by Katie King
At last, finding herself near the train station, Peggy stopped at a café for a cup of tea while Holly napped in the pram.
There were some khaki-clad soldiers standing around the station, and a few men in Royal Air Force or Navy uniforms, but Peggy didn’t find them to be anything like as threatening as she had the groups of servicemen just a couple of days earlier when she had been stalking through Kings Cross station on her way to Bermondsey with Connie and Jessie at her side.
Peggy looked at Holly with her eyelashes now adorably touching her cheeks, and then realised that although she was still a little restless in the physical sense, in her mind she felt calmer than she had in a long while.
She wondered if the intense rollercoaster of emotions that had coursed through her over the past week had proved to be cathartic on some levels, or was she instead just emotionally and physically drained and she was mistaking exhaustion for feeling psychologically calm?
It was worth thinking about some more.
There had been, of course, the horror of the escalating set-to between Bill and James, the realisation that she and James were not to be, then finding Bill so pathetic over at the police station, before feeling unexpectedly embarrassed under the scrutiny of the leering soldiers when she’d first arrived in London, and there’d been the terrifying and relentless waves of adrenaline during the bomb raid, the disappointing visit to the solicitor, and the normally forbidden naughtiness of drinking the port and larking about with the spiv.
All the feelings generated by these experiences had melded at last into something that felt a lot like resilience. A resilience that had something fortifying about it too, Peggy hoped.
It was as if she had experienced almost the whole gamut of emotions a person could feel over only a very short time, and the upshot was, Peggy decided slowly, that although blasted by life she was also ready to turn a fresh cheek to the world. It was liberating.
To celebrate her new-found resolution, she treated herself to a toasted teacake.
Peggy sat in the window of the tea shop contentedly watching people scurry by until it was time head back to Tall Trees and get Holly’s tea on, ideally before Holly woke up.
But before she stood up to leave, Peggy fished around in her basket and pulled out her old compact. Bill had given it to her as an engagement present and it had put in sterling work over the years. Although it was now tarnished and dented, Peggy loved it still, and felt it was good for a few years yet, even though at that precise moment the compact was bereft of face power (she probably should have taken the spiv up on his offer of buying some, Peggy thought now).
Then, while thinking that she, exactly like the compact, was tarnished and dented but was hopefully good for a few years yet, Peggy flipped it open and angled the mirror so that she could apply the Auxiliary Red lipstick she had bought from the spiv.
It looked very striking, if perhaps a little too bold for ordinary daytime wear.
But the lipstick’s waxy texture felt luxurious on her lips, and Peggy couldn’t help turning her head this way and that as she pushed her lips into a come-hither pout and admired her handiwork in the mirror’s reflection, then patted her hair into shape.
It seemed as if a brand-new Peggy was staring back at her. It was also the first time since Holly had been born that she had had any lipstick to wear, and that added a sense of optimism and positivity to Peggy’s mood.
As Holly sat up and gazed in fascination at her mother’s lips, Peggy began to make her way back to Tall Trees.
There was an appreciative wolf whistle attesting, Peggy thought, to the glamorous impression the lipstick bestowed.
This time Peggy smiled and gave a nod of acknowledgement to the soldier who’d whistled, and politely he raised a finger to his forelock in reply.
This time Peggy enjoyed it because she knew she had discovered a new confidence in herself. She had to admit that just at that moment, the man’s whistle made her feel good, and appreciated.
The insecure and rather prickly Peggy of just a few days earlier, who would have hated such attention, seemed but a faded, jittery memory, almost a different person in fact.
While naturally Peggy wanted to be thought of as more than a pretty face – she’d always been very firm in this opinion – there was something nice about, just now and again, having a stranger notice she was attractive.
Peggy smiled again as she pushed the perambulator along, although this time it was a more complicated smile, being one directed at herself and in large part a private acknowledgment of how complicated life could be, and how one’s attitude could alter in just a day or two, with neither the earlier or the later attitude being wrong in themselves, but just different.
Certainly, Peggy didn’t consider herself now as just a sex siren, any more than she would have considered herself earlier in the week as nothing more than a dowdy woman who eschewed something as frivolous as make-up.
The truth, Peggy knew, was that she was neither of those two interpretations, and yet there were aspects of both of them inside her, alongside a lot of other versions of Peggy too.
She looked forward to meeting them all.
After Holly had been put down for the night, Peggy reached into her basket for her pen and a notebook and envelope from the new writing set that Barbara had pressed on her as a goodbye present before she left London.
Dear Maureen, wrote Peggy,
I hope you are well. I am not sure if you have had the baby yet, but if you have, then I trust that all is as it should be and mother and baby are doing well.
It may be too soon after the birth for you to think about what I am going to write – I was very all over the place right after Holly was born and so I will understand perfectly if that is the case, but that phase does pass, I promise.
The reason for this letter is that I want you to know that at some time I think you and I should have a telephone conversation as it strikes me that we could be of useful support to one another.
