"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I let you down, and I hurt you. It's taken me a while to work out how badly I fucked up, but I do get it now."
"Kai..." Ilsa turned at last. She inhaled shallowly as her voice tapered away to nothing.
"I took you for granted. I made assumptions. I said awful things..." Kai's mouth turned down at the corners, and the hazel of his eyes darkened with regret. "I'll understand if you still want me gone. Say the word and I'll be on the next flight out." He paused, looking distinctly unhappy. "I already booked a seat, just in case."
The knot of feeling in Ilsa's throat loosened at his final admission, and a lighter sensation started twisting its way free. Pre-booking travel arrangements, before he'd even come to see her, was so perfectly, typically Kai that she almost smiled despite herself. He would never take the chance of someone calling his bluff if he couldn't deliver, so he had covered all possibilities before reaching her front door.
It was without any conscious intention to answer that Ilsa heard herself say, "I don't want you to leave."
A heartbeat passed before Kai seemed to process the quiet assertion, and then a grin spread across his face. It was a wide open expression, a relief so honest that looking at it made Ilsa's chest ache. She felt one corner of her own mouth twitch upwards with relief all her own.
"I miss working with you," Kai admitted. "I want you back if you'll have me."
Ilsa sobered, wariness winning out over incautious relief. She caught the flicker of doubt in Kai's face at the change, but she couldn't afford to blindly reassure him. She needed to know exactly what she would be getting herself into if she said yes.
"Are you still in love with me?" she asked, and held her breath as she waited for him to answer.
"A little." Kai offered a sheepish smile and a helpless shrug. There was embarrassed apology in the slouch of his shoulders. "But that's my problem. I'll get over it."
"I can't do this again, Kai. My feelings aren't going to change, and I can't spend the next five years wondering if I'm leading you on."
"Hey," Kai said softly. He took a step towards her, looming close without touching. "Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I'm not a complete idiot. I don't make the same mistake twice."
"And you're really okay with this?" Ilsa asked. "With going back to the way things were? You want to work together even knowing I'm never going to feel that way about you?" She willed him to say yes. She wanted him back so fiercely it hurt, but she couldn't accept a reunion on any other terms. She couldn't promise him more than she'd already given, and she sure as hell couldn't do this if they didn't understand one another perfectly.
"You're my partner," Kai said simply. "That's all I've got any right to ask for."
They were at a crossroads, Ilsa realized. Two paths stood before her, entirely opposed, and only one of them included Kai. There was no halfway and no middle ground. She had to let him back in completely or let him go forever. Compromise would only tear them apart.
Trust was dangerous. It was an opening in vital defenses, a gaping vulnerability. It was the potential for fresh agony if he let her down, and Ilsa couldn't pretend the possibility didn't terrify her.
But trust was also a deliberate gamble, and Ilsa recognized the stakes. Kai wasn't a man to make empty promises. He was watching her now with fierce understanding. Ilsa was surprised at how easily she believed Kai would stand by his words.
"Okay," she said at last. "I'm in."
Kai's face split into a grin as wide and warm as the sunshine streaming into Ilsa's apartment, and this time she found herself grinning back. Her chest ached with a bright, sharp hope, and she threw her arms around Kai's shoulders. She had to stretch onto her toes to reach, and Kai laughed, wrapped his arms about her waist in return and lifted her easily off the floor.
Ilsa buried her face in Kai's coat and smiled into the soft leather.
When Kai set her down he was still smiling, even as he retreated far enough to let her breathe. "I could buy a second ticket," Kai offered, mischief in his eyes. "We could get off this rock today."
"I have a job to finish first." Ilsa arched a pointed eyebrow. "I can't just shove off in the middle of a contract. Aside from the ding my professional reputation would take, they still haven't paid me for my services."
"Right," Kai conceded reasonably. "Then I guess I'd better get my pack out of that storage locker and find a place to stay."
Ilsa didn't hesitate. "You can stay here. There's a second bedroom down the hall."
Kai blinked at her in surprise. "Are you sure?"
She nodded. "Positive. Go get your things."
Ilsa watched him disappear through the door. She felt giddy and lightheaded, content in a way that told her she'd made the right choice. There was an easing in her spine, a loosening of the tight regret she'd been carrying with her since Praxica VI.
"Welcome home," she said to the empty room, and grinned so wide her face hurt.
Fin
About the Author
Yolande Kleinn may be a shameless dreamer and a stubborn optimist, but she is also a proud purveyor of erotic romance. Excitable, fastidious and a little eclectic, she spends every spare moment writing the stories she wants to read. These range from the historical to the modern to the downright fantastic, always with plenty of heat along the way.
A Minnesotan by both heart and geography, Yolande has a lot of experience weathering tough winters. The best methods involve hot beverages, warm blankets and a book to devour late into the night. When the story in her head is more distracting than the story on the page, an empty notebook will do just as well.
You can find Yolande online via her website: http://www.yolandekleinn.com
Open Skies Page 13
