by Marian Gray
I couldn’t imagine the weight of living a secret life let alone the terror of being found out. No wonder she was constantly on edge nowadays.
“The doctor pulled your father aside and—“
“My father?”
He blinked. “Yes, your father.”
“But…” My lips trembled. Uncle Hank hadn’t realized what he had said. “But my mother said… she said my father was out of the picture before she knew she pregnant.”
His lips flattened. “I’m afraid that’s not the truth of it.”
My arms wrapped around my stomach, holding myself. “If my father knew my mother was pregnant, then what happened? Where did he go? Why is he not a part of my life?” I told myself I wasn’t going to cry. I was too old for that now, but the pressure built behind my eyes regardless. It took everything inside of me to swallow it back down.
“Well, the doctor told your father that Zeineb was a flup. When they arrived home, he confronted her. He agreed to not kill her because she was carrying his child—refusing to identify yourself as a flup is punishable by death. But he said if he ever saw her again, he would turn her into the authorities.”
“He abandoned us because she was a flup?” The idea made my stomach twist in agony. Tears welled in the bottom of my eyelids. I wiped them on my sleeve, not wanting Uncle Hank to see.
He sighed. “It was probably for the best.”
My eyes narrowed. “How can you say that?”
“Because it forced her into action. After years of living in terror and having seen her mother’s gruesome demise, she ran. It saved both of your lives. The following years more laws were passed, stripping flups of more rights and subsequently transforming them into the enemy of the people.”
I sat still, glued to my chair. My mind struggled to process everything that poured from his mouth. I was paralyzed from the burst of new information. I shifted in my seat and nearly jumped two feet in the air when the waitress stopped by.
“Are you still doing alright? A refill on your water? Maybe some food?”
The thought of eating made me want to vomit. “Water’s fine.”
“I’d like a coffee.” Uncle Hank grinned at her just before she left to fetch him a cup.
“There’s just… it’s all so overwhelming and sounds simply… cruel.” I struggled to find words to put together the wave of emotions I was feeling. Most of it didn’t make sense, and the parts that did were dark and depressing. Blackhands, whitehands, flups, your world, my world, the Sightless Sons—I was swimming in unknown waters and felt as though there was a shark lurking nearby in the murky depths.
“Well, that’s what I meant when I said she has every right to be afraid. Especially if they catch her with you. Flups aren’t allowed custody over their magically-inclined offspring. She would be arrested, charged, and executed—no trial.”
I couldn’t imagine anyone hurting much less wanting to kill my mom. She was defenseless against this magical world. All she could do was run and hide in the darkest corner she could find. The thought of her spending anymore of her life scurrying around in terror broke me. “Do you think I’m a flup?”
Uncle Hank smiled once more at the waitress as she handed him his coffee and sipped the dark black liquid. “It’s likely that you are, given how our family has progressed, or rather diminished. But I sense something in you which is a lot considering your hands are still muted.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t believe the words that were about to come out of my mouth, but I had to ask them for both mine and my mother’s sake. “And if I go to Blacksaw University, will I learn enough magic to possibly protect my mom and I from anyone that may want to hurt us?”
Uncle Hank’s eyebrows climbed to his receding hairline. “You’ll learn so much more than just how to protect yourself. Why do you ask?”
“Do you think it’ll stop the Sightless Sons from tracking down my mom?”
His bottom lip stuck out as his mind chewed on the idea. “Perhaps. You coming of age and no longer being in her custody could put an end to things, if they’ve even begun.”
My fingers wrapped around the handle of my uncle’s coffee cup, and I brought the hot liquid to my lips, taking a drink. It was bitter on my tongue and had a less than pleasing aftertaste, but I swallowed it down. “I want to go to Blacksaw University. Will you help me?”
Chapter Four
I sat on the couch alone. The living room had been left dragged and spread across the floor in a ragged mess. Neither one of us had bothered straightening anything last night, and the sight of it all broke my heart. Sitting in the wreckage reaffirmed my decision. I would do whatever it took to protect my mother and my home. My family didn’t deserve to live in perpetual fear.
My phone buzzed beside me on the gray cushion. The long flat screen flashed with her reply.
What? You don’t feel well?
No, you can’t go home.
It isn’t safe.
Wait at the school like I told you.
I glanced around at the dove gray walls that encased me. The only thing that made me feel unsafe while sitting here was her erratic behavior. My fingers went to work, tapping out a response.
I’m already at home.
Everything is fine.
Just pick me up here.
As soon as I set the phone back down, it vibrated beside me.
Fine.
I’m on my way but I’m not happy with you.
Normally that line would’ve made my heart skip a beat, but tonight, I felt invincible. Uncle Hank had offered to come back and support me as I announced my decision to my mom, but I no longer harbored that adolescent fear I once had. The roles were about to be reversed. I would protect her from whatever existed in this separate world.
I knew I was in for a fight. Nobody enjoyed being undermined, but the quicker I could make her see reason in my pursuit, the sooner this would all blow over. The only looming fault in my plan was the possibility of finding out I was a flup.
