by Judith Keim
“Oh, hon!”
“No, no! You don’t understand. It was an unusual kind of cyst, not cancer. I’m fine.” Her eyes overflowed with fresh tears. “I’m lucky, so very lucky.”
They hugged, and quickly left the office well aware of other women sitting there awaiting news of their fate.
“Let’s go celebrate!” Lulu suggested.
“I just want to get home,” said Gwen. “I need some time alone. I hope you understand.”
“I do.” Lulu gave Gwen a reassuring smile. She was feeling pretty shaky herself.
Back at the Inn, Lulu gave Cami and Becca the news. They were as relieved as she. Gwen was a dear person and a wonderful asset to the company.
“Dan and I are having a TGIF party tonight. Can you come?” Becca beamed at her.
“Thanks, but I’d better not. The last of the furniture my mother ordered is being delivered tomorrow morning, and I have to get up early. Besides, everyone will begin to wonder why I’m not drinking. I told Miguel it was because I was on a diet, but it’s going to be awkward as my pregnancy progresses.”
“Everyone is going to know sooner or later,” Becca replied. “Why not tell them now?”
“Maybe I’m superstitious, but my mother told me that in her day a woman never announced a pregnancy until she’d completed the first trimester.”
“That’s almost laughable,” said Cami. “Now, everyone knows within a few hours of conception. When one of our waitresses announced it, I asked how far along she was and she said seven days.”
The three of them laughed.
“Thanks anyway, Becca. But, like I said, I’ll skip this one.”
“I understand, but I’m not going to allow you to become a hermit just because you’re expecting Will’s baby.”
Lulu started to explain, but at that moment Imani rushed into the office, her face flushed. “You’d better come. A woman has fallen in the restaurant. She’s not badly hurt, but she’s already talking about a lawyer.”
Cami and Becca took off at a run, leaving Lulu behind with her untold truth.
###
The next morning, Lulu let out a sigh of relief when the last piece of furniture was delivered and placed in the house. Each one added a nice touch to the room in which it now sat. She and her mother had chosen wisely, selecting pieces that could be moved easily and used in another location.
After the delivery men had gone, she sat on the new chaise lounge in the master bedroom and lay down. She’d been lucky so far that she hadn’t suffered morning sickness—just a queasy feeling now and then. She patted her stomach, wondering about the baby. Like her mother, she was getting used to the idea of having this child. Even though they’d probably never marry, she was certain Miguel would be a good father.
On a whim, Lulu called Rafe and asked him to come for dinner.
“I’d be delighted,” he replied, a happy lilt to his voice.
“I thought it would be a good way to begin to entertain in my own house. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather ask.”
Rafe chuckled. “I can’t think of a better evening. Thanks.”
They scheduled a time, and Lulu hung up with a smile. Rafe Lopez was her idea of the perfect grandfather. She was pleased that her baby would be related to him even if it was just as a great uncle. Her thoughts flew to Miguel. He looked like she imagined Rafe did at that age. Maybe, if she had a boy, he’d look like the two of them.
Now that she’d scheduled Rafe for dinner, Lulu planned to make an easy chicken and mushroom dish she thought he’d like. That, some rice, green beans, and a crisp lettuce salad would be a nice, simple meal.
Content with her choices, she left to go to the market for fresh mushrooms, vegetables, and, perhaps, a dessert. Rafe, she knew, had a sweet tooth.
Driving into town, Lulu felt like a true native. Gazing at the now familiar scenery, she felt at home in a way that California had never provided her.
Inside her favorite store, Lulu searched for the things she needed for dinner and then paused in front of the baked goods. Strawberry tortes caught her attention. She ordered two, certain Rafe would like them.
She headed home in a cheerful mood as she thought ahead to the dinner. It would feel good to be able to pay back Rafe in a small way for his kindness to her. Even now, with a tough future ahead for her, he was a steady supporter.
When she pulled into the driveway, she gave the house a serious look. It was attractive with a country look, a style she was liking more and more. She parked and got out of the car. As she reached into the back seat to retrieve the bags of groceries, she felt a stab of pain in her abdomen. She stood and clasped her belly. The baby! Worry gnawed on her insides. She grabbed the bags of groceries and hurried inside the house.
