by S R Nulton
“He’s an idiot.”
My eyes bugged out briefly before I started laughing again. And when I realized that I had tears tracing their way down my face, I worked to get myself under control. “Sorry. I don’t even know why that was so funny.”
“It wasn’t,” Thyme chimed in. “You’re a wreck and Stone summed it up perfectly. He’s an idiot for not trusting you.”
The thought exploded in my head. It was about trust. From the very beginning, I’d chosen to give him my trust. Over and over, I’d trusted him. I’d thought he’d done the same. He hadn’t.
I suppose that wasn’t completely true; he’d shown some when he’d told me a bit about his past. He’d been there for me when I told him mine, as much as I could. It wasn’t consistent though. He’d be honest and then wouldn’t trust me to walk around safely and not using magic. He’d trust me to leave the boat so that he could send off a secret note that he’d either written in the middle of the night or else dictated to Yew after I’d left. He’d let me protect us and then refused to tell me that he may have put us in danger.
He didn’t trust me. He’d lied to me, as much as he was capable. He’d manipulated me. And I had let him.
It felt like a knife to my heart. I had worked for years to be trustworthy, at least to those I let be a part of my life. To have years of effort to be good, to not be her, thrown in my face by his lack of trust felt was a very palpable hit. It was silly. We’d only known each other about a month and a half, but I had foolishly thought that what I’d felt for him was mutual.
“He doesn’t trust easily.” Stone’s voice had cut through my semi-self-destructive thoughts. “He hasn’t had the luxury. Neither of us have, but it was a harder lesson for him to learn. He used to trust everyone. That was until the first time he faced an assassination attempt. Well, one he knew about anyway. Plenty happened when we were too young to understand, but the first time he recognized one for what it was… that was the day he decided that he couldn’t trust anyone. Not anymore. Just me.”
I frowned. “You mentioned that before. The ruins, right? When he fell in and the guy chained him up and left him for dead?” I’d thought he’d told me the whole story, but suddenly I wasn’t so sure.
“That’s right. After that day, he trusted me and our parents and that was it. The only reason he trusted me was that I was the one to find him. If I hadn’t…” His slimy skin shuddered. “He stopped laughing about then. I mean real laughs. He perfected fake ones instead, so he could fool people and hide himself from them. He learned how to make them do what he wanted or expected, to play the game better than the ones who wanted to hurt us. Our parents started us in guard training about the same time. He chose to learn everything, but to hone his body so he’d be underestimated and how to use someone’s expectations as a weapon.”
“You chose differently,” Thyme commented.
“Yes. I chose to become too formidable for them to try and kill. Intimidation works just as well as manipulation if wielded correctly. Besides, I don’t have the same abilities as he does with magic. He could use his easily and it was a much better hidden weapon.”
“I like your strength better. It’s much more straightforward,” his wife replied.
I smirked. “You would admire him for that,” I said with a shake of my head. Lake people didn’t like subterfuge. I wasn’t too big a fan of it either, useful as it could be. At that moment, though, I would rather it wasn’t a part of my life.
Stone blew up his chest, expanding it in pride, before relaxing and looking back at me. “Just don’t give up.”
My eyes closed briefly before I stood. “I can’t promise that. I won’t today or tomorrow, but if he doesn’t choose to trust me, then I won’t be able to trust him anymore. I…” I sighed. “I warned him in the beginning that I would trust until given a reason not to. I can’t go back on my word. Quite frankly, it would be too dangerous if I were to do otherwise.” I didn’t want to start breaking my word, even just to myself. If I did, I would be no better than my mother.
Or Jeshu.
I blinked away a sudden rush of tears before walking back onto the deck. We were docked and it was time to greet our visitor. Time to see whom my husband rated so highly.
~
“Knock-knock!” a deep voice called before stepping aboard. “Oh, wow. This is… not quite what I was expecting.”
“Few things are,” I responded, looking him over. He was about the same age as I was, late-20s or early-30s, and his coloration made him look like he could be a relative of my husband’s. He had brown hair, brown eyes, and a deep tan with a hint of red to suggest it was won by spending hours outside as opposed to being his natural complexion.
He eyed me with brows raised. “Hello, I was told to meet an old friend here. I hope I’m on the right ship.”
“You are,” declared Jeshu as he skittered into view.
The man looked down at my husband for a moment before bursting into the loudest guffaws I’d ever heard. “F-fire? Is that y-you?” he asked between giggles and gulps of air.
Talking salamanders can growl. It is a strange phenomenon but quite interesting to hear. You see, it sounds precisely like a large man who is upset with his friend for laughing at him. Also, it precedes the salamander spitting a tiny flame at said laughing friend.
“Ow! Okay, it’s you. Did you have to hit my leg though? Now I have to explain what happened to Beryl and Lana when they ask how I managed to burn a hole in my pants.”
Jeshu climbed up my leg and eventually settled around my neck. “That’s your fault. You shouldn’t have laughed.”
“Sorry, but you have to admit, it is pretty funny. I’d heard that you and Stone had taken other forms for the competition, but I thought they’d be a bit larger and more fierce.”
