“I won't forget that - in fact, you might regret saying it!”
***
It had probably been a couple of days that it has been sat there, rather innocently, on the table in the hallway. Lee had only been home briefly in those couple of days so she hadn't noticed it, but Gina pointed it out to her that evening as they sat at the kitchen table eating spaghetti.
“Did you notice the letter for you?” she asked. Lee shook her head with a mouthful of food and once she’d finished chewing, wandered over to the table to grab whatever it was. It was a large, brown Manila envelope, A4 in size, but as soon as she saw it she had a sneaking suspicion about what it would contain. Her address was printed on the front; at the back it was carefully sealed. She didn't really want to open it but, at the same time, she couldn't just leave it there - not now she knew it existed. Slowly she peeled back the lip of the envelope and slid out the document inside.
“What is it?” asked Gina, reaching for a piece of garlic bread.
“My divorce,” said Lee with a heavy sigh. “It seems very strange to see it there in black and white on the page.”
“Wow,” said Gina. Lee couldn't help but think back to their wedding day and the excitement of family and friends; a little too much alcohol; promises made that were meant to last a lifetime. It was hard to shake the feeling that divorce was failure, even though she knew, she knew deep down that this was the right decision; that she could not remain married to a man who could have had so little respect for her, and for their marriage, for their vows. If anyone had failed it was Nathan, surely to God. He was the one who had given up on their marriage. He was the one who had looked for solace in another woman's bed - well, in their bed with many other women. But Lee remembered holding their marriage certificate in her hand when it had arrived a little while after the wedding, with their new address typed on front, and feeling like this was it. This was who she was now: Lee Jones, wife, lawyer, hopefully future mother. This piece of paper was a sign that all that had changed. Lee Davis: cafe owner, future mother. The last one was now a lot more secure and she needed this piece of paper to move on with her life - but that didn't make it easy seeing her marriage officially over.
“Are you okay?” Gina asked, after Lee had stood in silence for a little longer than was really comfortable.
“Yeah,” said Lee. “It's just weird, but I'm okay.” And she was fairly sure she meant it. It certainly didn't compare with the pain of initially finding out that her marriage was over; finding out she had been so bitterly betrayed. She hoped she would never feel that pain again in her lifetime.
Chapter 18
By the early May bank holiday, when the sun was shining more frequently and the holiday makers were visiting Totnes in more regular droves, Lee felt ready for the next big move in her life; the move to live with James.
There was a clear bump showing beneath her clothes now, and she loved it when people asked when she was due, or commented on how she was glowing. And she felt like she was glowing, as she and James took walks by the river, or sat and had dinners where they discussed the future, possible names, whether they thought they were having a boy or a girl. Like James’ brother and sister-in-law, they had decided they didn’t want to know; they were happy to be surprised when the time came.
They spent the last night in Lee’s flat with Gina, having dinner together, laughing, Gina drinking too much wine, and when they went to bed that night both Lee and Gina had tears in their eyes. Despite the fact it had only been six months, it felt like the end of an era; a transitional period that had been so necessary for her to move on in life and make a new path.
Once the bedroom door was closed and she and James were alone, he held her in his arms as they sat on the edge of the bed and she cried.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this,” he said, stroking his hand up and down her back.
Lee took a deep breath. “I don’t, James. I’m excited about our future together - the three of us. But I’m still sad to be leaving this flat, leaving Gina. I promise it’s not because I don’t want to live with you. I love you.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “I love you too, my Lee.”
Lee blinked her tears away and stood from the bed, standing between James’ legs and lifting her arms above her head. James’ eyes met Lee’s and for a moment neither blinked, neither stirred, they simply soaked in the emotion that was flooding the room.
Then James’ fingers took the hem of her t-shirt and gently, painfully slowly, peeled it up past the smooth, gentle roundness of her belly, past her black and pink lacy bra, over her shoulders and finally, with a last reach, over the tips of her fingers, where it caught for a second before he dropped it to the floor.
Lee closed her eyes as his fingers stroked down her arms, lingering on the waistband of her stretchy jeans. She felt, rather than saw, his lips press against her rounded stomach, trailing kisses from one side to the other. Next he slipped off her jeans, and grinned.
“Loving the matching underwear,” he said.
“I like to make an effort, every now and again,” she said with a smile.
“You’re always beautiful,” he said, and he rose to press his lips to her lips this time, letting his hands reach into her hair and only separating as she pulled his t-shirt over his head and added it to her clothes on the floor. “Effort or no effort.”