After dropping the bags on the kitchen table, she rushed into the downstairs bathroom praying she was wrong. But when she saw all the blood, she gripped the edge of the nearby sink feeling faint. Panic froze her and then she raced to the phone to call Cami.
Hearing Cami’s cheerful “hello”, Lulu tried to catch her breath. “Cami, I need you,” she managed to say.
“Lulu? What’s wrong? Where are you?”
“At home. I think I’m losing the baby,” Lulu said. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Hang on. I’m on my way. I think we’d better get you to a doctor. Lie down and rest until I get there,” Cami said, her voice high with worry.
Lulu clicked off the call, went upstairs to change her clothes and get a pad, then lay down on the bed, squeezing her legs together to try to stop anything more from happening. She hadn’t wanted the baby at first, but over the past few weeks she was excited about having it—Miguel’s baby. There were complications to overcome with him, but she’d come to realize that like Rafe and others had promised her, everything would work out. Tears slipped down her cheeks.
She heard Cami’s car in the driveway and went downstairs to let her in.
White-faced, Cami raced up to the door. She hugged Lulu to her. “Are you sure? What’s happening?”
“I’ve had a lot of bleeding. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost or am losing the baby,” Lulu said, feeling as if she couldn’t breathe from holding back sobs.
“Let’s get you to the doctor’s office now,” said Cami, her own eyes misting.
Lulu grabbed her purse and followed Cami to the car in a daze.
###
Dr. Lauren Lukas was a favorite OB/GYN in the valley. An older woman in her 50’s, she’d provided services for years to women of all incomes and backgrounds. She approached each patient like a daughter, as eager to praise as to chide. Babies mattered even more to her. Her patients knew she wouldn’t tolerate any behavior that might harm the baby.
Now, she stared down at Lulu with lines of sorrow marring her face.
“It’s over?” Lulu’s lips trembled.
“I’m afraid so. The ultrasound confirmed what we already suspected. But it doesn’t mean you can’t go on to have a long-term pregnancy in the future. Sometimes this is nature’s way of taking care of an issue that isn’t good. You’re a healthy young woman, Lulu. You obviously had no problem getting pregnant. I suspect you won’t have anything like this in the future.”
Holding back fresh tears, Lulu grabbed Dr. Lukas’ hand. “It’s not my fault, is it? I know I didn’t want the baby to begin with, but then I changed my mind. I’d even thought of naming the baby after someone in my new family.” She’d liked the name Rafe from the beginning.
Dr. Lukas squeezed Lulu’s fingers and handed her a tissue. “No, sweetheart, it isn’t your fault. You mustn’t worry about it. It’s one of those things that can happen. You haven’t completed your first trimester. If anything is wrong, this is the time something like this might take place.”
“I feel like a failure,” Lulu sobbed.
Dr. Lukas patted Lulu’s shoulder. “It’s all right to grieve. You’ve lost something precious to you. But there’s no sense in blaming yourself or thinking yo
u failed in some way. Support groups are available to help you cope with your loss. I’ll ask the nurse at the front desk to give you the information. I suggest giving yourself some time to process this before resuming your normal schedule.”
Lulu sat up on the table. “Thank you. I think I’ll go to California for a few days.”
###
Sitting in Cami’s car on the way home, Lulu stared out the window.
“Lulu, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you? While you were getting dressed, the doctor spoke to me about the process of grieving any mother goes through in situations like this.”
Lulu turned to her with surprise. “She did?”
Cami’s expression was sad. “No wonder her patients love her. She’s the kindest doctor I know.”
“I’ve been thinking I should take a couple of days off, go to California. My mother is moving into a condo. I can help her.”
“Yes, I understand. It’s a good idea also because you’ll be able to tell Will about the baby. He’ll need to know.”
“Cami, the baby wasn’t Will’s. It was Miguel’s,” said Lulu, relieved to finally get it out in the open.