“Easier to hide this way,” Stone said as Thyme carried him out and onto the deck. She’d come a long way from being terrified of him. “Not that we had a choice. Hello Eric.”
“Stone! My, you’re looking comfortable in the arms of that beautiful woman. Oh, and green. And brown, for that matter. Now introduce me to these two lovely ladies.”
Stone grumbled before complying. “Thyme, this is Eric. Eric, this is my wife, Thyme, and Jeshu’s wife, Grace.”
Eric looked stunned. “Well, that’s going to complicate things for you two at home.” Things got tense and quite for a moment before he continued. “Not that I’m not happy for you, but what did you need me here for? You should be staying away from everyone you know right now.”
Jeshu nodded. “I know, but we weren’t exactly ourselves when we met you, so we thought we might be safe. Besides, I needed to know if those channels were up and running yet. It’s getting too dangerous to use the normal routes.”
Eric frowned. “What do you mean? You have a ship with an amazing disguise. You should be able to get in and out of ports easily.”
I shook my head, careful not to dislodge my husband. “There was an incident involving a lot of storms honing in on our ship. We need to get off the normal routes long enough to disappear from their radar. Whoever they may happen to be.”
He sighed and began to pace. “They’re done, but… it’s strictly military transports right now. We’d have to hide you as one or the king will have my hide. And then Pearl will murder me in the most gruesome way possible, have Beryl bring me back from the dead and do it again.” Eric ran his hand through his hair and groaned. “Fine. I need to head to the capital anyway. Let me get my stuff and we can go. Oh, and make sure we look respectable before we hit the channel or it’ll be my head on a chopping block!”
He waved goodbye and ran off without another word.
“Well, that was interesting. Who is he?” I asked.
“Eric is the son of a very wealthy merchant. He decided to go into the military instead and was granted some territory in the north to protect. It’s not glamorous, but it gave his father the excuse to retire and escape the city with Eric’s sisters before they we
re forced into marriage by the old biddies of Perim’s high society.”
“Sisters? How many?” Thyme asked, fascinated. She loved the idea of having a sister, being cursed with four older brothers as she was.
“Four of them. Pearl, Beryl, and Belle and then a stepsister named Nolana. Belle was married about a year or two back to another, but the other three are too headstrong to be the wives of wealthy men. It’s actually the reason Eric’s father retired so early. He figured that the girls would be better accepted at Eric’s home in the country. There is less constraint and more survival involved.”
“Except Lana,” Stone declared, backtracking slightly. “She’s not normal and it unnerves the men. Plus the other three were much prettier and she sort of disappears into the background.”
My brows pulled together. “What do you mean she’s– You know what, it doesn’t matter right now. What are the channels?”
Jeshu circled my neck once before answering. “We’ve talked about the fact that Jep’s prices have gotten too steep because of Crechel’s influence on the traders, right? Well, there was an idea posed. Why not create a channel between Perim and Jep, allowing for trade to happen more easily. It would bypass Rallin completely, keeping the prices reasonable and allowing the heavier items that don’t travel well in a wagon to float their way between the two cities. Until a few political issues can be ironed out, it is strictly for military use.”
A horse clamored aboard, following our Eric. “And now for your use as well. Let’s get going!”
~
After a quick adjustment to the ship, shrinking it down for river travel and changing the illusion I was using, we were off. We were lucky that I’d already known what Mindep ships looked like and was able to change the illusion, otherwise we would have had trouble passing the various checkpoints.
The trip only lasted about a day-and-a-half, but it was enough to change the dynamics a bit. Eric had history with the men, much more than us wives did. As a result, Thyme and I were left feeling a bit out of place at times. We decided to leave them to themselves, reminiscing about things they couldn’t explain to us. Instead, we wandered out to the bow and watched the boat cut through the water.
“Did you really get married while you were half asleep?” Thyme asked with a giggle.
“Yep. The only reason I’m okay with that is because I saw the spells on the orb and arrow. They only work if you actually would agree under normal circumstances. Tricky bit of magic, that. Oddly enough, it clears your mind enough to make you choose before letting whatever is clouding your judgment come back again.” I had been studying both sets of charms to see if I could replicate the magic for a few days, so I knew what I was talking about.
“Are you scared,” my sister-in-law whispered, shaking me out of my thoughts.
I turned to her. “About what? The marriage?”
“No. Well, more than that. You know, children. Being pregnant. Knowing almost nothing about the man you shared yourself with… everything?”
A gust of air escaped me as I sat down, letting my legs dangle between the bars of the railing. When she followed me down, I answered. “Yes. I’m terrified. I never knew my father and my mother is completely undeserving of the title. I knew I needed to trust my instincts and trust Jeshu from the very beginning. I had to choose to trust him, to respect his decisions but it is still terrifying. I’m second-guessing myself a bit now.”
She frowned at me. “Why? I mean, I sort of know why you’re second-guessing yourself. I would too, but why did you choose to trust or respect? I mean, I had more time with Stone before we married and immediately after he started working with me to get rid of my fear of frogs and men, but you told me that you didn’t actually know Jeshu when you married. You didn’t take any time to adjust; you just leapt into the whole thing. So, why?”
