"Why don't you just tell your nan you don't like it?"
"That's what I said. Come on. Let's go to my room."
Megan's room was small and claustrophobic. There was literally only space for a bed and wardrobe, but she'd tried to create the illusion of space by painting it a light-mint color and hanging large mirrors on the walls.
She sat down on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest. "Mackenzie," she said slowly.
I sat down and faced her as she nervously fiddled with the ends of her short hair. Something was wrong. I'd seen Megan nervous before, but never around me. She looked like she was ready to bolt for the door.
"What's wrong, Megs?"
"Huh?" she muttered, not even looking up.
"Well, you either have something important on your mind, or you've got worms."
She stopped twiddling hair around her finger. Her chipped purple nail polish poked out brightly between the strands. "My dad's right, isn't he? The truth always comes out eventually."
My heart gave an uneasy thud. "Sure. Usually. Why?"
"I did something, Mackenzie."
"Go on," I whispered, completely unsure if I wanted to know what she had to say or not. If Megan told me she'd killed Josh and Courtney, I had no idea what I would do. But that was just ridiculous--same as the possibility that Aaron had done it.
"Megan, talk to me. What did you do?"
"The night of the crash. I...I spiked Gigi's drink."
I recoiled in shock and tried to make sense of what she'd just said. "You did what?"
Megan sucked in a shaky breath and gulped audibly. "The accident was my fault, Kenz. I spiked Gigi's drink."
There was the spiked word again.
Shit. Megan spiked Gigi's drink. I thought it was strange that she was drunk on so little. It all slotted into place in the worst kind of way. My chest ached. Megan's actions had directly led to the accident. Gigi was the more experienced driver and would've taken the shortcut through the country roads that Courtney was afraid of. I rubbed my forehead.
"You drugged her," I whispered in disbelief.
Megan's eyes widened. "Oh my God, Mackenzie, don't think that. I put vodka in her beer. I have no clue where to get Rohypnol from!"
"Why? I don't understand. What did Gigi do to you?"
She shook her head. "I can't tell you that."
"Are you serious?" I spluttered. "Megan, you can't say something like that and then not explain. Tilly and Gigi died in that car accident. This is nonnegotiable. Tell me what happened. Now."
Courtney was the only one not drinking the night of the car accident, because she was on antibiotics. She had just passed her driving test and wasn't confident behind the wheel at all. With little choice and Josh in her ear telling her "a van is no different to a bloody car," she had driven. She'd pulled out at an intersection, and then we had been hit.
"I...I..." She stopped to chew on her lip. "Promise you won't think any differently of me?"
"Just tell me." I couldn't promise her that. She'd spiked Gigi's drink. I couldn't promise anything right now. "Why, Megan?"
"Because whenever we were drunk, we slept together." She said the words in such a rush they blended together. But I still heard her crystal clear.
"What? You and Gigi...you did what?"
She glared. "Don't look like that. You slept with a killer."
Great, Kyle had a big mouth.
I held my hands up. "I'm sorry. I just didn't expect that. I didn't know the two of you were involved."
"We slept together whenever we were drunk." She looked down at the bed, ashamed. I wasn't sure if that was due to sleeping with a woman or what she did to Gigi the day of the accident. It had to be the latter, because she had to know I would be her friend no matter who she wanted to sleep with. "I wanted her that night, Kenz."
"But you're not gay," I blurted out and mentally slapped myself. That wasn't the most important part of what she had just told me, but it was true. I had never even heard her mention a celeb girl crush like the one I had on Mila Kunis and Tilly had had on Mischa Barton.
"I know." She shrugged. "But there was something about her. The first time was in the summer, after school was out. I'd just turned fifteen. All of you were on holiday or busy, so me and Gigi were hanging out in her room. We were drinking Malibu, and she just kissed me out of nowhere. At first I was stunned, but then I kissed her back. It was so different than anything I'd ever felt before--softer and more intimate. Anyway, we didn't stop with a kiss, and whenever we were drunk, we'd have sex."
