“Ro?” Adela rasped shortly thereafter. “Ro, are you here? Are you—?” She glared at Martin. “I feel like a fuckin’ idiot.”
“Adela, your mouth,” Ro said quietly. “Mama would whip your butt for that.”
Adela froze, not even breathing at first as she stared at them, or at least in their direction. Martin sniffled and cupped his hands over his mouth.
Finally Adela shook herself and said, “Mama always did have a double standard for you boys and me. A lady shouldn’t cuss.” She rolled her eyes then promptly burst into tears.
Martin stopped covering his mouth and instead hugged his sister, but it was Ro he addressed. “How…? How can we hear you? Why are you here? Is Mama with you? Are you in Heaven or—?” He stopped and huffed. “I guess you’re not in Hell, but why can’t Dad hear you? I know he’s angry, but that’s just because that guy showed up here the morning after you died and told Dad he’d, uh, that y’all had, uh. Uh.”
Conner wasn’t far off from being shocked, which was hard to do to him. “That guy, the JD guy, came to talk to your dad?”
Ro squeaked and his siblings almost wet their pants, Conner would bet.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” Martin chanted as he started backing up again. “He is here, Adela!”
“So shut up so we can hear what he has to say for himself,” she scolded, crossing her arms over her chest. She tapped her foot. “Well, Ro, why were you having nasty sex with some scuzzy guy in the alley? You know he showed up here telling Dad that you two were fuck buddies and he was really going to miss the way you took his—”
“Stop!” Ro tried to double over, as if he was going to retch. Conner held onto him and rubbed between his shoulder blades, trying to comfort him. “He came here and told Dad…”
“I can’t believe you’re really here,” Adela said, her voice full of wonder. Martin was standing, staring with his mouth gaped open. “So it’s true, about the spirits? I mean, I didn’t not believe Uncle Sev, but it’s different. Now it is real to me. Can I touch you?”
“No,” Ro said faintly. “I don’t know how to do that yet. It took a lot to just move Martin’s hair.”
Adela looked at her younger brother and scowled. “Yeah, if he’d ditch that stupid emo haircut he might actually be cute.”
“Whatever,” Martin grumbled, still looking shell-shocked.
“What did Dad say?” Ro asked, sounding gutted. “God, I can’t believe JD did that.”
“Why not? You said he hurt you.” Conner hadn’t forgotten. He was going to see to it that JD paid for doing so, too. “And remember, before you answer, they can hear you, too.”
“Dad said he showed up drunk, very drunk and maybe stoned from drugs, too. He looked like he’d been crying, and he told Dad it was his fault you died, because he’d been too rough when y’all had—” Adela made a lewd gesture with her hands. “Done it.”
Ro scowled at her. “You can cuss like a sailor but you can’t say ‘when y’all had sex’?”
She wrinkled her nose as she grimaced. “Yuck. Not when it comes to my brothers. That’s just disgusting. Anyway, Dad didn’t say anything to anyone else, but he made JD leave and threatened to have him arrested if he came back around. He didn’t want people knowing his son was being a cheap floozy in the alleyway. His words, not mine, bro.”
Ro groaned and sank against Conner. “He hates me now.”
“He doesn’t. He hates what you did, and feels guilty that you were so lonely and lost that you did it,” Adela corrected. “He thinks that if you hadn’t been obligated to stay and take care of him and Mama, or at least keep them company, you wouldn’t have been giving yourself away to a scumbag like JD, and you wouldn’t have ended up dead.” Adela took a deep breath then continued, “Dad actually begged and pleaded with Doc Hamlin not to do an autopsy. He didn’t want anyone else to know about that. Doc Hamlin said he wouldn’t do one, I don’t know how he got around it. Maybe because the cause of death was obvious. I didn’t ask. I just know that Dad is a mess, and like Martin said, maybe dangerously so.”
“We can’t lose him too,” Martin said. “You need to stay away from him, Ro. I’m sorry, but you do.”
Conner wanted to argue, but Martin wouldn’t hear him, and anyways Adela was nodding and so, God damn it, was Ro.
