by Katie King
But poor Connie, he thought next. She’d be feeling worse than he was right at that minute. It had been a very public slating, and Jessie racked his brains to think of something he could do about it.
Chapter Five
As the children made their way to school that morning, back at Tall Trees Peggy was getting Holly ready for them both to head over to June Blenkinsop’s café, where Peggy worked now, although after she glimpsed herself in the hall mirror just before she left, she let out a small groan of frustration as she looked a proper sight.
She nipped back to her bedroom and quickly wrapped her favourite silk scarf around her hair and tied it in a jaunty bow on the top of her head.
The scarf had been a present from Bill on their first wedding anniversary, back when they were thrilled, at long last, to be able to rent their first tiny home in Bermondsey, a minute end-of-terrace. Their anniversary was spent arranging their meagre possessions and telling each other that now they were living on their own for the first time, they might be poor but they were going to be ‘as snug as a bug in a rug’ in their new home. Back then they hadn’t felt they were missing out on anything, not for a second.
A hard lump of regret of all the wrongs that had happened since rose in Peggy’s throat for a moment, but then she told herself not to think about those more pleasant times.
She gave a little shake and a shrug, and then hoped she passed muster as she pulled and fussed at the scarf and tried to decide whether her ears should be covered or not. She was doubtful though; it was all very ‘lick and polish’, but what could she do? All the hot water had been used up the previous evening on the children having their weekly bath night, and so Peggy had had to make do first thing that morning with a strip wash in what would at best be described as lukewarm water, with only the tiniest sliver of hand soap.
Holly gave her mother a ‘hurry up’ sound, and Peggy knew it was time to push her over to the tea shop.
Actually the words ‘tea shop’ rather undersold June’s establishment these days. It had been a rather quaint, old-fashioned establishment decked out in swathes of chintz and serving scones or barm cakes with pretty china tea services when Peggy had discovered it soon after her arrival in Harrogate.
Now, the floral tablecloths and napkins had long since disappeared and a more utilitarian look adopted, with bare wooden tables and cushionless chairs that felt more appropriate for the current times and, best of all, were easier to keep spick and span with the increased turnover of customers. These days the café was open long hours, serving early breakfasts, lunches and late suppers to many sorts of grateful workers, both white- and blue-collar, all at the pre-ordained government-set prices. It was now definitely a workers’ café first, and a tea shop second, exactly as it should be.
June and Peggy were a strong team, Peggy felt.
June knew the food side of the business inside out and she was a very talented cook who seemed able to make a very little go an extremely long way, plus she was good at organising rotas of reliable staff. And Peggy was skilled at bookkeeping and negotiating advantageous terms with their suppliers, and she enjoyed writing out the customers’ bills and giving them their change as she always took the money over the busiest periods.
In fact the tea shop was a very convivial place to work, as it was warm and full of good-natured banter between staff and customers, most of whom were regulars. There had been several fundraising schemes hatched there for the war effort, and Peggy knew that June was very proud of the gusto her patrons threw into this, whether it was a charity whist drive or collecting jumble for a sale.
When the reports in the newspapers were bleak, Peggy liked the way the customers would discuss the news with one another and then try to find something positive to say in order to gee each other up and keep morale as high as possible.
There was a fly in the ointment though.
Up until now Peggy had been able to take Holly in to work with her as June was very fond of babies, but now that Holly was on the cusp of proper toddling, Peggy knew she should make alternative arrangements for minding her daughter sooner rather than later. This was likely to be easier said than done.
As usual, everything looked very organised as Peggy manoeuvred the perambulator through the door and then into the back of June’s establishment.
June smiled at Peggy as she passed, indicating ‘tea?’ by lifting a teacup.
‘Gasping,’ replied Peggy.
She felt used up after the emotional tensions of the past few days and she could really do with a short sit-down and chinwag.
This was a ritual that June and she enjoyed most mornings, when they chatted about this and that between the early breakfasts being served and the inevitable flurry to get all the lunches ready.
‘Oh June, I have got such a lot to tell you!’ said Peggy, as Holly played with her rattle (a hand-me-down of Tommy’s) while sitting on her lap. ‘Of the “you won’t believe it” variety, I’m afraid.’ Peggy’s voice had a tense twang to it, and although she tried to smile her mouth wasn’t quite playing ball.
June said, ‘In that case, I’d best bring a pot over then rather than just pour us a cup each from the urn.’
And, sure enough, fifteen minutes later the two women were already on to their second cup of tea, their heads close together as they spoke in quiet monotones so that the customers couldn’t overhear their conversation.
They needn’t have worried in this respect as most of those in the café were otherwise engaged, studying the newspapers with shocked expressions as everyone tried to take in the grim headlines and graphic photographs of damage caused by the initial wave of German bombers.