I must reiterate that as far as I am concerned my marriage to Bill is over, and although legally there are problems in us separating formally, I do think Bill must do his best to look after both of his children, mine and yours.
I absolutely do not want to argue with you, Maureen, please do be assured of that, and while I think you and I should be in touch, even if only for the sake of the children, who after all are (or will be) half-siblings to each other and may well want to know each other in time, do please also understand also that I won’t pester you if right now the thought of speaking to me feels too much.
You have my details so that you can get in touch, should you want to do so. For myself, I would welcome it.
Yours faithfully,
Peggy
Ordinarily Peggy would have signed a missive like this as ‘Peggy Delbert (Mrs)’ but it seemed that if she were to do so now it would be too harsh, and would risk unhelpfully rubbing Maureen’s face in the reality of Peggy’s legal connection to Bill, when really – although Peggy didn’t like the woman or, more precisely, she hadn’t liked a heavily pregnant and distinctly testy Maureen the one time they had met – that was the last thing she felt like doing.
It was more that Peggy could see that divided, she and Maureen were weaker than if they banded together to share some common aims to look after their children.
Bill wouldn’t like it if they did unite, but that was his problem to deal with in whatever manner he deemed fit.
So, for now it seemed a simple ‘Peggy’ at the end would have to be enough to close the note, even if not strictly correct in terms of etiquette.
Peggy made sure the Tall Trees telephone number and address were without mistakes, and with no further ado she folded what she’d written, and slid it into an envelope she’d addressed from memory.
Before she retired for the night, Peggy nipped out and trotted down the road as quickly as she could as there was an autumn chill in the air and she’d dashed out without a coat so that she could drop the envelop
e in the nearest post box to the rectory.
She thought she had better do this immediately, in case she got cold feet overnight about doing so.
All in all, Peggy thought as she made her way back to Holly, it had been an interesting few days that meant she had returned to Harrogate in a much more positive frame of mind than she might have expected at the time she was leaving Mr Ainsworth’s solicitor’s office.
Or when she had been watching James and that attractive nurse together, for that matter.
Peggy decided that although it had been a long way to go to see a solicitor, it had done her good to leave Harrogate for a few days, as without her knowing it, the experience of the visit and the appointment with Mr Ainsworth had definitely lessened her feelings of ire towards Bill. Things were stacked in his favour, but she couldn’t really blame him for that; it was just how things were, and understanding this had definitely helped her feel a little calmer.
She was fairly certain, too, that she had done the right thing by extending an olive branch of friendship towards Maureen.
Peggy suspected that the other woman might need all the help she could get; and in spite of her and Maureen’s shouting match in the street outside Tall Trees in the height of summer, following her own run-in with Bill the other night Peggy discovered that she had a lot more sympathy for Maureen than previously.
Chapter Twenty
After school several days later, Connie told Jessie she was going to walk home with Tommy and Angela, while Larry and Aiden headed over to June’s café to do some washing up for her.
When they had still been at primary school the two boys had given June a hand clearing up in the café most afternoons after they had finished their lessons, but now that they moved up to senior school and there was a greater emphasis on academic achievement, Roger had limited this work, for which June paid them each sixpence a shift, to an afternoon a week, and this was only provided their grades didn’t slip. If their marks went down, then all pocket money earning in the café would have to cease immediately. Aiden and Larry, and June, understood they must keep up with their lessons if they were to go on with their stints at the café.
Aiden had been to see his parents the evening before, and he’d reported back that they had told him that Kelvin and Grace had enjoyed their honeymoon, and now Kelvin was back at barracks, and Grace and Jack were settling in at Granny Nora’s
Aiden had promised the other children that he and Larry would bring all the previous week’s old newspapers home with them that evening from June’s café.
This was because the children had decided that morning at breakfast that their wedding gift to Kelvin and Gracie was going to be a scrapbook of what was going on around the world in the week they got married.
‘In the years to come, they’ll love knowing exactly what was happening at the time of their marriage,’ Connie had said, after she’d come up with the idea. And once she had, then everyone agreed it was a very good plan indeed as it would be a nice keepsake to help the young couple remember their happy occasion and, best of all, would cost the children virtually nothing to make.
Roger overheard the conversation, and he offered to provide the scrapbook as he had a spare one he’d never used, while Mabel said there was some Gloy left over from making the Mothers’ Union jumble sale posters that they could use for the sticking down part. The children were delighted as it meant they could do all of this without having to dip into their pocket money.
‘It might be nice if at the back of the book you each write a goodwill message to the happy couple,’ Mabel added.
Connie piped up, ‘In that case I’m going to say to Gracie she needs to watch out for Granny Nora!’ and then she begged Mabel to donate her weekly copy of Woman’s Own too so that the final selection of clippings wouldn’t be too gloomy or news-heavy. Although they would choose a selection of news and photographs, they’d hopefully be able to find some funny stories too, and they could add smaller snippets such wireless schedules, recipes, and hair and beauty tips, as it would probably be Gracie who spent more time reading the scrapbook than Kelvin.
