by Erin Trejo
“Why me?” Stefano looks up at me. He’s a year younger than I am but it shows in his features. You could look at me and think I was a grown fucking man the way I’ve had to grow up. I move to the side and grab two bottles of water, tossing him one.
“This is our life, Stefano. I have no idea why we’re here or what the hell we’re doing. I follow the orders I was given.”
“And to nearly kill me is your orders?” he asks, taking a long drink of his water before spitting it out.
“You aren’t dead.”
“Might as well be,” he grumbles under his breath. I swallow my water quickly before recapping the bottle and tossing it to the side.
“Square up, cugino. We’re not done yet,” I say with a smirk.
“Gio, I can’t do this!” he screams louder when I hear the door open. I internally cringe knowing that someone else heard him. Angelo walks in with his arms held behind his back, studying Stefano’s face.
“Did you even try to fight back?” Angelo asks looking Stefano in the eye.
“I can’t do this,” he pleads with the man who made me into a monster. There is no use.
“You can’t do this or you don’t want to do this?” Angelo studies him as he walks around him. I stand in my corner, my arms crossed over my chest as I watch.
“I’m not a fighter. I can’t.”
Wrong answer, Stefano. Angelo reaches forward, shoving Stefano roughly into the middle of the room. His eyes come to mine but I just raise an eyebrow and shrug. Why shouldn’t he have to endure the same amount of pain that I have since I was a small child? What makes him any better than me?
“You will,” Angelo sneers before grabbing Stefano around the neck. Holding him in a headlock, his face reddens and his eyes bulge. I can’t step in or I’d be on the receiving end of the attack and it would prove me weak. That isn’t something I can afford if I ever want to make it out of this house alive.
Stefano fights, kicking and beating at Angelo’s grip around his throat as he stares right at me. Into me. Through me. I give him a slight nod of my head letting him know that he has to do something or this will ultimately be his death. Stefano seems to understand and raises his arms, sliding them in between Angelo’s and the hold on his neck. He quickly spins around, kicking him in the shins until Angelo stumbles back, a sick smirk on his face. He moves in quickly, landing a right hook to Stefano’s jaw. His head snaps back, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. I watch it as if it’s all in slow motion. Stefano falling to the ground, the thud of his body hitting the concrete under him. The sickening sound of his head as it slams into the floor. Blood slowly seeps out around his lifeless body.
“Useless little fucker,” Angelo growls. I pull my gaze away from Stefano and lock them with Angelo’s.
“What am I supposed to teach him now? How to be reborn?” I snap at him. Angelo moves quickly, his hand wrapping around my throat as I’m slammed into the wall behind me.
“Look at you thinking you are a grown man. Are you so grown that you can take me? Huh?” He slams my back against the wall a little harder as I smirk at him. He doesn’t know what kind of monster he’s stirring inside of me right now. He should be weary of me. He did create me after all.
“Do you know what it looks like to me when you kill a child just for the thrill of it?” I ask him, trying to suck as much air into my lungs as his grip allows. By the look on his face, I’ve sparked his interest.
“How about we make a day of it, Giovanni? We will take bets, give you a little taste of the underground fighting scene.” I smirk once more, knowing what he’s trying to prove and to whom. What he doesn’t understand is that I’m ready to take over his role. I’m ready to step into his place and become what he is.
“Death match,” I say surely, keeping my head held high. Angelo laughs a throaty laugh before taking a step back.
“You get the approval from your father and I will see to it that I kill you in that ring, boy.” His hiss and threats mean nothing to me.
“That won’t be the case, but I’m sure Father would love to watch the man who turned his son into an animal fall to his knees at my feet,” I tell him, keeping my gaze steady on his.
Angelo smiles, running his hand along his jaw as if he’s thinking it over.
“Are you finished?” he asks, tilting his head to the side.
“I am.”
