Next to it is another version of the same chair. Slightly bigger and broader, but equally luxurious and detailed. Admiring the chair, my gaze flirts over to the view. It is the same ocean and the same night sky, except it seems like the stars are shining more brightly and the reflection in the ocean has a life of its own.
Suddenly I become aware of a presence next to me. It’s not so much that someone just walked onto my deck, as it seems like he was always there, and I am only now becoming aware.
I am having difficulty looking at him directly, his face seems to be changing subtly every moment. I enjoy the movements and the changes and it doesn’t bother me, but it makes it difficult to focus on one thing. That is, until I look into his eyes. They are his eyes. The eyes of the mystery man this afternoon at the valley. I am not surprised. It is as if I knew it would be him all along.
“Eva, I am so happy that you are finally here. I have missed you, my darling.” His voice is exactly as I remember, even when I don’t recall ever having met him before.
“I know this is strange to you, and you don’t understand what is going on. I will explain everything to you shortly, I promise. It’s the reason why I come to you now, in your dream, so that you can feel my entire essence and not be alarmed by it when you recognize it.”
“I know you,” I answer, and I am surprised by the steadiness of my own voice.
“Yes, of course, my Darling, my love, my other half. You belong here, with me. You have been lost for so long, but now you found your way back. I am so glad.”
His eyes shine and sparkle like the evening sky. It doesn’t make much sense to me what he’s saying, but it feels true.
“What happened?” I can hear my dream self ask. It’s as if I am two different people now. One part of me is Evangelina, the woman who is celebrating her honeymoon alone, and the other one is this Eva, who feels like she has just come home after a very long journey.
“We were separated for centuries, by a curse. Lifetime after lifetime you have lived a mortal life until you found the courage to abandon mankind’s rules and false modesties and be yourself. When you did, when you let yourself be who you truly are, it opened you for me. First only vaguely, knowing you existed somewhere. Then, more and more clear, until this afternoon, when for the first time I could finally see you again.”
“A curse, I remember, I think,” I can hear Eva saying. “It was the frozen virgin. We helped her, and as a thank you, instead of sharing her newly enamored husband as we agreed upon, she cursed me to live out lifetime after lifetime with mortal limitations and buying into mortal illusions of what sex and sexuality should be.”
I am in awe of what is happening before my eyes. I am changing. Instead of the woman I have always seen when I looked into the mirror, I become more. Not anything significant, but everything is just a bit better. My hair shines and curls a bit more. My lips are a bit fuller. My way of sitting in the chair just that tiny little bit more sensual. I can feel myself remembering now. Remembering what happened and longing for a return to what I was before.
“Unfortunately, Darling, we are not there yet. I can reach you now in your dreams, but you won’t remember much in the morning. I had to talk to you though, touch your essence, and look you in the eyes and be within the same space as you, like we used to be.”
“I’m still missing a part, aren’t I?” Eva asks. I wonder what she means. It seems like she is whole now.
“Yes, my Darling. You have changed and grown and although this is your essence and will always be your essence, you are also her.” At this, it seems like he is looking straight at me, even though I am not even sure where I am myself.
“How do I get rid of her? I long to be one with you again, my love,” I can hear Eva say, and feel a tinge of fear. I understand how she feels, I can feel her longing throughout my entire body and soul for a return to who she used to be. But I don’t want to disappear either. For a moment my panic almost wakes me up, and I have the very unpleasant sensation of lying down in my bed, twisting and turning, and sitting in the chair, trying to hold on to either reality.
A hand on mine anchors me in the dream reality, at least for now. He holds my hand as he looks into my eyes. “You cannot get rid of her, nor should you want to. She is part of you now, as you are part of her. And I wouldn’t want you any other way.” His smile reassures me. Both of me, and I feel a tiny click in my head, as if a small piece falls into place.
“I don’t think I can reach you again this way. I can already feel myself slipping away. The curse is too strong to get around for long. What you need to do my darling Eva, my darling Evangelina, is accept yourself. Both of yourselves. Once both can accept the other and you are ready, come and find me. You will not remember anything when you wake up but remember this. Come and find me when you are ready. When you are one, we can become whole again.”
Chapter 6
Phantom Massage
Groggily I shake myself awake, trying to hold onto the dream and the message. Something about needing to find someone, when I am ready. That is the only thing that sticks with me once I open my eyes.
I have no idea what it means, but it burns within me with a need like I have never felt before. I need to be ready, I need to find… Something. Someone. I don’t know.
The early morning sun shines through the window and I can see that room service has already delivered breakfast. I don’t remember ordering it, but after the events of yesterday, that’s not much of a surprise. My entire body feels awake and ready, my skin tingling with anticipation. I decide to take it easy today.
Taking the phone, I call Erick and ask him to book me a massage around noon. I decide to have a nice and relaxing morning, and I curl up in a deck chair with a book.
Just as I’m considering getting up and checking the time, I hear a knock. I open the door to Erick’s smiling face. “I’m here to take you to your massage.”