What the hell was going on with everyone? Was I the only one who hadn't slept with someone in our group? First Kyle and Courtney, now Megan and Gigi.
"OK," I said, taking a breath to digest the information. "Why did it only happen when you were drunk?"
"She said I wasn't ready to be out, so nothing could happen, but you know her--she had no self-control when she was drunk. She was half-right; I'm not a lesbian. I still like guys, and I've never felt anything for a girl before or since her, but I just wanted her. It wasn't because she was a girl; it was because she made me feel things that I never knew were possible."
A tear trickled down Megan's face and settled on her jaw. I felt awful for her. The pain in her face and words stole my breath. "It's all my fault. Gigi died because of me. Tilly too. They both died because I was selfish and wanted to get laid!"
I wrapped my arms around her. "Shh, it's OK. You didn't mean for anyone to get hurt."
"B-but it's my fault. I have to tell the police. I-I have to."
I pulled away and gripped her face in both of my hands, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes were wide, scared. "Megan, that will achieve nothing. It was an accident. The collision could have happened if Gigi had been driving. It was getting late, and there wouldn't have been much visibility on the country roads either. It was dark and foggy that night, remember? No one saw the truck."
"But--"
"Think about it. You spiked her drink to take advantage of her. Do you have any idea how bad that looks?"
She started sobbing, covering her mouth with her hand. "I know. I get it. I do. I get how it looks, but I swear to you, Mackenzie, I didn't hurt Court and Josh. Please believe me. Please."
I wrapped my arms around her trembling body again. "Shh, it's OK." It so wasn't OK, but I needed her to calm down so we could talk more. "Megan, you can't go to the police. I know you didn't kill anyone. I believe you, but the police might not."
"But I didn't do anything to them," Megan replied.
I pulled back so I could see her and try to make her see sense.
"I should come clean about Gigi. People blame her for the accident, but it was my fault for spiking her drink."
"People blame Josh and Courtney for the accident too." I closed my eyes. God, what was going on? Were Courtney and Josh killed for revenge?
"There are about a million what-ifs, Megan. I could have gone to the toilet before we left, and we would have been a few minutes later and missed the truck. We could have left an hour earlier when Kyle wanted to or pulled over at the burger joint like Aaron wanted. There are so many things we all could have done that would have changed what happened that night, but you can't go back in time. It was an accident."
She nodded, wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve. Her dark eyes were bloodshot. "I feel so guilty."
"I think we all do. That's part of being the ones who survived. Take me through everything that happened that night. I have to know what happened, why you spiked the drink."
Did I really want to hear how much I clearly didn't know Megan and Gigi? We all kept our secrets, but I hadn't thought Courtney or Megan would have kept their relationships with Kyle and Gigi from me. We could talk about things like that--a week ago, I had thought I'd known everything about my friends.
Apparently not.
Megan grabbed her pillow and pressed it into her chest. "It was the last night of the trip, and we hadn't been...together in a few weeks. She kept fl
irting with me, but when I tried to kiss her, she pushed me away. Do you remember me suggesting someone else should drive back because Gigi drove there?"
Megan had suggested to us during the afternoon before anyone had started drinking. I only had a provisional license at the time or I would've volunteered. Gigi had insisted that she didn't mind and wanted to drive back too. Her stepdad owned the van anyway, so she hadn't wanted anyone else being responsible if anything happened to it.
At the time, I'd just thought Megan was being considerate and wanted Gigi to be able to drink on the last day; I'd had no idea about her ulterior motive to sleep with her again. They'd never acted any differently around each other--not that I'd noticed anyway. But, as I was realizing, there were a lot of things I'd never noticed.
"Yes," I replied.
"When it was decided that Gigi was driving back, I took matters into my own hands. At the hotel, she said she was just going to have a beer or two, so I put vodka in them," she said, her voice raw with emotion and regret.
"How could she not know?"
Megan smiled. "Probably because you bought the cheap, crap stuff."
I tilted my head to the side and glared. "I'm not forking out for the good stuff when you lot down it in seconds. What happened next?"
