by Ian Todd
“Thank fuck,” Simon hid growled the day they’d been liberated. “Wan mair day and that two wur gonnae get bumped aff,” he’d scowled, nodding across at Jake and Ben at the liberation party in DIRTY JAKE’S BOUTIQUE doon in Buchanan Street, clearly relieved tae be passing back the reins tae him.
Hivving said aw that, he couldnae help smiling, watching and listening tae them trying tae get wan o’er oan each other. The loyalties in the room kept shifting when it looked like somewan wis getting the better ae somewan else. It wis Jake’s turn tae be oan the defensive, getting mair and mair agitated when it wis clear that nowan wis taking sides wae him against Baby Huey and Peter, despite him turning oan the charm tae Ben and Snappy. Jake McAlpine wis often referred tae, behind his back, as Glesga’s answer tae Saville Row, due tae the fact that he owned wan ae the swankiest upmarket clothes shoaps in the toon.
“Ah’ve fucking telt ye before, there’s no such a fucking person,” he wis scowling across at Baby, who wis sitting there deliberately noising him up. “It’s the name ae a fucking street doon in London.”
“At least ye’ve goat a street named efter ye. Kin ye imagine whit Snappy gets called behind his back?” Peter Paterson, The Mankys’ runner, hid jist slung in tae the mix, nearly causing a riot, in amongst the laughter.
It wis Peter’s pregnant other hauf, Jean, that worked part-time oot in Honest George’s reception. The others hid been gieing Peter a hard time, accusing him ae being a grippy basturt, hivving his girlfriend oot working, wae the money he wis bringing in. Everywan knew fine well that the decision tae work hid been Jean’s hersel. Aw the lassies worked, despite easy access tae the rich financial rewards The Mankys offered them. It wis Peter that took aw the orders fae the street and made sure that they wur delivered bang oan time, cash in haun. Whether it wis factory loads ae three piece suites, hijacked lorries full ae booze, fridges, fags or washing machines, everything started oot wae Peter…when he wisnae robbing banks and post offices, that wis. He wis currently oot oan bail, waiting tae go up fur a post office robbery and a hijacked wagon full ae fags.
Baby wis the newest member ae the team. Efter a year, he wis still finding his feet. Tony, Johnboy and Silent hid known him since their Toonheid days. He’d worked fur Pat Molloy, The Big Man, under the management ae Peter The Plant, since he’d left approved school at fifteen. Despite his age, he wis well-known fur being able tae clear a crowded pub in two minutes flat wance he started. It hidnae been the smoothest ae transitions. Ben and Snappy wur still a bit clingy in haudin oan tae the intimidation side ae the business activities. Baby seemed tae accept that his skull-breaking days wurnae gonnae be as busy as they’d been when he’d been oot and aboot collecting debts fur Peter The Plant. Despite the verbal abuse fae the others, he’d soon settled doon efter being gied the responsibility ae managing the school bus runs back and fore tae Belgium and Germany fur aw the secondary school pupils whose mas and das could afford tae pay fur their cultural education trips. So far, he’d managed five trips that hid amounted tae nearly five ton ae the finest Paki Black and Lebanese Gold hash being distributed across the north and west ae the toon tae an ever-demanding greedy customer base. Baby and Peter worked well thegither. Due tae his easily identifiable size, he couldnae go intae the banks or post offices, bit he seemed content tae take oan the role ae being the getaway driver. Peter, true tae form, hid been gieing Baby, Ben and Snappy a hard time because they couldnae keep up wae his customers’ demands. A tricky situation hid been avoided three weeks earlier, efter they’d finally been gied the nod fae Wan-bob, that hid allowed them tae hijack a load ae hash belonging tae The McGregors, The Big Man’s opposite numbers, across oan the other side ae the Clyde. The Mankys hid planned tae snatch the gear fae a garage lock-up in Ferguslie Park, oot in Paisley, the following efternoon, with or withoot Wan-bob’s agreement. Getting the nod the night before the job hid been a close wan. The fact that the robbery wisnae taking place across in Govan, bit oot ae the toon, hid swung the decision in their favour. So far, touch wood, there hidnae been any comeback. He again turned his attention tae the carry oan in front ae him, as the racket they wur making crashed through they thoughts ae his. He sighed. He’d need tae intervene. They wur aw ganging up oan Pat this time, who looked as if he wis aboot tae go fur Snappy, who wis sitting there oan an auld stool, mocking him aboot allowing Wan-bob tae rip him aff o’er Papa’s jewellery shoap shares.
