Auburn waves of silken hair and a smiling face with bright blue eyes invaded my torment. Clara would endure the same fate as Lily. If not by my hand, then by that of another, more depraved, man.
Unless I saved her.
I sucked in a breath and quieted my sobs. “I’m so very sorry.” With those words, I hung my head in shame.
Someone ran toward us, or rather to Lily. Buried beneath my sobs, Lily’s cries cut deeper than any of her strikes.
“Jake, what the ever-loving fuck?” Kate’s strong voice cut through the distance.
I followed her movements peripherally, using senses other than sight. The air stirred as she blew past me. The lightest scent of lilac penetrated the coppery smell of my blood and the reek of my sweat. A dull thud sounded as the heavy handle of the whip struck the floor. Lily’s sobs muted, and I imagined Kate folding Lily into her arms. The crunching of gravel told me they walked away.
“Leave her, Kate.” My brother voiced a command. “This is Lily’s vengeance.”
“This is wrong,” Kate responded. “What were you thinking letting her see him? Do that to him?”
“You disagree with my methods?” Jake said. “Lily needs this.”
“It’s not healthy,” Kate spit back.
“Really, what the hell did you think you were doing when you taught her how to wield the whip? You knew exactly what Lily had in mind.”
“Not this! That was cathartic.”
“No. That was practice,” Jake said. “You may not want to admit it, but you knew all along what Lily needed, and you knew this day would come.”
“To flay him alive? Have you seen his back? I need Josh intact.”
“And he’ll be ready,” Jake argued.
I didn’t know when my brother arrived, or if he had been there the entire time. Following their conversation was difficult as I wept, not from the pain of the whipping, although that hurt like a mother. No, my pain was the kind only penance could bring.
Lily had been practicing five years to release her rage. She deserved to lay down each lash, but I needed more. I needed to atone for my sins and that began with penance.
I would take the job.
Lifting my head, I swallowed my torment. “Don’t worry about this. It’ll add to my credibility. They’ll expect something like this from the last day in prison.”
Kate took in a sharp breath. “So, you’ll do it?”
Against my better judgment, I would infiltrate their slave ring and bring it down from the inside. It would be my penance. To do that, I would have to do worse to Clara than Lily endured.
God save her from me.
But I would rescue scores of girls from a fate worse than death. Whatever happened to me, if this path took me back behind bars, or resulted in my death, it didn’t matter. This was the price I would pay.
“Yes. Now will one of you release me?”
Kate, with her lighter step, approached. Her fingers brushed against my wrists as she undid Jake’s knots.
Once freed, I tugged off the hood. Not that it was planned, but my gaze landed on Lily’s almond-shaped eyes. Sleek black hair spilled down her back, and her red, puffy eyes stared at me. My gaze dropped, and I fell to my knees before her.
“I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t bear to face the pain in her eyes, but she approached me and forced me to face her grim expression.
“You owe me your life, Joshua Davenport. For what you did to me, you owe me that.”
“I know.” It was all I could give her.
“I know what you have to do, but you’ll find a way to make it so she doesn’t suffer more than necessary. You don’t have to be cruel.”
“If you knew what they are asking me to do, you wouldn’t be able to look at me.” There was no way sweet Lily had a clue about what Kate planned.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Lily said. “Sending you in there was my idea. Mine. Consider that when you destroy that girl. I know what she’s going to endure.”
“Then why?”
Lily lifted her chin. A look of determination and grit filled her expression. “Because I believe in Jake, and he says there’s still good in you. Don’t make me regret this.” With that, she looked to Kate and extended her hand.
Kate took Lily’s hand in hers and led the petite Asian beauty away. I watched them go with more regret than I thought possible. That hadn’t been forgiveness, but I sensed something had shifted between us.
Jake coughed behind me and I turned around. “So, you’ll do it?”
“I honestly don’t know.” I would try, but I didn’t know if I could become that man again.
He turned and followed the girls out. Not knowing what was expected of me, I stayed like an idiot before finally turning to follow my brother. My long strides closed the distance until we walked side by side.
He shook his head. “You really fucked up your life.”
“I made a mistake.”
“One?”
I liked to think I only made the one mistake. An ocean away, a girl died by my hand. If I’d known more, taken more care, none of the rest would have followed. I said nothing as Jake led me to his bike. He tossed the helmet at me.
“Get on.”
The ride back to town wasn’t nearly as harrowing as the ride out. Thoughts about what Jake might do to me had been answered. My death wasn’t something he craved. He thought there was still good left in me.
I had to believe it was true.
So, why then, was I getting ready to buy a girl and destroy her life?
I wondered what the people in the cars behind us thought, seeing a man riding a bike with a ripped T-shirt and blood running down his back. Evidently, not much. No one called the cops and before I knew it, Jake pulled into the parking lot at Stripes.
Chapter 6
Jake parked the bike, and I couldn’t get off fast enough. He put down the kickstand and pulled his helmet off. After handing him my helmet, I turned to look at the world he created with our best friend, Kevin.
