For the first time, Peter blushed. “Not really, but now you know why I trust him with you. Neil and I have known each other for years but keep it hushed. While most probably know, no one talks about it. Kind of an in-the-closet topic.”
Sarah nodded. “No worries.”
Peter tugged her hand away from the dogs. “Let’s go see what Evan knows. Neil, my thanks. I’ll see you later?”
“You ken where to find me.” His eyebrows rose in clear suggestive innuendo as he sauntered back to the stable to resume his chores.
Sarah and Peter returned to the keep and she couldn’t resist teasing him. “You did good. He’s hot.”
Letting her lead the way into the hall, he chuckled. “Yep. He is. But that’s all you’ll get from me.”
Lena came toward them with a tray loaded with food and a cup. “‘Tis for Evan. The lad is awake and asking for a meal. Sarah, all is prepared for you.”
Sarah stiffened at the harsh reminder of the rest of her day and nodded. “Great.” No enthusiasm went with the comment.
“We’ll take that,” Peter took the tray in his hands. “We were on our way to see him.”
“My thanks, ‘tis much left to do.” Lena abruptly left, and Sarah caught the dig.
“There’s work I should be doing, isn’t there?”
“Probably but ignore it. We have bigger fish to fry. Let’s get your marriage straightened out one way or the other. Laundry isn’t your top priority right now.” Peter headed for the stairs and she followed.
“Do you think Evan knows something?” she asked, not quite sure how the household Lothario would be of assistance.
“Maybe, maybe not. But Conall spent time alone with him before he left. If nothing else, Evan knows where he went and when to expect him back. Unless you think he’s back.” Peter came to the top of the stairs and waited for her.
Reaching his side, she purposefully ignored the room to her right, what would likely remain in her mind as Elspeth’s door and not hers. “No Spidey-sense tingling.”
“I actually followed that reference,” Peter chuckled as he walked to Evan’s door. “Nice to know some constants remain.”
“When I run out of sci-fi stories, I can probably give the basics on the Marvel movies, since superheroes are pretty popular.” Catching Peter’s eyes widen, she chastised him. “Not now.” Holding her ear against the door, she said that the room seemed quiet then explained her earlier journey to the same spot.
“You’d think an injury would slow him down,” Peter mumbled and then pushed the door open. “Who’s hungry?”
Resting against propped up pillows with only clean linen strips covering his bare chest, Evan opened his eyes and patted his lap. “I am starved.” Then he winced as he attempted to straighten up.
Sarah went to his side and rearranged the pillows to offer more support before Peter set the tray down. “Maybe if you actually rested, you wouldn’t be in so much pain.”
“I have been in bed all day,” Evan grumbled.
“Resting implies alone,” Sarah corrected. “I tried to come by earlier, but you were clearly entertaining a guest.” When Evan looked up at her, she added, “You were both a bit loud. Robena was right down the hall. Maybe you like living dangerously.”
Evan asked with hesitation, “Does she ken?”
“No clue. I heard enough to know you didn’t need more company. But seriously, you just had your chest sewn back together. The last thing you should be doing is climbing on top of whoever visited you.” Sarah attempted to reprimand him with a straight face but failed.
Evan waved his hand before it fell to pick up his cup. “Have no fear, I was nay foolish enough to be on top, merely content to enjoy her while on my back. I did naught.”
Sarah turned away from his laughter and faced the window as flashes of last night again surfaced to torment her. While she may have started the main event, Conall had not been a passive participant. Her hips could still feel his powerful grip as he controlled her every move. Biting her lip to prevent a peep from leaving them, she recalled every sensation he had brought to life and the control he had mastered over her. Even standing at the window, she could feel her body tighten with longing for more.
It was like some scene out of one those Kindle downloads you never mention to anyone. The filthy ones where the plots are thin but the sex is scalding. Phrases like “Yes, Sir” and loads of begging fill the pages and makes you wonder if any of that is even possible.
