“I was stressed,” James said. “Don't worry about anything I said.”
“But you were right; we don't know that much about each other.” In her head she was thinking thoughts that she couldn't possibly voice out loud. Thoughts that were completely unfair on James - but thoughts she couldn't suppress. Thoughts about how Nathan would have been able to fill in that form without having to ask her any of the details; about how much she wished her mum or her sister were there; about the fact that - despite how much she loved James, and she knew that she did - sometimes you needed a history together to be able to get through things.
What if this didn't work out?
What if - and she had to fight back tears at the thought - she lost this baby? Could their relationship survive that?
She shook her head to clear herself of those thoughts. She knew she was emotional and hormonal and tired - besides, it was completely unfair to compare James to Nathan. After all, Nathan may have known her that well, but it hadn't stopped him destroying her heart.
“It's superficial,” James said, “and stuff that you learn about each other over time; we just haven't had as much time as everybody else. But I want to have time with you Lee, I really, really do. I was stressed and it seemed more important than it really is but we've got all the time in the world to learn those things about each other - starting right now.”
“What do you mean starting right now?” Lee asked, propping herself up slightly on the pillows to take a sip of the tea that James had brought her.
“I mean, you're stuck in bed for a few days, I'm here - let's talk about it. Let's learn all the things we want to learn about each other. I'll start - my middle name is John.”
“James John Knight?” Lee said, raising her eyebrows a little. “JJ.”
He smiled truly for the first time in a few hours. “Yep,” he said. “It's a family name. Can't say I'm that keen on it, but it's not the end of the world.”
“At least you're not called Shirley,” Lee said darkly. “At least a middle name is easier to hide. There's no getting away from the fact that really my full name is Shirley - even if I do my best to avoid it.”
“I guess you could change it,” James said. “If you really wanted to.”
Lee replied instantly. “No, it would upset my Mum too much. As you said, it's not the end of the world.”
And so for the next hour before Lee drifted into a fitful sleep, they talked. Birthdays, favourite colours, childhood memories... and once she went to sleep, even if she wasn't feeling totally sure about what the future would bring, she at least felt like she knew James a little better.
***
By the next day, Lee was pleased to find that the bleeding and the cramping seemed to have stopped and, although it didn't stop her panicking completely, it did make her feel better that the doctor had been right. Now she would just have to hope that by the time they had the scan in a couple of days’ time, everything would still be looking good.
It was the middle of the day and James was sat on the bed with his laptop, filling in some paperwork. He’d been allowed to take a few days off, with some being holiday and some being paperwork catch-up time that he could do from home. Each had a mug of tea and Lee had a notepad and pen that she had started furiously scribbling ideas in as soon as she woke up that morning.
“What are you doing?” James asked several times, but every time he had been told that she would tell him once she was done. Finally, after they had eaten the sandwiches that James had brought upstairs, she declared she was ready to share what she had been writing.
“At last,” James said but he was grinning.
“So,” Lee said. “I've been thinking while I've been lying here-”
“You've not been lying here that long!” James interrupted good-naturedly.
“I know, but I'm not used to lying down for long periods of time at all, unless I'm asleep. So, an idea I've been having just won't go away and while I've been lying here I thought I would think it through properly - iron out some details.”
“I'm intrigued,” said James. “As the woman who turned up to a new town and decided to buy a cafe, I wasn't sure you did planning the little details.”
“Oh shut up,” said Lee, grinning. “I've told you that was very out of character. I am far more of a long-term planning sort of girl - anyway, you're interrupting me.”
“Sorry, sorry, go on.”
“I love the cafe, I do, but to be honest Gina and Tom can easily run it without me and it's making enough profit to do that.”
“Okay,” said James. “So what are you thinking?”
“I miss -- I miss the thrill of solving a case. I miss helping people. I miss using those skills that I worked so hard to gain.”
“I can understand that,” said James, and Lee was pleased to hear it.
“So what I've done here,” she said, “Is I've worked out the costs of setting up business by myself. I know we're going to have a baby, so this isn't going to be for a little while, but if I work for myself I could work the hours I wanted to work - hours that you weren't working so we wouldn't even need childcare. And with my divorce settlement, if you're really sure you don't want me to give you anything towards the cost of this house-”
“I've told you,” said James. “I was given it. I'm not going to take money off you towards it.”
“Well then, I'll have a decent amount in savings with my half of the house and the assets - even with what I've put into the cafe, I could afford to set up by myself. And considering the free work I've done in the last few weeks, I feel like there's probably a market for it here.”
James nodded. “I think you're right, and the great thing about Totnes is they look after their own, and you're one of us now - as unique as we may be.” Lee and James laughed softly. “People in Totnes will prefer to come to someone who lives here, rather than going out of town. I think it's a great idea.”
