S
hame. guilt and shame.
Upon waking a couple of hours earlier, Elizabeth found herself immediately affected by her decision to remain silent about her secret rendezvous with Mark Johnson. But she didn’t really understand why.
Maybe it was because of the recent, brutal honesty—the whole opening-up-about-her-life thing—that she had unexpectedly laid out before Jenna in Pittston. Or maybe it was because she was heading to church, where the Lawtons’ God expected her to be a better person. Irrespective of the reason or attempted justification, she felt shame because of the deception.
It was time to leave. Elizabeth departed the house with Jamie and Jenna on their way to pick up Zach at his home. Reaching the car, which was parked along the curb in front of the house, she realized that Jenna was to be the driver. Then she noticed how quickly Jamie walked around to the opposite side of Jenna’s car and got into the back seat.
Elizabeth was forced to make a quick decision—ride up front with Jenna or ride in the back with Jamie. There was no doubt as to what Jamie wanted. But what was Jenna thinking about who should sit where?
She hesitated and stood motionless beside the car, with easy access to both the front and rear doors.
Shoot. Impulsively, she took hold of the rear door handle and pulled.
To Jamie’s credit, as she took her place next to him, he wasn’t sitting there looking at her with a stupid grin. Instead, he looked down at his phone, probably doing his best not to look at her … with a stupid grin.
As she closed the door, Jenna started the car, and without comment or a glance back at her, pulled away from the curb.
A mental image struck Elizabeth, and she nearly burst out laughing as she thought about how Jenna must be feeling at that moment, knowing that in just a matter of minutes, another boy, older than Jamie by only a few months, would soon take a seat next to her.
Oh, Jenna, she wanted to say, this has the potential to become the year’s number one comedy.
After they pulled into Zach’s driveway, Elizabeth noticed Jenna look into the rearview mirror. She was looking back at Jamie.
“Well, are you getting out?”
“Why?”
“Duh. To get Zach.”
“Just honk,” he said, as if the suggestion should have been obvious.
“I am not honking in his driveway.”
Jamie glared at her as he reached for the door handle. He’d barely gotten the door open when Elizabeth heard the sound of another door close. It was Zach leaving his house for the car.
Elizabeth studied his face as he approached. While Jamie had done his best to maintain a stoic facial expression, Zach was beaming. And his smile widened as he saw where he was to sit.
Opening the door, he said, “Hello, ladies! Hey, Jamie.”
Jenna refused to look over at him. She stared out the windshield.
Elizabeth and Jamie both said “Hello,” and Jenna said, “Okay, buckle up.”
The comment sounded so … adult. Elizabeth suspected that she was laying down the groundwork attitude for their Sunday “date.” She was going to be the grown-up in this foursome.
Elizabeth quietly giggled.
Zach closed the door and complied.
Jenna backed out and they were quickly off to church.
AS THE FOURSOME walked into the church, Zach had absolutely no idea what to expect. As far back as he could remember, he’d never entered one before.
Well, that wasn’t exactly true. He’d been in two: one that had been converted into a bookstore and another that had been repurposed as a museum due to its status as a historical landmark. This church, though, didn’t look like anything he’d imagined.
First, viewing it from the outside, its appearance wasn’t that of a traditional church; no steeple, no giant cross. Second, when he walked inside, it wasn’t at all the dark, foreboding structure he’d seen in so many photographs.
Instead, the building in which he stood was bright and modern. The wide open foyer smelled of coffee and was made bright by the natural light that penetrated its large glass windows and doors. That there was an actual café in the building really caught him off guard.
A couple of days before, when he’d questioned Jamie about what his church would be like, his best friend had responded with, “Probably not like most churches you’ve visited.” When he’d responded back with, “Dude, I’ve never been in a real church,” Jamie had just grinned and said, “Well, I guess this’ll be pretty unusual, then.”
Just like Jamie. A real big help.
Zach was nervous, and he didn’t really know why. He wasn’t really bothered by large gatherings of people that he didn’t know. He liked going to new places. He even looked forward to seeing what church would be like. But from the moment they had pulled into the parking lot, he’d gotten … not exactly apprehensive, but … unsure. Unsure if he wanted to be confronted with the whole God question. It was one thing to be curious, but another altogether to have to face the idea that God might be both real and expecting something from him.
Twenty minutes ago, I wasn’t concerned about him being real at all. Why do I care now?
Zach’s thoughts were redirected when he saw Jamie’s mom and dad standing near the café and waving to catch their attention. The group of four walked over.
Elizabeth approached Tara. “How was Kyla?”
“Very chatty.” There was a slight pause, then, “Loud chatty.”
Elizabeth smiled. “So, she’s in a good mood then. Any problem at the nursery?”
“Not at all. Sarah was there to greet her with extended arms. Kyla squealed with excitement.”
Elizabeth giggled. “Those two are fun to watch together.”
“Amy was all about making sure that Sarah was going to take good care of her. She said, ‘Miss Sarah, you take good care of her! She’s special!’”
Elizabeth’s eyes went wide as her grin broadened. “Really? She said that?”