"Well, it worked. When you all went out, we went to her room and... Well, you don't want the details. I knew Courtney couldn't drink, so she ended up having to drive, and you know the rest. It was my fault, Mackenzie."
My head spun faster than if I'd been on a carnival ride. "OK." Think. Take control. "OK," I repeated. "What you did was wrong. So, so wrong, but it doesn't change what happened, and telling people will only make you seem untrustworthy. And if the police find out you spiked Gigi's drink, they're going to think you did that to us too. If you're capable of drugging a friend to have sex with them, what else are you capable of?"
"That's not how it was!"
"I know that. I know you, Megan." I think. "But you can't give the police a reason to doubt you."
"What do we do? Kenz, this secret has been killing me. I want it off my chest. It feels good to tell you, but I don't want to go to prison for something I haven't done."
I pressed my lips together as a pang of guilt hit my stomach.
"Talk to me about it whenever you want. Whatever you need to say or vent, just do it to me, OK? We're not going to the police. You made a stupid, stupid mistake, but you didn't mean to hurt anyone."
Her eyes filled with tears and she slowly shook her head. "I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything. Dry your eyes and plaster on a smile. You need to be normal when you see me out. Your parents can't see you like this."
"You're leaving?" she asked.
I need to leave or my head is going to explode.
"I have to, but don't worry. Everything's going to be fine."
I hope.
Chapter Twelve
I sat cross-legged on my bed in a daze. Two of my friends had hidden big, fat secrets from me. Strike that--technically four had. I knew that if I told anyone else what I knew, I could land Kyle and Megan both in trouble. After all, the secrets they'd kept could be seen as motives.
An awful thought kept popping into my head over and over until I was ready to scream: What if it was one of them? Clearly I didn't know my friends as well as I thought, but there was a massive difference between not disclosing every aspect of your life and murder.
This all felt like some horrible roller-coaster ride, and I wanted to get off.
My best friend had been murdered and three other friends could be responsible for it. How could I keep it to myself if I found out one was responsible? And how could I turn one of them in? It was too hard to choose between the people I loved, even if they had committed a heinous crime. I had to choose, and it was so hard because two people had lost their lives, and they deserved justice.
I picked up my phone and called Courtney's cousin, Felicity. We hadn't spoken since a brief encounter at the funeral, and I was hoping she could make things clearer for me. She had grown up with Courtney. Her mum was never around, so she'd practically lived with Court and Courtney's parents until she'd moved away to university.
"Kenz," she said, picking up on the first ring.
"Hey, how are you?" I closed my eyes. Stupid, stupid question, Mackenzie.
"I'm doing all right. You?"
"Yeah, OK, I guess. Are you busy tomorrow, Felicity?"
"Not really. I'm packing to go back to uni, but apart from that, sod all."
She was going back so soon? How was everyone starting to move on again so soon?
"You want to meet up for lunch?" she asked.
"That sounds good," I replied.
"Wanna meet at the Lion at eleven thirty?"
"OK. I'll see you then."
"Bye." She hung up but I stayed still, the phone still up to my ear. I hadn't thought she would leave so soon. Courtney had practically been a sister to her. Was the same thing happening to Felicity as was happening to Blake? Was Courtney's mum giving her the cold shoulder, wishing it had been Felicity instead?
My phone buzzed. A number I didn't recognize flashed on the screen with a text message. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
"What?" I whispered. Who was that? I held the phone in my trembling hand.
Unsure if I should try to call or reply, I stared at the message, trying to work out what was meant by it--and, more importantly, who could've sent it.
Who is this? I typed my reply and sent it before I could change my mind.
I stared at the screen and waited for the longest time. Seconds turned into minutes, and there was no reply.
What's going on? Is someone trying to mess with me? My mouth fell open, and I dropped the phone. It's from the killer. How had they gotten my number? Did I know them?
"Mackenzie?" Mum shouted up the stairs. I jumped at the sound of her voice and grabbed my phone. "Kyle's here. I'm sending him up."
