My lips twisted because it wasn’t going to be as fake as I initially envisioned. Jake glanced at me and our gazes collided across the distance. He didn’t like any of this, but would do his part. Not because he had any faith in me but because of his love for Kate.
The strength of their bond never ceased to amaze me, but at least this time, I was prepared for the wave of jealousy as it hit my system. He watched over Kate, protected her, and enforced their chosen roles with rigid discipline. They deserved to be happy.
I turned to Raven and raised an eyebrow at the stethoscope she held in her hands.
“Can you explain how this is supposed to help?”
“Simple,” she said, although I knew there was nothing simple about what she’d done. “Sound is amplified by the diaphragm and travels through the tubes to the earpieces.”
“I know how a stethoscope works. How can you alter the sound it delivers so that it doesn’t pick up Kate’s heartbeat?”
“I inserted a micro-receiver that I’ll control remotely. The stethoscope will work, in case he wants to test it, but if he wants to check Kate’s heartbeat, I’ll cancel out the sound. All he’ll hear is silence. No heart beat and no breaths.”
“If he uses the stethoscope.” I couldn’t see Carson doing that. “If I were him, I’d just feel for a pulse. Much easier.”
Xavier’s attention cut across the room. “That’s where Forest’s team comes in.”
“Carson trusts you, but I’m an unknown. I wouldn’t respect him if he didn’t have a healthy dose of skepticism.”
Xavier snorted. “Zane doesn’t trust me.”
“Certainly, he respects you?”
“The only thing he respects is my insane appetite for domination and sadism, but he does need me. I control too much of his business funnels, among other things.”
“Well, I’m offering death for pleasure.”
“He won’t trust you, but you’ve got his interest. He’ll come, and he’ll want to see what your plans are and how that will factor into his revenue stream.”
This part made my stomach twist in knots. “What I’m selling is sick.” Clients could participate, or watch, depending on their level of interest and size of their bank accounts.
“Zane is not a sane man. It’s a good plan. Solid.”
And riddled with holes. There were so many things that could go wrong.
“We need to be prepared for every contingency.”
“We will be.” Xavier gave a wave toward the opposite side of the room. “They’re working out all the kinks.”
I held a healthy respect for Xavier’s and Forest’s foresight. I still wasn’t certain who worked for whom. Xavier had been working on taking down sex trafficking rings for years, going as far as devising a complicated ruse to purchase slaves and funnel them through Chambers’ resort, out of slavery, where they emerged with brand new identities, all without anyone being the wiser.
I rubbed my palms on my trousers. Glancing across the room, Kate practiced breath holding with Tia and Ryker who coached her through it. The breath holding would slow her heart beat, but not eliminate it. For that, we needed something else.
Something dangerous.
They were trying to buy time. Carson knew I wanted retribution for my arrest. Slicing open that scar on her throat made perfect sense. But after I killed her, Carson would want to verify her death. I would, if I were him.
After Jake killed Kate, she would need to stop breathing. We had a matter of minutes for Carson to inspect my handiwork—my handiwork!—that was a fucking joke. Jake wasn’t letting me anywhere near his slave.
Running a hand through my hair, I tugged at the roots. I worried about switching Jake and I in and out through the evening. We couldn’t fuck that up, and the bastard wasn’t giving an inch, refusing to run through it with me while he obsessed over Kate. Didn’t he know both our girls would be at risk during this whole idiotic plan?
I itched to go to Clara. Staying away from her these past few days had been the hardest thing I’d had to do in a long time. Much like the juice, I was addicted to Clara.
“Excuse me.” I practically leapt out of the chair and stomped over to the others.
Kate held up a tiny capsule to the light. “And what does this do?”
Tia, a gorgeous woman, not much shorter than the men in the room, reminded me of an Amazonian princess. She was fierce and accomplished, taking zero shit from any of the men.
“First of all, there’s a paralytic. You won’t be able to move. There’s also a sedative which will slow everything down.”
“So why hold my breath at all? I can just crack this between my teeth and be done with it.”
“Not exactly. He’ll be watching, and after the cut you can’t breathe, but we still need your heart beating. The paralytic won’t stop your heart, but it will make certain you can’t move. The sedative slows everything down.”
“Why not just use the sedative?” I injected myself into their conversation and pointedly ignored the scowl on my brother’s face.
“Good question, but we can’t risk Kate moving at all. If Jake is able to position himself and block Carson’s line of sight, you can take a breath.” Tia continued talking to Kate. “But it’s risky.”
“And after I crush this thing?”
“We have five minutes to administer the reversal agent and bring you back.” The gravelly tones of Ryker Lyons’ voice rumbled between us. “But don’t worry. We’ll have everything set up. I’ll have the Ambu bag set up and Tia will inject you with the reversal. We’ve got this.”
Jake put his hand over his face. “It’s a shit plan.”
“It’s our only shot at this.” Kate placed her hand on his arm. “I trust them.”
“With your life?”
“I think so.” Kate’s gaze cut to mine and she cocked her head. “My life isn’t the only one on the line.”
I don’t know why the fuck she looked at me, like we shared some private moment.