“Like a protective big sister.”
Zach could see tears of happiness filling Elizabeth’s eyes.
“Good morning, Zach,” said Brent, approaching with an extended hand.
Zach took it. “Good morning, Chief,” he said with a widening smile.
Brent presented him with a faux grimace and rolled his eyes. “Mr. Lawton works just fine.”
Tara extended a hand as well. “Good to see you.”
“Thank you, Chief’s wife.”
Tara laughed. Loud enough to draw the attention of several people around them.
Brent shook his head good-naturedly.
“Yep,” said Tara. “Good play. You can definitely call me that.” She laughed again.
“So, are you nervous?” she asked.
Zach stood silently for a moment, pondering a response, not really wanting to reveal the truth in front of Jenna.
Tara quickly bailed him out. “My first time going to church, I wanted to throw up. Quite literally.”
“Oh,” he responded, feeling a bit less insecure. “Well … umm … I guess I feel just fine in comparison.”
Tara smiled. “Good.” She looked the four of them over. “So, are you wanting to sit with us?”
Now Brent bailed them all out. “Nah. I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Go find a spot on the right side. We’ll sit on the left. Maximum space.”
They laughed and nodded.
Jamie said, “Great suggestion. We would’ve never thought of that on our own.”
Now Jenna rolled her eyes.
“I guess we’d all better get inside,” said Brent. “Seats are filling up and service starts in…” He looked at his watch. “…about ten minutes.”
And with that, the six of them headed into the sanctuary.
ZACH HAD REALLY hoped that church was going to be more than just music and singing. At present, though, it seemed like singing was all there was. It wasn’t that he
hated it, but music wasn’t really his thing. And since he’d never heard even one of the songs before, he couldn’t even pretend it was. So, he just stood there and read the lyrics that were projected onto two screens at the front of the sanctuary.
He stole yet another glance at Jenna. She was standing to his immediate right. Her arms were in the air, palms facing the stage. She swayed slightly, back and forth to the rhythm of the music.
What is that all about? He noticed that she seemed both sad and happy at the same time. Whatever was going on, it was obviously a deeply emotional experience for her. He looked to his left. In contrast to Jenna, Jamie stood unmoving, hands in his pockets, eyes closed and mouthing the words.
He’s got this song memorized.
Then there was Elizabeth. She was on the other side of Jamie, just standing there, apparently completely unmoved by what was going on around them.
He looked around the large auditorium. There were at least a thousand people in the room. Many of them had hands in the air, like Jenna. Most of them were singing.
Zach didn’t think the experience exactly qualified as “weird,” but the experience was so far beyond his ability to relate that he couldn’t think of a better word for it. Words like unusual and freaky were either too weak or too strong.
Unrelatable. Yeah, that’d work. The whole experience, so far, was completely unrelatable to anything he’d experienced before.
Movement at the corner of his eye. Zach glanced over and noticed that Elizabeth had turned to look at Jamie, then at him. He raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips. She must have understood, because she mouthed the words, “I know, right?” then turned back toward the front.
Zach smiled. Well, at least he wasn’t alone.
One good thing, though, was that the experience wasn’t boring. It was certainly a little weird, mostly unrelatable, and definitely fascinating.
So, this is church, huh? All right then. One thing was certain: he couldn’t grasp—at least not yet anyway—why church was so important to Jamie.
The end of what turned out to be the final song had come. The music faded out and the crowd clapped enthusiastically. Zach clapped too. And why not? The band had been pretty good.
The lead singer of the group grabbed the microphone from the stand in front of him.
“Good morning, Restoration Church!”
Most of the crowd clapped in response.
“Anyone excited to be in the house of God today?”
Shouts of “Yes!” “Yeah!” and “Amen!” were accompanied by even louder, more passionate clapping.
Okay.
“Before everyone takes a seat, turn to someone you may not know, and welcome him or her to church!”
He felt a hand touch his shoulder from behind. He turned and saw a couple smiling at him. They looked to be in their twenties. Boyfriend and girlfriend?
“How’s it going?” the guy asked.
“Good,” Zach replied.
Zach took the offered hand, then that of the girl.
“I’m Gavin. This is Angeline.”
“Zach.”
“Good to meet you.”
“Yeah, you too.”
The guy on the stage took to the microphone again. “Everyone, have a seat.”
Zach turned around and sat. Jenna turned, looked at him, and smiled.
He smiled back. Man, she’s beautiful.
His attention was again redirected to the stage.
“Today we’re going to be wrapping up a four-week series on the Holy Spirit. Anyone out there appreciating the messages so far?”
More shouts in the affirmative.
This is a loud church! Always thought they were quiet, like … funeral homes or libraries.
“Pastor Jonathan and Jenni aren’t here this morning. They are being blessed with a much-deserved break from us.” There were chuckles throughout the auditorium. “But he’s arranged an incredible teacher to come in and speak to us today. It’s his first time preaching here, but he’s no stranger to this church. Back when he and I were kids, we used to terrorize the halls of our former church building. Now he’s an associate pastor at Green Lake Chapel in Marietta, Georgia. Some of you will certainly recognize his name, but there’s no way you’ll recognize him. The dude has grown up! Please, give a loud, Restoration Church welcome to my old friend, Pastor Justin Linn!”