In a panic, I stuffed my phone under my pillow and took a breath. "Thanks," I called.
Kyle had barely left me alone since he'd told me about him and Courtney. I found it unnerving. He knew I wasn't going to tell people, so he shouldn't have been obsessed with seeing me all the time to make sure I wasn't blabbing his secret.
"Hey," he said, closing my bedroom door behind him.
His once-calm and inviting smile now made me feel like I should have something hard and heavy at the ready to defend myself, just in case. "What's up?" I asked and cleared my croaky throat.
Forget about the text message and focus on him. I already knew I wasn't going to tell him about the text. Before I opened up, I wanted someone else to go first. I had no idea if I was the only one who'd received one or if we all had. Kyle was cut up over his relationship--or lack of--with Courtney. That didn't make him a killer, but crimes of passion were common.
Could seeing Courtney and Josh so loved up at the cabin have made him snap?
I wanted to be honest with my friends, but the more I learned, the harder it was to trust them. My heart stuttered with fear and anxiety.
He shrugged and flopped down on my bed, lying on his back with his arms above his head. I smiled a genuine smile--it was so normal of him to slob out all over my room.
"Nothing much. I can't stand being at home."
"Parents driving you insane?" I asked. Mine were doing my head in, but after what'd happened, I was lucky they hadn't locked me in the house or hired a security guard, which Mum had actually suggested.
"Yep. What are you up to?"
Trying to figure out who's sending me creepy texts. Wondering if you're getting them too. "Nothing. You?"
He bared his teeth in a grin. "Just come to see one of my oldest friends."
"I'm not old."
"That's right." His dark eyes lit up. "You're the baby of the group."
I was turning nineteen in five months. Courtney should have turned nineteen two weeks before me, but she would never
get to do that. She would be eighteen forever--like Tilly and Gigi.
Kyle and I drifted into an awkward silence. We met when we were kids, and kids just got on, no matter if they knew a person or not. I wanted to ask him if he really meant the nasty things he'd said about Courtney, and I think he wanted to talk about it too.
I said, "Is everything really OK? I know you're angry at how Courtney treated you. If you want to talk about it, we can."
You want him to slip up.
No. That wasn't it. I believed him. Kyle was sweet. He was my human teddy bear. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
"You'll judge me, Kenzie. You did yesterday and I can't stand it. You don't understand."
"Then make me understand. Come on, Kyle. There's nothing we can't talk about."
Yes, there is. I wouldn't talk about my secret, the blackmail from Josh, or the text.
"Have you ever been in love?" he questioned, knowing the bloody answer.
I'd thought I was in love with my ex, Danny, but he had turned out to be a heartless dick when he'd cheated on me. There hadn't been anyone else since we'd broken up two years ago. Never again would I put myself back in the position I had been in with him.
"No," I replied, feeling a twist in my stomach.
Blake...
No, I absolutely did not have the time or mental capacity to consider my feelings for Blake right then. Besides, I barely knew him. We had incredible chemistry, but you couldn't love someone you didn't know. Insta-love wasn't possible. Right?
"Then I don't know if you can understand it yet. Courtney was...everything. She was all I thought about. My whole life had become about making her happy. I thought she felt the same. We were supposed to be together. And then she turned around and kicked me to the curb. You can't imagine how much that hurt. I had all of my happiness ripped away from me, so, yes, I'm pissed at her. I hate her, and I hate that I can't stop loving her. I wish I could flip a switch and not care about her anymore, but I can't, so I'll be angry until I'm over it. I'm more angry at myself that now I'll never be able to set things straight with her."
Maybe I didn't understand how he felt, but I still didn't know if I could hate someone who I loved after they'd died--even if they had hurt me. Did Kyle only want Courtney to be happy if she was with him? If so, that wasn't my definition of love.
"I'm sorry, Kyle," I said, completely out of anything helpful to say. "I'm sorry you're hurt and things didn't work out the way you wanted." Closing my eyes, I felt every ounce of energy being siphoned. I was completely over everything. "God, I'm so tired."
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