“Maybe it would be better if you had Donald drop Glenn off at home,” she said. “We could probably use the time apart.” She put the car in gear and backed out of the driveway without waiting for his response.
Dillon was sitting on his front steps an hour later when Donald returned with the boys. Glenn and Calvin dropped down on either side of him and regaled him with tales of their drive in the police car while his brother stood, looking down at him with questioning eyes.
“Can we go get our sleeping bags out again?” Glenn asked, after the fifth telling of the half-hour trip.
Dillon had to smile at the boy’s eagerness. “You want to use the sleeping bags in the daytime?”
“It’ll be fun, Daddy,” Glenn said. “We can do it by ourselves. We don’t need a fire or anything. We’ll just put the sleeping bags out in the backyard the way we did yesterday.”
Dillon studied their eager faces, then grinned. “Go ahead. Take my bag out, too. I’ll be out there in a minute.”
“All right,” Glenn said. He turned to Calvin. “Let’s get this party started,” he said and both boys ran into the house.
“They’re sure excited about this camping out bit, aren’t they?” Donald asked.
“They’re boys,” Dillon said, distracted. “What do you expect?”
Donald dropped down on the stoop next to his brother. “Then why do you look like you just lost your dog, or maybe I should say your woman. What did you say to Monique?”
“Not enough, obviously,” he said, though in actuality he’d probably said too much. “You know, I don’t understand women.”
Donald shrugged. “Who does? What does it matter anyway since you don’t have to understand them to love them. Even I know that much.”
“You do, do you?” Dillon said with skepticism.
Donald leaned back on his elbow. “Of course. While you’ve been moaning your lost loves, I’ve been doing some self-study.”
“Self-study?” Dillon raised a questioning brow. “I’m not sure I want to hear this.”
“You see, Dillon, while you’ve been shying away from the lovely women of Elberton, I’ve spent my time compensating for your neglect. It’s kept me pretty busy, too.”
Dillon grunted. “Sounds like a tough job. I don’t see how you were able to do it.”
“Well,” Donald said with a wide grin, “I take my obligations seriously.” His grin relaxed. “But seriously, Dillon. You’re making a mistake with Monique. She’s the one and you’re gonna blow it if you don’t wake up.”
“I’m not so sure about that, brother. Maybe some love is destined to be left in the past.”
“So you’re saying that you see a future without Monique?”
The thought unsettled him. “No, I don’t. We share the boys. She’ll always be a part of my life.”
“Wake up, Dillon! What kind of life is that for you or for Monique? She needs something or someone more than the boys, even if you don’t.”
Dillon didn’t feel he needed anyone when he and Monique were together. All he needed was her. Why couldn’t she let them progress as they were? Maybe in time—
“You know,” Donald continued. “Monique’s an attractive woman. Just watch the line form at her door as soon as she makes it known that she’s available.”
Dillon didn’t like the thought of Monique with other men. He didn’t like it one bit. But what could he do about it?
Donald got up and brushed off the seat of his pants. “I’ve got to get this car back,” he said. “But do me a favor, brother. Think long and hard about why you’re throwing away Monique’s love. You may not get another chance with her.”
Chapter Nineteen
Monique stood back and watched as Dillon and the boys decorated her and Glenn’s Christmas tree. Dressed in his thigh-hugging jeans, a red-and-white pullover that accentuated his broad chest and a matching red-and-white elf hat, Dillon looked like a perfectly contented family man. How she wished she were a part of that family! Being with Dillon and the boys like this was wonderful and at the same time torturous. Every time she looked at Dillon, she thought about how happy they could have been together and how miserable she’d been without him.
The weeks since their breakup had been almost unbearable. Her love for Calvin and Glenn and the knowledge that they needed her had given her the strength to endure her loss. And it was a loss. If only Dillon were willing to give them a chance at real happiness.