“Good. Clean this mess up and I’ll inform your father that Stefano is no longer with us.” Angelo leaves the room as I look down at my little cousin’s lifeless body. Blood pools around his head, his eyes still linger half opened. I squat down and run my hand through his hair.
“I wish this life was different, but as you know, you are now in a better place than the rest of us.” I run my fingers over his eyes, officially closing them forever. I lean down and lift Stefano in my arms, carrying him out of the basement into the hot sunlight. Walking toward the house, a few of my father’s men glance in my direction but don’t say a word. I stop at the back deck, lying my dead cousin down when the doors fly open.
“Angelo told me he wasn’t strong enough,” my father says looking down with a cigar hanging from his lips. Not one ounce of remorse or regret flashes in his eyes. Nothing. Just the dead darkness that I feel every day of my life.
“Not against a grown man when he had very little training.” I grit my teeth. My father looks over to me, his eyes burning into every fiber of my being. Just when he’s about to speak, my uncle, his brother, Roberto comes running out the door. He drops to his knees, tears streaming down his face as he mourns the loss of his son. Shaking my head, I turn on my heel and head off the deck and out toward the tree line needing some space to think and collect my thoughts. I don’t sit here very long lost in my own head when I hear her sobbing. When I glance over, Asia comes rushing through the trees, falling to her knees as she cries. The thought of going to her is strong, but I have no idea what to do to console her.
“Did you do it?” she asks through the sobs that shake her small frame.
“Do you think I did it?” Her head turns toward me, our eyes locking.
“Do you know how much I want to hate you just to stop what I feel for you?” Her admission knocks the air from my lungs.
“Then do it. Hate me, Asia.”
“Did you kill him?” she asks again but I just smirk.
“Would it make a difference now?” I ask standing from the stump I was sitting on. I turn and start to head back when I feel her. Her small fists slamming into my back. I turn quickly, taking her into my arms and pulling her to my chest as she cries harder.
“He was a child! One that couldn’t defend himself, Gio!” she wails. If I had a heart it’d surely be breaking right now.
“I know, bambina. I know.”
Her cries only intensify as I run my hand absently through her hair. Stefano’s blood is on my hands regardless of if I was the one who killed him or not. I don’t know how long we stand here, but the calmness that surrounds me when she’s near me envelopes us in our own little world. One where I don’t have to be anything but Asia’s friend. I don’t let her go, I don’t know if I can. I hold her tightly, keeping her close until her body becomes too weak to hold her up. Then and only then do I lift her and carry her back to the house.
Chapter 4
I drag my hand down my face as I listen to the priest speak his word of God and the goodness of my cousin. None of it fazes me as it should. My uncle Roberto stands with tears streaming down his cheeks along with his hysterical wife, Angela. I wonder what it feels like to lose something so important to you? I don’t think I’d ever know because there is nothing that I care for that much. Asia’s arm wraps around my waist before I throw my arm over her shoulder and pull her into my side. Her body shakes as she cries but she finds comfort in me. I let her have that. I let her have that piece of me because there is nothing more I can give her.
“He loved you,” she whispers.
“He hated me.”
; “He didn’t.”
“Do you know why he was in that basement?” I look down into her big brown eyes.
“You had no choice,” she says, shaking her head and leaning back into me. No one knows that I didn’t kill Stefano. No one batted an eye either. I’d like to think that there would be retribution for what has happened, but I know in my family, that will never happen. The service drags on but Asia never leaves my side. Her father gives me looks letting me know that he doesn’t appreciate our friendship. Even though he has to know I wouldn’t hurt her in that way, I understand him.
“Are you ready?” Asia asks me long after the service is over. Roberto wouldn’t even glance my way when they all left. I stayed, staring at the coffin that held a child. A victim of our world, too young to die.
“Who is the decider of our fates?” I ask no one really. Asia picks up a flower, smells it and then places it on top of Stefano’s coffin gently.
“There were times I thought that we did. We made our own fates.”
“At times? And now?”