But as I sat there, twisting my fingers around each other, the prospect of it all ran away from me. My mind had been so concerned with what might be coming after us, I hadn’t even had a spare moment to consider what could be out there for me. My hands were muted at the moment, as Uncle Hank had stated, but how would my world shift once they were unlocked and I was away at Blacksaw University learning how to manipulate matter in ways I had always been told were impossible. It was every child’s fantasy and now the path had been laid freely at my feet. All I had to do was take the first step.
“Zuri?” Her voice echoed around the emptied entryway. “Zuri?”
“I’m in here.” I fought to keep my voice even. If she sensed the slightest bit of weakness or doubt in my determination, she would tear me apart. No cracks or tears, I would be stalwart in my belief.
Her high heels clicked across the aged wood floor seconds before she turned the corner and met my eyes. Her skin looked droopy and dark in areas—she still hadn’t been able to get any sleep. “What are you doing? Where are your bags? We need to go.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going.”
Her black eyebrow cocked, and she folded her arms across her chest. “Excuse me? We’re not doing this again.”
“I’m not going,” I repeated. “And neither are you.”
“Zuri, I don’t have time to play games or deal with your little rebellious teenage attitude,” she snapped. “We’re in danger. We need to go now!”
“Mom, you can’t keep running. At some point you need to turn around and fight—protect yourself.”
“I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m bit out-matched.” Her tone cut.
Every time her lack of magic was brought up, she didn’t shy away from it, but it was apparent there was still some pain there. She tried to own it but couldn’t. Her voice gave her away. Always terse and poised to a point that could stab you right in the throat.
“But if we were to all ban together—you, Uncle Hank, Aunt Margot,
and me—“
“You? I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“You heard me. I’m a part of this family. I’m an Ebenmore just as much as you are and a blackhand, too.”
She sighed, exasperated. Her hand ran though her hair in annoyed huff. The long, red nails looked like rubies in a sea of onyx. “I never said you weren’t a part of this family, but let’s make one thing very clear right here and right now: you are not a blackhand.”
I conjured all my courage and straightened my back, hoping that having the outward confidence of a hero would give me the bravery of one, too. “Not yet I’m not. I skipped school and met with Uncle Hank earlier today. We talked about Blacksaw, and I’m going.”
A mix of emotions washed over her face in the span of a second. Shock shrank into grief which ignited into anger. I prepared myself for the worst, fearing her next words. “You did what?” She whispered. Incredulity clipped her words.
“I’m going to Blacksaw University.”
Her jaw dropped, and water welled at the bottom of her eyes. “Please tell me you’re lying.”
I shook my head.
The tears overwhelmed her eyelashes and streamed down her cheeks. “Oh, God, Zuri.” Her hand covered her mouth. Her feet took a few uneasy steps backward before her back met the wall. “How could you do such a thing? How could you be so foolish?”
This wasn’t what I had anticipated. Where was the fury and enraged screaming I had imagined in my head? This was utter sorrow and heartbreak.
“Because we need to stop running. If I go to Blacksaw and learn how to use my magic, I can protect you. It can give us a life we’ve always wanted. One that doesn’t involve keeping our past and our family a secret. One that allows us to live where we want without constant fear of being found out.”
“How could you be so naive to believe you would be able to accomplish any of these things? Don’t you think if the Sightless Sons or the party could be stopped by a handful of blackhands or whitehands it would have already been done?” Her gaze drifted up to the ceiling. “I don’t know what your Uncle Hank told you, but I haven’t spent the last eighteen years fearful for my life but yours. And now you’ve gone and handed yourself over.”
I swallowed hard. “What do you mean for me?” She was the one in danger. She was the flup.
Her stare dropped done to mine. “I never wanted you to be like me or your Uncle Hank or anybody else in our family. I didn’t want you to follow in our footsteps. I wanted something better for you. Something without the class hierarchy, constant instability, and never-ending bigotry. I wanted you to have a better life than any Ebenmore could ever imagine, outside of that world amongst the undermen.”
“But this who I am, who you are. We’re blackhands.”
It was piece of my life I felt I had always been missing. For years I had been desperate to know who my family was and where we came from. I was searching for my identity by turning to those who had come before me, but those people had never existed to me. The only family I knew about it and interacted with were Uncle Hank and Aunt Margot, and Uncle Hank wasn’t even my uncle but my great uncle. Who were my grandparents? Cousins? Aunts? Uncles? If I didn’t know where my roots had been planted, how was I supposed to grow?
“You’re about a hundred years too late. That’s not how it works anymore, but you’ll find out soon enough. I just hope they’ll spare you if you turn out to be a flup. Our line isn’t as pure as it once was. There’s no guarantee.”
“I understand that, but Uncle Hank said he could sense the magic in me even though my hands were still muted.”
My mother laughed, shaking her head back and forth as she dried her tears. “That’s amusing. He told me the same thing when I was nervous about my approaching nineteenth birthday.”
