by Grivante
“Yeah, and more,” Nurse Janet said. “Welcome to the new world order.” She looked around at the chaos. “What happens now?”
“We put the rest of these poor souls out of their misery and then find out where this started. Our job’s not done until we find the source and make sure it’s contained,” Jonah answered.
They found Tommy’s body in the carnage.
“This is who you said was sick first?”
“Yes,” Janet answered, looking at the boy’s green flesh and sighing. “He came into the office shortly after school started.”
“Probably means this started at or near his home,” Jonah said. “We’ll need to get his address and go investigate.”
“He lived outside of town on a farm, I think. I’ll go pull his records and get an address for you.” Janet walked away, then turned back. “Who cleans this up?”
“The principal will need to file a claim with the U.C.A.”
“The principal’s dead,” Nurse Janet said. “You killed him earlier.”
“Oh, that’s right” Jonah said. “Well, we only do the exterminating. When the police get here, they’ll call a clean-up service. Speaking of, I’d have thought your alarm system would’ve called them when the lockdown initiated?”
Janet shook her head. “There wasn’t enough money in the budget for that module. Principal Hotchkins said someone in the office would have to call them if there was ever a need.” She shrugged and wandered off toward the office.
Jonah turned to Judas. “I’m gonna go see if JJ’s cooled off yet and if she wants to follow us to this farmhouse or...” he threw his hands up and made an ‘I have no idea what to expect’ face.
“Thanks, bro,” Judas said and looked over to where he spied Nantucket talking to a boy at the end of the hall. He walked in their direction.
“What happened out here?” the boy asked her.
“We made a bomb to kill the zombies,” Nantucket answered.
“You made that bomb?” the boy asked.
“Yeah, me and Mr. Judas. He’s one of the Zombie Exterminators.”
“That’s so cool!” The boy turned to Judas as he walked up. “Hi, my name’s Nick. That’s so awesome that you made that bomb. Thanks for saving us.”
Judas raised his eyebrows and looked over at Nantucket. “Nick?”
“Yeah, that’s me. I was in the bathroom with your brother.” Nick stuck out his hand.
Nat’s nostrils flared.
“Mr. Judas, would it be possible to get your autograph?” the boy asked.
Judas studied the boy a moment, then reached out and took his hand, holding it tight in his own. “Listen Nick. I think there’s something you should know.” He squeezed tighter.
Nick pulled back but found he couldn't move. Judas gripped his arm tight.
“I didn’t make that bomb. She did.” He nodded at Nantucket. “She’s the one that saved your ass. All of our asses. Do you know why she knew how to make a bomb?”
“No...” Nick looked at Nantucket who bit her lip.
“I don’t either,” Judas said. “But while we were making it she told me the story of a kid who was bullying her. A really mean boy. Now, one could say she might have gotten upset and put her smarts into figuring out how to get back at that kid. She might’ve been planning something not very nice herself.” He shrugged. “Maybe not. But, it sure would be for the best if she wasn’t being picked on around here and had more time to focus her attentions on getting an education and maybe not so much on how to make bombs, wouldn’t you say?”
Nick, whose eyes were already as wide as could be, stared straight at Judas. “Uh-huh.”
“Good. That’s what I was thinking too. So I’ll tell you what.” He let get of the boy’s hand, reached behind him and pulled out his wallet. He removed two of the brothers’ business cards, flipped them over and then looked up.
Nantucket held a pen out in the air before her.
Judas smiled. “Thank you! That’s exactly what I needed.”
“So,” Judas turned back to Nick. “Let’s make a deal. I’ll give you my autograph and you’ll keep an eye on Ms. Nantucket, the Zombie Slaying Savior of Savini Charter School and make sure no-one’s picking on her.” Judas scribbled on the card's back and handed it to Nick. He did the same on the other and gave it and the pen back to Nantucket. “You both have my number now, so if there’s any problems and you need help, you can call me. How’s that sound?”
“Uhhh...” Nick muttered.
Nat beamed.