“We are nothing in this world. We are who we were made to be. Our fates are damned.”
“My fate is damned.” Asia grabs my hand at these words, squeezing it tightly in hers.
“It doesn’t have to be,” she says softly. When I glance down at her I can see the hope in her eyes.
“How would you change it?”
“I don’t know, Gio. There has to be something better out there than this, doesn’t there?”
I’m shocked by what she said. I thought Asia loved being who she was. She has never wanted for anything. Her father is my father’s right hand man, and I know first-hand that she has the world handed to her on a silver platter.
“No. There is nothing but this. Nothing more than death. It’s all around us, Asia. Stop being so fucking naive!” I roar.
Asia jumps up, but she leans back in quickly, wrapping her arms around my waist, her head resting on my chest like it has so many times since we were kids. Even when we were younger, I was seven and stole her candy just because I could, she hugged me just like this. When her head tips up and her eyes lock with mine, I lean down, pressing my lips to hers. She doesn’t pull away and maybe that’s because she thinks deep down that I need this moment from her. I wouldn’t admit it to her or anyone for that matter but I do. I need to know that she’s real and she’s here in front of me. She’s my calm.
“Your father is looking for you.” Angelo’s voice breaks our moment. Bastard. I look up at him and shake my head knowing that I want nothing more than to skin him and watch him suffer for what he did to my cousin. Asia’s fingers linger on the crucifix around my neck refusing to pull away from me.
“I’m on my way.”
“It looks that way,” he snickers. I brush Asia off to my side as I step up in front of Angelo. My fists ball up, and my nostrils flare.
“Don’t you have children to murder?” I ask, standing with my back straight and rigid. His whole demeanor changes in seconds. The laid back bastard that stood in front of me has hardened into the monster I know.
“You don’t want to save this for the ring?” he hisses, stepping closer to me. I keep my head held high, knowing exactly who I am and what I’m capable of.
“I could always end you here and now,” I retort.
“Giovanni!” I hear my father call my name. Angelo chuckles and steps away from me, turning to head back toward the cars. I let out a breath before grabbing Asia’s hand and tugging her along with me. The faster we leave, the faster I can lay that bastard out. We walk in silence until I reach my father and push Asia toward the car.
“Angelo tells me that you feel you can take over his role in the family.” He doesn’t ask that as a question, it’s a statement that sends a chill straight to my core.
“I’m confident that I can,” I add. My father pulls a cigar from his pocket and lights it up, blowing smoke through the air.
“There are many men in line for a position that I put in place for you. As I’ve had him groom you, the overall idea was to have you take his place once he retires. Why do you think I should let you have it sooner?” His evil tone pisses me off. He knows damn good and well why.
“Why train me now if you don’t want me to have it?”
“I never said that I didn’t want you in that position, Giovanni. In fact, it’s the opposite. I would trust you to do a job over any of my men,” he admits, taking me by surprise.
“And why is that?”
His eyes darken as he looks me in the eyes.
“You are my child. Your best interest is at heart.”
What a goddamn joke.
“What is my best interest?” I ask knowing that the answer is surely something I already know.
“This family. Me as your father. I could tear you apart in the blink of an eye and not even give a damn, and do you know why?” he growls moving closer to me.
“Please, do tell.”
He shifts his stance, standing taller and looking every bit the part of the mafia boss. From the look in his eyes to his immaculately fitting suit.
“You are nothing more than a bastard that I allowed to live and breathe in this world. If I was in a different state of mind that day, you would be dead. You owe me.” Those last three words are filled with venom and hate. The same feelings I harbor toward him.
Chapter 5
I sit on my bed with my head in my hands contemplating tonight’s fight. I know that Angelo is strong, and far wiser than I am. It doesn’t change the fact that I want him dead.
“I heard what’s happening tonight.” Asia’s voice cuts through my thoughts like a damn knife. I raise my head and peer up at her in that long pink flowing dress. She’s so perfect, too perfect to be in this world.