Peggy described what had happened over the past few days back at Tall Trees, dwelling for a little longer than was strictly necessary on what a lovely time she and James had shared, and how they had drunk some champagne that James has squirrelled away pre-war, and then in the dusk had enjoyed the heady sensation of their first proper kiss outside Milburn’s stable. Peggy relived the dizzy moment when she’d not been able to distinguish if the delicious light-headed feeling was because of the champagne bubbles, or because, finally, James and she were at long last in each other’s arms.
Then June’s eyes grew round as Peggy described how it had all degenerated into mayhem and the embarrassing fight between Bill and James.
‘If anyone would have told me even last week that Bill could behave like such a pig-ignorant boor, I’d have said absolutely not and that he simply didn’t have it in him. And I’m saying that as a wife who’s been wronged by her husband with another woman,’ said Peggy. ‘But he’s made me look a fool. He was a thug that night – there’s just no other word for it, June, I’m ashamed to say – and a bully. In fact, I felt mortified that he was anything to do with me, and of course it all unfolded with Mabel and Roger watching on too. I didn’t know this until later but they had seen the fight from the window on the stairs. I can’t describe how humiliating it all is.’
Peggy flushed deeply, although whether it was from the memory of the kiss or the shame of having two men fight over her, neither Peggy nor June could say.
June nodded then as if she could picture how it must have been.
Peggy went on, ‘James was livid, just furious. And poor Milburn was terrified and he managed to get out of his box and scoot in panic onto the road and he hurt himself by running into a car. He’s still very sorry for himself, which has really upset the children, and it’s landed me with a vet’s bill I hadn’t expected. And the absolute giddy limit was the next morning Bill demanded that I take Holly to see him over in the police station.’
‘Really?’ said June.
‘Yes, really,’ said Peggy. ‘And I felt as if me not doing what he wanted was worse than me doing it, even though in some ways it stuck in my craw. I mean, I never saw myself as the sort of wife who would ever have to come down to jumping obediently at Bill’s beck and call when he’s treated Holly and me in such a cavalier manner.’
> There was a silence as Peggy mournfully sent the tea leaves in the bottom of her teacup swirling.
‘Have you talked to James yet?’ June asked.
Peggy shook her head as she tried to blink away the glisten now in her eyes.
‘Oh June, it’s all such a disaster – the look James gave me as he left the back yard made me want to slink under a stone, hanging my head. I think I’m the last person he is ever going to want to speak to. In fact I was this close—’ Peggy held up her thumb and first finger of her right hand so that the digits were almost touching ‘—the following morning to making a run for it and upping sticks to leave Harrogate with Holly before I stood any chance of seeing him, I felt so bad. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to talk to him. It feels impossible, and in any case I can’t get around the fact I have Holly and an awful husband. And I know James needs to concentrate on other things as he is so busy at the hospital. What hurts too is that in the years to come when I think back to the day that Holly took her first couple of steps, it will be the day that I had to visit my husband in a police station.’
Peggy made a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a sigh, and a couple of customers seated nearby glanced in her direction, although they quickly looked away again when they noticed her furrowed brow and the corresponding concerned expression on June’s face. June laid a comforting hand on Peggy’s arm to reassure her.
The gesture bolstered Peggy, and she added with a little crack in her voice, ‘And I was all too aware that it would have been bad form of me – very bad form – if I had shot off and left you in the lurch, and so I feel bad for even considering that I might make a dash for it. And now I’ve got a huge mountain to climb, whatever way I look at things. Aside from the mess with James, I know I should think seriously about whether I should speak to Maureen, as like it or not Bill’s made her and the baby part of the equation. I asked Bill for Maureen’s address, and later a card was pushed through the door with it – I think Bill must have asked one of the policemen to bring it over, but of course now that I’ve got it, I’m uncertain whether to get in touch with the dratted woman or not.
‘Then there’s the question of whether Bill starts contributing to Holly’s upkeep, which he hasn’t yet, and I want seriously to contemplate getting a divorce …’
The shocked look on June’s face stopped Peggy in her tracks momentarily.
If June, a youngish, forward-looking widow as well as a resourceful and independently minded businesswoman, was perturbed by the notion of Peggy instigating divorce proceedings against Bill, Peggy realised she needed to think carefully through all her options before doing anything rash, as although she knew it was a big step, perhaps it was even bigger than she currently assumed. Certainly few wives did anything about it in the legal sense, no matter how appalling their lousy, cheating spouses had been, and so perhaps Peggy would be biting off more than she could chew.
Peggy felt so pent up with emotion that her voice shrank almost to a whisper, ‘The unfairness of it all … Divorce is a much bigger step for a woman than a man, and I’d need to check how it would work as one does hear of the most terribly lurid stories of having to have quite sordid evidence, although in the case of Bill, maybe the fact there is a baby already from his liaison will sway things in my favour.’ June nodded as if a judge probably would take that into account.
And then Peggy added, ‘But probably the most pressing thought is that I’m also all too aware that I need to sort out a better arrangement for Holly while I’m here at yours, now that she’ll be trotting around properly under her own steam within days.’