“Great! I was wondering where I had to go,” I answer with a smile. Now that he has seen me at my most vulnerable, I feel much more at ease with him, so I hook my arm around his, and let him guide me to a small hidden building.
Erick holds the door open for me, but to my surprise doesn’t follow me inside. “Just change in there, and then through the only door, you cannot miss it,” he says with a smile as he sees my confusion.
I walk into the dimly lit room and feel at ease right away. The room is decorated in a way that makes it seem empty, yet it has everything. A small shower and bathroom, soft towels, and a bathrobe that seems made out of the softest material I can imagine. It reminds me of something. Somehow, it reminds me of my dream last night, but I cannot put my finger on exactly why or how.
It is always such an awkward moment when you take your bathrobe off and step onto the massage table. Yes, it is completely normal to be naked, and I know I am alone, and yet, every single time I feel a little twinge of nervousness. As if someone is watching me, observing how I walk, letting their eyes roam over my naked body. I can feel myself reacting and the little hairs on my body are standing up. Quickly, I hop on the table and pull the blanket over me. Just in time as well, because a chilly breeze just passes through the room. Weird, I think. Usually these rooms are kept at a nice temperature. Just as the thought passes through my mind, the breeze is gone, and instead a slow, luxurious and heavy warmth seeps into the room.
It makes me not want to move at all.
The heavy warmth feels like it is entering into my very bones, making it so hard to think, to move. Not that I want to move. Suddenly, there is nothing I want more than just to lie here and enjoy this feeling.
I haven’t heard the massage therapist come in, but I do feel a presence in the room. I guess I must have dozed off a little bit or she is quieter than most.
It’s weird though, normally the massage therapist would introduce themselves, ask about pressure, but it’s just so quiet. Yet there is definitely someone here, I can feel it.
The moment I think about lifting my hea
d up to see if there really is someone here, I smell a very heavy and poignant fragrance. It is not one I usually associate with massages, it is heavier and muskier, but not at all unpleasant. It conjures images of warm steamy nights under the starlit sky, sweaty bodies intertwined.
Internally shaking my head at my own foolishness, I try and concentrate again on relaxing. That is why I’m here, after all.
Just as I am starting to think again that there might not be anyone here, the sheet is slowly peeled off my back and I feel a warm sensation moving around my back. It is a strong hand, moving in slow and sensual circles.
In the back of my mind, there is a little voice trying to tell me that something is not normal, but I don’t want to listen to it. I just want to lie here, and breathe this amazing scent and feel these hands moving around my back.
Whoever it is that is massaging me, they are using exactly the right pressure and the right amount of oil. I can feel their fingertips sliding over my back, a bit more pressure on the side, a bit less in the middle. It makes me want to squirm, and move, but I cannot.
At the same time that I am completely giving into the feeling of the two hands moving on my back, I feel the sheet being pulled up from my feet, over my calves, my thighs, and for a moment I think it won’t stop there and get worried. But no, just above my thighs, almost indecent, but not quite, the sheet settles. A warm hand starts to massage my foot and put oil on it. I can feel the other hands still on my back as well and I know that something’s not normal about this, but it’s as if that thought comes through a thick mist in my mind. The only thing real and sharp is this moment here, and the feeling of those hands on my skin, touching me, stroking me, making me feel as if my skin is on fire.
There are hands on my calves now as well, just making little circles that, if they were in any other place, would drive me mad. Another hand now, on my thigh, making long and strong strokes up and down, moving a little bit more and more upward. The hand on my back is joining in this now, creating circles that grow a little bit bigger and lower with each stroke.
I want to moan, and move and squirm, but I cannot. The hands are growing bolder, the ones on my leg getting more and more towards my inner thighs every time and the ones on my back now including my side, making me want to move so they can touch my breasts. My nipples are being pushed against the table and are screaming for attention. I know this is not right, and I don’t care. I want this. I want to feel more, and more and more.
As if that thought unleashes permission, the hands become bolder and bolder. It is impossible, but it feels as if the table is gone now. As if I’m floating completely in the air, only being held up by the presence of the hands now all over my body. I have lost count of how many there are. They are everywhere. I can feel them on my arm, soft fingertips tracing invisible lines that set my insides on fire. A hand on the lower part of my stomach, not doing anything, just holding a steady pressure that is pleasant, comforting and incredibly exciting at the same time.
There is a hand, cupping my breasts, and finally, teasing my erect nipples, slowly moving around them, giving me the relief my nipples have been craving and making them want more and more at the same time.
The hands on my legs are now moving together, up and down, in broad strokes. I can feel them teasing my legs apart a little bit, exposing me to whatever it is that is here with me. there are fingers now, moving on my inner thigh, slowly creating circles more and more upward. They are touching the outside of my nether lips, and I feel like I am going crazy, I cannot hold it in anymore and I let a slow moan escape my lips. It’s not enough though, I want to beg, I want to move, I want to feel a touch there where I most need it right now. I am getting crazy with desire, and I don’t know anymore which way is up or down or where I am. All I can feel are the hands all over my body, touching me in different rhythms, and yet all together playing me like some exquisite instrument.