Lots more clapping; even a shout or two. Those guys must have known him as a kid. Zach offered his share of courtesy applause, as well.
The young man walked onto the stage. He looked like he might be in his late twenties or early thirties. He had short dark hair, was wearing a pair of rather “loud” red sneakers, a dark gray T-shirt—with something written on it that Zach couldn’t clearly make out yet—and … wait … skinny jeans?
Zach laughed. Well, at least he makes them work. Never thought I’d see those in here, though.
“Thank you for that excellent welcome, Restoration Church! It is great to be back home! I’ve been gone for close to twenty years, but it’s great to be back in Indians and Browns country again. Go Tribe!”
It was obvious that the congregation enjoyed hearing that he was loyal Cleveland fan.
“This is a great building! Wow! How many of you were in the old one?”
Lots of people clapped, with many others raising hands.
“Well, good job on this place.”
The pastor went on to introduce his wife and three children who were sitting at the front of the church, then went on to tell a couple of fun stories about himself, his sister, and his parents and their experiences in the church “back in the day.”
Zach found himself laughing. He was warming up to the guy.
“Okay. So … the Holy Spirit. By now, you know that he’s a he and not an it. You also know that he is the fulfillment of Jesus’ promise to send a comforter, a friend, and a counselor. Now we’re going to learn about who he is in the life of a believer. Who, exactly, is this friend who lives inside each of us Christians?”
Chapter 38
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astor Justin continued. “I’m going to kick the subject off with something that wasn’t part of my prepared talk. It’s something that just entered my mind before coming up here, so I’m just going to wing it in the belief that it’s something that God wants me to talk about before I … umm … get into all the stuff I practiced saying in front of my mirror at home.”
Zach and a whole lot of others laughed at that.
“While prepping to talk to you about the Holy Spirit, I had come across an online list of fifty things that he does in the lives of believers. It was interesting to look through. But also interesting is that in my own life, there is something that he does for me that doesn’t appear on that list. And that’s his ability to clearly speak to me the word no.”
The pastor stepped from behind the podium and approached the edge of the platform. “That word, the one word that I hate most in the world when applied to my own wants and my own temptations, is something that I’ve come to greatly treasure from the Holy Spirit.
“You see, he loves me. He loves you too … so I’m told.” Some light chuckles scattered through the congregation. “I mean, think about it. Isn’t it great that a parent will grab a child’s hand before he touches a hot stove and say, ‘Don’t do that, you’ll get burned’? Well, that seems to be one of the things that the Holy Spirit does for me. And trust me, I’ve reached for a lot of hot stoves in my life.
“Guess what. Sometimes I’ve ignored that no. There have been times I’ve put my hand on that stove, and it actually felt cool to the touch … at least at first. It seemed like the Holy Spirit was trying to deny me something, and it didn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense. Only later did I find out that I did get burned, but unlike an instant sensation of pain, the injury occurred gradually, like a sunburn.
“Here’s an example. I was at home on a Saturday afterno
on, all by myself, watching the Buckeyes on TV.” The pastor paused and raised his right hand, putting his index finger in the air, indicating that he wanted his listeners to “hold on a second.” He kept it up as he walked along the right side of the platform to stand in front of his wife and kids. Still keeping it up, he crouched down and said, “Baby, I hated it. Hated every moment of being alone to enjoy that game. Just want you to know.”
The congregation started to laugh, but his wife belted out a loud enough “Oh, suuure!” that it was heard by everyone in the auditorium. Laughter grew louder.
Zach looked over at Jenna who was laughing, then he turned to see that even Elizabeth was enjoying the moment.
So, this is church! It’s getting better!
MAYBE IT WAS the fact that it was a new voice speaking from the podium or that the speaker was a lot closer to her age, but whatever it was, Elizabeth suddenly realized that she was actually paying attention to what the guy was saying. She wasn’t sure she exactly believed any of it, but it was certainly interesting. About forty minutes had elapsed since the young pastor had begun to speak and she hadn’t yet gotten bored out of her skull. In fact, at times, she found him to be flat out hilarious!
Elizabeth noticed as Jamie turned his head to glance at her. She wasn’t comfortable admitting to herself, let alone Jamie or Jenna, that she was enjoying church for the first time. And when Jamie faced the front again, she was struck by the realization that she was having fun hanging out in this odd pairing of pairs. In fact, she had even begun to wonder what else the day would hold for them.
So why couldn’t she just lean toward Jamie and admit all of that? Maybe it was that her anti-God shell needed to stay visibly intact. Or maybe she was afraid to let him know that she was finding herself unbothered by his interest in her.
It’s both, she finally admitted to herself.
When Jamie eventually turned to say something to Zach, she stole a glance of her own. It looked like all the others were enjoying the service whether she let on that she was or not.
“…see where I’m going with this?”
That Dark Place Page 21