“Right, ya bunch ae fannies. Shut the fuck up. We’ve goat business tae attend tae,” he announced, as Baby lifted that arse ae his and let rip wae wan ae the loudest claps ae thunder they’d heard since the bad storms hid rolled through the tenements in the toon the previous March, sending aw the auld yins oot intae the street in their striped pyjamas and billowing nighties in the middle ae the night.
“Ye kin keep the seat. Ah don’t want it back noo,” Snappy drawled tae Baby, as everywan cracked up again, swishing their hauns in front ae them while haudin their beaks, efter Baby returned tae the seat, hivving jumped up and dashed across tae the door tae block anywan fae escaping.
“So, whit’s the score wae Johnboy then?” Peter asked, as everywan, at long last, seemed tae sober up, looking across at Tony.
“They think the operation went okay. He lost a lot ae blood. He’s still seriously ill, bit they think he’ll pull through. They should know later the day. He wis stabbed three times as well as that ear ae his being sliced in hauf by the blade the basturt hid oan him. It wis the baton oan his heid fae wan ae the screws that done the real damage though.”
“He’s no goat brain damage, his he?” Snappy demanded tae know, as everywan looked across at Tony in shock.
“Only whit wis awready there in the first place,” he replied, extracting a few smiles oot ae them. “Senga also telt me that his heart stoapped twice in the ambulance oan the way up fae Dumfries. They hid tae restart it wae some machine called a defibrillator that shocks the heart in tae starting up again. He’s a lucky boy, so he is.”
“Whit aboot getting in tae see him?”
“Ah think we’ll hiv tae wait a few days tae see whit the score is, bit Ah’m working oan it. He’ll probably be oot ae the game fur a while anyway. Right, where ur we?” he asked, looking aroond.
“Everywan’s scattered tae the hills, so they hiv. Nothing’s moving in or oot. The bizzies ur turning hauf the toon upside doon,” Jake replied.
“They’ve also busted maist ae the black butcher boys across in Possil, Milton and Maryhill tae. They’ve goat some Highland inspector wummin in tae replace Dougan. She’s the wan that’s leading the charge. Seemingly the local plods across in Possil cannae understaun a word she’s fucking saying,” Ben said, as everywan laughed.
“Ah think ye jist made that up.”
“Ah swear tae God. Seemingly, aw the plods in the place fucked aff oot the back door intae the car park in blind panic efter they clocked whit wis stomping through the front doors ae the station yesterday, so they did,” Ben shouted in amongst the guffaws.
“And the plodettes?”
“Stood pishing their sodden knickers where they stood, they wur that bloody terrified.”
“Ah heard that she wis in there and oan tae that fancy leather seat ae his, hauf an hour efter he copped his whack…seems awfully suspicious tae me,” Pat added, in his best Sherlock Holmes voice.
“Suspicious? Fuck that’s goat tae be the understatement ae the year,” Peter exclaimed, getting a few chuckles. “Ah widnae put anything past they corrupt basturts.”
“Whit aboot that wee bit ae business across in Woodside Road yesterday?”
“They hivnae been near any us up here in Springburn…yet,” Ben added, looking across at his partner in crime, Simon, who shrugged, nodding in agreement as everywan looked at each other.
“Baby’s taking o’er the bank cards until we see which way the winds blowing,” Simon said, as Baby looked across at Tony, the statement clearly being news tae him.
Silence.
“Which gies us
a golden opportunity by the way,” Snappy announced, jumping in there, quickly looking aboot, like the slippery snake that everywan knew him tae be.
Tony tried no tae smile. Him and Simon hid baith tipped Snappy tae lead the charge. Simon hid suggested they nip the stupid basturt in the bud as soon as he opened his gub, bit Tony’d decided tae gie him the flair tae get it oot ae the way before they goat oan tae the mair serious stuff ae trying tae figure oot how tae avoid the backlash ae the past twenty-four hours.
“Oh and whit opportunity wid that be then, Snappy?” Tony asked him, feigning surprise.