A pleasant spring breeze filled the chamber with scents of greenery and fresh, damp earth. She inhaled and let the fragrance wash over her, hoping that it would help ease her inner turmoil. Everywhere she looked, green shimmered in the sunlight, shifted by light winds. The shade was too similar to his eyes that sparkled and shone.
Behind her, Peter checked Evan’s wound. “You’ve pulled two stitches loose.”
“So?” Evan mumbled with his mouth full of food.
“So, you fool, open wounds are more likely to fester. A nasty infected wound leads to fever. Does that get your attention?” Peter practically roared the question and Sarah turned enough to see Evan pale.
“I had nay thought on that,” he said, his whisper laced with fear.
“What’s the big deal?” Sarah asked. Fevers happened all the time and was only the body fighting off bacteria or viruses.
“Sarah, have you seen a local pharmacy nearby? Or a hospital? There aren’t antibiotics or trained medical professionals. While we have a few folks who are gifted with herbals and local remedies, it isn’t the same. Fevers kill here.” Peter’s harsh lesson settled in her mind that hadn’t pondered true life in the time period.
He turned his rage back to Evan. “Decide now. Either you agree to one week without thinking with your dick or I’m done worrying about you.”
Sarah caught the tough love and instantly knew Peter would worry and care no matter what. But Evan fell for it. With complete seriousness, he agreed. “No more, I swear.”
Peter remained silent, as if judging whether or not to believe him. “You have one chance; do you hear me? From now on only Lena, myself, or Sarah will take care of you, bring your meals or wipe your ass when needed.”
She refrained from joking about not being willing to wipe his ass, but respected the tactic that made the boy wake up to reality.
“Aye, Peter.”
“Good lad. Eat your meal before it grows cold.” Peter sat on the bed and patted Evan’s leg. “I need you back on your feet.”
Evan nodded and ate under Peter’s watchful gaze while she turned back to the window to stare at the rolling countryside. She pulled the string that had held her hair in a loose ponytail and bent forward to allow the breeze to wreak chaos with the curls certain it would never match the one in her heart.
Unable to wait any longer, she asked without facing them, “Where did he go?” Her hands clenched on the window ledge as she waited too long for a reply.
Evan cleared his throat. “He went to check on the far fields, though I kenned it to be a fool’s errand. Even I ken the field needs to dry after days of rain before it may be tilled.”
“You know quite a bit for someone who avoids working,” Peter added.
“Aye, but I ken it just the same. Conall would nay listen, thinking me a lad with no knowledge of our lands.” Evan wiped his empty bowl with a piece of bread and ate it before finishing his thoughts. “I ken what has to be done and will act as expected, such is my vow to Conall.”
“It’s about time,” Peter approved with warmth back in his voice. “He’s been gone long enough to find a field full of mud, so where else would he go?”
Sarah caught Evan shrugging his shoulders from the corner of her eye, but felt his gaze on her. “Mayhap for a ride.”
“He rides to clear his mind, or he did when he was younger. What’s bothering him?” Peter’s question had her straightening, ready to face whatever Evan stated.
“I dinna ken,” Evan’s mumbled words had Sarah
sighing in pure exasperation. He’s so not believable.
Leaving her perch at the window, she walked to the bed and waited until Evan looked up at her. “Yes, you do, but I don’t, not really. All I have are thoughts that are eating me alive. Did you know that he ordered Lena to give me Elspeth’s chamber? That he no longer wants me?” Her voice hitched with the last part and she didn’t care about revealing her unsettled world to the one person who may have insight.
Evan let his head fall back against the pillow and remained silent for what felt like ages. “My brother thinks you will fear him. He ordered the chamber for your comfort.”
Peter lifted the tray from Evan’s lap and rose to set it outside the door while Sarah stood mute, processing the unexpected answer.
Settling again at Evan’s side, Peter asked, “Why would he think Sarah would be afraid of him?”
Evan held out his hand, and Sarah sat on the edge of the bed to take it. With his hands covering hers, her spoke to soothe her. “Conall has only regret for what happened upon his return.”
I knew it. I’m not the one he wanted.