“Yeah, yeah you’re right. I already hurt everyone by being stupid.” Ro tugged on his arm until Conner released him. “Look, I won’t come around again. I can’t get close to Dad anyway. I can’t hear him, he can’t hear me. I’m sorry, for all the good it does. I love y’all.”
“We love you too, but it has to be this way for now.” Martin stood beside Adela, who murmured her agreement. “I hope to see you when it’s my time,” Martin said, then Ro was flying, soaring, and Conner was right behind him, knowing Ro couldn’t flee his pain. Life and death didn’t work that way. He caught up to Ro in the alley of Virginia’s Café. As much as Conner hated the place, he wouldn’t leave Ro there to stew.
“It’s done, it’s the past, you can’t change it,” he said as Ro glared at the spot where Conner had seen him with JD.
“I don’t get why Dad is so angry about it. Why he’s so ashamed!” Ro threw a punch at the wall, cursing when his fist went through it effortlessly. “He’s going to hate me now because I had sex with a guy here? Is that really so evil? Or is it because it was a guy? I never thought Dad didn’t accept me, but maybe that was just because he hadn’t had to think of me with another man.”
Conner didn’t think it was any of those things, or at least, it wasn’t for the most part. “There are things we don’t know about ourselves until something happens, some climactic event or tragedy that forces us to say or do things we wouldn’t normally say or do.” He moved over to Ro and stroked his hip as he spoke. “Maybe your dad was shocked, and angry, and hurt. He didn’t see you as a sexual being, because he’s your dad and also he never had a need to. You didn’t bring guys around or even mention any. So he didn’t know, and then it was right there, in his face, in the form of a drunken obnoxious fool.” And that was Conner being nice in his description of JD. “He’d just lost you, and JD blabbed then your dad felt guilty, really guilty. He didn’t want your name smeared in town, and maybe part of it was he didn’t want it to get out for his sake, too. But really—” Conner positioned himself in front of Ro, looking into his eyes. “Really I think he did it because he wanted everyone to remember the good things about you, and even though what you did with JD didn’t negate those things, you know how people are. They love a scandal, and gossip. They’d have made it sordid—”
“More sordid,” Ro corrected. “I was lonely. Mom disappeared, and you—” Ro hissed and bit his lip.
Well, that was a new guilt Conner would have to live with. He’d do it, too, because if he had contributed to Ro’s need to meet JD in that alley, he’d have to find a way to make peace with that. “It’s okay. I did avoid you. I wanted you and thought you pitied me, and it hurt like a mother when I saw you here with JD. I saw you before, too, with some other guy. I couldn’t take it. I shouldn’t have been such a coward.”
Chapter Thirteen
Ro picked up right away on what Conner wasn’t saying—now Conner would feel responsible for Ro’s death. He’d believe that by avoiding Ro, he’d pushed him toward JD, and that in turn had led to Ro crashing.
Ro wasn’t having it. He was tempted to grab Conner by his ears and rattle some sense into him, but he wouldn’t. Unless it was necessary.
“Look.” Ro placed his hands on Conner’s shoulders and glared at him. “This is bullshit, you thinking you are in any way responsible for what happened to me. I was—am, rather—an adult. I would have put out for JD whether you popped in and said ‘hi’ or not, Conner. Why? Because I’m a guy, and I get horny, and all I wanted was sex, not love. Not from him, or any other guy, because I was already in love with you.”
Conner opened his mouth to speak and Ro shook his head. “Let me finish. I know I sai
d I couldn’t say that, but it’s true. Maybe it started out as a crush, but I heard so many stories about you, and saw how you’d interact with Sev and Laine over the years. I grew to love that man who could make them laugh and make Laine snarly and happy at the same time. I loved the way you didn’t abandon them even when it seemed they only thought of you as a prankster rather than the spirit who helped them and saved them at times. I knew you before I died, Conner, and I know you now. I love you, and no one on Earth would have made me happy, because they wouldn’t have been you.”
“But—” Conner began and Ro decided to shut him up and make him forget whatever it was he’d been about to say. Ro climbed up Conner’s body and got his legs around Conner’s waist at the same time that he kissed him.