But Dillon wanted the relationship on his terms and she wasn’t willing to live with those terms. How could she be with a man who didn’t want to love her and who didn’t trust her? She couldn’t. She’d spent too many years of her life fighting the spoken words that told her she wasn’t good enough, wasn’t wanted. She wouldn’t spend the rest of her life in a relationship where love wasn’t freely given and freely enjoyed. No, she wanted to love, and she wanted to be loved. She wouldn’t—couldn’t—settle for less.
In spite of her resolve, looking at Dillon now made her wonder about the wisdom of her decision. Silly elf hat and all, he was the man she would love for the rest of her life. She knew already there was no need to talk about getting over him. She wouldn’t. Fate had doomed her to loving a man who didn’t want to love her. That kind of love wasn’t the kind you got over.
“Hey, Mom, look at this.” Glenn sat on Dillon’s shoulders, pointing at the star that he’d placed atop the tree. “Isn’t it great?”
She smiled at the joy on her son’s face. His joy and Calvin’s would give her the strength to withstand the pain of losing Dillon. “It’s wonderful. You guys did a great job.”
“Look at this, Moni.” Calvin pointed to a peppermint candy cane with a red ribbon bow about its neck. “I made it myself.”
She walked over and hugged the adorable Calvin to her side. “That’s beautiful, sweetie. We’ll have to keep that one until next year.”
Calvin beamed at her words. “Did you see it, Daddy?”
Dillon lowered Glenn to the floor and Monique had to force her eyes not to stare at him. “Sure did, sport.” The soft timbre of his voice tickled her senses. She imagined it always would. “I hope you made some special ornaments for the tree at home.”
“I made four of them,” he said, holding up four fingers.
“Do you have a star for your tree?” Glenn asked.
Calvin looked at his father. “Do we have a star, Daddy?”
“Hmm, we had one.” Dillon stroked his chin in an exaggerated fashion as if he were trying to remember. “But I can’t remember if I packed it up.”
Glenn beamed. “If you don’t have one, I’ll make you one. I made that one, didn’t I, Mom?”
Monique rubbed her son’s head as her heart filled with joy. Glenn now had a father, and he was thriving in his father’s love. “You sure did.”
“Well,” Dillon said, looking at Calvin, “what do you think about us forgetting that old star and using the one Glenn made.”
Calvin nodded. “We can use my candy canes and Glenn’s star.” He looked at Monique. “Did you make something, Moni?”
Monique shook her head. “Not me. I think you and Glenn are the talented ones in this family.”
“Not so fast there, Monique,” Dillon interrupted. “Maybe you don’t have talent, but I do.” He reached for his jacket, which was lying across the sofa, and tugged out a rectangular box wrapped in green foil. “I’ve been waiting for just the right moment to hang my handmade ornament.” He gave Monique a timid smile that made her heart do a somersault. “Look at this, boys.”
Glenn took the ornament and held it so he and Calvin could see. “Wow, Daddy,” he said. “It has our names on it and everything. This is so cool. An ornament with our names on it.”
Monique looked over Glenn’s shoulder and sure enough each side of the rectangle had one of their names. She looked up at Dillon. “When did you do this?”
He shrugged, looking so much like the young boy she’d first fallen in love with that she had to
fight back tears. She was going to have to deal with these “almost” family get-togethers much better. Tomorrow night she and Glenn were going to Dillon and Calvin’s house to decorate their tree, and then the four of them were spending the next night, Christmas Eve, at Dillon’s parents’ house. She couldn’t spend each night bemoaning their failed love. Somehow she would have to cope, if only for the boys’ sake.
“I made it when I went on that school trip to Nashville right before Thanksgiving,” Dillon said in answer to her question. “I had some time on my hands so I made good use of it.”
Dillon was definitely the sweetest man she knew. And while he told himself that he didn’t love her, she knew he felt deeply for her and that love would come if only he would allow it. Just looking at that ornament with their four names on it told her she was right. Dillon already thought of them as a family. Why couldn’t he open his heart and allow himself to love her?
“Let me hold it,” Calvin said to Glenn. “I want to see my name.”