“You’re lying,” I snapped as dread curdled in my stomach. “He wouldn’t feed me some line to get me to attend.”
“You’d be surprised what he is willing to do in order to ensure the Ebenmore line continues.” Her foot lifted, and she took a step forward, peeling herself from the wall. “Let this be your first lesson, Zuri, since you are so eager to throw yourself into it all. Familial prestige and legitimacy is everything to them. Just as one would chop off their foot to save one’s body, they’ll cleave you from the family tree as soon as they believe it necessary to maintain the family name.”
“How can you say that?” I shook my head. “If that were true, then Uncle Hank wouldn’t have kept in touch with us all these years. He saved you. He offered you refuge and then assisted in your escape. Given what you just said, it sounds like letting the Sightless Sons have you would have been better for the family image.”
Her eyes narrowed on me, and lips pursed. “You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”
Maybe I didn’t but I didn’t believe she did either. She saw this world through the eyes of a flup. That’s why it was cruel and crushing, but my imagination was captured by the possibilities. I envisioned it as something adventurous, mysterious, and full of wonder. A place of magical discovery, where knowledge was the only limit to what I was capable of.
“I may be ignorant, but you’re bitter.” I folded my arms across my chest, awaiting her next challenge.
But it never came. Her hands dropped to her sides, tiny scars flaring red, and she strutted toward her room. “You think being able to use magic is a dream, but you’re throwing yourself into a nightmare. It may appear pleasant and safe on the surface, but there’s a dangerous and dark underbelly that will pull you under.”
“I’m stronger than you think, Mom.” I kept my voice level. “I’ll take your warning into consideration, but it isn’t going to change my mind. I’m almost eighteen. It’s my turn to call the shots in my life.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Age doesn’t make you a responsible, reasonable, or an experienced adult. You don’t belong in that world. You belong here.” Her words cut deeper than she would ever know, hacking at my insecurities. “Otherwise, you would call it your nineteenth birthday.” Without giving me a chance to respond, she sauntered into her room as though the matter at hand had ended.
She was too afraid of whatever was out there to see how this could help us. The fear clouded her judgment. I wasn’t going to let this new world consume me. I understood it wasn’t all gumdrops and rose petals, but I wasn’t frightened. Deep down inside, I was eager to be able to give back for all she had done for me. Completing my time at Blacksaw would provide both of us a life we’d never thought possible.
She just didn’t think I had it in me to survive, and I would prove her wrong.
Chapter Five
We slept in the house that night, and nobody ever came for us. In fact, nobody came for us the following day or the day after that. The week passed as all our weeks had passed before, inconsequential and remarkably ordinary. I went to school as I had for the last thirteen years, came home a few hours before my mother, and pushed through hours of tedious homework. The only noticeable difference in those few days was my mother’s staunch silence. She ignored me when I called her name, pretended as though I weren’t there, and refused to utter a single word in my presence.
I understood she was angry with me, probably felt a touch of betrayal and dismay, too. But I didn’t think it would roll into the weekend and onto the day of my graduation. I walked across the stage to claps and cheers of only two people in my family, Uncle Hank and Aunt Margot. My mom was nowhere to be found. My eyes must have scanned the crowd during the entirety of the ceremony, desperate to find her face. When the event drew to a close, we tossed our graduation caps, and Uncle Hank’s big bear hug was the only thing that kept the tears at bay—that and their invitation to live with them over the summer in Rotterpool, Appalachia—the American capital for all things magical.
I folded and placed the clothes carefully into my suitcase, listening as Uncle Hank and Aunt Margot argued in the living room. They had been fussing over my mother’s antique lamp since they arrive
d. Despite the light turning on without any trouble, they maintained the lamp was faulty and had huddled around it, muttering awkward syllables. For the first twenty minutes, my mom sat with her hands folded in her lap watching them before retreating to her bedroom.
She had been nothing but polite and civil toward them, but it wasn’t difficult to sense that something was brewing below the surface. I worried she’d never be able to forgive Uncle Hank and move on. This decision was wholly mine, but I knew she found fault with him. If he wouldn’t have sat down and explained things to me, I wouldn’t have had access to Blacksaw and the training I needed to protect my mom from the Sightless Sons or whoever else had it in for us.
“Well, Hank, of course, it’s not going to work,” Aunt Margot groaned. “You still have your gloves on.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that before I started?” His voice rose.
“Because they’re your hands. I thought you would notice.” There was a tense pause before Margot continued. “Not to mention, you gave me an earful recently about how ‘reminding you of things’ is nagging or have you already forgotten and I need to remind you?”
“If the Sightless Sons were to come and drag you away in the middle of the night, my sleep would remain undisturbed.”
“Please,” Margot hissed. “Come up with a new line. That one is trite and banal. Shall we try the incantation again?” I could hear the smug grin in her voice.
A quick rap at my bedroom door stole my attention.
“Come on in,” I said. “I’m not fin—” Words eroded from my tongue when my mom slid into the room.