It wasn’t a gentle kiss by any means, Ro clutching at Conner’s muscular back, digging his heels into Conner’s thighs while he nipped and bit and moaned. Conner’s moan flowed into Ro, filling him with even more need. He didn’t wait for Conner to will their clothes away. Ro did it himself, craving the touch and feel of his lover against him.
Conner hefted him up high, a move that wouldn’t have been possible had they been living bodies, Ro didn’t think. Conner braced him by the backs of his thighs and he sucked the tip of Ro’s cock as Ro hung onto his head. Conner pulled him forward, taking more of Ro’s length. Ro gasped and thrust, his eyes closing. The world shifted and he was on his back, Conner sucking his shaft down to the root.
Ro bucked and yelled, and Conner swallowed, his throat muscles contracting around Ro’s cock with such erotic perfection that he couldn’t hold back. He arched and keened as Conner pushed one thick thumb into his ass, then cum jetted from his cock. Conner drank it down. He suckled until Ro was too sensitive for another lick. Ro’s dick slipped from his lips with a pop then Conner was on his knees, jerking himself off as he panted unevenly.
“Gonna come on you, Ro,” he gasped, hand speeding up on his length. “Can I?”
“Please.” Ro was oddly touched that Conner had asked before spraying his spunk all over Ro’s belly and chest. Conner watched, wide-eyed, as each burst of cum splattered on Ro’s skin. Ro ran his fingers through one splotch of it and proceeded to lick them clean as Conner moaned and licked his lips.
Ro would certainly never think of this alley the same way again. He’d avoided it, and had intended to keep doing so because he had been ashamed of what he’d done here. Now, he didn’t feel guilty anymore. Maybe he’d been wrong to let JD be as rough as he had, but he refused to castigate himself over it anymore. That was in his past, and it wouldn’t rule him any longer.
“Thank you,” he told Conner as soon as he could speak. “I do love you.”
Conner scooped him up, rubbing against Ro’s sticky chest. “I love you too, Ro. I have for a long time. I don’t even remember when, exactly, because it’s been in here so long.” Conner leaned back and started to reach between them. “Eh.” The spunk vanished and Conner grinned. “So much easier to clean up than when I had to actually breathe to survive.”
Ro laughed, delighted to have the man he’d dreamed of for so long in his arms.
* * * *
They checked in on Sev and Laine, and, though Ro hated to, he told them about the confrontation with Adela and Martin. Laine was not happy about Roger begging off the autopsy, but he said they weren’t necessarily required. Ro didn’t know if they were or not, but he was actually glad his family had been spared the details.
“Still, I want a chat with this JD fella,” Laine growled, glaring at the door like he was just about to head out to find JD.
“Why?” Ro asked. “He didn’t do anything I didn’t let him.”
Laine glared in his direction then. “Yeah, and I’d tell you to stop fucking strangers in alleys but now you and Conner are—” He made a wavering gesture with his hand.
Ro wished Laine could see him roll his eyes. “Oh my God, seriously? Why is it you and Adela can’t say ‘you and Conner are having sex’?” Ro leaned over until his lips would have been touching Laine’s ear if he’d had an actual body. “He loves me, and I love him.”
“Jesus!” Laine hollered, swatting at Ro. “Don’t do that! I swear Conner’s a bad influence.”
Sev was laughing so hard he was wheezing, and he soon had tears streaming down his cheeks. Ro obviously wasn’t going to get anything sensible out of him.
“Did you even hear what I said?” he snapped at Laine.
“Yeah, yeah, y’all love each other,” Laine said nonchalantly.
Ro was getting pissed off then, but Laine finally smiled, and not the little one he usually gave, but a big, happy one. “That’s great, guys. I’m happy for you both. Makes me feel better about what’ll happen after we pass away, too.”
Sev stopped laughing then and swiped at his cheeks. Laine stood up and gathered Sev in his arms. “No matter who goes first, or if we die together, we won’t ever leave each other.”
“No, we won’t,” Sev agreed, and Ro hoped and prayed that they were right. Conner looked away from them and put a hand on his chest.