“S-sure, thing. Mr. Judas.” He stared at the card and inched back. “Um, can I go now?”
“It was nice meeting you, Nick,” Judas said and nodded.
Nick turned and took off down the hall.
Tears ran down Nantucket’s face as she smiled up at Judas. He dropped to one knee in front of her. “Hey,” he said smiling back.
She laughed, put her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Thank you for being my hero, Mr. Judas.”
Outside, JJ had been found by the group of children Jonah had helped out of the bathroom window. They sat in a circle, with Xanadu in the middle, wagging his tail and turning to each of them as they giggled his name and reached out to pet him.
“You were right Mr. Jonah,” the little dark haired girl, Emily said. “This dog is awesome.”
He smiled. “Xanadu is something else, that’s for sure, and so's his mistress.” He turned his attention to JJ. “How are you doing?”
She looked up at him; hair covered her right eye, but her left eye was wide and her face wore a tight grimace. “I’m fine.”
Jonah picked up JJ’s pack of cigarettes off the planter and took one out. He lit it, took a deep drag and smiled.
“Mr. Jonah,” one kid said, “You can’t do that here.”
“Yeah,” JJ said, lifting a half smoked, extinguished cigarette from the grass beside her.
“Kids,” Jonah looked over his shoulder at the giant hole in the side of the school, “sometimes adults break the rules.” He reached out his hand to JJ. “C’mon honey. Let’s walk a moment.”
She took his hand, but as he helped her up, she said, “Don’t honey me,” and as they turned away from the kids, she growled, “and no sweet tits either.”
They walked a few yards away, and JJ pulled out a fresh cigarette which Jonah lit for her.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
She scrunched up her face, bit her lip and shook her head. “I got jealous. That...” She made a series of funny faces. “He was just gonna let that big-breasted bimbo on his lap and let her eat him.”
“She was his childhood crush, JJ.”
“And now she’s a dead zombie.”
“I know, I know. Judas wasn’t quite himself. He was on some sort of stimulant they give the kids, and he quit using chewing tobacco.”
“He what? Why?”
Jonah looked her in the eyes and raised his eyebrows. “He wants to be a better man. He wants you to like him.”
She looked at the cigarette in her own hand and flicked it to the ground. “Dammit. I don’t want him to change. I like him,” she stopped and took Jonah’s three-fingered hand in hers, “I like you both... just the way you are.”
He smiled at her. “We’re gonna head out to a farmhouse where we think this started. Want to come along?”
She smiled back and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I do. Oh, and by the way, I’ve got a package for you in my car.”
“A package?”
“Yeah, me and Judas got you a little something.”
Jonah squinted at her as his brow furrowed. “You’ve got me curious.”
“Ah, sugar, if you haven’t realized by now, I’m full of surprises.”
Part XVI - Of Boys, Men & Dogs
JJ popped open the trunk of her Charger and reached behind the leather satchel, grabbing the small wrapped package.
Jonah, who was peering over her shoulder, caught sight of the riding crop and panties sticking out
of the bag and said, “Interesting overnight accessories you have there.”
She grinned up at him as she closed the trunk and handed him the package, not saying a word.
He looked at the box, turned it around and weighed it in his hand. “What is it?”
“Something Judas and I got you. Where is he, anyway?”
“He’s back talking to a couple of the kids still.”
“Well, go ahead and open it, he already knows what it is.”
Jonah pulled the wrapping paper away, revealing a small white box with a picture of a phone on it.
“It’s a smartphone!” JJ beamed.
Jonah opened his mouth, preparing to protest but thought better of it. “I’m not sure I’m gonna have a clue what to do with this.”
“Oh, don’t worry, they’re easy to figure out. If you’re having Judas drive, you’ll have it mastered by the time we get there. How’s he doing by the way?”
Jonah continued staring at the box, uncertain what to do with it. “Better. There’s a lot less for him to concentrate on without Sasha’s stick shift. I’m going to have him take his driver’s test again before we have to return the rental.”
“How many times has he taken it?”