I chewed my lip for a moment, pondering what I would say before answering. “Because Mother never did. Whenever she had a man in her life, and there were many, both willing and unwilling, but when they were there, she treated them poorly. She never trusted them. She never respected them. She just was in it for what she could get, not what she could give. I watched other couples and with the good ones there was always a trust and respect, often growing into love if it hadn’t been there first.”
I sighed. “I’ve always known that Mother was doing it wrong. She never really cared about making something last. I want to make my marriage work, not just run away when it gets hard, but I don’t want to be in it all alone. I… when we started our relationship in a… when we consummated the marriage it was because I decided to take a leap of faith and hold absolutely nothing back from my husband. I chose to tell him everything I normally kept hidden and make sure that secrets weren’t a part of our relationship. Sometimes things will happen naturally that way, but most of the time, I’ve found that you have to choose to move beyond the surface and onto the hard parts.”
Thyme nodded. “Stone and I certainly do, but we had to for me to even look at him, what with my issues.” She touched her scar again, making me realize how little she did that anymore. “I think I know what you mean about watching the other couples though. My parents are gone, but I remember how much it meant to my Da when Mut, erm, Mother agreed with him when he had a crazy idea about our farm. He would always explain it to her, looking for advice and another perspective, but he practically beamed when she said she trusted him or when she bragged about him to others. And Mut would light up when Da spent extra time thinking about her by bringing flowers or arranging a picnic in the middle of the day.”
She trailed off, eyes glassy. Finally, she whispered, “I miss them. Mut would be thrilled that I was married to a good man and she had a grandchild on the way. Da would be furious it had happened so quickly, but secretly planning all the ways he could spoil my child.”
I put my arm around her. “It’s going to be okay, honey. Your… moot?” I asked, trying to pronounce the word correctly. When she nodded, I continued. “Your mut and da may not be here in person, but you can show your baby the same things they taught you, tell him all about his grandparents and build memories the same way. And I will be with you, as will Stone. You don’t have to be scared about this anymore.”
“But there’s so much we don’t know.”
I laughed. “Skies! I hope so. Wouldn’t it be boring to know everything? To never be surprised again? To lose all the excitement of discovery.” I sighed. “We will get through this just like our mothers did. Well, better in my case.”
She laughed and nodded. “Thank you. I feel better now.” She giggled. “I think I’m going to like having a sister.” And with that the topic changed.
If only it were so easy to banish all the troubles that fill my own head.
Chapter 11: Mobile Homes
We reached Jep very early in the morning, long before dawn. It was a good thing because we still had more river to traverse before making our way across the border. Lucky for us, the border of Crechel and Shessat was a bit murky when you headed north, not to mention sparsely populated, but it was generally accepted that anything west of Cold Mountain and its forest was considered Shessat. Of course, anything farther north than that was completely unclaimed. Crechel didn’t care enough to conquer it and Shessat didn’t choose to protect from anything wandering out of the Fey Forest. Between the dangers and the political issues, no one wanted to live there. The lack of population made that particular stretch of land perfect for our crossing. We just had to get out of Jep first.
“Are you sure that you don’t want to talk to the prince?” Eric whispered to the boys. Not one of them was aware of my presence as I used the shadows to hide. Not to say I was formally hiding. I’d actually been sitting there first and they were the ones who’d wandered over and started talking without checking out their surroundings first. “He might be able to help. I know he’d be willing. So would the king for that matter.”
“No,” Jeshu declared. “It’s too dangerous. No one wants
to involve another country in our politics. If we did, the waters would be too muddied. The council would be able to claim incompetence or foreign influence and wrest control away from us, which they’ve been trying to do for centuries now. No, we have to do this ourselves.”
Eric sighed, hands coming up to rest on his hips as he stared at the deck. “I know you’re right, but it doesn’t sit well with me. I just want to send supplies and the like, but even that will be too much, most likely.”
Stone chuckled. “Too bad Pearl can’t come along. She’d likely solve the whole issue quickly, bloody-minded strategist that she is.”
This made the other man smile. “Yeah, she is at that. She’s been whipping the local militias into shape for the past few years. The prince is completely thrilled with how few problems are coming out of the northern border these days. Claims it was the smartest move he’d ever made to give me a title and land holdings there.”
“What did you say to that?” my husband asked.
Eric barked out another laugh. “I told him he was lucky I had such talented sisters. Between Pearl training the militias and Beryl training up the healers and finding new medicines and foods, we are quickly becoming the most wealthy province in the kingdom.”
“And Lana? I know Belle is married now, but how is Lana doing?”
This time, Eric’s smile was sad but softened his face. He loved the girl they were speaking of very dearly. “Little Lana is still trying to find her way. She’s been training with Pearl long enough to be an excellent fighter and with Beryl long enough to heal better than most who do it for a living. She just… she spends a lot of time running around the edge of the forest trying to find more plants for Beryl.”
“Trying to find where she fits, you mean,” Jeshu scoffed. “It’s hard on the girl to be second best to all her siblings in everything.”
“I know, but I’m not sure what I can do about it. She’ll just have to figure out who she is on her own.”
