“We wore protection,” Amber Rae said, “but I started itching yesterday and now my skin is all red and blotchy.”
“It’s just a horrible yeast infection. Don’t fret, Nurse Montgomery will take care of you,” Khloe said to the woman as she took a look at just another vajayjay in a long week. She didn’t know how her mother did this for a living her entire career. This was only number six in five days. I am the only medical professional in these parts in two years. Sighing deeply, she prepared herself mentally for the challenges to come not only as the wife of Beauregard Montgomery, but as also, quite possibly, the only Black woman for 100 miles.
“Don’t fret, Nurse Montgomery got you, everything will be just fine,” she said to herself, and for the first time in her life, she believed it.
Chapter Fifteen – Dinner and Show and a visit from Honey
The smile was permanently frozen on Khloe’s face after she took a look at one Ennis Shaken. Never in her life had she seen such an odd-looking human who seriously looked as if Dr. Moreau on his island of oddities said, “Fuck it, I give up on this one.”
Ennis’ ears protruded from the side of his head as if they were housed in the thick bushy mutton chop beard that hung around his neck as if the hairs were confused on which direction to grow. A full bottom lip covered a row of oversized teeth, far larger than the top set, which neatly sat behind the bottom row when he closed his mouth. In her estimation, it was an underbite from hell.
“Khloe, this is my good friend, Ennis Shaken. He’s an herbalist and makes a great number of natural remedies for everything for the common cold to arthritis rubs,” Jethro said with pride. “Khloe is a Nurse Practitioner. I think you two will have loads to talk about.”
“Pleeassuure to meet you KKKKhlooe,” he said, elongating all the words in a thick Southern drawl.
The stupid smile would not move, even when she spoke, “Ennis, how nice to meet you,” she said, looking at Beau.
Beau stared at her and the uncharacteristic smile that she had stuck in oh shit mode. He nudged her with his elbow. The smile still stayed.
“What’s with the smile?” Beau asked as they followed Jethro into the large home.
“I can’t make it stop,” she said through clenched teeth. “I’m trying to close my mouth, but I think it’s frozen in place.”
“Try harder, you look like a crazy woman,” Beau said.
“I’m trying but he’s scaring me,” she said.
“Told you he was ugly,” Beau countered.
“He’s not ugly, just...oh my God,” she said, looking at the man from the back, “he has a huge ass.”
“That ain’t all, just wait until he sits down,” Beau said, frowning.
Jethro dragged them all into the great room, where four large chairs faced the center of the room. Ennis took a seat in the chair furthest from the group. His six-four frame loaded with misplaced bulk plunked down in the chair. He offered everyone in the room a bird’s eye view of his man spread and Khloe nearly gasped. Averting her eyes from the giant imprint of the largest penis she’d ever seen in her life, the smile almost turned into a sorrowful cry at the thought of any woman wrestling with Ennis.
“Stop staring at his cock, Khloe,” Beau whispered.
“It’s like a pre-schooler’s leg trapped inside of those pants,” she said, looking at him with the smile trembling on lips unable to close. The soup bowl haircut with the bald spot in the middle of the crown of his head didn’t help.
“I gggrilled some chicken and corn on the cob for dinner to accompany a leafy green salad from our garden,” Ennis said to them.
“Good, I’m hungry,” Beau said, turning to Jethro. “Hey, Ennis while I’m here, you wanted to give me a couple of snips of that parsley and that muscle relaxing herbal recipe to put in my smoothies.”
“Let me get that from my room,” Ennis said, getting to his feet and heading towards the kitchen.
Beau’s eyes were wide as he watched the man enter the kitchen and go down a hall where he assumed the laundry room was located. His stare went to Khloe who still sat, immobile, grinning like she’d just let go of a sour one. Turning his attention back to Jethro, he cleared his throat.
“Uhhhm, I didn’t know there was a master suite downstairs,” Beau said.
“Oh yeah, I live up and he stays down here,” Jethro said. “It works out better. He can’t climb the stairs. Bad knees with his condition, you know.”
