“I know. I’ve gotten used to watching people leave.” Aiden looked down at her expectantly.
“I remember you telling me you prefer not saying goodbye.” Tess brought her hand to his cheek. “Until our paths cross again, Aiden.” She leaned up for one more kiss before he walked out of her life forever.
Alone in the apartment, she called Mae. For a brief moment, she’d considered calling Vicki, but since it had been months now with no contact, a phone call from Mexico wasn’t exactly going to improve their relationship.
“Mae… what am I doing?” Tess whispered, sitting on the edge of the small pool in the courtyard, watching a hummingbird hover over a plant. It was still outside, as Sundays often are, and nothing but the occasional car driving by marred the peace of the day.
“You’re living your life,” Mae responded.
“I like him. I really like him…” Tess whispered, as a tear rolled down her face and plopped loudly into the pool, disrupting the peace. She watched the ripples push across the water and thought about how every choice she made these days seemed to have a massive impact on the life tapestry she was weaving.
“You don’t know what the future holds, Tess. No matter what, though, you’re strong enough to handle it. And I’m always here to listen, sister-friend,” Mae said, her voice a comfort through the phone.
“No, I’m pretty sure I know what it holds. Life doesn’t work out like it does in my romance novels.”
“You don’t know that. But, if anything, I really admire your willingness to put yourself out there again. I know it’s scary to feel all the things you’re feeling right now, but I’d be more scared if you numb yourself for the rest of your life.”
“Numb would be good right now.” Tess swiped a palm across her eyes.
“Go back to bed, Tess. Things always look better after sleep.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
He called her.
Every day, in fact. Tess found herself falling into a pattern of checking her watch, knowing when he’d be done with work, and that she’d be getting a phone call sometime in the next few hours. It hadn’t been what she’d expected, not with Aiden’s “live each day in the moment” attitude, and yet she eagerly looked forward to his every call.
Winter had finally arrived in Denver, and snow came down in thick chunky sheets, burying her yard. Tess had to shovel long tracks around the house so the dogs could race around the yard – Ringo ready to play, and Red hightailing it back to the house as soon as he’d taken care of his business. She’d spent Christmas at Daniel and Teddy’s house – her first Christmas in years away from her family.
She tried to reach out to Vicki. Chad answered the phone, and with a sheepish apology, stated that Vicki was just too busy to chat. He handed the phone off to David. It was nice to hear all about her nephew’s latest endeavors with different science experiments he was doing at school. She made him promise to reach out to her whenever he needed to talk – the last thing she wanted was to lose her nephew.
When Chad returned to the phone, Tess asked, “Everything good with you guys?”
“Yes, for the most part. Work’s been a killer for us both, but we’re good. Dealing with Chicago winter and all,” Chad trailed off. Tess knew she was putting him in an awkward position.
“Well, things are good here. I’ve made some great friends with my neighbors, and have been traveling – diving and whatnot.” Tess filled Chad in a bit, as she was certain Vicki would press him for details.
“Sounds like you’re doing great, Tess, that’s nice to hear,” Chad said.
Tess almost asked if Vicki was still too busy for a quick hello. Her sister had her faults, but she was the closest family member she had left. Maybe the holidays were getting to her, but despite everything, Tess missed her. However, if Vicki wanted to know what was going on in her life, then she’d have to pick up the phone. Tess ended the call by wishing them both a happy New Year.
Over the next week, Tess found herself stuck in that awkward time between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, when everyone had plans galore and she had nothing on her agenda. She got a Happy Holidays e-mail from Gabe’s sister. They hadn’t been close, but had always been cordial. She thought it was a kind gesture until she got to the part where she conveniently mentioned Gabe had gone up to the cabin in northern Wisconsin to spend the holidays with his Babers. So they were still together.
And she was alone. But she realized she was still happier that way than when she was with Gabe.
“Come to the New Year’s Eve concert with us,” Elizabeth insisted when Tess called to tell her about the message. “It’s so much fun – we go every year.”
“I might. Do I need to decide now? I’m kind of blah this year. I may just want to stay home.” Tess dreaded the whole “kissing at midnight” part.
“Nope, you can get tickets day of. Just let me know. I really want you to come, it’s seriously a ton of fun, and I’ll feel better knowing you aren’t moping at home alone.”
“I mean, I don’t see anything wrong with watching a Real Housewives marathon and quietly getting sauced by myself.”
“That’s for New Year’s Day,” Elizabeth insisted, and Tess laughed.
“Guess who reached out to me?”
“Who? Gabe?”
“Nope, Owen. He’s coming here for New Year’s with a girl he’s hooking up with. Says he has a bunch of friends in the area and we should all go out.”
“Interesting. Would you go? Would it be weird?”
“Nah, Owen and I are cool. He was exactly what he needed to be for me at the right time. We’ve been in touch a bit since then, but always just friends.”
“Then go. Just don’t sit at home, alone. Please?”
“Okay, I’ll do something. I promise.”
Despite her misgivings, Tess found herself agreeing to host a New Year’s Eve party for Owen and his friends, with the promise they would clean up. She spent the day before cleaning and buying some extra party supplies. She really didn’t care about the fact that Owen was dating someone; her mind was on Aiden.
