Again, he moved her currently limp body and the pelts suddenly lined her back while she attempted to focus on the shadow standing between her thighs. Conall sucked air through his teeth as he pulled her hips down to the edge of the bed to meet his unsatisfied flesh. The same hands gripped her thighs and held them tucked against his hips and she braced for his entry back into her body.
Covered in shadows, she couldn’t see his face but heard his sigh and then felt him fill her almost painfully slowly, taking time and extreme patience before she gasped at the completion.
Unable to control her reaction, her back bowed and her neck lifted to expose all of her. “Conall,” she whispered hoarsely.
“Aye, Sarah.” His low growl filled the air that smelled of sex, sweat, and logs from the fire. With a leisurely pace, his hardness filled her and then nearly left her only to repeat with unexpected twists of his hips that threatened to take her over the edge again.
Sarah reached out and gripped him where he held her thighs and lost all thought as his body controlled hers until she shook with a burning need for more. “Please,” the begging request floated around them and he repaid her with a low, dangerous chuckle.
“Aye, sweet Sarah.” It was a dark-edged promise to end her blissful agony of being so close and too far from pleasure. His hips moved with agile grace and his tempo quickened along with his harsh breathing.
In the orange-hued chamber, his hands slipped over her sweat-dampened thighs and then clung tighter, refusing to lose his hold on her. As flames again burst from her core to scorch her, she felt Conall’s shift, control becoming erratic and then his final plunge inside of her accompanied by her name given with a harsh cry. His pleasure melded with hers and for time uncounted she floated in ecstasy, completely lost and spent.
On instinct, she ran her hands over his slick back as he crumbled over her. Only wanting to touch and savor, she brushed kisses over his jaw and neck as his face nestled against her ear to let his panting breath wash over her.
Unwilling to lose the connection, she wrapped her legs around his hips and shivered with his pulse inside her. A heated hand skimmed between them and she shuddered with the feel of his finger teasing the skin surrounding her peak.
“Forgive me,” he whispered against her neck.
But Sarah only laughed, her voice rough and grating with the strain of what her vocal cords had been through. “What exactly am I forgiving? You should never apologize for multiple orgasms. I mean, seriously, I had no idea that was even possible.” Kissing the only skin on his face she could reach, she laughed again. “Remind me to send you a thank you note.”
Whimpering as his hand left her breast, Conall lifted his body on his forearms and pushed damp hair away from her face. “‘Twas nay kind.”
“‘Twas freaking amazing.” She smiled up at his confusion.
You poor damaged creature. You rock my world and still believe that you shouldn’t. I don’t know how to make you believe me.
“Aye?” His question had her laughing again.
“Aye, aye and then aye again,” Sarah attempted to reassure him. “Absolutely no complaints from me.”
“Why do you constantly forgive me?” he asked while pushing her thighs away from his hips. Pulling away from her, he fell to his back and put his arm over his eyes.
Without physically following him, her gaze settled on his profile. “That’s an interesting reaction. I tell you that you are an amazing and wonderful lover and you hide. Why?”
A noise of disgust left his mouth. “I merely allowed my flesh to explore the thoughts I have kept inside. My thoughts were too scattered with worry over rage and lust.”
Feeling her lips split in a wide grin, she lifted her hand to rest it on his stomach. Never tiring of the feel of his skin and the hard muscles that twitched under her touch. “Well, keep those thoughts coming.”
When he didn’t respond, Sarah forced her tired body to prop on an elbow, tucking her legs behind her on the bed. “Here’s what I think happened. Heed me, Conall. There will be wisdom here.” His arm fell away, but his eyes remained shuttered. “I see my husband who was so consumed with worry for me that he willingly went into an extremely dark place in his head to keep me from harm. You knew that teaching me to defend myself would do this to you, would push you too far for your own good. And yet you risked that for me. No one has ever risked so much of himself for me. I have no way to thank you or to begin to express how much that means to me.” She failed to blink away the threat of tears and one rolled down her cheek. “You put yourself in danger for me.”
With the aired thought, she hated the certainty that she took too much from him. She let him face his demons to meet her insane need to best him in combat. Unable to face him any longer, she rose to sit with her feet dangling over the dark floor, turning away from him.
I completely screwed this up. What in the hell was I thinking allowing the sex to attempt to function as an avoidance band-aid. I know better than that. Much less thinking I am in any way qualified to help him. I’m way too involved to be objective. Odds are I’ve set him further back.
His warm hand brushed over her lower back and she flinched waiting for another reason to despise her lack of judgment. The sound of his shuffling body filled the quiet, most likely to get away from her for his mental health. His legs vanished from the periphery and she waited for footsteps.
Flinching as his legs surrounded hers and his chest met her back, she waited without speaking. All her advice had accomplished was pushing him into places she had wanted to help him escape from in the first place.
Conall’s hands settled on her thighs and his chin came over her shoulder to place his cheek against hers. “‘Tis my place to protect you, even from me. I would risk all that I am to ken you are safe from harm. In truth, you should have my pledge that I will always be at your side to protect you, but I am nay able to vow to you as I should. You are my wife and mine to keep safe.”