Beau squinted at Khloe and she read his expression of relief knowing that Ennis wasn’t having butt sex with his cousin. After seeing what Ennis was working with, she fully understood Beau’s outrage and need to drink a whole bottle of wine in a few gulps. She couldn’t imagine trying to get that monster penis into her vagina let alone up her rectum. The vision of her husband imagining Jethro on the couch being pounded in the butt by Ennis and his Cricket bat made her snort. Then she started to laugh.
“Khloe, you are acting strange,” Jethro said.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, laughing harder. “At first I couldn’t smile, you know, because life for me kind of sucked, but now, I can’t seem to stop laughing.”
She let out a loud guffaw, snorting again, then looked at Beau who had squinted his eyes at her, only making her laugh harder.
“Well, good for you,” Jethro said, as he watched her slide down in the chair, holding her side. The laughter getting louder, morphing from chuckles, to guffaws and finally more snorts as she tried to catch her breath.
Beau was not amused. “I’m so mad at you right now,” he said to her. “To make me think...the two of them...just dammit, Woman.”
His words only made her laugh harder. Ennis returned to the room, not really walking, but lumbering Quasi Modo style, and Khloe completely lost it.
“Dammit Khloe, you will either have to let us in on the joke or I will have to ask you to leave,” Jethro said as Ennis stood still, his bottom teeth jutting out, the lazy eye almost being heard making staccato movements as it tried to communicate with his good one, making the man look like a confused baboon. She thought about Beau saying he looked like a baboon and right now, he did. Khloe tried to catch her breath, but the more she tried, the more she laughed. In between her howls, she asked for the bathroom, terrified she was about to wet herself. However, Jethro, now insulted. asked one more time, this time more firmly.
“Khloe, you will tell us what is so damned funny or you and Beau will have to leave our home,” Jethro said, standing protectively in front of his pal. Ennis held the withered parsley in his huge hand along with a jar of green mushed herbs. The look of hurt on his face appearing indistinguishable from the oddity that masqueraded as a facial expression.
“Beau thought you and Ennis were lovers,” she said, howling louder. “It’s my fault. I was messing with him, and oh God, I have to pee.”
Jethro was staring at Beau as well as Ennis.
“What? I never knew there was a downstairs bedroom, so I thought,” he said. “Never mind. Can we eat?”
“I don’t know which of the two of you are worse, that damned wife of yours or you,” Jethro said, his hand perched on his hip. “To think! You thought I was gay! And sleeping with Ennis!”
Ennis looked at him with large, sad, puppy dog eyes, “I don’t like men. A woman would do me just fine, but I am rather large, so finding one who wants to play is difficult.”
“Man, I understand far better than you know,” Beau said, getting to his feet. “I hope this has caused no harm.”
Ennis took it in a lumbered stride. Jethro wasn’t as easily appeased. He held his tongue all through dinner and changed his mind on the movie, offering the excuse he had to be up early in the morning. Khloe, whose smile had changed from one of fear to sheer happiness, gave him a huge hug.
“Thank you for a wonderful evening and helping me find a reason to smile again,” she told Jethro, placing a feathery kiss on his cheek. “You are an amazing dude. I truly like you. I hope we can be friends.”
�
�How can that happen Ms. Khloe when you told Beau you thought I was gay?”
She pulled him to the side. “No, I didn’t tell him you were gay, I only implied that if he only saw one bed, that there was the possibility you two were sharing it. Honestly, it was in your defense because he was getting all Neanderthal about you coming around and wanting to be my friend. I figured, if he didn’t see you as a threat, that we could become good friends.”
Jethro frowned at her. “That was your strategy?”
“It was stupid, but it worked,” she said. “He was highly upset that Ennis could be hurting you. Now I see why, which is what made me laugh so hard at the visual which had gotten stuck in his head. Beau loves you and became all protective.”
“He did?” Jethro asked wide eyed like a child being told Santa got his letter.
“Yes Jethro, he did,” she told him. “Even if you were gay, Beau didn’t care; he was only concerned about you being hurt.”
“I’m not going to thank you for any of that,” he said.