“He said only that he treated you with such cruelty and dishonor that he was certain you would have no wish to ever sleep again at his side. When I asked him what happened, he dinna tell me.” Evan patted her hand and then rubbed it gently. “I heard about what was left in the bathing chamber. But dinna ever think my brother would hurt you.” His face contorted in a mask of shame and apologies. “From the moment you arrived, he spoke of naught else, and even if he did, one could see his thoughts lingered on you.”
Sarah sat and counted her breaths while her thoughts tried to reconcile what Evan said with Conall’s abandonment.
“He said that he kenned better but had no control. He said that no man should ever touch his wife the way that he touched you and even I could hear his regret at what transpired.”
Peter spoke when she couldn’t. “Conall thinks he hurt Sarah last night when they. . . while they. . . that whatever happened in the tub was forced?”
Evan scrunched up his face and wrinkled his nose. “It mayhap ‘tis nay so much forced as nay what he thought should have happened. Even out of his mind and deep in his cups, Conall would never hurt a woman, much less Sarah. But he said ‘twas nay how a man should treat his wife, much less a woman of legend who had saved the clan.” Tugging lightly on her hands, Evan asked, “What happened? He would nay speak of it. Given his need to protect you and stay out of your sight, it must have been horrid.”
Evan’s features burned with concern for her, and his green eyes made her think of a sad puppy, lost and unsure of the world. With a glance at Peter, who sat with his mouth hanging open, she let go of Evan’s hands and lifted them to cover her face. Her shoulders shook with uncontrollable laughter, tears welled in her eyes as the inner turmoil instantly altered to an understanding that she lived in an epic communication breakdown. Between the marriage conceived in an alcohol marinade, an argument with a version of Conall created by loathsome advice, and their incredible reunion that she adored, and he loathed, they were doomed unless they started talking.
“I had no wish to upset you,” Evan called to her as she rose from the bed with her face still covered.
“Upset? You think I’m upset?” Her questions hung in the air until she answered them, a wide grin on her face. “You’re damn right I’m upset. I’ve spent the day thinking that he, that Conall, didn’t want me, that he would have preferred to spend last night with someone else.” Staring at Evan with her humor evaporating, she asked, “Is there someone else?”
“Nay,” Evan immediately responded. “Never has he spoken of a lass, nay once since his return. I ken that a few of the lasses may have offered to warm his bed, but he turned them away.”
Sarah nodded and yet knew there was still the possibility of someone who he would have preferred, but she would deal with that later.
Closing her eyes, her thoughts whirled with where and how to even begin unraveling the mess.
Reason number forty-seven not to marry someone you’ve known for less than three days. But if someone came to me with this type of nightmare, I’d be able to handle it. Problem is that I counsel better than I live.
Her eyes opened with a hint of clarity sparking in her head. One of my first questions in a session would be to ask for insight into the relationship, simple facts. My facts include a hasty marriage based on superficial knowledge and tingly skin. Not outstanding. For the first two days, Conall acted like the kindest, sweetest man I’ve ever met. Then he acted like a nasty prick and remained cold and distant during our bizarre argument. Follow that with a hasty but sincere apology. I won’t even contemplate which version of sex is the truth. He’s an enormous contradiction. Which is the real one? I need to find that guy today, the true version.
With the mental questions that spurred more unknowns, a personal truth dawned. I’m done being passive in my relationships. Time to make certain this works for me. No more care taking without reciprocity.
Seating herself back on Evan’s bedside, she looked at Peter and then at Evan. “Help me figure some of this out. Tell me about Conall.”
Chapter 23
Sarah again took in the sight of the chairs before the fire. The two items that highly resembled wing chairs faced each other, rather than the fireplace. To the side sat the small end table complete with two cups and a pitcher of watered-down wine. Enough candles burned to erase intimacy within the brightly lit chamber in the dark night.
Even Bella knew Conall stood outside the door to his chamber, the one that for over a week she had thought of as theirs. The dog’s tail wagged while the door remained closed. If she could feel him, he had to sense she was inside, a place he hadn’t expected or wanted her to be.