He sighed and shifted enough to kiss her temple. “I felt your pleasure even as I warred within to rejoin you and leave concerns alone. But one concern can nay be erased. I will leave and nay be here to protect you.” She felt his hard swallow. “I would stay with you all of my days.”
Shit, I even screwed that up. Here I am convinced he’s lost because of his mental war wounds and he’s upset about leaving me. What in the hell is wrong with me?
“I can’t talk about you leaving anymore tonight,” she whispered with her arms dead at her sides even if they were tucked within his. “It kills me.”
“And yet you would worry for me and ask me to ignore your pain. I would stay with you, Sarah. The lesson was a success and you are capable in every way. Yet, I should have never had to teach it. If I were a better husband, you would nay need it. My strength would be here for you always.” Conall sighed, nestling his cheek alongside hers.
Her brow furrowed with his litany of regret and an unpleasant thought occurred. “Was that all about you feeling bad that you are leaving?” It seemed too simple and also far too intense to be that solitary.
Wrapping his arms around her, she melted into the hug given from her back. “In part,” Conall admitted.
“What’s the other part?” Sarah knew the question would lead to more conversation on him leaving soon, forcing the bliss from passion to fade.
“You will nay like it. But I will leave. I forced a harsh lesson on you that should have never been taught, all for my own sake. But ‘tis more.” Conall paused and rubbed his nose against her hair over her ear. “You forgave the lesson, but I doubt you will forgive my absence. I should remain here with you but am sworn elsewhere.”
While she hated that part, she’d married him knowing he would leave. “I won’t hate you because you leave for a while.”
“Aye, but your thoughts of me may change should I nay return. We must speak of what will happen should I die in battle.”
“No,” she blurted out. Her attempt to push away from him failed as he
held her in a tight grip. “You’ll come back.”
“My body expressed my fears while I loved you. You are mine and yet that may change. I sought to possess you, to force you to bind yourself to me if only with your body.” She shook her heard not wanting him to continue. “I ken that if I fall, there will someday be another.”
“How dare you?” Sarah twisted in his hold until he released her. Pushing herself to stand, she whipped around to face his shadowed outline still seated on the bed. “You can’t just be with me like that and then tell me there will be someone else if you die. What’s wrong with you? You don’t do that to someone. You can’t do that to me. I love you and if you die, it will kill me. So, you simply have to come back.” Realizing her arms waved frantically with her tirade, she forced them to wrap around herself in a futile attempt to comfort her anguish. The hot wash of tears fell down her cheeks in the certainty that he said goodbye.
Conall scooted forward and she feebly twisted against his arms pulling her against him. Warm breath graced the skin over her heart as her arms were gently tugged away from her to fall at her sides. Then the heat of his forehead covered her breastbone while his hands held her hips and she sobbed at the contact.
“I have made a muddle of the night. My fears have driven me to lay burdens at your feet, teach a lesson that contained such violence and then to allow those fears to take your body with thoughts of you loving another is beyond inexcusable.” Conall lifted his head and stared up at her in the dim chamber. “I have pushed too much and deserve your wrath. But tell me just once that you love me without anger. Give me that if naught else.”
The backs of her hands failed to staunch the flow of tears that fell harder at his softly spoken admission and request. Trapped in his hold, loving him compared to a brutal weight on her shoulders. His inner turmoil ran too deep for her to understand and yet the love remained. It sat big and bold along with the crushing pain his leaving would bring to her world, a world that only seemed plausible with him in it.
“Please, Sarah. Tell me you love me as I love you.” His whisper tickled her skin and she choked on a sob.
Forcing out a shaky breath and ignoring the tears, she reached for the sides of his face, the beautiful face that she wished she could see. “I do love you, Conall.”
His hands gripped tighter against her hips as he inhaled and tilted his head to kiss her palm. “As I love you and have since we met. I knew you had come for me, to make my life worth living. You are my legend come to life.”
Her heart stopped at his last sentence. “I am not a legend.” The implication hurt and burned her soul with the fear that he didn’t love her, only the story come to life.
“I hear you thinking, Sarah,” Conall whispered with his hands covering hers. “You are my legend. I hear what has been said of me since my return, how damaged I am compared to the youth who left years ago. ‘Tis all true.”
“No, sweetie,” she whispered.
“Aye, but then you came and my heart began to beat again. The darkness that shrouded my every step faded and your light covered me. My soul feels you and my skin sings when you are near. I never kenned I could love as I love you. That you love me ‘tis more than I could have dreamed. And yet, I will leave you and my soul threatens to crumble without you.”
“Stay with me,” she implored, knowing the request could never be met. “At least tell me you will stay with me.”
“We share our hearts and you would have me lie to you?” His question was punctuated with a squeeze to her hands holding his face.
“Yes, lie to me. Tell me that I came here to be with you always. Any other option is unthinkable. I only just found you, you can’t leave me.” Her head shook with the nonsense mixed with the knowledge they loved only for a short time.
Conall lifted her hands away from the heat of his skin and pushed her back enough to allow him to stand in front of her. Falling into his embrace, her bare skin pressed intimately against his and more tears fell against his shoulder.