“As soon as you’re done here,” I said, “we need to do a run through.” As if we were rehearsing for some damn school play. At least Jake and I agreed it was a shit plan.
“Are we doing a full run through now?” Kate glanced down at her body. “If that’s the case, I need my makeup artists.”
The moulage that would be applied to Kate’s body was bad ass. I didn’t know where Forest found his teams, but his special effects experts were an impressive group. From what I’d seen of the initial testing, Forest must have recruited them off the sets of horror movies.
“We’re doing the full test this afternoon. Right now, I just want to do a walkthrough with Jake.”
The bastard couldn’t avoid me forever. We had to work together.
Chapter 36
I expected Chambers to be behind the door, not him.
At some point, I stopped referring to him as My Monster because he didn’t deserve that name anymore.
I’d lost respect for him, but more concerning than that was that I no longer feared him. There was no scramble to greet him as I’d been trained because I didn’t care. Honestly, I was tired of all the bowing, scraping, and obeying every damn rule.
He could fuck his rules. I was done.
An extreme apathy infiltrated my thoughts, or maybe I no longer cared what came next.
Except you do care.
Shut up.
It had been some time since I’d argued with my inner voice. It had been silent from the moment I watched that girl die. The world beneath my feet had shifted and a gaping hole opened up beneath me.
It swallowed all my hopes and dreams. Silly dreams that I could somehow redeem a monster. It may have also swallowed any sense of self-preservation because not complying with his many rules put my safety at risk.
But I didn’t care. Now that I understood the kind of man My Monster truly was. I had allowed myself to believe a delusion, falling for my captor like a damn fool, even while knowing how foolish I was being. I couldn’
t believe I let him kiss me, or that I had begged for it.
The door swung inward and our gazes connected. A sharp pang stabbed at my chest. My stomach clenched, and my breaths deepened.
He was here, and there would be no escape.
I didn’t move. Not that huddling in a corner protected me. There was no escape in this tiny cell. Not once did it occur to me to resist, or pretty much do anything.
I gazed at him with profound lack of concern over what might happen next. He could kill me, and I don’t think I would find the energy to resist.
Our gazes held for a millisecond before I broke the connection. My focus shifted away from his handsome face to the shiny polish of his shoes. And that’s where it stayed. I wasn’t supposed to look at him directly anyway, but this time, I was the one who made that choice. He didn’t deserve anything from me.
There had been a time when I thought he cared. Tender moments when he helped me through the worst of the heroin withdrawal. Almost, I wished he would shoot me up with some of that juice because this would be easier if I was oblivious. That would be preferable than having to face what he’d done.
“Clara?” His deep baritone rumbled in the space between us.
I squeezed my eyes shut and refused to let that voice affect me.
I gave a slow, uncaring blink.
I was supposed to greet him in the Welcoming Pose, but I didn’t care to move out of my corner. I was supposed to say Sir, but he no longer deserved that title. Hugging my legs to my chest, I propped my chin on my knees and blew out my breath.
“How are you supposed to greet your Master?” He kept his tone gentle and calm, but a layer of edginess threaded through it. This was a man used to getting what he wanted.
“Fine,” I said with a huff.
The chain attached to the repugnant collar around my neck clanked as I lumbered to a kneeling position. Slowly, I lowered my forehead to the floor and waited for whatever demand came next.
What if I didn’t comply?
To think, there had been a time when the thought of a spanking turned me into a needy, albeit confused mess. If he was going to kill me, did it matter if I suffered before the final blow?
I gave a shrug as the possibilities fluttered through my mind.
“This is not like you.” He took a step into my small, windowless cell.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Seriously? That’s the best you can come up with?
I blew out an exasperated breath, puffing a little too loudly. The dramatic flair suited my mood. Briefly, I considered a well-placed Fuck you, but then I decided against it.
“Whatever.” Another shrug moved my shoulders. I seemed to be the Queen of Useless Shrugs and Dramatic Exhales. I blew out my breath, again, showing how little I cared what he thought about me.
“I would have thought some time alone would make you eager to see me, to please me. It seems it’s had the opposite effect. Unfortunately, we don’t have time for a correction.”
I glanced up at him. “Is that what you’re calling it now?”
“Watch your tone with me.”
“Or what? You’ll correct my behavior? Beat some sense into me? Or, will you just skip ahead and kill me. Is that what gets you off? It explains why you never fucked me.”
So much for apathy.
I had moved past apathy. I sailed right into full-blown anger and plunged into a shit pile of full-on insanity. This would not end well for me. If there was one thing he never tolerated, it was insolence.
His fingers curled and a vein popped out on his temple. Yeah, I wasn’t winning any brownie points, but he didn’t launch himself at me.
That’s what I expected. Maybe I goaded the beast inside of him because I wanted a reaction. If I could make him mad, then that would justify the monstrous things he’d done.
None of the past few weeks made any sense; not if his intent had been to kill me all along. Or maybe all sense of self-preservation had well and truly left me?
I gave another shrug and a chuckle escaped me. Queen of the Shrugs was truly a fitting title.
All hail the Queen of Shrugs and Dramatic Exhales!