“And what is happening tonight?” I ask, tipping my head to the side to study her.
“You are fighting Angelo. Are you crazy, Giovanni?” I love it when she says my whole name and not just Gio. To her, I’ve always been Gio unless she’s angry or upset.
Shaking my head, I reply, “Not at all. Things need to change and I’m going to be the one who changes them.”
“You will be killed, Gio,” she says, her tone calming. I let my arms fall as I narrow my eyes at her. How could she say that? To me of all people!
“You have so much faith in me, I see!” I growl before shoving off the bed and storming toward the bathroom. Ripping my shirt over my head, I start the shower, needing to loosen up my muscles before the fight. I can’t believe that I thought better of her. She’s no different than my father.
“That’s not it and you know it.” I turn my head and look at her over my shoulder. I don’t hear her gasp until I turn to fully face her. She’s seen the scars on my back but never the ones on my chest. Her eyes widen and she steps closer, her hand coming to touch the raised pink lines on my skin. “What happened?”
“Do you not live in this world, Asia?” She has to be able to tell I’m pissed and annoyed. Her soft delicate fingers move from scar to scar and I can’t control the shudder that races through my body from her touch. Closing my eyes tightly, I let her touch me in a way that no other will ever be able to. There’s always been something about Asia that draws me in no matter how hard I try to push her away. The lower her hand goes, the less I can take. I move quickly, grabbing her wrist and halting her movements before slowly opening my eyes and looking into hers.
“I…I can’t lose you, Gio.”
The tears in her eyes threaten to rip my chest apart. I’d never want to be without Asia in my life, yet somehow I know it’s for the best. I step closer, keeping her wrist held tightly between us. Leaning in, I brush my lips over hers. A mere breath apart I whisper, “I will always be here. It doesn’t matter if I’m alive or dead; you keep a piece of me inside of you, Asia. Since we were young, you’ve held that part of me.” Kissing her again, this time she kisses back. Her body presses against me and I walk her backward until her body hits the wall. My cock is painfull
y hard as it drives into her stomach. Asia moans but doesn’t ease the kiss at all. If anything, she kisses me harder. My restraint is slowly dwindling and I’m afraid for her if I can’t stop myself completely. Pulling away from her, I let her wrist go as her arm drops in front of her.
“You should go.” Asia shakes her head, defeat written across her face. I hate to be the one rejecting her but I have no other choice here. Asia steps into my space, her hands coming to my shoulders, dragging my body back into hers. Her lips crash into mine, her whole body demanding me. I knot my hands in the back of her dress, needing to keep her close but dying to push her away. Her tongue demands entrance into my mouth and I let her. Her tongue dances so sweetly with mine, the two of us in a trance that can’t be broken. Until it is. Someone knocks on my door and Asia leaps. I chuckle as I look at her swollen, bruised lips.
“Stay in here,” I tell her before stepping out of the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I move across the floor quickly, pulling the door open to find my other cousin, Matteo, Stefano’s older brother. His eyes are bloodshot and it looks as if he hasn’t slept in days. He probably hasn’t.
“Can we talk?” Nodding once, he walks in and I close the door behind him knowing that Asia is still in the bathroom. I wait with my arms crossed over my chest, leaning against the wall as he looks me over. His eyes nearly bulge out of his head when he too sees the scars that mar my body.
“You wanted to talk,” I remind him, pulling his gaze to mine.
“I don’t blame you for what happened to Stefano, cugino.”
I swallow hard, not knowing how to respond to that. No one knows the truth of what happened in that basement. No one but me, Angelo, and Stefano.
“I don’t really know what to say, Matteo.” And I don’t. This isn’t my specialty. Feelings aren’t something I dabble in if I don’t have to.
“I know, cugino. I just wanted to say that and clear the air. You know, there are days I wish I was the one who was in that basement, the one chosen to be trained.”