“Wha-a-at?” Cami pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned to her. “You only went out with him once.”
Lulu grimaced. “That’s all it takes.” She gripped Cami’s arm. “You can’t tell him or anyone else until I have the chance to talk to him. Only Rafe, my mother, and Melba know.”
“Oh my God! What will he think?”
“Rafe said he’d do the right thing and marry me when he learned I was pregnant. Now, he won’t have to do that. I wouldn’t accept a proposal of marriage like that, anyway. When I marry, it’s going to be for true love, not obligation.”
“But Lulu, I think Miguel has feelings for you. He asked me about you and Will ...”
Lulu put up a hand to stop her. “I’ve already decided it would never work. Miguel is too much like my father—a man who draws women to him. Been there, seen that. All it does is lead to trouble.”
“Oh, but ...”
“Cami, I’m serious. Now let’s go home. I need to call Rafe and postpone my dinner with him.”
“He was coming to dinner?”
“Yes, I wanted to try a few things out before inviting the whole gang. And he’s been so good to me.”
“Sure. I get it. How about coming to dinner at my place? I’ll invite Rafe too, so he won’t be disappointed.”
“Would you? That would be fantastic.” Lulu loved that Cami always seemed to know what would make her happy.
“Right now, you need to go home and rest,” said Cami. “And don’t worry, I won’t let anyone else know about Miguel’s being the father of your baby. That’s your news, but I think you’re going to be far better off telling him as soon as possible.”
“How can I? He’s in Chile for the next few months.”
Cami’s brow lined with creases of worry as she studied her. “Nonnee always used to say, ‘Sitting on the truth will hurt you most of all’. You need to tell him before he finds out in any other way.”
“Maybe you’re right. Promise you won’t say a word to anyone else?”
“I promise,” Cami said solemnly.
Cami delivered Lulu to her house and said, “Why don’t you come at six o’clock? Drew has a guys’ night out, so it’ll be just the three of us—you, Rafe, and me. If you want, I’ll call him for you.”
“Thanks. That would be great. See you then.”
Lulu got out of the car, walked into the house, and collapsed on the couch. Her life as she’d known it was suddenly gone. Her ruined plans and tumbled feelings sent fresh tears down her cheeks. If someone were to ask her how she felt, she’d say she felt empty, so empty.
After another good cry, Lulu got up from the couch and headed into the kitchen. She put all her fresh groceries in a bag to take to Cami and stored the rest away. Then she called an airline and made plans to leave the next day. She couldn’t wait to leave Chandler Hill.
Later, after a good rest, Lulu headed over to Cami’s with the bag of groceries she’d set aside for her.
Cami greeted her with an extra-long hug. “Rafe’s already here.”
When Lulu entered the kitchen, Rafe got up out of his seat at the table and came over to her.
Hugging her close, he said softly, “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know how much it hurts. My wife, Maria, and I went through the same thing many times before she died.
Misty-eyed, Lulu looked up into Rafe’s weathered face. “I wanted this baby, Rafe. I wanted Miguel’s baby.”
He stroked a wisp of hair away from her face. “What are you going to do now?”
“I’m leaving for California tomorrow. I need some time away from here, and Mom has bought a condo. I’m going to help her for a few days until I’m ready to come back to Chandler Hill.”
Cami approached them. “I heard that, Lulu, and I want you to take as much time as you need.”
“And Miguel?” Rafe prompted. “What are you going to say to him?”
“I don’t know,” Lulu said. “I suppose it’s something that isn’t important to him now. It’s done. It’s over.”
Rafe cupped her face in his hands. “Cariño, you know that’s not true. It would matter to Miguel. He’s not the kind of man who wouldn’t care.”
Lulu’s vision blurred. “I know. But I don’t want to ruin his plans to marry Valentina.”
Rafe leaned back and frowned at her. “Why would you say such a thing? I don’t think that’s the case at all.”
“I spoke to him before he left. He wanted me to go out with Valentina and him. Then she came over to him, and I saw the look they exchanged.”
“A business friendship. Nothing more. Trust me.”