“It’s obvious that Wan-bob and Charlie Hastie ur gaun doon fur that wee nurse. Aw they bears ae his ur aw o’er the fucking place, running aboot like heidless chickens, so they ur. Between the lot ae us, aw we need tae dae is take oot The Goat, Peter The Plant and Danny Murphy. Dae that and the rest ae them will drap like skittles. Ah say we waste the basturts while we hiv the chance.”
Silence.
“Whit aboot The Big Man?” Peter finally asked whit everybody else wis thinking.
“Whit aboot him? He’s in Spain. This is Glesga. By the time he knows whit the fuck his happened tae they uglies ae his, we’ll hiv this side ae the toon aw sewn up.”
“Hiv you been supping that space soup Ah gied ye the other week there, Snappy?” Jake hit him wae, forcing everywan tae smile, despite the seriousness ae the topic.
Tony deliberately avoided eye contact wae Simon. While him and Simon hid agreed oan who’d kick aff wae a takeover bid, they couldnae agree oan who’d be the first wan tae back up Snappy.
“Ma money’s oan Ben,” Simon hid predicted. “Followed by Jake.”
“Aye, Ben’s the obvious wan, bit Ah’m no sure. Ma money’s oan Jake. He’ll sit and see whit way the wind’s blowing, while deliberately muddying the water aboot his real intentions. You watch whit he comes oot wae.”
“Pat, whit’s your thoughts?” Tony asked him.
“Snappy’s goat a point. Whether we dae or no, we hiv tae at least explore oor options. We widnae want tae look back and regret no hivving done anything when the opportunity arose. Is this no whit we’ve be waiting fur, fur aw these years? You’ve goat a good working relationship wae Donna The Prima Donna, so it widnae be too much hassle getting access tae aw their assets. Christ, imagine hivving tae sit and listen tae that Snappy wan reminding us every five minutes how big we could’ve become, if only we’d listened tae him?” Pat replied, before popping a wee nugget ae KP chewing gum intae his gub, as Tony looked across at Simon and smiled.
“That better no hiv been intended as an insult, Pat, ya skinny glaikit prick, ye,” Snappy warned him.
“Pat will be in there somewhere as well,” Tony hid predicted in the car.
“Pat? That big cowardly basturt’s arse lets rip every time he hears a car door slam, so it dis,” Simon hid scoffed, shaking his heid.
“Aye, bit think aboot it? He’s no happy that Wan-bob and The Big Man ur still the major stakeholder in Papa Fraser’s. Pat wid sell us aw doon the river tae get control ae that shoap. Ma money’s oan Goldfinger being in there as Snappy’s main supporter, so it is.”
It wis clear that Pat’s support hid thrown maist ae them aff kilter in surprise, as they aw looked across at Mr Golden Arse, trying tae act casual as if it wisnae such a big deal. Tony also noted that some ae them wurnae exactly throwing their erms up in horror at the prospect ae hivving a go either. This wis gonnae be good.
“So, you’ll be leading the charge then, Pat?” Peter hit him wae.
“It’s aboot time we took back whit is rightfully oors,” Pat came back wae swiftly…too quickly…clearly oan the defensive. “Snappy’s right…fur wance. Get shot ae they three uggs and the rest will toe the line, so they will.”
“Aye, well, remind me no tae hiv somewan like you covering ma back when Peter The Plant is creeping up oan me wae a length ae cheese wire wrapped roond two wooden skipping rope handles,” Peter drawled, drawing a wee burst ae nervous laughter oot ae that wan.
“Aw, fuck aff, Peter. If you want tae sit aboot waiting fur permission tae go oot and aboot trying tae make a few bob, then that’s up tae you,” Pat scowled across at him.
“Aye, shut the fuck up, Peter,” Ben growled. “Kin ye no see ye’re upsetting Pat here, so ye ur,” he said, as everywan laughed, looking across at Pat’s scowling face.
“Jake?” Tony asked him, ignoring the noise up.
“Ah’m either way. Ah agree in that Ah think Wan-bob and that prick Hastie ur goosed, bit Ah’m no sure that The Big Man wid take too kindly tae us attempting tae take o’er his set-up here in the toon. He might be in Spain, bit he’s goat a lot ae connections doon south that he kin take advantage ae.”
