeah, I was racking up a body count back when your only problem in life was figuring out how to hide those random pubescent boners in the school hallway.”
Jax and a few of the other older Marines, like Kurtis, Chris, and Todd, snickered at that. Abby deliberately spoke to them in their own language, a crude and demeaning language she’d picked up while with the DAS, hoping to knock the doubters down a peg or two.
“And don’t get me wrong, I’m not proud of that,” Abby continued. “I don’t say that to brag, I say it to make a point. I’m a product of my environment, and I did what I had to do, what I was sometimes forced to do.”
“You probably haven’t figured this out yet but there’s nothing good or badass about killing people, even bad guys. After a while you get used to it, and if you keep on killing the ‘bad guys’ sooner or later someone who’s not so bad ends up under your knife. And there’s no bringing them back, you can only add their weight to the ruck you drag around.”
“That’s why I don’t kill anymore. I’ve killed enough for all of us and then some. Most of them had it coming but a couple…didn’t. Death is a permanent sentence, one I don’t feel comfortable handing out anymore, and so I won’t. I’ll fight, and I’m a damn good medic if Miguel would like an extra set of hands, but you boys are going to have to handle the killing.”
Max and Chad had no further objections, both feeling put sufficiently into their place by Abby’s monologue. Even Hiamovi was impressed by how eloquently and easily she spoke of her past. She really had come a long way from that fragile young girl who regularly fell to pieces when triggered, and he was proud of her.
“That’s fine, Abby,” Jax said. “You’re right, we can handle any trouble we encounter, and we’re not going to be out l
ooking for trouble anyway. I’d rather avoid all confrontation out there.”
“But we might have to fight sometimes,” Max insisted.
“Maybe,” Abby replied. “Just pray there aren’t any more hordes out there. There’s no fighting them.”
“What are the zombies even like, Abby?” asked Kurtis.
Everyone fell silent, even Max and Chad, as they awaited Abby’s response. She took a drink of her beer, trying to find the right words to say. Something Zach once told her about zombies came to mind, a story he told her when she started to forget how dangerous the zombies were.
“Think of the person you love most in the world,” she finally said. “Imagine you’re with him or her in your home, just watching TV or something. Now imagine they’ve suddenly leapt on you and are trying to tear your jugular out with their teeth.”
“You fight back but that’s still the person you love. So you hold back, trying not to hurt them, trying to make them see reason. But they don’t stop. Not until you grab the nearest heavy object and bash their head open. That’s what they’re like.”
No one responded as Abby looked into every pair of eyes around the table. Her gaze lingered on Hiamovi for an extra moment before moving on.
“Maybe they’re all gone,” Abby admitted. “I don’t know if they can survive without food, or if they can eat other animals or even other zombies. So maybe they’re gone, but maybe there’s even more than there used to be. I don’t know. Let’s just hope we don’t run into any.”
“Do you really have to shoot them in the head to kill them?” Hiamovi asked. He’d never spoken to Abby about the zombies, figuring it’d be a sore subject, so he didn’t know anything more than anyone else.
Abby looked at Hiamovi and said, “I don’t know. That’s just what everyone assumed had to be done. I mean, that’s how it worked in the movies, right? Can’t say I ever felt inclined to run tests on them.”
A smattering of nervous chuckling lightened the mood a little. “Guess I’ll just follow your lead, if the time comes,” Kurtis said.
“Yeah, you do that,” Abby joked.
The group finished their dinner and parted ways, but not before Jax reminded them that after the riding lessons in the morning they’d be studying more maps as a group. Another annoying consequence of satellites no longer functioning was the loss of GPS. Going anywhere would now require some old school knowledge of maps, compasses, and land navigation techniques. They’d be leaving in just over a week, so they were now making final preparations, and studying maps was part of that.
But that was later. For now, Abby was walking with Hiamovi and talking. They’d spent more time together in the last couple of days than they had in years and found it easier than they might have expected to slip back into a casual friendship.
“Sorry about Max and Chad,” Hiamovi said. “They can be pretty passionate.”
“Hm, that’s what we’re calling it?”
“Well, if you can’t say anything nice… ”
“Then your name is probably Max or Chad.”
Hiamovi chuckled. “Alright, that was pretty funny.”
“Of course it was, I’m hilarious.”
“You have your moments.”
“Moments? Them’s fightin’ words, boy,” Abby said, jabbing Hiamovi with her elbow.
“Oh no,” Hiamovi said, raising his hands to shoulder height. “I don’t want you kicking my ass again.”
Abby grinned and said, “I don’t know, it’s been a long time since I practiced regularly. You could probably beat my ass pretty bad, you big, bad Raider.”
Hiamovi puffed his chest out. “Damn straight, and don’t you forget it!”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t get a big head now,” Abby laughed. She licked her lips, then added, “Seriously though, I’m proud of you. That’s a really tremendous achievement that not a lot of people can claim. Zach wasn’t even one of you guys.”
“Did he ever try?” Hiamovi asked.
“Uh, I’m not sure. He never mentioned trying out for Recon or anything like that, but he may have.”
“Hm. Well, thanks. Joining up was something I felt compelled to do once we started rebuilding, and hearing you say that means a lot.”
“Don’t mention it,” said Abby.