An exclusive, invitation only, BDSM club, Stripes had previously been a law firm. Jake renovated it and turned it into an adult playground for those who embraced kink in all its forms and flavors.
I’d been in Stripes before, while impersonating my brother. It was everything the three of us had dreamt about back in college. A refuge from the real world, it was a place where men and women could come together to live out their fantasies without fear or judgment.
We learned about this forbidden world together, the three of us, and explored where it could take us from high school through college. The tenets of this world spoke to us on a primal level and we engaged in every decadent facet of the forbidden.
A trip to Thailand allowed us to experiment with the edgier aspects of this world which fascinated us. It was there where I made a fateful mistake.
“Is Kevin in there?”
I’d faced everyone I’d wronged except Kevin. What payment would he demand of me? His wife had taken out her rage on my flesh. There wasn’t much left for Kevin, but I would give him his pound of flesh, if that’s what he needed.
“He is,” Jake said.
“Does he know I’m here?”
“He does.”
My brother certainly wasn’t wasting any words on me.
“And?”
“And what?” Jake spun around. “You think this is a homecoming? That Kevin and I are opening our arms and welcoming you home?”
“I didn’t ask for any of this.” Jake was being a little shit and was getting on my nerves. “I didn’t ask for Kate to pick me up. I would’ve been happy to ghost out of your life. You brought me here, so get off your high horse.”
“How convenient for you to disappear and never face the consequences of your actions. You’re such a little shit.” He said it with a sneer, but his words rocked me to my core.
Our twin connection appeared intact, and I didn’t know what to think about that. It would be easiest to walk away. F
acing those whom I’d wronged. That took courage. I’d say I was a big enough man with the guts to do just that, but none of this was what I had planned. My presence was the result of Lily, if I understood what she had said to me.
“Isn’t that what you want? Me, out of your life?”
I couldn’t figure Jake out. He spoke like he hated me, but told the others he thought there was still good left in me. Now, he brought me to Stripes. If he hated me, why spend a second longer than necessary with me?
“What I want?” He spun and poked me in the chest, pulling me up short. “You think any of this is what I want?”
I returned his steely gaze with rising frustration. “What do you want? Because I have no problem walking away.”
This wasn’t where I wanted to be. My intent had been to leave prison and close out that chapter of my life, placing it firmly behind me. As for Jake, Kevin, and their women? They didn’t need to be reminded of what I’d done. It would be best if we severed all ties.
I was okay with that.
“I want you to own what you did.” Jake spat on the ground. “Be a fucking man for once.”
I refused to spend the rest of my life paying for my sins. I couldn’t change the past, but I could lead a different future. That wouldn’t happen as long as Jake forced me to face my victims. Hell, he wanted me to create new victims.
“I faced my demons.”
“Demons? Is that what you think? You have amends to make, brother.”
“Wouldn’t it be best if I just disappeared?” It was an honest question, and I was confused by the entire series of events today.
He took me in, a slow assessment beginning with my blood-stained boots to my faded jeans and ending at the tattered remains of my shirt. “Kevin will be back from the hospital soon. In the meantime, I have a room for you and clean clothes.”
“I can get my own damn clothes.” And I sure as hell didn’t need a room in Stripes.
Jake smirked. “Probably, but you’ll turn a few heads if you try shopping in a blood-soaked shirt and those cuts are definitely drawing attention you don’t want.”
“I can stay at a motel.”
“You’re staying here. When Kevin arrives, you’re going to get on your knees and beg for his forgiveness. Then you’ll lie on his table while he sews up those wounds.”
Kevin was a plastic surgeon and fully capable of stitching me together, but did I trust him not to make things worse?
Jake must have known what I was thinking. “He knows what happened, and while he’s upset with Lily, he’s bringing what he needs to put you back together. You’ll be patched up for the weekend.”
“And what do you think about this whole thing?” How could my brother condone this crazy plan?
“I hate it. It’s reckless and has about zero chance of success.”
“But you’re not trying to stop it?”
“No. Worst-case scenario, things go south and you go back to prison.”
“Worst-case isn’t prison.”
Jake shrugged. “Some might consider that justice.”
I didn’t know if he was kidding or not. Without another word, Jake led me into Stripes. We took a side door off the main lobby to a private elevator leading up to the penthouse suites. Jake lived there with Kate. Kevin had a place as well.
The three of us had always talked about opening a club together and living with a bevy of slaves. Funny how the universe had other thoughts about that. They lived my dream while I’d become persona non grata.
I entered, not as a friend, but as a sworn enemy who committed egregious sins against my brothers. Instead of flaying me alive—well, Lily did that—Jake rolled out the hospitality.
The universe laughed with irony while I cringed.
“You’ll stay here.” Jake opened the door to a small room at the end of a long hall. I assumed the other two doors led into Jake’s and Kevin’s personal quarters. “There’s a shower, and I put out some of my clothes.” He sized me up again. “Although they may be a bit tight. You’ve got more muscle than me.”
“Yeah, one of the perks of prison life; nothing to do but work out and fight.”
His eyes pinched and it looked like he wanted to say something. My brother was a smart man. He knew what I’d endured. Instead of sharing whatever was on his mind, he left without another word. Perhaps someday, a truce would settle between us, but for now the wounds were too raw and the pain too deep.