Ro had seen him do that before, become contemplative and push at his chest, as if feeling for something or holding something back. He popped them both out of the house and back into the meadow where they’d first made love. There in the sunlight, he saw fear etched in Conner’s features.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, icy tendrils of dread tracing his insides.
Conner looked up again, squinting at the clear blue sky. “Before you died, I was just thinking about things. I saw your mama’s soul when she passed. She went right up into that great big blue. She was so bright, Ro. Crystal clear, pure, and she moved so fast. She was just gone, and that terrified me. Something tugged at me here, maybe because I’d been restless, questioning things, I don’t know. But it felt like an invisible cord was pulled, and it was tied to my soul and strung up all the way to the ends of the sky. It was like a suctioning in my chest, and I didn’t want to go. I don’t want to leave this existence.” He looked down at Ro. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“I won’t let you,” Ro promised, “not without me, not ever. If you go, I go, and that’s all there is to it. Whatever happens next after this afterlife, it will happen to us both.”
Conner glanced at the sky again then sighed and hugged Ro, resting his chin on the top of Ro’s head. “I’m holding you to that promise.”
“You do that, Conner. I’ll keep it.” He wouldn’t let anything separate them. Death had brought them together, and not even a new life would tear them apart.
“Now come on, let’s go see what we can hide from Sev to give him something to yell at us about. I’m pretty sure he and Laine are busy bumping uglies.” Ro waggled his eyebrows at Conner. “No popping in. First one there gets a blow job!”
“Like that makes either of us a loser?” Conner laughed, and the race was on.
Chapter Fourteen
Conner heard the scream even though he and Ro were miles away. Ro heard it too, his eyes just huge in his head as Adela’s panicked voice rent the air.
“Dad,” Ro said at the same time it clicked in Conner’s head. Adela hadn’t left McKinton when Martin did. She’d stayed to take care of Roger.
“Come on.” Conner knew Ro was in a stupor, held in place by absolute terror. He took Ro’s hand and had them at Roger’s before a second had passed. The usual barrier that had held them back was gone, and they arrived to find Adela with the cellphone on the floor beside her dad as she performed CPR on him.
“Don’t, oh, Ro, help me, help him!” she pleaded, sweating as she gave Roger chest compressions.
“What do I do?” Ro asked, tears filling his eyes. At that moment, Conner saw it, the bright circular pulsing of Roger’s soul as it began to pull free of his body. It wasn’t the same brilliant glowing form Alma’s was, perhaps tinted gray by Roger’s guilt and anger. “No,” Ro howled, which made Adela scream and pound on Roger’s chest. Over the phone the emergency service dis
patcher squawked out directions no one was paying attention to.
“Tell Adela to get her shit together and keep doing the CPR right,” Conner said, hoping he sounded like someone to be obeyed. He wasn’t the bossy type, but he needed them to listen.
“Don’t stop, Adela, keep working on him,” Ro got out between sobs. Conner watched Roger’s soul hover, half in and half out of his body. “In, in, in,” Ro muttered, obviously seeing it too. “Get back in there, Dad, please. I know you miss Mom, but Adela and Martin need you, too. Mom would want you to stay and take care of them.”
“Like I took care of you?” Conner heard, a faint whisper on the wind as the front door flew open.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Ro said. Conner held up a finger, pointing to the EMS workers running their way. Ro bit his lip and Roger made his departure then, his soul shooting up.
Conner was moving before he could talk himself out of it. He felt it, that tug reeling him up and up like a trout on a hook. It terrified him more than anything had, because he knew, he knew that if he went too far, he’d never be able to come back to Ro.
Roger’s soul wobbled and wasn’t as fast as Alma’s, but it was still zooming right on up. Conner forced himself to keep going, up and up until he was past the trees and could only faintly hear Ro’s shouts, calling his name.
God help me. He can’t lose both of us. But Conner couldn’t turn back, not when he could almost touch that gray-bright blob. “Roger, damn it! Don’t make Ro lose us both! Don’t be a coward and give up now!”
Conner went up further still, until there was nothing but that bright blue sky around him and Roger. He felt his form waver, as if he were changing. No, no, no, no! Not now, not now, please, God, if You’re there, please don’t take me now!
Ascension Page 9