‘Yes, I think you’ll have to do that,’ June sounded truly sorry. ‘It’s sad that then I won’t see Holly as much as I do right now, as I love having her here. But there are far too many sharp knives and pans full of boiling water here, and hot kettles and teapots, and we’re just not going to be able to keep a proper eye on her all the time once she’s mobile. And I couldn’t bear it if something nasty happened to Holly just because we didn’t have time to watch what she’s up to. Aside from that, maybe you could write a word or two to James? It sounds as if it’s unlikely you could make the situation worse between you.’
Peggy knew June was right. ‘Yes, I’ll think about all of this. I guess that if I don’t let James know how sorry I am about the fight, then that would be pretty bad form too. And if I do go on to contact Maureen, what on earth do I say to her? And that’s not all – poor Jessie is convinced those Hull lads are still out to get him as one of them made a silly gesture, and we simply can’t have another incident that ends up with a hospital stay again, as that would be dreadful for Jessie … and I’m ashamed even to think this, but it would definitely add to the awkwardness for me with James if he had to treat Jessie again.’
Peggy paused, and then added, ‘And somewhere along the way, I’d like to have a bath in something that is hot and at least a whole two inches deep, with enough soap to do the job properly, and perhaps even wash my hair. Honestly, today feels like a day that’s not worth putting on lipstick for, as my mother used to say. If I had any lipstick left, that would be!’
June laughed.
Peggy gave Holly a jiggle to show she wasn’t forgotten.
‘Thanks for letting me get all of that off my chest, June,’ she added, realising she had probably just sounded incredibly self-indulgent, a quality Peggy normally abhorred.
But having June’s presence beside her had been a huge comfort, although almost certainly not much fun for June.
Still, there was a lot to be said for somebody listening quietly and sympathetically, thought Peggy as June went to get them a couple of teacakes. She must remember to do that the next time somebody came to her for help, she told herself.
And by the time she had her next break – which was after the lunchtime rush, even though her mind was still a maelstrom of feelings, Peggy had made up her mind on two things.
She was going to have a decent bath that night, come hell or high water.
And she was going to consider seriously whether to write a note to James.
Just the mere thought of even getting out her pen and paper made her feel queasy, but Peggy suspected that as June had intimated, if she didn’t take the bull by the horns and do something, then she was likely to feel even queasier.
By the time Peggy gratefully sank into the bath quite late that evening, her letter was finished and in her handbag waiting to be dropped off the following morning.
Dear James,
I shall get to the point straight away. What happened the other night was a shocking state of affairs, and completely unfair on you. Please, please accept my heartfelt apology for being the cause of the unpleasant situation you found yourself in.
I had no idea Bill was even in Harrogate. His intolerable behaviour towards you was such that there is simply no excuse that can be made for him. I hope you were not badly injured in that horrid scuffle.
Of course what happened irrevocably alters the situation between you and me, as Bill has reminded us both so unpleasantly that I am a married woman.
I shall always think of you as a valued friend. But if I put myself in your position, I know I can expect nothing further from what has already passed between you and me.
You are a good man, James, and any woman would be proud to be on your arm, and so I very much hope that you find a woman worthy of your attention.
For myself, I shall think fondly of the time we have known each other, and I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown both myself and Holly. Neither she nor myself would be here today if we hadn’t been lucky enough to have had you bring her into the world, and so I will remain forever in your debt, a debt that I can never repay.
Please do not feel obliged to reply to this letter.
With best regards,
Peggy
Chapter Six
The next morning Peggy took a long time to get ready.
As the weather was still warm, even though the ni
ghts had started to edge into occasional autumnal crispness, once she had given Holly her breakfast, Peggy put on the summer dress that she knew showed off her figure to best advantage, and a clean cardie that complemented the dress’s gaily-coloured floral cotton. As she polished her sandals Holly crawled around on the bedroom floor, throwing Peggy’s ancient slippers this way and that. Peggy left her to it as it was keeping her daughter amused.
She spent some time taking the grips out of the pin curls she had slept in. She tipped her head forward and ran her open fingers through the curls once, shaking her head as she then stood up straight.
Peggy looked in the mirror and decided that although she had had better days, she would have to do.
She felt foolish about the effort she was making, but even after what had happened, just the mere thought of James made her heart skip and there was something about this that compelled her to do what she could to make herself as pretty as possible.
Peggy couldn’t analyse what it was about him that had caught her attention so, especially as they had only talked a handful of times and really had spent very little time together, with practically none of this being just him and her.
But right from the beginning she’d found herself wanting to hear what he had to say, and then enjoying the warm way in which James would reply to anything she said, even though quite often they were a little tongue-tied around each other. They’d never declared themselves romantically, but Peggy thrilled anew as she thought of the electricity that had fizzed through her whole body as their lips met.
Wetting a flannel in the large china washbowl in her bedroom, she gave Holly’s face and hands a quick rub, and then she popped her into a clean outfit.
A few minutes later, Mabel found Peggy in the kitchen shaking out the blanket from the perambulator while Holly banged a wooden building brick onto the tray of her high chair, where Peggy had plonked her for five minutes.