“I would stay and love you forever if I could, but I will go if only to make the world safe for you. But ken that I fight to come back to you. That I will nay rest until I feel you as I ride home to you. I love you, Sarah.” A hand tangled in her hair as his breath whispered against her temple. “And if I fail to come back, you will remember me with love.”
Shaking her head, she refused to agree. “I will not, not ever agree to talk about you not coming back. Do you hear me?”
His arms gripped her tighter. “Fine, no talk of such foul matters.”
Her mind whirled with love and loss even with him safe in her arms. “How can you leave when there is still so much I don’t know about you? We’ve barely begun.”
“What would you ken?” His voice was soft and gentle, humoring her irrationality.
“I don’t even know what your favorite color is. How can you even talk about leaving when I have so much to learn?” She knew it meant nothing, but she knew that in his arms remained the only place she ever wished to be.
Conall chuckled and stroked her hair. “You need to ask? Your eyes bear the same hue as the dragon on my sword. When I see the beast, it has long reminded me of the sea. Yet those same waters make me wish to hold your gaze.”
Leave it to him to not just say blue.
Clinging to his back, she nodded. “Just because I know that doesn’t mean you get to leave me.”
A low rumble came from his throat. “I am here and will nay speak of leaving again. We will spend our days and nights together and love each other as if we had the whole of our lives to do so.”
Sarah nodded again at the futility of pretending, unable to speak with her heart ragged and simultaneously full.
“I will always love you,” she whispered into his neck, her voice soft but strong with the emotion.
Wrapped in his arms, she breathed him in and stayed against him until his mouth lingered over her temple to kiss a path to her lips. Letting her body take over, she returned his kiss, tasting and savoring his lips while matching his soft brushes.
“I would spend this and each night loving you,” Conall whispered just before he lifted her off her feet and set her on the furs, covering her with his body.
Chapter 28
Sarah made a quick study of the fingers and toes then beamed at the slumbering newborn who lay unwrapped in his mother’s arms. “Now cover him back up before we wake him.” Hannah took her cue and began to replace the layers of swaddling.
“Would you care to hold him?” the new mother asked with the bundle held out to his wife.
Sarah gingerly took the sleeping baby in her arms and Conall sighed at the small smile curving her lips. All other sights fell away as he stared at Sarah holding the infant.
Such should be our fate to welcome new life.
Knowing his obligation, Conall faced the proud father. “Aye, Keith, you have another fine lad. We are pleased to welcome him to the clan.” Slapping the man on the back, Conall glanced again at his wife, who ran her finger over the infant’s cheek.
“He’s so beautiful,” Sarah whispered to Hannah. “But you look tired. Maybe you should sleep while he does.”
Hannah shook her head and motioned toward the three older boys who stood still as if threatened to be only on their best behavior for the visit. “I will manage, but the rest of the lads need to eat.”
Sarah eyed the large basket they had carried to the village from the kitchen of the keep. “I would think Keith can manage serving up a meal that is already made while you lay down. Seriously, you had a baby less than one day ago. You need to be resting.”
Conall nodded and would have never quarreled with the tone his wife used. While not ordering Keith directly, she made her wishes known and clearly she expected to be obeyed. It made him think of his mother and her manner of seeing her will done without being overbearing. She is so fine.
Keith scratched his head and glanced at his wife, who silently dared him to deny the lady of the clan. “May
hap Lady Sarah speaks true. The lads and I will manage while you sleep.”
Sarah grinned widely and held the man’s gaze. “She should rest for a few days, not only a few hours. There’s enough here to last you for today. I’ve told the kitchen to send down another basket tomorrow. New babies need a mother who isn’t falling apart.”
Hannah blinked. “Nay, m’Lady. I will manage just fine.”
His wife rolled her eyes and shook her head. “We’ve already covered this part. Just Sarah, please. And you will rest. We saw Brenda on the way here and she informed us in no uncertain terms that you were not to be out of bed yet.” Her gaze narrowed on the woman dressed and standing in her kitchen of the cottage. “Let’s get you back to bed.”
“Dinna bother arguing, Hannah. My Sarah will nay be ignored. Take your rest and recover.” Conall laughed as the lads questioned his wife taking charge. Turning to the three boys, aged three, five, and seven, he pointed at them. “Let there be no mistake, even the laird heeds his wife’s commands. It makes for a peaceful home. You would do well to remember that.”
“Aye, Laird,” the older two said in unison, while the younger called for his mother.
Sarah stopped following Hannah to offer, “How about the boys go outside and play with Bella? She’s waiting at the door and would love to play with some kids.”
He heard his wife usher Hannah back to the sleeping chamber and coo and fuss over the new babe. Conall opened the front door of the cottage and Bella trotted in with her ball in her mouth. All three boys gaped in wonder at the massive beast.
“If you command drop, the ball falls to the ground to be thrown. Take her out the field and play while I talk with your Da.” The eldest took the hand of the youngest and soon boyish laughter filled the air, along with a few barks.
Keith settled at the table and motioned for Conall to join him. “We have all heard of the grand dog and the boys will likely share tales of their time with the other children.”
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