‘And we can include the women’s problem page from that week’s Woman’s Own as Gracie loves to read this section first when the mag is doing the rounds here, and it always makes Peggy laugh,’ added Connie.
But Jessie knew that all the scrapbook stuff was going to be for later that evening, after they’d had their tea and everyone’s homework had been done.
And before that he had something more important that he wanted to do while everyone else was otherwise engaged, and so he slipped out when nobody was paying him any attention.
‘Hello, Doctor Legard. Might it be all right if I came in?’ Jessie said tentatively after school, as he tapped on the open door to James’s office over at the hospital.
Jessie knew his way around the hospital quite well as he had been treated there after being knocked unconscious, and now he had found his way easily to the correct office. Or should it be examination room? Jessie wasn’t sure, but he didn’t allow it further thought, even though usually he was quite pedantic about giving things their correct description, as the important thing was that he had tracked down the very person he was searching for.
James had been writing something on a thick pad, and he looked up quickly in surprise when Jessie spoke.
He stood up and hurried over to the boy, asking in a worried way as he led him to a chair beside his desk, ‘Is everything all right, Jessie? Is there anything wrong? Nobody has been hurt at Tall Trees, have they?’
Jessie wondered if, in a roundabout way, James was quizzing him about Peggy, and so he replied, ‘I need some advice and I am hoping you can help me with this, but everyone is well, I think. Peggy and me and Connie have been in London, but Holly didn’t seem to be missing her mother as Roger says Mabel allowed Holly to get away with murder while Peggy was away. And Gracie has got married and moved out. And we’ve all started our new school.’
‘Goodness, you’ve all been busy,’ said James a trifle thoughtfully, as he reached deep into a pocket of his starched white doctor’s coat to touch Peggy’s letter as if it was a talisman.
He had read the letter again and again, and the envelope was now looking quite crumpled from where he had been taking it out of his pocket and then putting it back again.
James felt ashamed he hadn’t replied, especially as he had no excuse for this other than he had been putting it off, in part because one moment he missed Peggy intensely, but the next he was furious with her for putting him in such an awful situation of making him care about her when she wasn’t really available.
Pushing thoughts of Peggy aside, James asked, ‘How is the new school going, Jessie? It sounds as if you have all been very busy. That’s a turn-up for the books, with Gracie leaving so quickly and getting married to boot. How quickly life moves on, doesn’t it?’
Even to James’s ears, his chatter was inane, and the look on Jessie’s face suggested the boy thought likewise. But Jessie’s surprise arrival had thrown James rather, there was no denying.
Then James, to his relief, had an idea, and so he said, ‘Why don’t you come with me to the canteen, Jessie, and you can tell me all about it?’
Meekly Jessie walked beside James and then sat at a table while the doctor went and fetched them each a cup of weak tea, before he encouraged Jessie to confide in him with a raise of his eyebrows.
‘It’s Connie I’m worried about,’ Jessie began. ‘I think she’s very clever, and Aiden does too, I know.’ James nodded encouragingly at this, and Jessie went on, ‘But me and Aiden have been put in the top stream at school, and she’s been put right down at the bottom of the lowest stream because of her reading, and it doesn’t seem fair, particularly as there are three of those awful Hull boys she’s been made to sit with, and none of them can read properly either. Connie can read but she does it in a funny way, and Aiden and I tried to help her over the summer. But we couldn’t make her take it seriously, and now she�
�s larking about with those other daft lads and it’s going to cause trouble, I just know it. Aiden looks very bad about it all, but he won’t say much or do anything about it, and I don’t know what to say to make it stop without really annoying Connie. But I think Connie must be ill or something, as I can’t see why she’s like she is, if she isn’t poorly.’
‘I see,’ said James. ‘Message received and understood. Let me have a day or two to think about this. I can see it is quite a tricky problem though.’
James knew how viciously Jessie had been beaten up by the Hull evacuees and so he quite understood why he wouldn’t want Connie to become friendly with them.
But he knew too that someone a lively as Connie was likely to become a ringleader wherever she was, and if that meant bringing some of the Hull contingent under her sway, then James doubted she would see a particular problem in that. Obviously, the others at Tall Trees wouldn’t interpret it in quite those terms, James suspected. All in all, Connie’s attitude could indeed bode looming trouble.
Jessie was an observant lad, James knew, and the fact he had gone out of his way to appeal for help from the doctor, said a lot. The more he thought about it, the more James was convinced that Jessie’s instincts would be proved correct.
Jessie seemed reassured by James’s placating words though, and he gave such a smile of gratitude that the young doctor’s heart quite went out to the boy.
In his experience of the lad, Jessie being concerned about a problem somebody else was having was very typical, even though he was only eleven and of an age where he should be getting into his own scrapes and naughtiness, and not always being worried about what others were up to.
And James thought as well that Jessie might actually have a point regarding Connie and her lessons. It did indeed seem very peculiar that Jessie found his schoolwork came so readily, yet his twin sister, who always seemed so whip-smart when anyone spoke to her, had clearly struggled tremendously from the start of her education. Peggy had talked about this more than once.