“Again, my apologies,” she said. “Thank you for dinner, it was lovely. I look forward to returning the favor and having you two over to our place, if you find it in your heart to forgive me.”
Khloe didn’t wait for an answer, but joined her husband in the truck. He asked if everything was okay, and she nodded it was, but Beau was quiet. The kind of quiet which made her stare out the window into the dark of night. As black as the evening had turned, she could barely see past the beam of the headlights.
“That was fucked up,” Beau said. “You laughing like a mad woman, grinning like someone had slipped you a hit of crazy juice. What the hell, Khloe?”
“Beau, in my defense, all I kept seeing was you imagining Jethro on the couch being pummeled by that pre-schooler leg. It all made sense and it was just funny to me. I’m so sorry,” she said. “I also apologized to Jethro.”
“The good news was that you were smiling,” he said. “Ennis thought you were laughing at him.”
“I laughed because it felt good to not take life so seriously for once,” she said to her husband. “I can be happy here.”
“Tell me that tomorrow after cutting up and preserving the rest of those vegetables for next weekend’s Autumn Equinox Festival,” he said to her.
“I can do it,” she said.
“I just bet you can,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the dark roads as he drove them home.
BEAU WOKE SLOWLY, RELISHING in the feel of his woman in bed next to the mass of his body. A hungry body urged him to wake her up so he could take his time making love to her until her nails dug into his flesh. The sense of selfishness overcame him as large arms wrapped around her thin frame, pulling her close, inhaling the coconut oils in her hair and on her skin. Everyone had spent time with her it seemed except for him. She was the talk of the town and people called him every day, sharing interesting facts and tidbits about his wife that he didn’t even know. Yet, pride filled him as he got to know his wife through the words of others.
The second thing that made him feel protectively selfish was all the people who’d gone to the office to see her for medical reasons. Even his brother. The comment about her touching Lil Bo’s junk didn’t set well with him, let alone the thought of her touching every Tom’s dick that was hairy made the tattoos on his arm feel as if they were coming alive on his skin. His dick was the only one he wanted her to touch for the rest of her life, but it was a stupid idea. Khloe was a medical professional. It was her job to provide medical care for his family, friends, and neighbors. Even the ones he didn’t like or their dicks.
“I’m awake,” she whispered, pushing her warm butt cheeks against the base of his belly.
“Me too,” he said.
“Care to do anything about it?” she asked.
“I care to do a lot of things this morning, Woman,” he said, lifting the tail of her night gown. Thick fingers ran across her hips, tugging at the waistband of her panties until they were below her knees. Using his toes, he hooked the digits into the fabric, pushing them down her ankles while he gently shifted her legs open so his fingers could explore.
Slick and ready, he took aim, giving a slight sigh of pleasure as he pressed himself into the snug fit. Khloe moaned in delight as she pressed her hips backwards into him. Her leg lifted, giving him access to go deeper. Seeing no need to disappoint the lady, he gave her what she needed, himself included as he brought them both to lusty finish. He held her close, still inside of the walls, not wanting to leave.
“You make such sweet love,” she told him.
“Because you are a sweet woman who deserves nothing less,” he said.
“Beau, I’m really starting to like you,” she whispered.
“I’m liking you a helluva lot too,” he said, rubbing his hand down her slim thigh. “More and more each second, woman.”
They lay in bed for the next thirty minutes, chatting about the day and what needed to be accomplished, as well as pulling the last harvest. In the evenings, they had been canning, and much of the garden was empty. He smiled at the idea of her boasting that if she says she could do a thing, she could do a thing.
She should have included wrapping a big burly man around her pinky finger. That thing, the woman had done easily not only to him, but others. He considered himself a lucky man until he heard a tap at the glass outer door.
“Cover up,” he said, as he got to his feet.
Grateful for the curtains she’d hung for their privacy, he pulled back the edge to peer out and see his parents. “What in the hell?” he mumbled as he pointed to the other door. His mother happily moved across the deck to enter through the main room. Beau, in his boxers, his face laced with concern gawked at them. “Everything okay?”