“Five.”
“Oh!” Her eyes widened.
“Yeah.”
“How does someone fail it that many times?”
“Well, the first time wasn’t so much his fault. It was a hot summer day and they drove with the windows open. Judas was just supposed to pull into a spot and park, it wasn’t even parallel parking. A bee flew in and he was wearing shorts, the bee went up his leg. He freaked, slammed on the gas as he swatted at it. Sasha charged ahead, hit forty plus miles an hour, went off a small embankment and ended up in a fountain at the city park. Judas jumped out of the truck, pulled his shorts down and was screaming, ‘Do you see it? Do you see it?’ Kids were playing near the fountain. Nobody got hurt, but the proctor hadn’t seen the bee, he thought Judas was nuts and a terrible driver.”
“On no,” JJ held her hands to her mouth.
“Yeah. When he went for his retest, it was the same proctor. He wouldn’t even get in the truck with Judas. After that, Judas was a complete mess every time he went back. The next time, with a new proctor, he was so nervous, doing everything he could to drive safe, he pulled up behind what he believed was a line of traffic and stopped. They sat queued there for five minutes before the proctor pointed out to him that it was one thing to be a polite driver but another thing entirely to get in line behind parked cars and not realize they were empty.”
JJ guffawed, bursting out from behind her hands. “Oh no, I shouldn’t be laughing. Poor Judas.”
Heavy metal music thumped as the red Prius drove along the road leading out of town. Judas bounced his head to the beat, a big grin on his face. “I sure enjoy being able to pick the music.”
Jonah puffed on his pipe and stared blankly at the screen on his new phone. “Huh?” he turned at the sound of his brother's voice.
Judas reached over and lowered the volume. “I said, I enjoy being able to pick the music.”
Jonah nodded and smiled at his brother. “Driving comes with its rewards.” His gaze returned to the icon-filled screen before him.
Judas looked in the rearview mirror, saw JJ following in her Charger and asked, “What’d she say, Jonah? Is she mad at me?”
Jonah blew a long stream of smoke out the window, then tapped his pipe against the side of the car, emptying the charred bowl. “She’s upset, but not with you. She’s upset with herself because she felt insecure. She likes you and was jealous of your old feelings toward Bobbie.”
“She likes me?” he beamed and sat up straighter, smiling into the mirror and hoping she could see it.
Jonah nodded. “Yep, she does.”
They drove in silence a moment, then Jonah clicked the phone off and spoke again. “Look Judas, I’ve been thinking... seeing Bobbie, I remember how upset you were when I took her out on that date in high school. I shouldn’t have done that and I’m sorry.”
Judas swallowed and cleared his throat. “Thank you Jonah, and I uh...” he reached up and rubbed the couple days’ worth of growth on his chin. “I’m sorry about rolling that stink bomb under the—”
“No you’re not,” Jonah barked and, after a pause, he spoke softer, “and you shouldn’t be.”
Judas glanced over and nodded, clicking the wipers on as rain fell in a pitter-patter against the window.
“So look, like I was saying,” Jonah continued, “I’ve been thinking and I’m uh, I’m gonna get outta the way.”
Judas’s head snapped in his brother’s direction, eyebrows raised. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not gonna pursue JJ, I’m gonna stay away from her and let you two...” he shrugged and reloaded his pipe with tobacco.
Judas shook his head, eyes scrunched, staring ahead. “You what? How do you think she’s gonna feel about that? She likes you too, you know?”
“Yeah, I know but,” Jonah shook his own head, “We don’t understand women very well, so I’ll just be distant and such and mention another woman or something when she’s around. Let her know I’m not interested.”
Judas’s eyes shot wide open and he accidentally tapped the brakes, causing the Prius to lurch. “No, Jonah, don’t do that! You saw how she reacted to Bobbie.”
Jonah let out a laugh. “Yeah, I don’t know then. I’ll just keep my distance and let you two be.”
Judas nodded. “Thank you, Jonah. I'm not sure what to say. She’s a helluva woman.”