Aiden who called daily to tell her a joke. Aiden who had messaged and asked for her address; Tess waking one morning to a package of toys for the dogs on her doorstep. Red had broken a tooth and had to have it removed, and all the toys were soft-chew for his recovery. It was Aiden who invaded her dreams each night. She wanted more time with him, Tess knew that, but she wasn’t sure how or when she would ever see him again.
What are you doing tonight?
Having a small party here. Then maybe just walk to a bar on the corner. Keeping it easy.
That sounds nice. Some customers want to go out, but I’m exhausted. We’ll see if I even make it that late. I’ll try to stay up and wish you a happy New Year.
Aww, thanks. If you can’t, no worries. I know how it is.
Tess smiled at her phone and tried calling Owen again, wanting to know what time he and his friends would be arriving. He had been texting her constantly the last week making plans, and now that it was the day of the party, he was suddenly silent. Again, his phone went to voicemail. Annoyed, she checked his Instagram to see he’d arrived in Denver. It was almost mid-afternoon. Tess looked around her clean house and thought about all the party supplies she’d bought. Irrespective of whether he wanted to be around her or not, common courtesy would have been to either not plan a party with her or at least let her know if it was canceled. Sending him a message that said as much, she finally got a response.
They weren’t coming.
She was annoyed, partly because she’d gone and bought fancy cheese, but also because he’d made her feel the same way Gabe had – like she was the second-best choice. She didn’t even want to date the guy, but regardless he should treat his friends better. Shoving away the feeling of rejection, which she knew she was particularly sensitive to at the moment, Tess made another call.
“Elizabeth, what time are you going to the concert?”
“We leave
at seven for a friend’s house. Can I pick you up?”
“You absolutely can.”
“Yes! What happened with Owen?”
“He bailed. Can you believe that? Spent all week messaging me about getting his friends together, my address, planning what people were going to bring and then… nothing. He said he and his girl are just going to do something alone.”
“That’s rude. Who does that?”
“Right? I should’ve expected that of him. He’s a nice guy usually, but a total flake,” Tess said, rolling her eyes.
“Forget it, come have fun with us. It’ll be a blast,” Elizabeth insisted.
“See you soon,” Tess said. While she got ready, she texted Aiden to tell him what happened. His outrage on her behalf made her feel better, along with his decidedly naughty suggestions on what they would be doing if they were spending the night together, and by the time Elizabeth arrived, she was in good spirits again.
As promised, the concert was a blast. The band had gone all out and there were women dancing in flaming balls suspended from the ceiling, explosions of confetti, and a crowd more than raring to go. Tess watched Elizabeth with her boyfriend, and was once again struck by how well they fit together. She wanted that someday. To have someone look at her as though she brought light into their world. In time, Tess thought, she’d probably be able to bring her walls down enough to love like that.
Her phone buzzed in her purse, Aiden’s name flashing across the screen. Holding it up, she motioned she would step out into the hallway of the arena.
“Hey!” Tess shouted into the phone, holding her hand up to her ear.
“Happy New Year!” Aiden shouted back, and a warm glow rushed through Tess.
“I’m sorry, the concert’s so loud. It’s a ton of fun though. I’m really glad I came.”
“I’m sorry about your party,” Aiden said.
“No worries, that’s the way it goes. This was the better choice anyway.” Tess turned away from a guy who tried to smile and catch her eye.
“I don’t want to keep you; you should be spending time with your friends. I just wanted to hear your voice.” His own voice was thick with sleep.
“I’m glad you called. Sleep well, Aiden. Happy New Year.”
Tess clicked her phone off, feeling the warm glow fill her once more. All but skipping back into the concert, she reminded herself not to look too deeply into anything. If she had to explain to anyone what was going on, she wouldn’t know where to begin. For now, Aiden would remain a friend… and just that.
At home that night, more than pleasantly buzzed and smiling to herself, Tess poured herself a whiskey and pulled out a barstool at her kitchen counter. It had been a fun night, which was rare for New Year’s. In her opinion, it was the most over-hyped holiday of the year. Still, it felt nice to just sit in her quiet house. She didn’t have to worry about whether she’d get into a drunken argument with Gabe, or if his phone would be lighting up late into the night. She didn’t have to be anywhere but exactly where she was. When her phone buzzed, she picked it up and squinted at it through a haze of alcohol.
“Oh,” Tess breathed, opening the message from Gabe.
I went outside just now and saw a shooting star. It made me think of you and how I know we’ll always be bonded. We’ll always have a spiritual connection, you and I. Nothing can take that away from us, Tess. I’m missing you tonight, that’s for sure. I know this New Year may not be what you want it to be, but just know I’ll always feel connected to you.
“You lying piece of…” Tess growled and almost threw her phone across the room. Instead, she forced herself to put it gently back on the counter. He was texting her, at four in the morning while his girl slept by his side. “Shooting star, my ass,” Tess said, knowing how cloudy and snowy Wisconsin was.