“You do?” Lee said. She'd been half expecting him to tell her that it was silly or a waste of money, or that she was trying to turn back time.
“I do. You are a clever woman, Lee, I know that - far cleverer than I am and I don't want you to feel like you can't fulfil your dreams because we're having this baby. Or because you chose to stay here-” he smiled, “with me. I'm really pleased you decided to, but there's no reason why you can't have everything you want. I want to give you everything you want. I want you to be happy.”
Lee kissed him for those words. “I am,” she said. “I am happy James. And as long as everything goes alright with this scan then I'll be perfectly happy.”
When the doorbell rang the next day, James shouted: “I'll get it!” which Lee thought was a little unnecessary, considering she was pretty much confined to her bed - but she appreciated the gesture anyway. She'd had a bath earlier that morning, although it had only been lukewarm as she'd been nervous about doing anything that might start that bleeding again, and now she was sat up in bed in a fresh pair of pyjamas with her hair clean and feeling a lot more human.
Sipping tea and eating toast (courtesy of James, of course), she had started a new novel that she’d picked up from the charity shop a few weeks previously. It was a habit that had started when she’d first moved to Totnes and suddenly had lots of free time; even though since taking on the cafe she'd had far less of that free time, she still enjoyed sitting down with whatever books she’d found in the charity shop whenever she could. Now seemed like a good opportunity to catch up on her reading; she didn't want James to feel like he needed to sit by her side all day, every day. She thought he was probably going a little stir crazy too - neither of them was used to being at home without a hectic schedule.
Hearing footsteps on the stairs, Lee came to the end of her page and folded the corner, not wanting to be rude when James walked in - but her smile turn to a confused grin when not only James strolled into the room, but her sister too.
“Beth!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”
; “Well that's charming,” said Beth with an easy smile.
“No,” said Lee, “I didn't mean it like that. I'm really pleased to see you.” And she was. She could feel tears welling up that she blamed on hormones, but it was just so lovely to have someone who she'd grown up with, who knew her so well, here at this undoubtedly scary time.
“I thought I'd pop down and see how you're doing,” said Beth, but Lee’s eyes darted straight to James. She hadn't told her mum or her sister about the scare, about the trip to the hospital - and so if someone had invited or asked Beth to come, it had to have been him. He just smiled and Lee turned her attentions back to her sister.
“It's lovely to see you, although I'm stuck in bed I'm afraid.”
“I heard,” said Beth, confirming Lee’s suspicions. James disappeared to make drinks and Beth settled herself on the end of the bed. “How are you doing, Lee?” she asked and Lee tried to keep hold of her emotions.
“I've got a scan tomorrow,” she said. “I've just got to make it till then and then I'll know whether everything's okay.” Beth reached over and squeezed it.
“It will be,” she said. “I can feel it.”
“Thanks Beth,” said Lee, fighting back tears for real now.
“Anyway,” said Beth, changing the subject. “We’re well overdue a catch up. You're always so busy.”
“And you're never in!” said Lee and they both laughed.
“Fair enough, although I'm afraid mine is more play and less work.”
Lee laughed once more: “I wouldn't expect it other way.”
“Oi!” said Beth, pretending to be offended, but both sisters knew that they could tease one another in this way without much offence being taken. “So, did I tell you I was seeing someone?” Beth asked and Lee shook her head.
“No, is that why you've been more difficult to contact than usual?”
Beth rolled her eyes, forever the little sister. “Maybe,” she said. “We've been on quite a few dates.”
“You're not getting serious, are you?” It had been a long time since she'd known her sister date someone for more than a month.
“I don't know, possibly,” said Beth. “I’m worried that he's not my type - he’s probably more yours to be honest. He's an accountant.”
“What are you saying, that an accountant is my type and not yours?”
“Well, you know, he’s a bit...dull.”
Lee rolled her eyes that time. “Is James dull?” she asked and Beth smiled.
“Ah, you've got me there - police officer, definitely not dull, and that guy is smoking hot.”
Lee laughed, secretly a little pleased by her sister’s assessment.
“No seriously said he's just very stable. Got a 10-year plan, wants to settle down at some point in the future - he's very honest about it all. No game playing - it’s just not what I'm used to.”
“Wow, it might be good for you though, Beth,” said Lee. “I'm not being funny but you are twenty-seven - there's no danger in settling down. If it's what you want, that is.”
“I know,” Beth said with a heavy sigh. “I just don't know if it is what I want, or if it's what I think I want, or if it's because I know it's what you would want or mum would want... I don't know.”
“Are you happy?” Lee asked and Beth didn’t hurry to answer.