Jonah shrugged again. “Me either. Except we shouldn’t ever mention anything regarding Dr. N. to her either. I don’t believe she’d be thrilled to learn of our relationship with her.”
Judas laughed. “Oh no! Definitely, not.” He reached down and cranked up the music.
In the Charger behind them, JJ stroked Xanadu’s head, twisting the hair on his neck between her fingers with one hand and flicking her cigarette out the window with the other. She steered with her knee.
“I don’t know what to think of those two! They drive me mad. One moment I think they’re brave, sweet and adorable, but the next they’re a couple of dim-witted oafs!”
She had twisted his hair tight around her fingers, tugging the skin. Xanadu looked up and let out a bark. “Ruff.”
“Sorry boy,” she said, letting go of his hair and patting his head. “What do you think, are they good guys?”
“Ruff!”
“Hmm.” She lit another cigarette and drove. “What about Jonah? He’s rough, bossy and can be a bit arrogant, but he’s big and handsome.”
“Ruff!”
“Ok, and Judas? He’s cute, funny and has a big heart. It’s like they’re opposite sides of the same coin.”
“Ruff!”
“Ruff?” JJ said. “That’s all you’ve got?” She shook her head. “I’m trying to decide if one or both of them will break my heart, and all you’ve got is ruff? Whose side are you on?”
Xanadu slunk lower in the passenger seat and whimpered.
They were driving through a wooded area with the pavement ending and the road becoming a puddle and pothole-filled obstacle course. Getting close to the farm. “I just need some kinda sign. One? Both? Neither?”
The brothers’ Prius drove around a bend, disappearing from her sight for a moment. She stepped on the gas to catch up with them but had to slam on her brakes suddenly as a pair of stags, with large sets of antlers, bounded from the woods and across the road before her.
The car screeched to a halt in a cloud of dust, and Xanadu found himself flung to the floor. He let out a soft yelp.
“Oh no!” JJ unbuckled herself and dove across the center console to scoop him up. “Are you okay, boy? Anything broken? I’m so sorry! I’m so distracted by myself...” She looked up at the road; the pair of deer were gone and the road before her was empty.
“Dammit.” A lone tear ran down her cheek, but she
smiled as Xanadu snuggled into her lap and licked it from her face. “Is that your way of telling me you’re the only one for me?”
He didn’t answer, only curled up in her lap and closed his eyes.
She took a deep breath, looked at the dirt road ahead and said, “Better get moving. I don’t know which of them I need, but I know they both need me.”
She punched it and tore off after them, racing to catch up. By the time she did, they were parked before the farmhouse, standing in front of the Prius, with half a dozen men facing them, shotguns and rifles aimed at their lovable, infuriating faces.
Part XVII - Farmhouse Fresh
As the brothers pulled up to the farmhouse, they were glad to find a group of six living men. That was, until those men turned around and leveled their guns toward the car.
Jonah muttered under his breath. “Stay here, keep your gun handy.”
“It’s in the back, Jonah!”
Jonah already had his door open. He shook his head; at least he had Brutus.
A short, heavyset man in a black and red, checkered flannel shirt and suspenders stepped forward. He looked sixtyish and like he’d been farming his entire life. “Tell your lover there to get out too, hands up.”
“Look—” Jonah started.
The man turned the barrel of his shotgun at Jonah. “Now.”
Jonah put his hands up, turned to Judas and nodded for him to get out.
Judas got out, put his hands in the air and walked to stand by his brother.
“Now,” the older man said, “who the fuck are you?”
“I’m Jonah, this is my brother Judas. We’re Zom—”
“I don’t care who you hybrid driving homos are, I want to know why you’re here!”
“Well then, why’d you ask—,” Judas started.
Jonah used the elbow of his raised arm to smack Judas on the side of the head. “Sir, we’re Zombie Exterminators and we’re here because—”
“Bullshit. Everyone knows they aren’t real. It’s just another part of our incorporated government’s way of keeping the people scared. Keep them buying and keep them from asking questions.”