A giggle escaped me, then I couldn’t help the burbling laughter spilling out of my mouth. There were snorts and cackles and shaking.
Wait. That wasn’t me.
He had his hands on my upper arms. My head bobbed back and forth as he shook me.
“Clara?” Another shake. “Clara!”
My head snapped back and my lids flew open. For a brief moment, I stared at him. Or tried to. He crouched in front of me. His face was too close. His eyes were too fierce. His expression appeared too…panicked?
“What the fuck?” Did I just say that? I think so. All that cackling, snorting, and giggling seemed to have stopped.
“Clara?” He cocked his head. “Are you okay?”
I wiped at the wetness pooled at the corners of my eyes and tried to jerk out of his grip.
He’s not letting you go.
I know. Damn, can’t you just go away?
No.
“Clara, answer me.”
I blinked. A slow and measured movement, it took an eternity for my lids to scrape across my eyeballs. I’d definitely been crying because there was snot dripping from my nose.
Another weak attempt to free myself from his grip resulted in him invading my space more than I thought possible. Although, a man like him, in a small space such as this? He couldn’t help but fill the whole room.
It was impossible not to breathe him in, and I didn’t want to do that. His intoxicating scent penetrated my snot infested nasal passages and brought memories I didn’t need rushing to the surface.
Him holding back my hair.
Him tucking me into bed.
His melodious voice reading to me.
The smiles we shared when we discovered connections to our past.
Jumping to the Island of Conclusions.
Debating The Watchmen.
Talk about climbing rainbows and walking amongst the clouds to the magical land of Xanth.
Too many threads from our pasts connected our present. We’d been fated to meet, but not to travel to this end. I refused to believe it.
I swiped at my cheeks and sniffed at the snot. Turning my cheek, I meant to stare at the wall, ignoring his presence even as my entire body came alive with his proximity. I couldn’t help myself, and as wrong as it might be, there was still a part of me that cared for him.
“Are you okay?”
“Do I look okay?” My voice cracked with the snarky comment. I wasn’t sure if I’d actually spoken until he rocked back and settled himself on the floor.
Before I knew what was going on, he pulled me into his lap. It was as if I weighed nothing. One moment I was squeezed into the corner and the next I was buried within his embrace. He tucked my head beneath his chin and rocked us while I cried.
“I’m sorry, sweet Clara. I’m so very sorry.”
“Sorry that you’ll kill me?”
“No one is going to kill you.”
“But…”
“But nothing. You know where the truth lies, and you need to dig deep, my love. Dig deep and find the truth. Embrace it. Hold on to it.”
“Why?”
“Because things are only going to get worse.”
“You’re going to hurt me.”
“Yes.”
“You’re a monster.”
“I know.”
Chapter 37
It was time and I had to fetch Clara. Unlike the others, she would be the only one who didn’t know what was going on.
Or why.
I thought it reasonable that we fold her into the operation. There was no way to keep her in the dark, but I’d been outvoted. The single dissenting vote, they all insisted her reactions needed to be one-hundred percent natural.
Clara was an unknown quantity to them. Kate said we couldn’t count on her delivering a believable performance.
But I knew Clara.
I knew everything I needed to know.
And I knew she would do whatever it took to please me. It occurred to me, briefly, that if she knew what was really happening tonight, then maybe there might be hope for me at the end.
If she could see how I fought to free others, maybe she could forgive the captivity I had subjected her to over these past weeks.
In the end, it didn’t matter.
I lost the vote.
My intention hadn’t been to leave Clara in that cell all those days, but there too, I’d caved to majority rule. I think none of them trusted me not to spill the beans to Clara. Which was total shit. I knew how to run an operation and how to ruin one too. My gut told me keeping Clara in the dark was the right thing to do. It also told me the few days separation was necessary. She needed to hate me, but still fear me enough to bend to my will.
With her in my arms, it felt as if the entire world disappeared. I found peace and quiet with Clara, and for a moment I allowed myself to let the outside world fall away. I rocked her in my arms, breathed in her delicate scent, and closed my eyes as I dared to dream of a future of moments just like this.
Her tears wet the fabric of my shirt and she sniffed as she lifted a tiny hand and placed it against my chest. I thought she would push me away, or try to climb out of my lap. She surprised me by placing her palm flat against my chest and splaying her fingers over my heart.
“You put me in a cell.”
“I did.”
“You said you took care of the things that belonged to you. Does this mean I no longer belong to you?” She curled in on herself, drawing her knees to her chest.
“You will always be mine.”
“Did I do something?”
“No. You’ve done nothing wrong, but stop dancing around the questions you want to ask me.”
She pulled back, lifting her head off my chest. “Are you suggesting you’d answer any of my questions?”
“I promise nothing, my sweet Clara, but I’ll answer those I can.”
“I don’t even know where to begin.” Her gaze darted between my eyes, as if she were searching for truth within their depths.
Clara would find nothing. I had closed off all my emotions in preparation for tonight’s main event. It was why I’d come to fetch her. Xavier had received news. Zane Carson would be arriving by plane in less than an hour. It was time.
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