Monique watched as big brother handed the ornament to little brother. “Mom,” Glenn said, “now you have to make something. Maybe you could bake some cookies.”
Monique heard Dillon’s choked laughter and she shot him a stern glance. “You obviously haven’t had that talk with them about men’s and women’s roles, have you?”
“It’s on my list of things to do,” he said, his shoulders shaking with restrained laughter.
“Well, put it at the top of your list.” She could almost forget they were no longer involved when he was laughing and teasing as he was now. Why, she asked herself again, couldn’t he allow himself to love her?
“I’ll help you, Moni,” Calvin said, interrupting her thoughts. “We learned to make a lot of different ornaments at school.”
Monique stooped down next to the little boy and gave him a warm hug. “Thank you so much, sweetheart,” she said. “But you guys gave special ornaments that you made yourself, and I want to do the same.”
“Mom.” Glenn rested his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. “I’m hungry. When are we going to eat?”
Again, she heard Dillon’s titter of laughter. She glanced briefly at him, then turned her attention back to Glenn. “Ask your father,” she said. “He’s in charge of dinner tonight.”
Monique felt quite proud of herself when Dillon’s smile faltered just a tad. “Gotcha!” she mouthed.
Dillon watched Monique pull Calvin into a warm embrace, as she often did. It was hard for him to believe that a few months ago he’d questioned the sincerity of her emotions toward the boy. Well, he had no doubts now. Now, he envied the relationship his son shared with Monique.
It seemed forever since Monique had touched him, really touched him. And he missed it. He missed sneaking sweet kisses from her, sharing secret glances with her and spending quiet time with her cuddled on his lap. He missed Monique.
He moved closer to the seven-foot tree that Calvin and Glenn had picked out, a tree almost identical in size and shape to the one they’d decorated last night. The subtle scent of Monique’s fragrance enticed him, and he moved closer to her. As if feeling his presence, she turned and smiled at him. The wattage in her smile gave no indication of the state of their relationship. No, her smile said she was happy and content. That everything in her life was just dandy.
Well, everything in his life wasn’t dandy and it was all her fault. Why couldn’t she give him the time he needed? He didn’t say that he would never love her. He’d just said that he needed time.
“Daddy,” Calvin said, stopping his thoughts. “It’s time to put the star on now.”
“All right, sport. I guess it is time.”
“Here it is.” Glenn handed him a star identical to the one Glenn had placed atop the tree at Monique’s house last night.
“You’re good at this star-making, Glenn.” Dillon brushed his hand across his son’s head, happy for the freedom to touch him and to love him. His relationship with his son had blossomed and enriched his life greatly since the mishap with the postponed camping trip. He and Glenn were now father and son in all the ways that mattered. “This one looks like you pulled it right out of the sky.”
Glenn kicked his sneaker against the living-room carpet. “It’s not that good,” he said.
“Oh, yes it is.” He tilted the boy’s chin up. “I know these things. I’m your father.”
The boy grinned then. “Aw, Daddy.”
“Come on,” Dillon said. “Let’s get this star on the tree.”
“Calvin’s gonna do this one, aren’t you, Calvin?” Glenn said.
The younger boy’s eyes widened and he reached his hands up to his father. Dillon stooped down so that Calvin could climb on his back. Then he stood up and shifted the boy to a comfortable and safe seat on his shoulders. “Ready, sport?” he asked.
“Ready,” Calvin said. “Give me the star.”
Dillon took the star from Glenn and handed it to Calvin. He glanced at Monique and was surprised to find her teary-eyed. “What’s wrong?” he mouthed.
She just shook her head and waved away his attention. Then he understood. Her tears were a mother thing. The smallest thing the boys did moved her to tears. He’d thought since first seeing her with Glenn that she was a wonderful mother. And she had done nothing to make him change his mind. If anything, her actions since then had shown her to be even more wonderful than he’d first thought. And he wasn’t the only one who felt this way. Obviously, Calvin and Glenn did, too. So did his parents and Donald. Yes, it was pretty much agreed that Monique wasn’t lacking in the parenting department.