Lulu nodded, but knew it was only Rafe’s way of trying to make her feel better.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Lulu breathed in the warm air of Southern California and vowed to herself that she would shake off the pain and guilt she felt over losing the baby. Guilt because she hadn’t wanted the baby at first and the pain of never having the opportunity to tell that baby how much she’d grown to love him or her.
Melba and her mother met her in the baggage claim area as promised.
Upon seeing Lulu, her mother rushed over to her and swept her into a warm embrace. “Oh, darling, I’m so, so sorry about what happened. I know how you feel. I lost several babies myself. You never forget.” Shaking her head, she dabbed at her eyes.
Melba stood by wearing a look of concern usually reserved for Lulu’s mother. Lulu turned to her and sighed with relief when Melba’s arms wrapped around her. “It’s going to be all right,” Melba said to them both. “Right, Rosalie? We’re going to be strong for Lulu.”
“Oh yes,” Lulu’s mother said, giving her a shaky smile.
“And I hope you will discover that, for whatever reason, nature had other plans for you. And while it isn’t easy, you are not to blame yourself. You are loved, child, and that love will help you through it.”
Lulu snuggled closer and then stepped away feeling better. Women helping women. It was something she’d always admired. .
“I’m glad you’re here,” her mother said, and Lulu felt a new sense of homecoming. “I hope to get some ideas of what I should keep and what I should sell or give away when I make this move. Please take whatever you want from the house. I intend to start mostly with new things in the condo.”
Lulu loved hearing the excitement in her mother’s voice and realized how little the expensive, fancy things in her mother’s house meant to both of them, especially when they were eager to make a fresh start.
“We’ll go through everything, and then you can hire someone to run an estate sale for you,” Lulu suggested.
“One of the couples interested in buying the house has indicated they were willing to buy some of the furnishings. My real estate agent thinks it might make the offer more enticing, if I were willing to make it part o
f a deal. I told her I’d give her an answer soon.” Her mother beamed at her. “Now, with you here, I’ll be able to do so.”
At the thought of keeping busy this way, Lulu was glad she’d come home.
When her mother drove into the driveway, Lulu stared at the house. It’s size, its Mediterranean style were impressive. But Lulu knew a beautiful house didn’t make a loving home. She was ready to move on with her life.
Inside the house, Lulu stood with her mother and Melba.
“I’ve already marked a few pieces I’ll take with me to the condo. Melba has decided on a few pieces herself. Now, you can tag anything you want.”
“I don’t want any furniture. I might want to take a couple of paintings and a few knick-knacks, but that’s it.”
Her mother nodded. “I understand. We’ll need to go through personal papers and such. I’d like to do that together.”
“Okay,” said Lulu.
“I’ve made a nice lunch,” said Melba. “Why don’t we give you a few minutes to get settled, Lulu, and sit down. I know how much you like my chicken noodle soup.”
Lulu chuckled. “I’m not sick, but what a sweet thought.” Tears suddenly filled her eyes. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m going to be weepy for a while. Hormones and heartbreak and all those things I’m dealing with.”
“Honey, you can cry as much as you want to.” Her mother’s eyes filled. “We’ll give you all the time you need. I know what it’s like to have the opportunity to grieve taken away from you and having to put on a brave front when you just want to curl up into a ball of misery.”
Lulu studied her mother. “Maybe I should start seeing your therapist. You sound so different.”
“Anytime you feel the need to talk to one, I’ll give him a call,” her mother replied with pride.
“Let’s get you settled, sweetheart.” Melba lifted her suitcase and led Lulu up to her old bedroom.
Stepping into the bedroom as pretty as any room one would find in a magazine, Lulu drew a deep breath. The queen-sized bed hosting a handsome, gray-patterned duvet and multiple pillows seemed stifling to her. She knew it wasn’t the furniture, but the memories that still tainted the air like the smell of a dying rose. The press had accused her of being a spoiled little rich girl, but they didn’t understand the price that went with being the daughter of someone like Congressman Edward Kingsley. As nicely as the room was furnished, she wanted none of it.
