When she got in the car at quarter to twelve, she accepted her going had been inevitable; there was no way she could turn down a chance to see him, let alone a plea to come.
The drive was quick and she barely noticed the landmarks on the way, so caught up in her own thoughts was she. She wondered if she should discuss it all with someone - certainly not her mother, but Lee, perhaps, to help her get her head straight about the way she was feeling. It seemed like there had been a constant battle going on in her head since he had told of her his possible relocation, between what she knew was right and what she really wanted. Heart versus head, she supposed; she had always previously let her heart win, but that hadn’t always worked out so fantastically.
As she parked in front of his house, she took a few minutes to steady her breath. She knew that seeing him would unravel her already scattered mind; it always did. He had a way of making her feel like she was melting away whenever he looked at her. She shook her head; imagining him before she saw him certainly would not help her to get herself together.
She was nervous, too, she realised as she knocked on the door; she hadn’t been brought home to meet many mothers, hadn’t wanted to meet them if truth be told, and yet she had wanted to meet Caspian’s. Wanted to be liked by her…
He opened the door in a blue shirt and chinos, looking every bit as delicious as he always did. She smiled; she couldn’t help it. Seeing him lifted her spirits instantly, and it was like the sun suddenly bursting from behind a cloud; she hadn’t realised how grey it had really been until suddenly the sun shone.
“Hey,” she said, handing him the bottle of wine before he even had a chance to speak. “I didn’t want to come empty handed.”
He smiled, and took it from her, leaning in to kiss her cheek. He lingered there for a moment or two and she could smell his aftershave, and a mintiness that she presumed was toothpaste. “I just wanted to see you,” he said.
“I wanted to see you too,” she said, her brain too frazzled to be anything but honest.
“Don’t keep her on the doorstep, Caspian!” A voice came from inside the house, and Caspian rolled his eyes, grinning.
“Come in, Beth,” he said, stepping aside and letting her pass him. She felt the warmth of his body through the shirt as she brushed against him, and felt a shiver go through her that had nothing to do with the autumnal weather.
“Mum, this is Beth,” he said, as they entered the living room. She was sat in the sofa, her greying hair pinned up in a bun, her eyes as warm as Beth remembered them being when they’d briefly met at Greenway, many months ago.
“Lovely to meet you, Mrs Blackwell,” Beth said, holding out her hand.
“Oh, call me Mandy, Beth - and I have to say I’m very intrigued to meet the girl my Caspian can’t stop talking about!”
Beth blushed, and she had a feeling she wasn’t the only one. “I’ll just, uh, check the meat,” Caspian said, clearing his throat. “Drink, Beth?”
“Um, I’ll have a glass of water, please,” she said, feeling more nervous than she felt the situation really warranted.
“Well I’ll have a glass of wine,” Mandy said, patting the sofa for Beth to come and join her. “Beth?”
“Oh, go on then,” she said with a flash of a smile. “But only a small one, I’ll need to drive later.” She was assuming she would not be staying over at Caspian’s; for one, his mother was there, and secondly, she had no idea how the land lay with them.
“Now, tell me about yourself,” Mandy said with a broad smile. “Caspian just hints at things but never actually gives me much information, for all he spends his time distracted by you. You’re writing a novel, I hear?”
Beth was surprised that that was the piece of information Mandy knew. She supposed it was not the first thing she would tell somebody, but she was flattered Caspian had thought it important enough to mention.
“Yes, a murder mystery,” she said, feeling a little more at ease in Mandy’s company. “But I spend most of my time working over at Greenway.”
“Ah, Greenway, I went there for the first time earlier this year - oh, that’ll be why you look familar!” she said. “I was sure I recognised you, but of course Caspian had said you weren’t a local, so I wasn’t sure how I knew your face!” Caspian reappeared at that point with three glasses of wine carefully balanced in his hands. “Caspian, would you believe Beth and I have met before? I can’t believe you didn’t realise, she was the guide that day at Greenway!”
Beth avoided Caspian’s face and willed her cheeks not to redden. They had, of course, spoken that day at Greenway - and if she remembered correctly, it was for Caspian to tell her he still had her bra from their late night swimming session…
“How strange!” Caspian said, and Beth almost laughed at his acting. “What a coincidence.”
“And you moved here recently, is that right?”
Beth took a sip of her wine as Caspian sat down on the armchair opposite. She tried not to be distracted by how well that shirt fit his chest, how he had left the top two buttons undone…
She filled Mandy in on her sudden move to Dartmouth, as well as her sister’s, and by the time lunch was served she found her nerves had eased completely - possibly helped by the glass of wine.
It had been a while since Beth had eaten a proper Sunday roast - since the one James had cooked her, she supposed - and she tucked in to the delicious feast, listening to Caspian and his mum talk for a while without joining in, except to compliment his cooking. Somehow both she and her sister had grown up without any real cooking skills to speak of, and she was always impressed at anyone who could cook a proper meal.