A comfortable silence settled in as they walked the final two blocks to Abby’s apartment. Abby noticed that Hiamovi was glancing left and right and over his shoulder, just like Zach did when he walked. She grinned, realizing how much the two men were alike now. She wondered if Zach would have liked Hiamovi, if he would have approved of their relationship back in the day. He surely would have if they were dating now, she thought, now that Hiamovi was a Marine. Zach always held fellow Marines in high regard.
“I sure miss the stars,” Hiamovi said, his head cocked upwards as he gazed into the night sky.
“Hm?” Abby asked.
“The stars. They’re so much brighter up in Alaska,” he said.
“Oh. Yeah,” said Abby as she joined Hiamovi in stargazing. “They were crazy bright out in Nevada. I loved looking at them.”
Walking with her eyes turned upward, Abby strayed in her path a bit, and her hand brushed against Hiamovi’s. They both immediately recoiled and Abby said, “Sorry. Should probably watch where I’m going.”
“No, it was my fault. You’re good,” Hiamovi replied.
The pair fell silent again, though this time the stillness between them felt awkward. What a stupid reaction to a momentary, accidental touch, Abby thought. So much like a little girl, except she was not a little girl anymore. She was a grown-ass woman now, a confident and strong woman who knew what she wanted and acted decisively. And she did know what she wanted at this moment…
Abby quietly blew out a breath, then reached out and took Hiamovi by the hand. As before, he tried to pull his hand away but Abby held her grip. Confusion settled over his face as he glanced at Abby, perhaps expecting some kind of explanation from her, but she merely returned his look of befuddlement with a smile, saying nothing.
Hiamovi smiled back and gently squeezed her hand as they walked.
A minute later they were standing in front of the door to Abby’s apartment. Hiamovi scratched his head as he stood behind Abby, who was busy unlocking the door.
“So… ” he said. He took a breath to continue, but Abby interrupted him.
“Don’t,” she said. “Let’s just not talk about it, please? I know what I did, and I know it kinda conflicts with what I’ve been telling you.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Nuh-uh!” Abby interrupted again, holding a finger up to Hiamovi’s face. “Baby steps, remember? All I did was hold your hand. It happened. So let’s just see where we go from here.”
“Alright. Let’s see where we go from here,” Hiamovi parroted.
“Right.”
“Well, goodnight then. See you tomorrow.”
“G’night. See you—”
The words that tried to follow became trapped as Hiamovi pressed his lips against Abby’s. Shock overwhelmed her for just a moment, then Abby closed her eyes and returned the kiss, running one hand through Hiamovi’s short, black hair. After a few moments they pulled away from each other, both smiling.
Abby opened her mouth to say something, but Hiamovi preemptively shushed her and said, “No talking about it, just like you said. That just happened, and we’ll see where we go from here. Baby steps.”
“Oh alright, you ass,” Abby laughed.
“Goodnight, for real this time.”
“Yeah, goodnight.”
Hiamovi turned and left Abby standing in the hallway. She stayed where she was until he disappeared out into the dark night. She shook her head with a smile, then turned and headed inside.
“Baby steps,” she whispered.
Chapter Six
Abby stuffed a plain black beanie into her ruck as she packed for the mission that was set to begin the following morning. It was February now and temperatures were ri
sing, but at night and in the early morning hours it could still be chilly. They’d be taking horses to ride, including two pack horses, but Abby still wanted to pack light. The only non-essential item she packed was the tomahawk Hiamovi made for her. She figured that might come in handy if they encountered any zombies.
Well, she would also be bringing a book. But come on, who could possibly go on an indefinite, dangerous mission without a good book to read?
They’d be bringing MRE’s and water with them, and they had set up pre-determined resupply points along their planned route. C-130’s would make scheduled flights to drop pallets of food, water, and some ammunition to the ground in open, isolated areas for each reconnaissance team. With a little luck to take the place of lost GPS, the pallets would both be easy to spot and go unseen by any people who may inhabit those areas.
The entire rest of the military, over a million men and women, would be moving behind Abby and her group, and the other teams that would be going ahead. They would be a couple days behind and moving at a slower pace, but they’d be sending vehicles acting as mobile command centers out in front, between them and the forward units, hoping to stay within radio range in case any team had an emergency. Todd was a damn good radio operator anyway, and with the equipment he was bringing he’d be able to set up a field antenna that could send and receive signals over extreme distances, given the right conditions. Abby doubted they would ever lose contact with the main force.
The overall plan was simple: the bulk of the military would advance slowly, setting up temporary Forward Operating Bases and rebuilding salvageable towns and cities, holding ground while civilians came up behind them and settled in to new homes, relieving the pressure from western cities that had been plagued by overpopulation since The Crisis crammed most of the country into one geographic region.
Reconnaissance teams consisting of the likes of Marine Raiders, Recon, and Army Rangers would be well in advance of the main military units. Little was known about the state of the Wild, in particular the threat of zombies, and the last thing anyone wanted was for a battalion of soldiers to stumble into a horde of the creatures and start a second Crisis. Of course, the unspoken follow-up to this was that a single squad being devoured by zombies was considered more acceptable and could be easily contained.
His Name Was Zach | Book 3 | Their Names Were Many Page 4