“I think so. I’m having fun with him - Adam, that's his name - and I'm happy to see where it goes. I'm bored stiff with my job, but what's new.”
“Maybe it's a different job you need,” said Lee. “It's amazing how much that can change your perspective on life - believe me.”
“You're not going back to law then?”
Lee finished the crust of the toast she had been eating, wondering whether to tell her sister about her plans. “Well,” she said, “I do love the cafe and I don't regret my decision at all - but I am considering going back to it, working for myself, working part-time maybe. I'm certainly never going back to the hours I was doing when I was in Bristol. I had no life outside of that place and although it can't be totally blamed, the fact that neither of us had a life outside our jobs didn't give Nathan and my marriage a very good chance.”
“I don't want to hear any blame about that breakup,” said Beth, “that is not directed squarely at Nathan Jones’s door.” Lee lifted her hands in the air.
“Okay, okay, you'll hear no argument from me, I promise. I want you to be happy though Beth - think about it, maybe a change is as good as a rest, like they say - I know it was for me.”
“Always such good sisterly advice,” said Beth, as James re-entered carrying a fresh cup of tea for Lee and coffee for himself and Beth. It was lovely to spend a few hours talking with Beth and not mentioning the baby or the possible complications again. It went a long way to letting Lee relax about the scan the following day and she expected that was James's plan all along.
When it got to nine, Lee began to worry about her sister driving home late. After they’d eaten dinner in the bedroom on trays, she was pleased to hear that Beth was staying.
“But the spare room!” said Lee, looking at James. “It's just full of baby stuff now!”
“All sorted, don't panic. I spent this morning clearing stuff out of the office and setting up the spare bed in there. It's not much, but Beth says she's happy.”
“I've slept in far worse places,” said Beth. “I’d be happy with a sofa, so don't worry, honestly.”
“It's all done, so whenever you want it, the room is there.” They chatted a while longer but after a half an hour or so Lee’s eyes were struggling to stay open. It seemed amazing how tired you could be spending three days in bed, but she felt drained and Beth made her excuses, disappearing to the little room down the corridor.
Once the door was closed, James pulled off his clothes and climbed into bed beside Lee. Lee snuggled up against him enjoying the warmth of his body in the bed that she had spent so many hours in alone. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for getting Beth to come.”
“What makes you think I have anything to do with it?” James asked, eyebrows raised.
“Because I haven't told anybody and she knew, and it seems like the sort of thing that you would have done to cheer me up,” Lee answered. James simply smiled and they held each other as they drifted off to sleep together, trying not to think about what the next day might bring.
Chapter 20
“We’ll be back soon, promise,” Lee said as they left Beth at the front door with a key, just in case she wanted to go out. Beth, who had declined coming to the scan, saying that that was a moment for James and Lee and no-one else, smiled.
“Don't worry about it, honestly. I thought I might have a quick explore while I'm here. I've always loved it round this area of Devon, ever since we came that time when we were younger - do you remember?”
Lee nodded: “Yeah. Dartmouth, wasn't it?”
“Yeah. I’ve wanted to come back ever since - I know, I know, I should have done considering you live here now and next time I'll come for a bit longer, but this was a bit impromptu. I've got to be back at work tomorrow, so I thought if you're going out I might just have a drive around, maybe see the sea.”
“Do you need directions?” James and Beth shook her head.
“It's all right, I'm rubbish at following directions anyway. I’ll use my phone, I’m sure I won’t get lost. Let me know, will you, how it goes - if I'm not back by the time you are.” Lee nodded. “Good luck sis,” Beth whispered, giving her a quick hug and then they were off and she was off and the experiences of four days previously were about to happen all over again.
It was the same doctor when they turned up for the appointment, which Lee found quite comforting. She seemed to recognise them too. “How are we doing?” she asked and James answered, letting Lee stew in her own thoughts for a few more moments.
“Hoping for the best,” said James and the doctor smiled.
“Well, I'm glad I haven't seen you here any earlier than today,” she s
aid. “I presume that means the bleeding stopped Lee?” Lee nodded.
“By that evening, I think,” she said. “Certainly by the next morning.”
“Good to hear. Any more pain?” she asked and Lee shook her head.
“No, and I've been on bed rest. James has been waiting on me hand and foot.”
“Well I like to hear that. Let's have a look what's going on, shall we?” Lee nodded. She could feel her heart rate increasing and a tight knot forming in her stomach that wasn’t pain but simply a manifestation of her nerves. Once she was lying down with her top pulled up and the jelly smeared over her bump, she turned to face the monitor and watched as the doctor searched for whatever it was she needed to see. Minutes seemed to tick by as the doctor made a few notes and the whole time James and Lee held hands and held their breath.
The South West Series Box Set Page 33