“Mum taught me,” Caspian said with a smile when she mentioned it. “It’s not as good as her roast, of course, but I like to have a go. We quite often go out for lunch, but I fancied cooking today.”
“He’s modest,” Mandy said. “He’s always been a good cook - helped me for years as a kid before insisting on doing it himself most nights once he was a teenager!”
Beth laughed. “I can imagine him doing that!”
“Once Caspian decides he’s doing something… well, there’s no stopping him. Look at his job! Constantly rising through the ranks, even though he’s one of the youngest in his team.” She was clearly proud of her son; Beth could tell by the look in her eyes, as well as her glowing words. She wasn’t sure if Mandy knew about the promotion yet - surely this would have been the time to mention it if she did? - but the topic just made Beth feel sad, and so she didn’t bring it up. She had almost forgotten about it all, sitting here, having lunch with Caspian and his mum.
“You must be very proud.”
“Very,” Mandy said in a loud whisper. “But don’t tell him that - he’ll get a big head!”
***
After pudding - a homemade crumble that Mandy had brought with her, which was, of course, delicious too - Mandy made her excuses.
“Shall I drive you back?” Caspian asked, glancing out of the window.
“No, it’s dry, and I fancy a walk after all that food. I’ll be fine, thanks love.” She put on a long black coat, and reached out a hand to take Beth’s. “It was lovely to meet you, dear. Don’t be a stranger, okay? Anyone who can make my Caspian smile must be a special person.”
She thought she might well up at that, so Beth didn’t answer; instead she tried to smile, and raised her hand to wave goodbye.
“I should make a move too,” she said, as Caspian opened the door for his mum.
“No, stay, I need to show you how to set that laptop up,” he insisted quickly. She was pretty sure she could set a laptop up perfectly well on her own, but she didn’t push it, and left her coat hanging on the hook where Mandy’s had been. She gave them a moment to say goodbye, hovering a little awkwardly in the living room doorway.
The door clicked closed and he turned to face her, and for a moment they stood there, eyes locked, words unspoken, in the greyish light from the doorway.
When they
finally spoke, it was at exactly the same time.
“I’m sorry if-”
“I didn’t want-”
Caspian grinned, and led her into the living room. “How about another glass of wine?”
“I won’t be able to drive…”
“Then stay.”
“Okay.” She seemed incapable of disagreeing with him and, besides, she wanted to stay.
“I didn’t like how we left things, the other day,” he said, once they were both sat on the sofa with a much larger glass of wine each.
“Me neither,” Beth said softly. She felt like she needed to guard her emotions, but felt wholly incapable of doing so.
“They only made the offer on the last day I was in New York,” he said, stroking his fingers backwards and forwards over the palm of her hand, which was resting open on one of the sofa cushions. “I was still processing it when I spoke to you. I probably should have waited… but I wanted to see you.” He smiled; “Beth, I always want to see you.”
She swallowed, knowing him leaving would hurt even more if she let herself get in deeper, but not wanting to extricate herself. The words were beautiful as they washed over her like a warm breeze.
“We need to be honest,” he said, when she didn’t reply. “I need to be honest. Beth, we may have only been on four dates, but I know there’s something between us. I want to do the whole dating thing - I want you to be my girlfriend, I want to spend lazy weekends in bed with you, I want to meet your family and support your dreams and-” he paused for breath. “I have never felt like this before. I have never wanted a relationship to work out more. I need you to know that.”
Beth felt like she was holding her breath the whole time he spoke, waiting for the ‘but’. There had to be one, right? Such a perfect, handsome, funny, clever man could not be saying all these things to her so soon - all these things that she was feeling too?
“Oh, Caspian,” she said.
“But…”
And there it was. She stopped herself saying anymore; she knew it was coming. Things were never as perfect as they seemed.
“But I have to take this job, Beth. You were right; it’s an amazing opportunity, and I’ve worked for it my whole life. I’ve got to do this.”
Beth gulped, and took a large swig of her wine. “I get that,” she said softly.
“So come with me.”
“What?” She couldn’t truly believe he had just said that; Caspian, the mystery, the man who seemed to want everything so perfectly ordered…
“You heard me. Move to Edinburgh with me.”
“You’re crazy!” Beth exclaimed, her mouth wide with shock, her wine glass frozen in mid-air as she tried to process his words.
“Crazy about you, Elizabeth Davis. I have never, ever done anything so spontaneous in my whole life. I don’t want this to end, but I have to go to Edinburgh. You can write there - it’s the city of Harry Potter! We can make a go of this. Beth, please, at least think about it?”
She felt dazed, and for a few moments said nothing.