There is a question in the air, a question of want, of acceptance. I know that if I accept now, there will not be any turning back. And accepting might mean losing myself but it will also mean gaining so much more.
It is hardly worth a thought. Yes. Yes, yes, and yes, I think with all my being.
I accept. I am here. I am ready.
There, a new hand. This one feels different. It’s slightly colder and somehow feels more real, and therefore so much more exciting. It is touching my neck, exploring my back from my shoulders to the small of my back. Its soft fingers are tracing my bottom, moving around in circles and I can almost feel the enjoyment they feel in touching me. It is enough to almost drive me over the edge.
The hand is moving lower now, to where I am wet and moist. It hesitates around the entrance, and I so much want, no, need to feel full, but it is not giving me what I want. Instead, it is making slow circles, finding my clit and moving a skillful finger around and around and around it. I can feel my muscles tensing, starting between my legs but spreading out to my entire body. Then a sudden release, and back to tensing, I am rising higher and higher, and I cannot control myself as one orgasm after another overflows my body. I don’t know how many, I don’t know anything. I don’t even remember my own name, all I can feel are the sensations that are flowing over me wave after wave.
As the waves come quicker and quicker, there is a familiar build-up inside of me. I have felt this before, just a tiny bit of what I am feeling now. It feels as if all the orgasms before were just foreplay, meant to prepare me for this. I am used to the disappointment when everything stops before I can reach this point of fulfillment. This time it doesn’t stop though. It just goes on and on until I finally crash over to the other side. It’s even better than I ever imagined it could be. It completes me. It makes me feel whole again.
The hand slowly withdraws. It moves around my legs, down to my feet, and then it is gone. One by one the other hands disappear as well, as I sink down into a deep dark sleep of exhaustion. Right before my consciousness falls away I think:
I am coming, my love. I’m coming to find you.
Chapter 7
Painful Memories
I remember everything now. Who I am and who I was. I am Evangelina, yes, but I am also Eva. Eva, a succubus who was meant to enjoy eternal life with Aden, my mate. I don’t know if we are gods or demons but we were equally worshipped and feared as both throughout history. I do not understand what happened, but it seems that I am two souls in one body right now.
People would make sacrifices to us, asking us to increase their libido or to give them the person they wanted for a sexual partner. They asked for love as well but when we told them we couldn’t deliver that, they always settled for sex. We would do our magic and make their dreams come true. For a price, of course. It was always a game to us. We helped people but that was more of a side effect and not the goal. Mainly we wanted to just have fun and have sex.
That is what had happened with the frozen virgin. She had been under the protection of a spell by her tribe, meant to be a virgin for her entire life. The spell had frozen her between her legs so that she would never feel the desire and the touch of a man. It had been done so that she could become the next wise woman of the tribe. Of course, we didn’t know that. All we knew is that she was under a spell to remain a virgin.
Old fashioned ideas, thinking that only virgins had power.
Unfortunately, she had fallen in love. They were young and the man, not burdened by a lack of desire at all, told her about us. How she could make a sacrifice, how we would be able to lift the spell so that they could get married and be together in every way.
The virgin was young and naive. Although she herself didn’t feel the desire she had heard her friends talk about it. And she knew that her beloved wanted it, and that was enough for her.
I remember that evening as if it was yesterday.
The clearing in the forest where they had built their altar was lit with the light of the full moon. As with all the sacrifices that were made to us, they were naked. We had always
enjoyed the human form and were more prone to listen to a request if the one asking was not wearing anything. Just a little indulgence of ours.
As soon as the first tones of the incantation reached us, we were on our way. Female virgins did not usually call upon us, so when they did, we usually listened. We shimmered down our glamour as to not scare the poor youngsters. They were old enough to legally be called adults, but they were young and innocent in all the ways that it mattered.
We walked into the moon soaked clearing, I can still remember how the damp grass felt beneath my feet. It was a warm night, yet the virgin shivered. There was doubt in her eyes, I could read it. She wanted to please her beloved, but she wasn’t sure that this was the right way.
They explained their desire to us. My Love was angry when he heard about the spell put on the virgin. We, who lived off pleasure and sexuality, never understood how humans could put such restrictions on something that was so natural and fun. Especially when they put the restrictions on others and not just themselves, it made Aden mad.
I think that played a role in what happened next as much as anything else. I want to be able to blame the virgin and just say that she didn’t stick to her end of the bargain, but I cannot. All these lifetimes of living as a mortal woman have had their effect on me and I now understand that there are mortal consequences that we cannot grasp as immortal beings. I do not condone what she did, and how she cursed me, but I understand.
When they told us their story, it seemed like they were star crossed lovers who just wanted to be together. What they didn’t tell us is that the elders of the village didn’t just refuse to lift the spell. They had told them that they could live together as a couple for 5 years while the virgin continued her studies. If by the end of the 5 years they still felt the same, they would lift the spell.
Incubus Soulmate Page 3