I turned to the small room and let out a deep sigh. My entire back throbbed and I didn’t want to look at the damage Lily had inflicted. Every time I moved, pain shot through me.
Honestly, I was tired. It was the kind of bone-deep exhaustion which had me wondering if it wouldn’t be easier to end things rather than continue.
This morning, I’d been happy to leave the confining walls of my cell behind me, if not a bit apprehensive about what I would find outside. I never thought I would see my brother again, let alone Kevin. And I most definitely didn’t expect to come face to face with the women I’d victimized.
Yet, here I was, a guest in their home. Granted, my back probably looked like hamburger meat, and there was a deep gash across my chest which bled. They hadn’t wasted any time in extracting their pound of flesh.
I looked at the ceiling and imagined my higher power. If this was the path I had been given, then I would take the journey.
Not because of them.
I would do it for myself. Whether absolution would be found at the other end didn’t matter. That’s not what I was after.
The bed called to me and I envisioned falling into its welcoming comfort, but my blood would stain the white sheets. Instead, I headed to the bathroom where I took off my shirt, grimacing as I peeled caked blood away with the fabric. Cuts which had clotted over during the ride to Stripes reopened and bled anew.
In the past five years, every shower had come with risk. Hyperalert to everything around me, I never allowed myself to relax and enjoy the heat and steam of a shower. With the temperature turned as high as I could stand, I stripped while steam filled the small bathroom. A hiss escaped me when I stepped under the steady stream.
Hot water sluiced down my back and into the cuts. Gently, I felt for damage.
Lily hadn’t held back. There was at least one large cut that felt pretty deep. My eyes squeezed shut when I inadvertently pressed my fingers into that wound. How deep was it?
I counted three large slices across my back and countless welts raised beneath her whip. There was a two-inch cut over my chest and a crisscrossing of raised, red skin across my abs. One welt curved around my hip and the tip ended in a deep-purplish bruise on my ass. I felt at the growing lump and winced.
I deserved far worse.
The water ran red as I lathered and washed. I didn’t have any idea when Kevin would arrive, or what might come next, and needed time alone with my thoughts.
This thing Kate asked me to do…I shied away from it not because I found the idea abhorrent. It was, but with the things I’d done in my life, it was simply one out of a hundred bad things I’d done. My resistance sprang from something much more concerning.
If I didn’t watch myself, I would enjoy it. There were things about me which I couldn’t change, and how I liked my sex and the way I needed to dominate a woman, were deeply ingrained into my psyche. I feared myself more than anything.
I plugged the drain and allowed the tub to fill. Bending put strain on the cuts, but I maneuvered myself into the small tub. The last time I allowed myself to truly relax wasn’t something I could remember. Here, I may not feel welcomed, but I did feel safe. And as I allowed my eyes to close, my desire stirred with thoughts of what this weekend might bring.
A slave.
They wanted me to purchase a slave.
Everything which followed from that act spooled out in my mind, making my dick grow hard. I shouldn’t want it with such ravenous hunger, but this was a part of me I’d never been able to contain. I was a monster, and they wanted
me to unleash the beast inside of me. Didn’t they know I may never be able to put the monster back in its cage?
I took my dick in hand and let every filthy thought run through my head. It didn’t take long before my hips bucked as I released years of frustration. With my cum floating in the pink-tinged bathwater, I drained the tub and let it fill again while tilting my head back.
Eyes closed I sought oblivion.
A knock on the door startled me awake. Hyperaware of the constant threat of bodily harm, I thrashed in the tub, slipping and splashing, as I tried, and failed, to leap up to defend myself. I slipped on my ass and hit my head on the back of the tub.
“Motherfucker!”
“Whoa!” A deep voice called out from the bedroom. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
My comical thrashing stilled, and I berated myself for letting my guard down. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt that relaxed and at peace.
To be honest, I found it terrifying. Years of constant threat taught me never to let my guard down, yet I’d done just that within minutes of being inside Stripes. I climbed out of the tub, opened the bathroom door, and looked at the intruder.
Kevin’s dark gaze met mine. There was no emotion in the black depths of his eyes, but rather a clinical detachment. He held a robe and let his gaze sweep my naked body head to toe. “The cut on your chest won’t need stitches, but I’ll need to clean it and close it with Steri-Strips. Turn around, let me see what else she did.”
Not sure why I meekly obeyed his commands, I found myself turning while water sluiced off my body. The bath water remained pink. I must have continued to bleed while my eyes had been closed.
Kevin sucked in a deep breath. “Damn, that’s a bit more complicated. Why the fuck were you sitting in bath water. Do you have any idea how unsanitary that is? Now, I’ll have to shoot you up with antibiotics and hope your skin doesn’t rot off.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I grabbed at a towel.
“Don’t presume to think you know what I do and don’t want.”
As soon as I dropped the towel, Kevin thrust the robe at me. “Put this on.”
“Jake left clothes on the bed.”
Embracing Fate: A Captive Hearts Novel Page 6