“Just don’t say no right away,” Caspian pleaded, and then his lips were on hers and all rational thinking, all logic, all protests to his sudden declarations went out the window, and she gave herself over to Caspian’s arms, and to the fireworks…
Chapter 27
Beth barely slept that night. Even when Caspian slept next to her, she lay awake, mulling over his crazy request. How on earth could she up and move her life to another country? Hours away, no-one she knew anywhere close… She knew she seemed spontaneous, but moving an hour or so down to Dartmouth was absolutely nothing compared to this. And what about her job? And her sister?
These questions plagued her throughout the fitful night. Did he realise what he was asking? What would they do, live together? But what if she couldn’t get a job? She didn’t want to be a financial burden on him; that was a surefire way to end the relationship, she was positive. That was why you didn’t make life decisions based on only a few dates; no matter the potential, all those stresses and strains could surely destroy a good thing.
Away from the practicalities, her thoughts turned to the idea of living in Edinburgh. She’d never been; but it looked wonderfully romantic in pictures and films. But it was a city, and she’d found such peace here in Dartmouth, with a slightly slower pace of life and a job she truly enjoyed. No, it wasn’t some big career, but for now it made her happy, and let her pursue her writing hobby. Perhaps, one day, she dreamed, she could do something with her writing - but for now, this was a lot closer to reality. She loved living near her sister, seeing her niece grow up…
And then she thought about not moving to Edinburgh. Not seeing Caspian; not living that beautiful image he’d painted with his words the night before. Doing long distance and seeing each other once in a blue moon - or, even worse, ending their relationship all together. That hurt to even think of. She hadn’t admitted as much to Caspian, but she wanted to be his girlfriend. Wanted to wake up next to him, wanted to see whether this could be real, true… love. She wasn’t sure she’d ever really been in love, but if anyone was going to steal her heart, she thought it would be Caspian.
When he awoke the next morning to an early alarm, her eyes were wide open. Dark circles ringed them, and tears threatened to spill from them.
Caspian grimaced. “You’re going to say no, aren’t you.” It wasn’t even a question.
A lone tear fell from Beth’s eye, despite her attempts to stop it. “I’m sorry, Caspian.” Her voice was hoarse, and she felt a sharp pain in her ribs at even saying the words. “I can’t up and move to a city, to Edinburgh. I just can’t.”
“I thought…” He didn’t seem able to finish the sentence, and Beth swiped a hand across her eyes to wipe away the tears that were clouding her vision.
“I want to be your girlfriend. I don’t want this to end… we could do long distance? I understand that you have to take this job… please understand that I can’t just move there.”
She was sure she saw emotions fluttering behind his brown eyes, but then they were gone, and the cold, hard exterior of the Caspian she had met on the beach had replaced them.
“It wouldn’t work,” he said, not mincing his words, and each felt like a knife. “Like you said: we’ve only been on four dates. How could we survive a long distance relationship? I know married couples who haven’t coped with that kind of distance.”
“But you’ll be back to see your mum, surely,” she said. “We could try…” She hated the begging tone of her voice, but she wasn’t ready to give up on the possibility of something between them still.
Caspian shook his head.
He slipped out of bed towards the bathroom, and Beth waited until she heard the shower turn on before she began to get dressed, and let the tears fall furiously from her eyes. She needed to get out before he was out, she knew that; she couldn’t meet that cold look of his again. Her heart was already shattered enough. When she’d finally found every item belonging to her, including a shoe that had ended up hidden behind a door somehow, she tried to slip out unnoticed.
“Beth, wait-”
She heard his voice and turned, hope rearing its ugly head, even though she wasn’t sure what solution there even was to hope for.
“Don’t forget that laptop. It’s on the coffee table.”
Her heart sank.
“I don’t want it.” Her tone was more bitter than the gesture probably deserved, but she couldn’t help herself; not when he was hurting her so thoroughly.
“Please,” he said, towel wrapped around his waist, hand mussing his hair more often than she thought necessary. “I want you to have it.”
She turned on her heel, not saying a word, and at the last moment stopped to grab the laptop. She needed it, and there was no use cutting her nose off to spite her face.
In the car, with the door hastily shut and locked, she lay her head on the steering wheel and sobbed until she could cry no more tears.
***
She didn’t allow herself to feel any hope when there was a knock on her door that evening. It had been a long and tough day at work, with too many lies needing to be told about ‘allergies’ or ‘a bit of a cold’ to explain her appearance. She’d breathed a loud sigh of relief as the last tour had finished and it was time to go home. Tanya had even caught her on the way out and told her to call in sick the next day, if she still felt bad. So when she finally got home, she skipped dinner, opened a bottle of wine and spent the evening on the sofa, doing everything she could not to think of Caspian and the crappy way everything had turned out.
The South West Series Box Set Page 53