Come on, Dr. Sarah, grow a pair and open the freaking door.
Inhaling deeply through her nose, she took six seconds to release the air from her lips. Her feet moved with resolve and she again repeated the calming yoga technique with her hand on the latch, knowing one of them had to break the stalemate.
When she opened the door, Conall stood mute as Bella greeted him and leaned her heavy weight against his thighs. But she received no pets or scratches from the man who refused to look his wife in the face.
“I’d hoped to see you earlier but am glad you made it back. Please come in, we need to talk.” As the words left her mouth, she absently wondered if we need to talk carried the same negative connotation in the past as it did in her time.
Her eyes raked over him, hungry for the mere sight of him after a day without him and she hated her visceral reaction, the want for him that had no place in the needed and overdue conversation. Powerful legs walked with wooden steps into the chamber set more for a therapy session than a marital evening. His linen shirt was rumpled by the leather strap of his sword belt than hung over one shoulder. The beginnings of a beard remained on his face and hid the skin her hands craved to cradle. But his eyes roamed everywhere but at her and she swallowed back hurt at his refusal to acknowledge her.
Closing the door, Bella slunk to lie before the fire, upset at being ignored. Sarah stood in front of him and prepared to begin with what she deemed would be the only way to resume communication. If he’s silent because he thinks he treated me poorly, I need to start there. I’ll deal with other nasty notions, such as wanting a different woman only if needed. Damn, I really hope I don’t have to go there.
“Conall, I know you didn’t want me to be here, but we need to get some facts out in the open.”
“How can you even bear to be alone with me?” his voice a ragged whisper. Sarah noted his hands clenching at his thighs and lifted hers to cup his face and lower his eyes to her. Contrition and shame burned on his face.
We’re starting with extreme regret. Seems Evan’s correct and Conall’s operating under the delusion he scared or hurt me.
“I know that you believe that you treated me badly last night, or that you may even think that you hurt
me. None of that is true. Listen to me. You did nothing wrong. I am not afraid of you.” She enunciated each word and sighed as he closed his eyes, not willing to hear.
Whoa, he’s more than regretful; he’s turned off and shut down. Maybe there are some post-traumatic stress issues. Would be possible after ten years of fighting.
“Conall.” Her grip tightened on his scruff-covered jaw and the whiskers poked her palms. “Say it back to me. You did not hurt me.”
His gaze finally found hers and it took all her control not to speak to the tormented green. His voice came out as a shallow whisper. “You say that I dinna hurt you, but. . .”
She cut him off immediately. “Repeat after me. I did not hurt you, Sarah. Say it, Conall. I’m not going to let you go until you say it.” Oh boy, this isn’t going to be easy.
His hands gripped her wrists to push her hands down, but she clung to him, refusing to budge an inch. Just as she suspected, he didn’t use force. “Say it. I did not hurt you, Sarah.”
“I dinna hurt you, Sarah. But I should have never--I was so wrong--I am so verra sorry.” His phrases blurred together in a rush, but she gave him a smile for meeting her in the middle.
“We’re going to talk about that, too. But I need you to know that I am fine. Look at me. Do I appear upset? Or angry with you? Do you see any of that?” Keeping her smile, she waited while he let a ragged sigh of relief escape as his arms flew around her and pulled her against him. Burying her face in his chest, her hands stroked his back while he shuddered against her.
“You should fear me,” Conall whispered into her hair that hid from him in a bun.
“Why?” she asked, hoping he would answer without prodding. But he remained silent. “Why should I fear you? I married you and know you are incapable of hurting me.”
“Such behavior is unforgivable. I asked for too much.” She smiled against his skin and squeezed him against her.
“Did I say any of that to you? Did you hear me complain one-bit last night? I never once tried to get away from you.” One hand lifted from his back to run along the spot on his scruffy jaw that her elbow had bruised during the brief struggle in the hall. “We both know that I can take care of myself, that you would definitely know if I wanted away from you. Do you remember my striking you? I nearly knocked you off balance.”
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