“We heard there was some flooding up at the dam and thought we’d come help with the last of the harvest, take whatever you have ready up to the house, and such,” Albus said.
“I brought biscuits and my special sausage,” Honey said. “Is Khloe up yet?”
“I’m up,” she said, exiting the bedroom door in a loose tee shirt and pair of jeans. “Good morning. I heard biscuits and now I’m awake. Let me put on some coffee.”
“That would be lovely,” Honey said, passing her the metal container wrapped in a cloth. The pan looked older than her. It reminded Khloe of the old tin pans pan handlers used to sift the river banks for gold. Turns out, it was just that, Honey informed her going into a bit of Montgomery family history and the gold strikes in Tennessee and semi-precious gemstones that people still mined in the area. Laughter filled the air as the family enjoyed a nice breakfast with Beau replayed last night’s fiasco with Ennis, which Honey found hilarious. Albus had the same reaction Beau had.
“That man looks like a lab experiment gone bad,” Albus said. “I don’t scare easily, but I wouldn’t want to meet him on a dark road.”
“I heard he has a huge tally whacker the size of my arm,” she said. “I even heard Mary Sue, that little trollop, tried to have sexual relations with him, but he couldn’t make that thing stand up. Probably because if it filled with blood, he’d pass out.”
“Jesus Ma! I just ate,” Beau said.
“I’m just letting her know, Beau. I mean, she needed to be warned in case he came in for an exam to take care of that rash I hear just about everybody in these parts got. I think it was Mary Sue that gave it to all those men, who passed it on to their men, who passed it on to their girlfriends,” Honey said.
“What rash?” Beau and Albus asked at the same time.
“It one that covers the cooch and the pooch,” Honey said with her eyes wide. “Just about every other person in town has it. Khloe has treated them all. I hear one of them Wilson gals had it around her mouth. Those people give mountain folk a bad name. Laying around diddling with each other to pass the time.”
“Speaking of time, I’ve had enough of this conversation, and I’m going out to work on the garden,” Beau said.
“I’m coming
with you,” Albus chimed, getting to his feet. “After we finish, Ms. Khloe, will you look after my hand?”
“Yes sir,” she said, pouring a bit more coffee for Honey and herself.
“We’ll be down in a minute,” Honey said. “I need to speak with Khloe in private.”
The first thing that came to Khloe’s mind was if her mother-in-law had the same rash, she would pack her bags and leave all of them on the damned mountain to diddle with each other alone. Honey’s embarrassment of needing to be seen resonated all over her matronly form. The well-worn cotton dress, threadbare in some spots from frequent washing, did little to hid the blush that went from the top of her hairline all the way down her arms.
“It’s easier if you just tell me, and I can take a look and come up with a treatment plan,” Khloe offered.
“Well, taking a look is kind of, well, embarrassing,” Honey said to Khloe.
“Trust me, Mrs. Montgomery, I did two tours in Afghanistan, one in Iraq, and one more in Bosnia. When I tell you, I have seen it all, I have, in fact, seen it all,” she said. “Let’s go into the bedroom where I can close the curtain to give us a bit of privacy.”
Reluctantly, Honey got to her feet and walked into the bedroom. She stopped to view a few of the paintings, commenting on how the place felt warmer with the rugs. “I can tell a woman lives here now,” she said as Khloe closed the bedroom door.
Taking her nursing bag from the closet, she located a pair of gloves, preparing herself to treat the spread of a yeast infection gone horribly awry. The dress lifted lightly and Honey removed the old underwear which too was threadbare. Khloe tried to avert her eyes as her mother-in-law undressed and laid across the foot of the bed on her belly. Her pink bottom growing red from having to be so personal with her daughter in law.
“Mrs. Montgomery, please give me an indication of what I am looking for or need to treat,” Khloe said softly.
“It’s a risen, in between my butt cheeks,” she said staring at the bedroom door. “I tried to get a head on it with a piece of fatback, but that only made it swell. I’m afraid that if it pops on its own, that the pus will drain into my bung hole and make me sicker than I already feel.”
The Tennessee Mountain Man Page 15