“You, Lee, you’re it for me,” he whispered into her ear as he kissed the delicate skin beneath her ear lobe. “You, me, this child, more children - I can see this beautiful future laid out in front of us.”
Lee couldn’t even voice how those words made her feel, and so instead she put her love and her passion into their kisses, their touches - and as they made love it wasn’t rushed, despite the passion; it was as if they had the rest of their lives in front of them to enjoy these moments.
Lee was hopeful that they would.
***
There were tears the next morning, too, as James loaded Lee’s boxes into both of their cars. Luckily much of what she brought from Bristol was still in boxes, so packing hadn’t been as big a chore as it could have been. Once the room was empty of all Lee’s belongings, and she’d checked the living room, kitchen and bathroom for anything she had missed, she stood at the door to her now bare room and remembered the day she had walked in here and decided to stay in Totnes for a month or so. That decision had led to so many changes; her life now was virtually unrecognisable from what it had been a year ago.
Lee felt an arm around her waist, and turned to see Gina. Everything had been said already, and so the two simply hugged in the doorway of the empty bedroom.
“I’m thinking of turning it into a gym,” Gina said, rubbing tears from her eyes.
“When have you ever been to the gym?” Lee asked with a teary smile.
“Well, maybe I will if it’s in the room next to me.” She laughed. “Oh, who am I kidding - it’s going to end up as extra storage, I’m sure.”
“I think that’s everything,” James said, hanging back by the front door to give them a moment of privacy.
“Okay - I’m coming,” Lee said. “Bye, flat,” she whispered to her room.
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” Gina said, sounding almost annoyed. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”
“If Tom doesn’t take all my shifts first!” She laughed. They both liked Tom, and he was the most enthusiastic maker of coffees they’d ever met. When he had found out a couple of weeks previously that Lee was pregnant, he was more than happy to take on more shifts when the time came.
“Watch him try,” Gina said.
And so Lee joined James by the door, carrying only her handbag (for James had not let her carry a single box from the flat), and he took her hand in his and as they left together, sadness mingled with excitement inside Lee at the prospect of this life they were going to build together - her, James and this little baby growing inside her.
The drive to James’ - w
ell, she supposed it was both of their home now - didn’t take long, with James in front and Lee driving her own car behind. She didn’t have anything huge, but it would have been a very tight squeeze to fit it all into one car - and pointless, since they needed both of their cars.
As she drove up the driveway, she took a moment to remind herself that this was her home now; she wasn’t just going to be a visitor anymore. There were many things that they needed to discuss, that somehow in the heat and excitement of their romance had been swept under the carpet. Finances, paying rent, bills - when Lee and Nate had bought their house, they’d bought together. When they’d rented, it had been together. Now she was moving in to a house that belonged to James, and James alone.
She knew there was no mortgage - James had told her that his gran had left it to him with the mortgage fully paid - but she certainly didn’t plan to live off his money. She had her own money - and would have more of it once the divorce money came through - her half of the house, for a start. Nate had chosen to buy her out, instead of sell the house - something Lee struggled to understand, since there was no way she could have lived in a house with all those memories once the marriage was over. But then clearly her ex-husband had never had such strong emotional attachments to things, places, people — or marriages.
James was already taking boxes into the house, and Lee realised she’d been sat, day-dreaming and reminiscing instead of helping get her things into the cottage.
The sun shone onto the red door of the cottage, and Lee couldn’t help watching James, lifting boxes and carrying them through the door, his muscles showing beneath the t-shirt’s sleeves.
As she went to lift a box from the car and follow him in, she heard a shout from the upstairs window, and when she looked up, James was stood there, looking annoyed.
“Don’t you dare!” he shouted, and although the words were muffled through the glass, she heard and understood - although she did roll her eyes whilst she smiled.
He reappeared seconds later in that red doorway, with a smile on his lips and tousled hair.
“I thought I told you,” he said. “No lifting anything. That’s my job. Speaking of which…”
Before she knew what was happening, James had an arm under hers and another behind her legs, and had swept her off her feet - quite literally!
“James Knight, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”
“Sweeping you off your feet, Lee! Carrying you across the threshold to our home together.”
Lee couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. “That’s for when you’re married, silly, not when you’re moving in together.”
“Well, then I’ll do it again when we get married - but this time, it’s because we’re moving in together.”
Lee’s heart skipped a beat. She didn’t say a word, letting him take her over that threshold, but she knew that wasn’t a phrase she was going to forget: when we get married.