Good response, Tony thought tae himsel. And it wisnae jist him that thought that either. There hid been a few wee nods ae agreement. So, he’d been right. Jake wis prepared tae risk it. That’s whit he’d jist declared. Thank fuck none ae them hid been in charge when everywan hid been growing up, trying tae find their feet, Tony thought tae himsel. He widnae hiv reached puberty wae any ae this fucking lot leading them. He shifted the cuff ae his jaicket sleeve back wae that finger ae his and glanced doon at his watch. Time wis marching oan. It wis time tae wrap things up.
“Baby, whit’s your thoughts? You know Wan-bob and Charlie Hastie better than the rest ae us,” he asked, as everywan looked across at him.
“Aye, well, Ah’d go a bit caw-canny here, so Ah wid. It widnae surprise me if that pair ae basturts hidnae set aw this up.”
“Whit, tae end up untried, in C Hall in Barlinnie oan a murder charge, banged up fur a hunner and twelve days?” Jake scoffed.
“Aye, well, believe you me, stranger things hiv happened wae that pair ae sleekit basturts yanking the strings fae behind the curtain. Ah’ve watched them close-up, so Ah hiv.”
“Whit a load ae shite you come oot wae, Baby.” Snappy growled at him.
“Ah know. Shut the fuck up, Baby.”
“Black Pat McVeigh?” Baby hit them wae, his left eyebrow rising, leaning back in the chair, waiting tae see who wid bite first.
“Whit aboot him?” Pat asked suspiciously.
“The blood letting’s started awready, so it his. Him and that wife ae his goat wasted in the early hours ae this morning, so they did,” Baby replied nonchalantly, before grimacing in exaggerated amazement, as everywan, apart fae Tony and Simon, appeared tae look surprised fur some strange reason. “Ah thought aw youse tickets wur supposed tae hiv yer fingers oan the pulse up in this part ae the toon?”
“Eh? How the fuck dae ye know that? We’ve no heard anything. Did you know, Tony?” Snappy retorted, surprised, shocked or baith, looking across at Tony accusingly.
“Carry oan, Baby,” Tony said, smiling grimly.
“Mind you, youse lot wid probably be the last wans tae pick up the obvious wae aw the fucking aboot youse get up tae,” Baby shot back, laughing derisively at the still shocked coupons oan display in front him.
“Fuck you, ya big fat dode ae shite,” Ben scowled.
“Naw, fuck you, Ben, ya bampot ye. It’s naive pricks like youse that’ll get us aw hung, so it is,” Baby replied, smiling and clearly enjoying himsel.
“So, whit’s likely tae happen next, Baby?” Simon asked, interrupting the pleasantries, another wan who obviously awready knew whit hid happened tae Black Pat.
“There’s no way Wan-bob wid’ve taken oot that prick Duggie Dougan. Even if he’d wanted tae, he wid’ve still hid tae get the go-aheid fae The Big Man, despite him being across in Spain,” Baby continued, looking across at Jake. “And as fur Willie Commotion, Streaky John McGinnis and John The Haun? Well, ye kin strike them aff yer Christmas card list this year as well. They three fuds will be pie fillers fur they foosty ashets they’ve been punting tae hauf the wummin in the toon roond the doors fur the past twenty odd years.”
Baby allowed whit he’d jist said tae sink in.
“Noo, this is the important bit, so
Ah’d advise aw youse geniuses tae listen up. Wan-bob won’t hing aboot. That pair ur at their maist deadly when people think their backs ur tae the wall. If youse want tae make a move, then this isnae the time, believe you me. Ah’d wait and see whit happens. There’ll be a lot mair bloodletting tae go before the situation oot there oan the street quietens doon a bit,” Baby assured them, nodding toward the ootside wall behind Ben and Peter.
“Simon?” Tony asked, as aw faces turned tae The Carpet Blagger.
“Ah agree wae Baby. That pair ae snakes won’t be messing aboot jist noo. Wasting a cop, and an inspector at that, probably wisnae wan ae Black Pat’s wisest moves, so it wisnae. Wan-bob and Charlie will probably hiv a spring clean-oot while the gaun’s good, while wiping the flair wae any dissention that appears in the ranks.”
“Aye, bit this is the winter,” Ben said.
“Aye, and we’re no in their ranks, remember?” Snappy turned and reminded everywan.
Silence.
“Plus aw oor shipments will be fucked, aw because they allowed they black butcher basturts tae waste a scummy bizzy,” Jake added.