“Cut the lights, Mom,” Glenn said after Calvin had secured the star in place. “Let’s see how the tree looks in the dark.”
While. Monique stepped back to flip the light switch, Dillon lowered Calvin to the floor and reached for the plug for the Christmas lights.
“Ready?” Monique asked.
“Ready,” Dillon answered. A second after the lights went out, he plugged the Christmas lights’ cord into the socket.
“Wow,” Glenn said.
“Yay,” Calvin added. “Look at our tree, Moni.”
Dillon turned in Monique’s direction and beckoned her to join him and the boys at the tree. She moved gracefully toward them and stood behind Calvin, her hands on his shoulders.
“It’s beautiful, boys.”
Glenn, who stood in front of Dillon, said, “All we need now are presents.”
“Yeah, when is Santa Claus coming?”
“Tomorrow night, sport,” Dillon said. “You know that.”
“Why does he have to take so long to come?” Calvin complained. “We’ve been waiting all year.”
Dillon turned and queried Monique with a smile.
“Don’t look to me for help. I know how he feels. I can hardly wait for Santa to come myself,” she said.
Dillon chuckled. “And what is Santa bringing you?” he asked.
“I don’t know what Santa’s bringing, but I think two good little boys have been shopping for me.” The boys looked up at her and she looked down at them. “I sure wish I knew what they bought me.”
“It’s a secret,” Calvin said.
“Yeah, Mom, you know we can’t tell you.” Glenn turned to Calvin and said in a loud whisper, “Mom is like this every year. She always wants to know what her gift is, but we never tell her.”
Dillon looked again at Monique and felt a sharp pang of regret at the Christmases he’d not shared with her. He remembered her being childlike about the holiday. She’d always been excited about the smallest gifts, seeming to take pleasure in the unwrapping as much as in the gift itself.
“Hey, Mom,” Glenn said. “Where’s your ornament? I thought you were making one.”
“I am,” Monique said. “It’s just taking a little longer than I expected. I’ll have it tomorrow night at your grandparents’.”
“Who’s cooking tonight?” Glenn asked. “I’m hungry.”
“Tel
l me something new,” Dillon said. “You’re always hungry these days.”
Glenn grinned. “I’m a growing boy. I have to eat to grow big and strong, don’t I, Mom?”
Monique hugged her son to her. “You sure do, Glenn.” She looked at Calvin. “I’m hungry, too. How about you?”
Calvin nodded. “Pizza, I want pizza!”
“Yeah, pizza,” Glenn agreed.
Monique shot Dillon a quick glance. “You got off easy tonight. You don’t have to cook.”
He chucked her under her chin, grateful for an excuse to touch her. “I’ve got to have that talk with the boys before you turn me into a full-time chef.”
“Maybe you should try learning to cook something other than lasagna,” she suggested saucily.
He stared into her eyes and saw the depth of love in them. He wondered if some of that love belonged to him still, or if she’d redirected all of it to the boys. “Maybe I need a woman to cook for me,” he quipped, then left the room to call the pizza delivery service. He picked up the phone thinking that maybe he did need a woman to cook for him.
Mrs. Bell pulled Monique into a firm hug. “Thank you, Monique. It’s a wonderful gift.” She pulled away and looked back at her husband who held the clay Christmas-bell mobile, with the Bell family names on each bell, that Monique had given the family as a gift. “You’ve got to hang it up, Daddy. Where are we going to put it?”
“We should put it on the tree, Grandma,” Glenn said. “It’s a Christmas-tree ornament.”
Mrs. Bell patted her hand on her grandson’s cheek. “This one is a bit too big for the tree, sweet boy. Your grandpa will have to find a special place to hang it.”
Glenn turned to his mother. “But you were making an ornament for the tree, weren’t you, Mom?”
Monique brushed her hand across his head. “It started that way, but your grandmother’s right, it’s a bit too big for the tree.”
Second Chance Dad Page 19