***
“I’m exhausted,” Lee said, flopping onto the sofa. “And I didn’t even do much today!”
“Well, you did keep me up half the night…” James said, and Lee blushed. “I’ll make you some lunch - cheese on toast sound okay?”
“Sounds fantastic, but you did all the heavy lifting, I’ll make it.”
“I’m not growing a human being though. You sit, I’ll make food.”
“I’m not going to argue. God, it’s nice not to feel sick at the thought of random foods - I hope that’s the end of morning sickness now!”
They tucked in hungrily to their cheese on toast, having missed breakfast that morning, and between bites Lee said: “We should probably get everything unpacked, shouldn’t we…”
“Well,” James said. “We could - but we’re off tomorrow too, so we could do it then. I was thinking - if you wanted to - maybe we could go and buy some things for the nursery?”
Lee grinned. “That sounds great. And maybe - could we talk while we drive there?”
“About anything in particular?”
“Money,” Lee said. “How we’re going to work this - living together. Financially.”
“Sounds like a lawyer,” James said - but he was smiling. “But yes, we can discuss it.”
***
“James,” Lee said, half an hour later when they were both in James’ car and heading for Torquay, which James assured her would have the biggest baby stores in the vicinity. “I don’t want you to think I’m the sort of woman who is going to expect you to pay for everything, to look after me. I know I’m not earning what I did before, but my expenses are a lot lower too - and I want to do this together.”
“I don’t think you’re after anything, if that’s what you’re saying,” James said. “I want to look after you, though - when you need me to. And I hope you would want to look after me, too - when I need you to.”
Lee nodded. “Okay, I can be on board with that.”
“And when you’re pregnant, when you’ve just given birth, when you’re nursing our baby - then I feel like that’s a time when I can take care of you.”
“I guess…”
“So. What are you worried about?”
“Shall I pay you rent? I presume we’ll halve the bills? Will we split the cost of what we’re buying today, or should I buy it? There’s just so many questions…”
“You over think things.”
“Comes with the profession - well, the previous profession, I guess.”
“Okay. Well… I think that splitting the cost of every little thing will get complicated. I don’t have massive expenses - the mortgage is paid, so it’s just bills and council tax. So - this might sound crazy, and we’ve only been together what, five months? But we’re living together, and we’re having a kid together, and so in my mind - let’s just put it all together. Have our wages go into the same account, pay for everything from it, make things simple.”
“That’s a big step, James…”
“Bigger than having a child?”
“I guess not. But…” She bit her lip, not wanting to spoil the magic of their relationship with negativity - but needing to say it. “But what if something goes wrong, James? We’re not married, there’s no legal protection for either of us if this doesn’t work out.”
“Are you planning on this not working out?” James kept his eyes on the road, which perhaps made the conversation a little easier. She thought she would melt if she were looking into those eyes…
“Of course not, James - but I wasn’t planning on my marriage breaking up either. We can’t predict the future.”
“No, we can’t,” James said. “But I would never cheat on you. And if being married will make you feel safer - well, we could get married.”
“James. I love you - but I don’t want to marry you because it would make things easier financially - that’s not a reason to get married.”
James sighed. “I’m sorry. You’re right - I just don’t like to talk about us not working out. And I love you too.”
“And - I’m not ready for marriage right now.”
“But you will be, right? One day?”
“Yeah,” Lee said, without having to think. “I’m sure I will be - but not just yet, with my divorce only recently finalised. There’s too much to get my head round right now.”
It wasn’t the way she’d imagined discussing marriage with James - in a dispassionate, logical way. But, at least she felt she could be honest with him - really, truly honest.
“I would just feel better with something drawn up - some sort of agreement, should it not work out for any reason.”
“Doesn’t that seem rather… cold?” James asked, indicating left into the car park of the industrial park.
“As cold as suggesting marriage, whilst driving, to solve financial discussions?”
James sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. “Fair enough.”
He’d parked before he spoke again, and he turned, giving her the full force of that intense gaze.
“Do you a
gree it would be simpler to pay for everything from one joint pot?”
“I do,” Lee said. “I do. It’s just the lawyer in me…”
“Okay,” James said. “Okay. Get something drawn up, I’ll sign whatever you put in front of me, I promise.”
“Never a good idea,” Lee said, leaning in for a kiss. “Signing something without reading it.”
“What can I say?” James said with a shrug. “I’m blinded by love. Now, can we please table this conversation and go and spend both of our money on some baby furniture?”
The South West Series Box Set Page 31