She was the other woman now, the woman who could light up Gabe’s phone in the middle of the night and keep his Babers wondering just who he was contacting. A petty side of her desperately wanted to do that, just to string him along a bit, to rile them both up. Minutes drew out as she stared at the message, processing her feelings. She froze as her phone buzzed again. Leaning over without touching it, as though the phone could see her, she beamed when she saw a message from Aiden.
Getting up for work. Hope you got home safely.
Home now. Should drag my butt to bed.
It must have been some party! Glad you are safe.
Me too, Aiden. Thanks for checking in with me.
No problem, I’ll blow some bubbles for you today.
Diving sounds amazing, but I’ll be honest, right now my bed sounds even better.
I’d love being in your bed with you today. Call you later.
Tess hummed the whole way to her room, and when she woke later that day, a smile still on her lips, she realized she never did respond to Gabe’s text message.
Nor did she ever have to again.
Chapter Thirty-Five
“I want to see you.”
Tess’s hand stilled on Red’s head. They’d curled up on the couch together, and she was enjoying another snowy day in her comfy pants. She’d been taking advantage of the gloomy weather to stay inside and write, and was happy to be making progress on her next book. Between spending time with her neighbors, meeting up with Elizabeth, and working on her writing, Tess was beginning to hit her stride again. Her new normal was turning out to be a nice one, and she’d felt like the struggle of months past was finally beginning to ease a bit. Aside from her yearning for Aiden, that was, which seemed an unsolvable problem.
“I’d like to see you again, too, Aiden.” Tess closed her eyes, thinking about being close to him again, diving into the depths together, or taking long strolls at night with no particular destination in mind.
“Do you think you’d come down again? You know… before I go? Or am I crazy to even ask that?”
“Oh.” Tess sat straighter on the couch.
“I can’t leave work – they’re slammed, and I need to accrue all my extra pay and overtime for the trip. Otherwise, I’d come to see you,” Aiden rushed out. Tess squeezed her eyes shut, her heart pounding as she thought about what another trip down would mean. Days under water, diving into her happy place. Nights with Aiden, wrapped around him – also a place she was quite fond of.
“Um, gosh, Aiden, I haven’t really thought about it. When do you leave again?”
“The end of February,” Aiden said, his voice sounding tight.
“So, sometime in the next two months then.” Tess felt a little shaky at the thought.
“If flights aren’t too expensive. I’m sure I can swing you another deal on dive packages,” Aiden said. “I’m sure you’re probably busy with your writing. I totally understand if it would be too much.”
Too much for her heart, Tess thought, but pressed her lips closed before she spoke it.
“I’ll look into it and if it works, I’ll shoot you some dates?”
“That’d be amazing, Tess. But, again, no worries if you can’t. I was just thinking about you all day today,” Aiden said.
“I mean, it’s not exactly a hardship to leave winter and go diving.”
“And?”
“Oh, and to see you too, I suppose.” Tess laughed.
“Sassy woman.”
After they ended the call, Tess just sat for a moment, staring out the window at the snow-covered trees on the front lawn. Could she go back to see him again? Anxiety snuck through her at the thought, at what she could expose her heart to, and if she could be strong enough to handle the aftermath of what she could already see coming a mile away.
She called Mae, who was on her way to drop her son at a playdate, and filled her in.
“What should I do?” Tess asked.
“What do you want to do?” Mae asked.
“I want to go.”
“But?”
“I’m scared. I really like him. Like… really like him. But what am I doing? I know he’s leaving – he’s movi
ng across the world. Why put myself in this position? I don’t know if my heart can handle it,” Tess admitted. “This is all probably too soon. I mean, I just got divorced, what am I doing?”
“You’re following your heart?”
“Yeah, but what does it know? It seems to just throw me into situations that I’m going to get hurt in.” Tess pulled a thread from the throw blanket on the couch through her fingers. Idly, she tied it in a knot, and then untied it, and then tied it once more.
“Do you want to live your life with your walls up?”
“It’s safer that way.”
“Do you want to live your life playing it safe?” Mae amended.
“No,” Tess grumbled.
“Do you want to become bitter and jaded and refuse to believe in love again?”
“No, but admittedly this situation does not have a good outcome for me. It’s already spelled out.”
“You never know. Why don’t you take it a day at a time?”
“Because I need to know I’m not going to get hurt. I need to see the future. I have to protect myself.”
“But why, Tess? You’ve already done the hard stuff. You know you’re strong enough to stand on your own. Look at all you handled, all by yourself – well, with us there, but you know what I mean. Do you want to spend your life questioning if you should have gone to Cozumel to meet this man but didn’t because you were scared it was too soon? Or that you’d get hurt? Life is full of hurt, you know that. Do you want it to be filled with regrets too?”
“Do you think I’d regret not going?”
“Do you think you’ll regret not going?” Mae parried the question back at her.
“Yes, I do,” Tess admitted.
“So, go. Being vulnerable is one of the strongest things you can do. It’s easy to put walls up and to protect yourself from getting hurt. It’s much harder to open yourself and let love in again.”
Ms. Bitch: Finding happiness is the best revenge. Page 21
